Approching a teen cross dresser

[ubokvt]

It seems a recurring theme in these threads of how do you open a dialoge with a youth or teen crossdresser. I was a Teen crossdresser caught/confronted by my parents, grilled for hours, but just counldn't open up. There was no way on earth at that time I felt I could talk to anyone about it. I sometimes wonder if it would have been different, if I could. As a teen could have you talked openly about dressing with an adult? Is there a way you could see some one opening that converstion with you? How would you approch a teen today given what you know.

[Bobbie cd]

Frankly, the whole idea of contact on this kind of subject matter with any person not legally an adult is fraught with a lot of potential for legal and civil liability. This has been discussed in threads previously. It is unfortunate, but the potential good that you might possibly be able to do is open to question, while the potential for dangerous and unpleasant consequenses are all too great.

Plus, as mentioned, most of us at that age are far too unsure of ourselves and just not really ready to open up to anyone about such things.

Sorry to sound like a pessimist, but that is my :2c: .

[ColleenCD]

Ubokvt,

This brings back memories I still deal with today. Trust issues. I also was caught and grilled like a trout as a teen. I was sent to a shrink, sorry, psychologist who tried everything he knew to make friends with me to get me open up. NO WAY. I learned at an early age to tell them what they want to hear, but never ever reveal the secret of what I really like...dressing. Adding to the fact we didn't have the interent or books about CDing around made figuring out myself near impossible. I wasn't going to let someone crawl inside my head until I had more facts.

Teen CDer's have every right to be reserve in their need for privacy. Hopefully with maturity they can find answers and others like them/us, while they're still young and pretty.

Colleen

[Teresa Amina]

The teen years would be the worst time to confront (and no matter your intentions it would be taken as confrontation!) someone about this. By this time experience has already taught one that it's safer to say nothing about it, especially to an adult. The younger years are where a kind word, well timed, might be a help. By the teens we're well into our inner conflict and need to sort it out on our own terms.

[Kate Simmons]

I agree Teresa, the teen years are confusing enough with hormones kicking in. Both sexes having been basically in "nuetral" up until that point. It's hard enough for a teen aged boy trying to confront potential manhood. Throw in CD issues and the conflicts become even more intense. I wonder just how many people really appreciate this? Our innocence is being ripped away and society is pressuring us even more to fit into a specific way of thinking and acting. I feel that this is the point where the "embryo" of our femme identity really begins to take shape along with the guilt and frustration. It's amazing any of us survive this phase at all without going off the 'deep end". "Normal" people have it bad enough. If we get through it, we become stronger though and the fact that so many of us are here proves we are survivors. We have literally taken pains to get in touch with our inner selves and some of us have sacrificed friends and family to do it. Of course none of the people who so easily dismiss us as being weird or pervs take any of this into consideration and when all is said and done, most just "tolerate" us rather than really trying to get to know who we are. By doing that, they are missing a lot however because by and large we are intelligent, understanding and in touch with our feelings which most men either ignore entirely or try to suppress. Hopefully, by talking here and discussing issues and feelings, we can understand each other better because the tendancey of most people is to put what we do under a blanket observation and a convenient little "box". Nothing could be farther from the truth as we are all unique individuals in our own right. Once we appreciate that, we can continue to learn from one another and this is the place to do it.:happy: Ericka/Rich

[Helen MC]

In a middle-class English family in the mid 1960s? FORGET IT! No way Jose!

I would have been branded as a "poof" by my father, possibly given a beating and sent for "treatment" to "cure" me of this "sickness" and in those days that would have been Electric Shock treatment and induced nausea and vomiting etc as "Aversion Therapy". Thank God, and my being very careful and secretive, I was never discovered in the 6 years I was CDing in the family home.

[MsJanessa]

Frankly, the whole idea of contact on this kind of subject matter with any person not legally an adult is fraught with a lot of potential for legal and civil liability. This has been discussed in threads previously. It is unfortunate, but the potential good that you might possibly be able to do is open to question, while the potential for dangerous and unpleasant consequenses are all too great.

Plus, as mentioned, most of us at that age are far too unsure of ourselves and just not really ready to open up to anyone about such things.

Sorry to sound like a pessimist, but that is my :2c: .
ditto---youre absolutly right---it could end up a nightmare for the adult who may be accused of attempting sexual contact with a minor, despite your lack of intention in this----My advice is if they are not old enough to buy a drink for (21) then you shouldn't be contacting them, even for just chatting---it could very well come back to haunt you.

[Stephenie S]

While I recognize and agree with the legal and moral issues involved in dealing with a minor, . . . . .

I SOOOO wish someone had been able to connect with me when I was a teen caught up in the angst of CDing. I just knew I was sick,sick, sick, and would be sent to the loony bin for sure. How much further along the road to happiness and satisfaction would I be now if I could have learned more as a teen.

Let's just hope that access to the internet provides a bit more guidance for a teen today than we had at that age.

Lovies,
Steph

[Kimberley]

I have helped teens in the past (and I know of others here who have also done so.) I will do so again. There is always that security issue of course but we are adults, and we do have the brains enough to protect both ourselves and the youth. If not, dont do it.

When doing so on the net, I keep a copy of ALL correspondence. Usually the request has come from a parent (frequently a single mother) to help by talking to her child. A quick phone call can confirm it. In this case I also request the parent be a part of the process. But above all, I encourage professional counselling for all; no different than I do here with adults.

As to content. It is kept only to support until they get the help they need.

I know a lot of people disagree with me on this issue but if approached cautiously it can be successful. This means being skeptical at every turn. Any sign of deviation from the purpose of contact and it is over. End of story. No sexual innuendo or explicitness. Simple rules but effective, and yes, I have had to end contact once about 6 months ago.

It doesnt happen often but when it does it is nearly impossible to refuse someone in distress, especially remembering my own youth. Most often the whole process is reassurance that they are not crazy and not gay. (Gee does that ring a bell for when we were teens?) There is a ton of support for gay teens but nothing for TG (in our area anyway) and the youth counsellors have no training in dealing with TG youth... my wife included.

The wounds of those days are still weeping, so I will continue to help where I can.

:hugs:
Kimberley