The children

[Bethanygirl]

I was always enfemme before the kids came, and so they always knew that daddy looked like a mommy, so there wasn't any confusion for them or me. But what I was wondering was what you do to handle this question if you do not come out until after you have children.

I have known a few that did just that, and I found that it was very hard on both the parents and the children. Have any of you managed it without undue harm to your relationships?

I think it is better if you embrace yourself early, and then have kids so they know who you are from the start, but maybe that is because it worked for me. Does anyone have a better experience than I have yet heard of in this matter?

I don't mean to pry, but I know someone who is dying to come out, and the only thing holding her and her wife back from it is this problem, and I do not have any real experience with it...

[Delila]

This is a question I have asked myself many many times. I wish there was some sort of evidence one way or the other. One of my huge problems with the idea of having children is how they would responde. If anyone has heard of scientific studies that answer this question i would love to hear. Not to highjack this thread please pm me.

[linnea]

I think that this is a very difficult question. It depends on the relationship with the children and that involves hundreds of variables. I've been crossdressing since I was very young. In my first marriage, we had three children who are now grown, married, and on their own. None of them know about my crossdressing, but now I wish that they did. How I would have dealt with it earlier, I don't know. Since my wife didn't know either (and still doesn't), I would have to have dealt with that first.
It's easy and appropriate to say that it's best to be honest, but it's not easy for me to carry out.
My daughter now knows a little (after a talk I had with her the last time I saw her), but I haven't come out completely to her. I hope to someday in the relatively near future.

[BREE GG]

Wow well for me and my husband,
It came down to relashonship with our kids.

If you have an open and honest relashonship with your kids all the better.
But all familys are different, our children are human to.
They have feelings just as we do. As a parent you have to trust your,
own instincts about the situation.

But be prepared cause it could open up a whole new set of standards.
Meaning that as they get older they may say hey whats good for the goose is good for the gander :rolleyes:

Anyhow it comes down to trust and honesty.
If you expect your children to come to you with there problems in life, or you expect them to be honest with you.

I hope this helps to answer the question a bit :)
All I can say is it worked out ok for our familly.

I look forward to hearing from you again on what there desion was :heehee:

GL Bree

[Sandra]

Our daughter was told when she was 14 and we've had no problems, infact I would say it brought her and Nigela a little closer, or that could just be that she borrowed Nigella's clothes when she was at home :).

I personnaly think that if your kids are brought up knowing that some people are different but it's ok to be different, then most are accepting more so than some adults.

[kathy gg]

Bethany thanks for sharing your success story. My hubby and I are also raising our daughter knowing about this side of our life and so far she is pretty cool. But we also have a small circle of friends who have told their childeren with good results and another good friends of ours is doing the same with their daughter as well. So all that she sees are positive examples of this being a small part of all the people we know lives.

What helped me realize this before having her was talking via email to other familes that had chose from the start to keep their kids in the loop. The parents started instilling tolerance and compassion for people of all different races, sexual oreintation, and gender diversity. All the kids I knew of had never encountered any problem, they also understood that some secrets are to only be shared with people who are very very special. So although a minor misttep here or there is not a big deal, outing the parents to say a teacher would not be wise.

I think what I learned and what I see now is kids are so much more intuative and so much smarter than most adults give them credit for. When you treat your child like part of the family, a part who has a voice and whose opinion matters they value that. I see that already in our daughter and I think as she grows she will continue to appreaciate being a part of our decisions and our life in every way.

This choice is NOT the right choice for EVERYONE to make, because not every couple has found peace and bliss nagivating the transgender road. I actually advise people NOT to tell if they can't agree or still have issues and unresolved aceptance from the husband or the wife. I mean just becase a guy is a crossdressser does not automatically mean he has self acceptance. So for some people this is a really great idea...for others still struggeling and still unsure of who they are, getting kids involved can only complicate and make things worse. As I said kids are very clever, and if they see this as a bone of contention betweem parents they will use it.

Lots of common sense of sense of self have to be present in order to make this jive.

[Daizy Chains]

I have two children just before the 1st was born i had a big purge
and did not indulge for two years but slowly i started again.
dont dress in front of the kids only femm jeans and the like.
I think it would cause to many problems at this time as they are both
very young
Daizy:hugs: :hugs: