What if I'm In Love

[jenny_cheerleader]

Hey all, A question...

There's this girl that i am dating and I love her and she loves me. We are both very much in love with each other. THeres just one problem. One time i asked her opinion about our "way of life" and she gave me a responce that could break our relationship. I am so in love with this girl and one day i want to marry her, but if she ever found out about my dressing it would be over to the best of my knowledge. Should i try to block my crossdressing out or should i tell her and move on?

[Megan_Renee]

Jenny,

When I first broached the subject my wife said that she believed it was pure foolishness and that men who did it were just trying to make a point. She said that it was the stupidest thing and she could never handle if I was one of those guys....

...

....


She just got done brushing my "hair"(wig)

Megan
--,--`--@

[Wendy me]

start new start right...........my wife dosen't know abought wendy.........one day she will what happens?????????????????if i realy knew in the begining i think i would have told her

[ChristineRenee]

Hey all, A question...

There's this girl that i am dating and I love her and she loves me. We are both very much in love with each other. THeres just one problem. One time i asked her opinion about our "way of life" and she gave me a responce that could break our relationship. I am so in love with this girl and one day i want to marry her, but if she ever found out about my dressing it would be over to the best of my knowledge. Should i try to block my crossdressing out or should i tell her and move on?If you are seriously considering marriage in the near future jenny, then definitely you should tell her. If it is meant to be then she will stand by you and accept you for the person that you are. You owe it to her to be upfront about it and not try to hide it. That will only cause you both a myriad of problems down the road.

The lifestyle we lead was pre-determined, no doubt, while we were still in the womb. We did not choose to be this way. What we can choose however is to be forthright with a future partner, particularly if it is going to become a permanent relationship. If the woman can't accept it, it is better for you, and her, to know that before making a commitment to each other. Why ruin two lives by trying to live a lie on an everyday basis.

Just my 2 cents once again.


Love,
Christine Renee

[Julie]

Jenny, you don't say how long you've been going out with your girlfriend.

I know from what you say an answer to a question you put has given you doubts as to if she'd accept your crossdressing. If this relationship is in its early stages I'd give it some more time to allow you to gauge if your initial doubts are founded or not.

JJ

[Paula A]

Jenny;
Before you "Pop the Question" you must tell her. take it from me, you don't want to live your life scared to be found out, scared of the repercuccions and living a lie. You can't stop and turn it off lord knows I tried. And now that Im older I look back with regrets about what I should have done and should have told and I'm saddend for missing what I missed out on.

Understand?

It hurts to be where I'm at, for both your sakes, don't go there.

[LauraB]

Should i try to block my crossdressing out or should i tell her and move on?


Jenny not an easy question for any girl to offer advice or an answer. But when one reads the threads and posts here on this subject you will see that the one thing that is impossible to do is to give up CDing it is a part and a large important part of you and what you are.

In the end it has to be one of the biggest problems you will have to solve, and you will have to come to terms with what ever choice you make.

All i can do is wish you well and wish you happyness


Love
Laura
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

[sherri]

I haven't been in your shoes (I didn't start dressing until after my divorce), but here's a thought: approach the problem like a political campaign. I'm serious.

The advice you're getting from the other ladies here to be realisitc about your dressing and honest with your girlfriend is dead on correcto mundo. But rather than thinking it's some huge bomb you have to hit her with, maybe you could launch a campaign to win her over to the idea. Did you pick up on Megan Renee's post? There's a lotta wisdom there, gurl.

xoxo

[Wenda]

Hi Jenny, 'this above all, to thine ownself be true, and then it must follow as the night the day, that you cannot then be false to any man." Polonius was being preachy to Hamlet, but his advice is solid. You need to examine what is truly fundamental to you being you.
If dressing is just a fun thing or a turn-on that a solid relationship can easily replace, you may be able to turn off that switch and continue on from here, happily. If dressing is truly part of who you are, then trying to deny a part of your identity is futile and dishonest. You need to share that part of you with your partner. If she can't accept it, that is a serious issue. All the best. wenda.

[DonnaT]

You might be able to stop dressing for a while, but eventually you'll start again. So tell her when you start getting serious. Better to find out now than waste time on a relationship that my not last.

[barbiecd]

You really can't block crossdressing forever, it's a part of you and what you enjoy doing...right? You need to find a way to tell her in a non- threatening way. Test the water, ask her what she thinks of... or has she ever thought about what it might be like to....It's hard and dangerous to live a lie.
Hugs
Barbie

[Wendy me]

i agree with if you stop yuo will start dressing again its not a choise.............
its who you are last fall i tryed to go a couple of weeks with nouthing fem at all
i falled after 3 or 4 days i need my fem fix.........if this who you are you can't put it away..........tell her before ...........

[Tristen Cox]

Either way your dressing is not going to just disappear.

1) If you love this person and want to be with them, but can not tell them, then you may have to keep it in the closet so to speak.

2) If you do not believe you can successfully hide this from her and that it will bring things to a close when she finds out, then it's better to avoid a serious relationship.

3) You can take the risk and tell her before getting too involved. This would spare you both in the long run if she did not decide to accept this part of you.

I wish you the best on this. Choose wisely.


Love
Tristen

[orchard]

please don't try to supress this.
I'm still pretty young, and I can attest that this affliction will not diminsh, even if you are with a wonderfull girl. When I met my young vixen, I thought i would stop dressing... but a year&1/2 later, after she had gone away, and I had totally raided her closet for about 3 days, I told her. I don't know if she will accept you, but keeping it hidden is doomed.

[Lily_gg]

If it's a serious thing for you (rather than a frivolous turn-on) and you hide it from her, but continue into a serious relationship (eg marriage), you'll have the following things to deal with:
you'll be miserable
she'll feel that you're hiding something from her
you'll be lying to someone you love, who trusts you, on a regular basis
when (not if) she finds you out, she'll hate you for the deception, end of serious relationship etc

If you choose to tell her now, not in a bombshell way, but in a slow, sounding her out, suggesting little things and working up to it kind of way, she may well decide that even if she doesn't like it much at the moment, she loves you too much to give you up, and from there you can work towards her tolerance, acceptance, participation, enjoyment...

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the very best of luck :o

[Vickie-CD]

Jenny, I commend you on being upfront with your girlfriend. I can only speak for myself, but trying to surpress my feelings simply doe not work, they are the true me and it just does not go away. You know yourself better than anyone, do some soul searching and a lot of thought, figure out just where you are at. I do not recommend deception, saying you will not do anymore dressing, then doing it behind her back. I have just seen too much heartbreak & depression from those that have gone that route.
Best of Luck,
Vickie

[paulaN]

You have gotten a lot of good advice here. my two cents is YOU MUST TELL HER. be honest, things my work out better than you ever could have thought.

[Paula A]

...you'll have the following things to deal with:
you'll be miserable
she'll feel that you're hiding something from her
you'll be lying to someone you love, who trusts you, on a regular basis
when (not if) she finds you out, she'll hate you for the deception, end of serious relationship etc

If you choose to tell her now, not in a bombshell way, but in a slow, sounding her out, suggesting little things and working up to it kind of way, she may well decide that even if she doesn't like it much at the moment, she loves you too much to give you up, and from there you can work towards her tolerance, acceptance, participation, enjoyment...

Lily where were you 16 years ago when all I knew was to repress it, be ashamed of it, hide it even though I loved it because it was me - even if I didn't understand it? now I have to come out to my wife, who might not and risk loosing w\all we worked to have together because i have been denying and lying to her all these years.

Bottom line Jenny - when it gets close and you feel the time is right - tell her or you'll end up like me.

[SherryAnn]

listen to your heart luv, me personally I'd have to dump her & continue my own lifestyle. I talk to alot of cd's who have to hide there things or can only dress up once in a blue moon & then in a motel somewhere hiding out, Sorry, I cant do that & really feel sorry for those who do

[Lily_gg]

Lily where were you 16 years ago when all I knew was to repress it, be ashamed of it, hide it even though I loved it because it was me - even if I didn't understand it? now I have to come out to my wife, who might not and risk loosing w\all we worked to have together because i have been denying and lying to her all these years.
Oh you poor thing!!! *HUGS* My heart really is going out to you right now - I can't imagine what you're going through thinking about telling her. :(

In my case, my bf didn't actually have the nerve to tell me until a few weeks after we'd broken up - once he'd already lost what we had, he said he just felt like he had to tell me, with no idea what my reaction or the outcome would be. Fortunately for both of us, the outcome was the re-continuation of our relationship, my coming on here to try and understand more, and some rather nice girlie chrissie pressies for him (:))

As I see it, you have two choices with telling her - either you can start suggesting little things about it to make her think it's something you want to try (implication being you haven't tried it before), get her into it, and finally reveal it's something you've been doing for a while (could be an easier way to get her happy with it, could also make it worse due to her feeling you've added a further lie (never tried it before)); or you can just sit her down and be upfront - there's something I really need to tell you, that I've been hiding from you since we met, because I was afraid that you wouldn't understand and so wouldn't love me, and now I'm more than afraid, I'm completely terrified at the thought of losing you, but lying to you is tearing me up inside because I love and trust you so much that I want, I need, for you to know everything there is about me, and still love me.

Good luck, *hugs* :o

[carolynhcd]

Take Lily GG's second course of action. Believe me, honey, you do not want to spend years weeping and praying for death or blindness or anything to blot out the pain. I have found many women are open to this "quirk" of our behaviour and am presently with a woman who loves it and prefers me as Carolyn. I understand love and the pain it can bring. You can find the situation you seek. Men are assh_les and I cannot fathom how women can love them. Do you want to be with a woman who could love a man? I don't and my guess is you don't either. Tell her and risk losing her, because you will save yourself whatever way she responds. That is so much better than losing yourself and her by staying silent or trying to deny your true nature. You will find a GG that loves you for you. There are billions of women on this planet. You may find that your sexuality extends further than you currently imagine. Wenda (what a gem!), quoted some Shakespeare to you, so I will follow her lead, and from the same play. "We know what we are, but not what we may be." It is serious error to assume that the present point in time is definitive. This leads to all manner of suicides. The universe is manifold. Give it a chance to prove its diversity to you. Believe me, you only want to be with a GG, if at all, who finds your girl side totally hot.

[AnnaMaria]

After 34 yrs of life I have to say that there can really only be one good solution to this problem. Honesty. There is really no other answer. I have been married twice and I can say with no uncertianty that there is no way that I could live with my wife if I hadn't told her. I love her to much to try to hide Anna from her. After much thought and consideration I decided that it was time to tell her the truth and take what was to come. The way I see it is that if she really loves you then she already loves that side of you she just doesn't realize that Jenny is who she fell in love with. I had a long talk with my wife on Christmas eve about the whole thing. Thats not when I told her but that was when we had one of our many descussions about the whole thing. That is when I explained to her that the emotion that I feel in life, wheather it is for her or something else comes from Anna. That Brian is just a typical man and really has no feelings per say. That our love had been a result of the feelings that Anna had for her and what anna wanted from life.

Now I realize that it is probably going to be hard to do but it is something that I feel you really need to do before you go much farther. If you are really planning to get married then honesty has to come first.

Let's say that you do try to hide it or quit, and then down the road she finds a pair of panties or a bra or something like that. What is she going to think. Her first thought is going to be that you are cheating on her and she is going to have a natural reaction that could very well bring your marriage to a screaming end without a chance to defend yourself or even a chance to try to explain. And if you do get to try and explain will she ever trust you again after that. Sonsidering the fact that you have been lying to her through your entire marriage.

There will be concerns and questions of course. But if she does reject you completely then know that the relationship was not ment to be in the first place and that it would have probably ended in disaster anyway.

Thats not to say that there are not those who hide it and do get away with it for years or even forever. But, I see those that are able to accomplish that are either very lucky or very good at hiding things and they should be the ones that we depend on to be spies because if yo can successfully hide that then you can hide anything, No matter what it is.

Please don't think that I am trying to be harsh or mean because that is not my intent. I say what I have because I want to save you the pain that I have spent my life suffering with because I have hidden it for so long. I have even noticed recently that since I have told my wife I have been suffering fewer headaches because of the decrease i stress in my life. I have also been more focused on what I am trying to do because I don't have that fear in the back of my mind anymore. I know that she loves me and will be there for me. Anna is just another part of who I am and they are quickly becoming great friends as a result of my decision to be open about the whole thing.

I hope that something I, or someone else has said helps you in your decision and above all remember that we are always here to support you no matter what you decide to do.

huggs
anna

[racheal]

You must keep confidence in yourself. If she loves you, she will understand. My girlfriend has accepted my nature of femininity, though she does not like it, but our love is still there. A whole new 'can of worms on this one) - he he.

There should be no difference on how you look. If she loves you, she will not care about what's on the 'outside' but what comes from 'inside'. Look inside your heart and it will tell you.