Are you afraid to go out?

[Glenda58]

Most of us have a fear of going out dressed. We are afraid that if someone who knows you sees you that they will talk and that our lives will be ruin maybe lose our job. But why because we are misunderstood and the unknown scares people. They don't see Cross Dressers everyday so we must be something bad. But if they were to see more than one at a time all the time maybe they just ignore us and let us be.
I think it's time for us to have a movement. Let's say on Tuesdays and Thursdays we all get dress and go out shopping to he hardware store to eat at a restaurant walk in the park work in the garden just do anything out of the closet where the masses go. Then someday we will be accepted as part of the community. And maybe our SOs won't think that we are gay or want to change to a woman our families won't shun away. WE ARE MEN WHO LIKE TO DRESS.

I have been out the last few days the more I'm out the less people look at me with discuss.

Again let us start a movement we have over thousand members in this forum we can do it.

[Scotty]

My fear isn't someone knowing me, I'm going over to Seattle my first time, all of my times in fact :D

I think my fear is just well, it's a new identity in a way, a transition...I'm not overly worried if I'm read but I'd rather be in other TG's company!!

[Karren H]

Hmmmmmmm NO!!! Not afraid anymore!! And since Karren and I don't look alike, I have no fear of running into anone I know..

Karren

[Lauren Richards]

Scottie,
Good for you! There is a great support group in Seattle. I touched base a little with one of the members a few years ago, and had my first daylight en femme meeting with another crossdresser (where a group of crossdressers rented closets and changing space to other crossdressers) as a result. It was a wonderful experience, and I haven't turned back since.

Enjoy who you are, and only go as far as you are comfortable. There is a large range of personal preference, and you may need some time to figure out where you are currelty. And, like the weather, it can change. Oh, I need to get off the computer and change, too!

Lauren

[Joy Carter]

Glenda I think the active membership here is over seven thousand. I'm not likely to go to the auto parts store and buy spark plugs in a skirt but you could find me in a store or eating in a restaurant. It does matter where you go as to how you will be received. I think one gurl here said that we are showing a definite weakness by presenting ourselves as women. I'd have to agree with that. No offense to our GG sisters but it's real the attitudes even when you get older it can play against you. I just don't see any changes in my life time.

[Penny]

Hmmmmmmm NO!!! Not afraid anymore!! And since Karren and I don't look alike, I have no fear of running into anone I know..

Karren


Penny and I don't look alike either and I've posted pictures close enough to see all the wrinkles (lol)

[Michelia]

Glenda:

I cannot come out until my kids are older, although they both handle my CDing very well. They are under 10 and it is second nature to them - as long as other kids in their school do not know.

But I have often thought about what you are saying. Maybe we are all too busy coping and have too much to lose.

I have also felt that we must all get involved politically. Is there a forum for this? Is this forum appropriate for this kind of thread? I will start the thread if it is OK?

Michelia

[Sierra Evon]

I'm not really affraid anymore , cuz dress alot everyday in womens casual wear , pants , sweaters, blk shoes, I would love to wear a skirt out in public more , still thats a major fear for me , but however I do always carry my purse with me everywhere I go, with the womens casual wear and my purse and my hair growing longer now , I think ppl just at first glace think I'm just another gal out and about.......have been told that I'm very passable , yet my confidece tends to be very fragile..........

[MarieTS]

Scottie: Perhaps we can solo together with Lauren in attendance as our big sister to guide us. :hugs:

[MarinaTwelve200]

I dont think its FEAR with some of us. Would you go out NAKED? Why not?

It just isnt done. Now I am NOT judging anyone. Thats the same way I feel about ME dressing. I think it boils down to personality differences in those who want to and WILL go out dressed and those of us who feel like its a private thing, and nobdy else's business----

Just as it takes a person with an extra amount of "something" to go "streaking" down the street, it takes a certian personality trait to want to or actually go out in public DRESSED.---But some of us dont HAVE that personality element. It is all to be chalked up to personality differences.

"Fear" only applies to a person who WOULD go out dressed, if they could muster up the courage---I suppose I would call THEM the "Closet" CDers, while those of us who consider CDing a private matter, like being naked, using the toilet or mastribating, might be called "Private" CDers. There IS a difference, and I often wonder IF I really AM a "real" CDer after all, based on my personal attitude, where most other CDers appear to strive to go out. I lack something they have, or vice versa.

But I CD N E way, even IN private---so I guess I am some sort of CD, just one of the variants.

[Lauren Richards]

Glenda,
I like the idea of change, and would like to see a better understanding of us occur very quickly. It took me a long time to understand and accept myself, so I suspect the rest of the populance will have a similar period of readjustment. I think attitudes are changing; I am not sure how to help the movement along. Keep those ideas coming. I'll do my part by going out and being nice. Hope it helps.

Scottie and Marie's big sister,
Lauren

[Felicia Conti]

OK Glenda, I'll meet you at Ace Hardware on Tuesday night, right by the eyelashes - Oh, maybe they don't carry those - LOL.

Felicia

[sterling12]

Hi Glenda:

No, I'm afraid to stay in! First time out for me, went to a party and a very strange man in nothing but a leather harness and a greek fisherman's cap sat down next to me and "camped it up". Probably, all for my benefit. To see if he could "jerk my chain".

I decided then and there, "Hey, if I can handle this...I can handle anything!" Later on that same night, got to make the acquaintance of a Rubber Queen. When your looking at some one dressed from head to toes in rubber clothing, including the gas mask, and your discussing the merits of the full length latex cape with them, Cd looks pretty pedestrian.

I guess I should explain a just little further: "I'm afraid to stay in", cause' I might miss something! For Joanie, venturing out into The Big Old World has been an adventure that seems to grow with each passing day.

I meet all kinds of interesting, wonderful, people. In life, isn't that what we are supposed to do?

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Bethanygirl]

Most of these fears are unfounded unless you do worry about your profession or your extended family. Most people that read you will either respond as if you were handicapped, and try not to look, some will be fascinated and stare, and a few will smile at you. None of these things will kill you, but if you feel the need to go out strongly enough, and continue to cheat yourself of the experience of being free to be yourself, that will wear you down.

[Sweet Jane]

Glenda

yes I am terrified to go out...your plan sounds great, but I would be the only man strolling around in womens clothes and make-up in my town...red neck b@st@rds would have me!!!....sorry as much as social revolution sounds great...I can't risk being a part of it dammit, at least here..why can't I live in NY or London??...now if I looked like Lisa!!!!!

[Delila]

My key concern is physical harm. After hearing the things that people in my area have said about cders I am more concerned that people would attack me as they have implied they would like to do to brave dressers that they have seen.

[ArleneRaquel]

I am enfemme in the house, in the yard, or just out and about. My main concern is teenage boys and early tweenty somethings, out walking, shopping, or just mailing a letter, they can be so cruel ( verbally ), I hope that it doesn't get any worse than that. I would hate to have to stay dressed inside, or worse yet, have some pranksters find out where I live.:love: Maureen

[Eugenie]

I think it's time for us to have a movement. Let's say on Tuesdays and Thursdays we all get dress and go out shopping to he hardware store to eat at a restaurant walk in the park work in the garden just do anything out of the closet where the masses go. Then someday we will be accepted as part of the community. And maybe our SOs won't think that we are gay or want to change to a woman our families won't shun away. WE ARE MEN WHO LIKE TO DRESS.

Hi Glenda,

I agree profoundly with your initiative. We have to "come out" as a group to rise public awareness.

Actually, I have informed the "News and Political Discussion group" on Crossdressers.com (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=45568) that a project has been initiated by a French "Sister" about the organization of an annual "International T* Day".

This once a year day is of course less ambitious than the twice a week outing that you propose :-) but I tink that it would set the stage for allowing more freedom for CDs.


Again let us start a movement we have over thousand members in this forum we can do it.

If the webmistress think it would be appropriate, I would like to bring this subject out of the private "News and Political Discussion group" to put it out here, on the general forum, where, like you say "we have over thousand members".
:hugs:
Eugenie

[Debb]

It is very strange, this compulsion to dress and go "out".

I have it too; I mean no criticism by the above statement.

I have been harassed for crossdressing -- I have been followed around a mall, I have been followed while driving, I have been loudly "outed" by one surprised gentleman in a store. This hasn't stopped me, however.

I don't by any means think that I'm brave. I am simply tired of having others dictate how I can appear; I am tired of my own mind telling me that I shouldn't be doing this. I therefore react in my own rebellious fashion, by doing exactly what most scares me. And I don't understand why.

Unfortunately, I don't really enjoy shopping, or I'd feel free to join some other CDers in my area. I'm more the outdoors or going-to-the-movies type, and boy it looks wierd when a CDer goes to the movies by her/himself.

[Glenda58]

I didn't write this thread to get more people to fas up that they had fear. I had just read where someone was outed and their life has been turn upside down. They may lose their wife and kids. Plus their job maybe on the line. I feel if we were more out in the open the community would not be so hard on anybody cross dressing because it would be the norm not the ab norm and they won't fear us.
Some of you said you fear that you maybe harmed going out. That's way we all need to standup for our rights. We are not killers we do not harm children we just like to dress up and feel good.

[Phoebe Reece]

Glenda,

I agree completely with your basic premise. The more we go out and are seen in "normal" places the more we will be accepted overall. I have been in the Ace Hardware, Home Depot, Radio Shack, and even looking at guns and ammo at the Bass Pro Shop while dressed enfemme. I have also ridden the Atlanta subway system (MARTA), been to many museums around town and even to the zoo on a crowded Saturday afternoon. I have no doubt that I was read by many in these places. Maybe Atlanta is just a tolerant place, but a crossdresser in ordinary places around here is simply not a problem. If we only go to what we perceive as "safe" venues, such as gay bars, we are not really doing anything to change the public's perception of us.

[BeckyAnderson]

Hi Glenda,

I've been going out almost everywhere regularly for well over a year now. Through experience I know that friends that I know don't recognize me when I am dressed. I've had some real close encounters and they have looked at me and just kept walking, not even a glimmer of recognition. As a result I feel very confident when going out, even locally.

Oh, and I will second that motion for us all to go out dressed on any day! It would be fabulous and so much fun to do that!

Hugs,
Becky

[Megan_Girl]

Glenda,

I agree .:iagree:. "We're men who like to dress"!

And, I have all of the "Fears" ....the impact of my SO, Work, friends & Family finding out would be HUGE!! and would inflict damage on their lives as well as mine.

I also worry about the potential of violence... I'm only 5'6" and I doubt I could defend myself against some of the local L.A. gang bangers, rednecks or any other narrow minded Neanderthals in a pair of pumps and my Donna Karen.

I'm sure the chances are remote that anything like that could happen. But, my imagination runs pretty wild here in the closet! :hiding:

I would encourage and support anything that would raise the awareness and acceptance for CD's like us... but, I would have to step cautiously into that arena.
:strugglin

XXX
Megan

[Marla S]

I feel if we were more out in the open the community would not be so hard on anybody cross dressing because it would be the norm not the ab norm and they won't fear us.

Glenda, your idea is great and I subscribe to it .....

BUT ... we are nevertheless too few to be something else than an oddity, if we'd have a Dress-to-Go-Out-Day.

Like Jane said: Most would be the only ones in their place, because we are comparable few, most didn't come to terms with themselves yet, others have to consider the family and the job and ... sorry to say ... some probably would wear an ... inappropropriate outfit ... and ... the passers don't count neither, because they pass.
The leaves few of a few that actually could help to make the public used to us and to get a positive image ... most of the few probably are already doing it.

In this sense we need Eugenie's idea too: We need to come out as a group (probably first).
Not only to raise attention but to enforce some of the closet girls too.

On the other side it might help a lot, if the partly dressers would show more and/or the others would dare to wear only some (visible) fem items when going out.
It is less risky with the family and the job, you have somehow a backdoor, and people maybe would get more subtle used to feminized men.

[Charlotte]

I think my fear of going out in public will stop me from progressing to mature as a CD, in fact no ne has ever viewed me fully dressed, even in the privacy of my own house, how do we jump that hurdle?

[Tina Dixon]

In my own town yes, I'm not known to family and friends, and besides I need more work before I would ever pass.

[Brianna Lovely]

We need to get away from "passing" for a moment and think about "dressing", the one thing we all have in common.

I know that many CDs hate the GLBT association, but let's try to put that aside for a moment.

What if a equal rights group, in conjunction with a major charity, did a fund drive, with a dressed theme?

Something like "Get Dressed and Get Blessed", where the local men wear a dress or skirt/top etc. but no wig, remember, we're being men in dresses, and go door to door to collect money for the local childrens hospital.

This would get people used to seeing men in dresses, not in "disguises", and would put CDs in a good light.

Just a thought.

[Debb]

I think my fear of going out in public will stop me from progressing to mature as a CD, in fact no ne has ever viewed me fully dressed, even in the privacy of my own house, how do we jump that hurdle?

Charlotte, this is exactly what got me "out and about" in the first place. I feared that I wouldn't progress or mature as a *person*, let alone as a CDer.

Mind you, maturity is as they say, for the "old".

Seriously, in my case I have found a lot of freedom going out, even if it was only for a dress-n-drive a few years back .. or now, being at work fully dressed. It is the fear of being in the public that is what to overcome.

[Debb]

//snip...

Something like "Get Dressed and Get Blessed", where the local men wear a dress or skirt/top etc. but no wig, remember, we're being men in dresses, and go door to door to collect money for the local childrens hospital.

...//

Brianna, this is a fantastic idea. I love it; if we could get some momentum here, this would be great.

I wonder though, how many charities / hospitals / whatever would appreciate being associated with us? I suppose it would depend on our being good ambassadors for crossdressing or transgender issues, and would also depend on how we are already perceived in our communities.

[Brianna Lovely]

Brianna, this is a fantastic idea. I love it; if we could get some momentum here, this would be great.

I wonder though, how many charities / hospitals / whatever would appreciate being associated with us? I suppose it would depend on our being good ambassadors for crossdressing or transgender issues, and would also depend on how we are already perceived in our communities.

I think it can be done. There was a thread a while back about th Red Cross doing a fund drive where men wore red high heels.

In the Gay world, there is a group, I think they're calld "The Sisters of Perpetual Motion". They're a group of guys who dress up as Nuns and wear roller skates and show up at Gay parades around the country/world and raise money for charities.

Now, I think we have a choice, do we want to be known as "perverts", or do we want to be know as "The Beauty in the Beast", a group of men who wear women's clothing to help a local charity?

I think the more we're seen out in public, as "normal" people, just men in dresses, the more we'll be accepted if we choose to put on a wig and makeup.

[MsJanessa]

The only fear I have is that I might have a wardrobe malfunction.

[Shannon CD]

I guess i'm one of those cowards who wants to wait and see other CDs walking through the mall on a regular basis before I decide if it is safe enough to do so.

Funny thing is that when I was in my early to mid 20's playing heavy rock music, not only did I not care what people thought, I would go out hoping to get a reaction. Things change I guess.

[crusadergirl]

I'm not afraid its i just don't have enough clothes to go out more then once a week and thats if i have the time. Lot of ppl know me and they know i'm crazy so going out dressed as a girl wouldn't bother them. As for being attacked that has happened before but only so far in guy mode. I'm not worried about it i'm a good enough fighter, it would be aliitle hard to fight in a skirt.

[FOCD]

YOU might want to revisit history with that statement. I dont think the Scots ever had a hard time fighting in a Kilt. Nor the Romans, the Greeks, the Egyptians, Mesopotamians, Carthainians , et al. Long before Western society introduced the "trouser" to mens fashion, men and warriors of off nations and civilizations wore a "skirt " of some kind as normal daily wear. And they fought in them too.

"Just the Facts Ma'am, just the facts"
Sgt . Joe Friday
Dragnet

[princessmichelle]

My biggest fear about going out dressed:bias if something bad happens.

A few weeks ago I was in male mode and trying to get somewhere and a police officer pulled me to the side and wrote me a ticket -my first ever- and I have to pay a small fine. Annoyance, but just a small one.

Would it still have been a small deal if I had been crossdressed?

PM

[Sally24]

Not afraid to go out anymore, just cautious. I go out in two different modes. when I go out with my wife, we are two women and I strive for passing. That is what most of my CDing feelings are about, being treated like a woman.

Then there are the Friday nights that I go out with the GNO. We are trying to look our best, but not trying to pass. Most are over 6 foot so when 6 or 8 of us come into the club, it's pretty obvious that we are T-girls. We revel in our differences and educate people some about the whole CDing thing.

Two totally different goals and feelings.

Sally

[Lisa Marie]

Me, I have never been out yet as a woman. I would love to but I am always thinking do I really look passable? I hope to one day to go out as a woman. I will be nervous as ever but I know I will enjoy it very much.

[27th Jennifer]

I have never been out, but my biggest fear is the restroom. I have a very small bladder, so eventually I would have to make a choice, mens or ladies. Does anyone else have a major fear of this issue? I suppose for the passers it's not an issue, but for me, I feel that I would be very vulnerable whether I chose ladies or mens restrooms.

[Sasha Anne Meadows]

I really have no fear. I just feel soo natural as a woman. But if I were outed in my town it would change my existance here forever.That is the bigger step.

[27th Jennifer]

Luckily, I live in a big city, where I know relatively few people, so I do have the freedom of anonymity.

[Kenix]

Good question...

I probably would go out if I think I can pass but I need somewhere to go. It's no difference than being at home if I take a drive around the block while trying not to be noticed. :2c:

[Cheryl T]

My first time out I was scared silly. I was so paranoid that everyone knew and would stare and make comments. How wrong I was.
The world is so immersed in it's own thing that it doesn't have time or the interest to bother with me. All day only one person stared and I didn't even see it. I went about my business and so did everyone else.

Now I regularly go out and I don't try to avoid being seen. And it's difficult not to be seen when you are a 6' tall woman to begin with.

Passing isn't the issue as I'm sure I am read now and then. The issue for me is being able to be me...to express my feminine nature in a way that satisfies me. I don't go out with the intent to fool anyone. I simply go out to enjoy the activities that others enjoy such as shopping, dining, movies, etc. and to do it in a way that expresses who I am.

As for being seen by someone who knows me. I seriously don't think they would recognize me. If they did then... Oh well. I'm too old to be worried by their hangups anymore.

[Jodi]

I have never been out, but my biggest fear is the restroom. I have a very small bladder, so eventually I would have to make a choice, mens or ladies. Does anyone else have a major fear of this issue? I suppose for the passers it's not an issue, but for me, I feel that I would be very vulnerable whether I chose ladies or mens restrooms.

Carry a quart jar with a lid in your car. That's what I did in my early yars of going out.

Jodi

[marie354]

My fear isn't someone knowing me, I'm going over to Seattle my first time, all of my times in fact :D

I think my fear is just well, it's a new identity in a way, a transition...I'm not overly worried if I'm read but I'd rather be in other TG's company!!

I agree! With a TG or a GG would be ok, maybe?