...or not at all.

[rickie121x]

Now, nearly an old man, I have experienced many different reactions to my crossdressing, on the surface some were good, some neutral, and others just terrible. In these 72 years, a lot has happened.

I say "on the surface" meaning that I could feel my reactions in the moment. I could hear, feel, and see "her" reaction and now know that I had very little knowledge of what was really happening with either of us.

I have felt that I could change, giving up the syndrome of crossdressing, which happened to be an incorrect notion. I have promised that I would change, which thereafter became a lie and a "deal breaker". Oh, the pain that has caused.

I have carefully orchestrated a presentation, as truthful as I could be. And it was unacceptable. A similar presentation, with another lady, was successful on the surface, and failed in the long run - the relationship slowly slid away.

I have confronted: "This is what I am, and we need to work together to save the wonderful parts of life we have developed together." One more time, the relationship drifted into the past.

These days, I have decided that I am who I am, a crossdresser - and in a way it is sad and difficult for it may mean that I not have another relationship in my lifetime. Nevertheless, I am upfront from the beginning yet diplomatic and gentle, telling it like it is. For this crossdresser, it becomes more complex as I also have a BDSM fetish - meaning that some erotic play or BDSM is essential for me to be functionally sexual. That further complicates my presentation.

I have read some members of this forum who indicate that they would be willing to abandon their fetish of cross-dressing in order to maintain their relationship. I understand their intent, truly. However many of us know that is a delusion, and even if it could be adhered to would eventually erode what love was in their hearts. Love can only exist as a pure emotion, and anything that sullies that purity begins the downhill slide. We may be filled with need, and interpret that as love, but in the long term it is an unacceptable substitute.

From this perspective I see that being a true member of a "relationship", ie. unconditionally being known and willing to know... is one of the most fulfilling elements of our existence. Not having that, life is not necessarily bad, but it is empty of an essential to the human nature. It is a gift that not all of us are willing and ready to receive, are not fortunate to have had the opportunity to receive, or have rejected for a complex and unsolvable set of reasons.

I will look forward to any and every opportunity to rejoin that wonderful elite of partnered adults, although I will do it in my chemise and heels - or not at all.

Rickie :heehee:

[dann]

That was one of the most touching CD posts I've ever read.

[Stacy GG]

Now, nearly an old man, I have experienced many different reactions to my crossdressing, on the surface some were good, some neutral, and others just terrible. In these 72 years, a lot has happened.

I say "on the surface" meaning that I could feel my reactions in the moment. I could hear, feel, and see "her" reaction and now know that I had very little knowledge of what was really happening with either of us.

I have felt that I could change, giving up the syndrome of crossdressing, which happened to be an incorrect notion. I have promised that I would change, which thereafter became a lie and a "deal breaker". Oh, the pain that has caused.

I have carefully orchestrated a presentation, as truthful as I could be. And it was unacceptable. A similar presentation, with another lady, was successful on the surface, and failed in the long run - the relationship slowly slid away.

I have confronted: "This is what I am, and we need to work together to save the wonderful parts of life we have developed together." One more time, the relationship drifted into the past.

These days, I have decided that I am who I am, a crossdresser - and in a way it is sad and difficult for it may mean that I not have another relationship in my lifetime. Nevertheless, I am upfront from the beginning yet diplomatic and gentle, telling it like it is. For this crossdresser, it becomes more complex as I also have a BDSM fetish - meaning that some erotic play or BDSM is essential for me to be functionally sexual. That further complicates my presentation.

I have read some members of this forum who indicate that they would be willing to abandon their fetish of cross-dressing in order to maintain their relationship. I understand their intent, truly. However many of us know that is a delusion, and even if it could be adhered to would eventually erode what love was in their hearts. Love can only exist as a pure emotion, and anything that sullies that purity begins the downhill slide. We may be filled with need, and interpret that as love, but in the long term it is an unacceptable substitute.

From this perspective I see that being a true member of a "relationship", ie. unconditionally being known and willing to know... is one of the most fulfilling elements of our existence. Not having that, life is not necessarily bad, but it is empty of an essential to the human nature. It is a gift that not all of us are willing and ready to receive, are not fortunate to have had the opportunity to receive, or have rejected for a complex and unsolvable set of reasons.

I will look forward to any and every opportunity to rejoin that wonderful elite of partnered adults, although I will do it in my chemise and heels - or not at all.

Rickie :heehee:

I think if it has not worked in the past to hide it, it's best to be up front right away. I would not ask elly to "put away" that part of herself. It's not healthy to pretend you are some one else, it makes for an unhealthy relationship and the person who is hiding part of their personality is hurting themself as well. So I totally agree to have it in the open from the get go and be open about where/ when you are willing to compromise, not change completely or expect you to give up who you are. my :2c:

[Calliope]

I will look forward to any and every opportunity to rejoin that wonderful elite of partnered adults, although I will do it in my chemise and heels - or not at all.


I hear ya!

Everyone wants a relationship ... 'til they're in a lousy one.

[Charleen]

Same boat. Same idea. Can only hope the right person comes along.
Love and xxxx, Lily

[Karren H]

Deep......Rickie....you are one wise woman!!! Unlike myself.....an engineer, I'm challenged and lacking in all the social skills!! And admittedly a bit shallow.......so I don't get into thinking about why......unless there's a numeric equation involved!! .....I'd rather be ignorant and just enjoy my fem self...........

Ohhhh......and can I borrow one of your Vegas show girl costumes?? :)

Love Karren

[KarenSusan]

From this perspective I see that being a true member of a "relationship", ie. unconditionally being known and willing to know... is one of the most fulfilling elements of our existence. Not having that, life is not necessarily bad, but it is empty of an essential to the human nature. It is a gift that not all of us are willing and ready to receive, are not fortunate to have had the opportunity to receive, or have rejected for a complex and unsolvable set of reasons.


Truer words were never spoken.

[Kerry Owens]

I wouldn't ask Lawren to quit crossdressing anyway, it isn't that humongous deal to me, there are (as I've said before) far worse things that a persong can be.
Also we both are working together on our relationship, it isn't something either of us take lightly or complacently.
As for love being pure emotion...I don't think anyone can analyze love, like life it has as many shades, flavors and nuances that no one love is like any other. It's the commitment to each other, and the relationship that makes that love last a lifetime.

[hotbobbie]

Very nice Rickie. We see so much being written about how we must think of the SO, and much of it is true, but as you so well put it we are what we are and this must be upfront but for the relationship to grow there must be the understanding from the other side also. The stigma that society has placed on the CD makes it very hard for us and our So to overcome.

[rickie121x]

Deep......Rickie....you are one wise woman!!! Unlike myself.....an engineer, I'm challenged and lacking in all the social skills!! And admittedly a bit shallow.......so I don't get into thinking about why...... unless there's a numeric equation involved!! .....I'd rather be ignorant and just enjoy my fem self...........
Ohhhh......and can I borrow one of your Vegas show girl costumes?? :)
Love Karren I appreciate your remark. Thanks. :heehee: And I, too, was an engineer from age 22 to 65. That was lot of slide ruling - but these last years seem to have allowed me to develop a more insightful perspective.

Show girl costumes are very dear here in Vegas. It would appear that a whole lot of folks would love to fit into one of them. The demand for used ones is high! So I don't have one to lend - or I would.... :heehee:

Huggs, Rickie :doll:

[Sam-antha]

I thought I was the only member who knew what a slide rule was, let alone used one.
~Samm

[Brianna Lovely]

Your post really touched my heart and Spirit.
As I approach my sixtieth birthday, I too am alone, but not lonely. I think it's the most wonderful thing in the world, to have someone to share your love with. But, for my own, personal reasons, I'm not actively looking for someone. Sometimes I wish for someone who would love and accept me for who I am, but I don't hold out much hope.