'Busted': Like a chicken!

[Amanda Shaft]

Hi Girls, Let me just set the scenario for you: Last week my SO went away for the week so I cleared the decks enabling me to work at home all week and spent a wounderful time fully en-fem 24/7. At the end of the week I cleared up: lables, packaging, laddered tights etc. all went in to a bag which I stashed in the rear footwell of my car for disposal not wishing to put them in the bin at home. Today she went into my car for some reason, delved under rugs and bags and found the bag! I was leaning against the kitchen counter drinking coffee when she came in and stood in front of me. Right in my face, she asked "What are those tights doing in your car?" Last week, before finding this site and reading your thoughts and advice, I would have fumbled for some weak excuss but today I thought this is the time to tell her. In that split second the opportunity to come clean was there but in the next instance it was gone as she made up her own excusses; "I supose you found them when cleaning out... they must have been left over from..." and there I was agreeing with her, saying yes to her conclussions, lossing the moment, chickening out.
So two things occured to me:
1. Reading things on this site as made me think a lot more about who I am and the insula world I have created for myself and that 'you' have already helped me to move forward to a new place. A journey only now started and whos destination is yet unclear. So thank you for that, it feels good and right.
2. Anyone else ducked the issue when they could have broken cover? What would you have done? Stay cool, Amanda

[Phyliss]

Some advice I was given a long time ago, which I've only lately been able to understand.

"If IT doesn't feel right don't do IT."

Don't "beat yourself up" over this. Something told you to not "break cover" so I would guess that at this point in time that was the best thing to do.

[Diana West]

I'm a big believer in instinct.
Your instincts directed you not to tell her, so you have to respect that.

Besides, if she was in a foul mood, then you know that wasn't the right time to tell her.
Hey, I'm married. When my wife is mad, I'm not about to do something that might enflame her further.

[Kate Simmons]

I agree with Janis. Always trust your first instincts whether in girl or guy mode. Plus, don't forget, we have "feminine intuition" when we are en femme. Funny how that works, huh?:happy: Ericka Kay

[MsJanessa]

You will get a lot of free advice in this forum on telling your wife about your dressing. Remember that free advice is worth exactly what you pay for it. None of the ladies here have to live with your SO nor will they have to pony up for the alimony/child support/property split if push comes to shove in divorce court. Do what you think is best for both you and her---if that means not telling her and you are ok with that, then that's fine. What the girls above are telling you is good advice.

[Jodi Lynn]

Hi Amanda, I really think you did the right thing at the time as long as she came up with a reason. I know I was faced with the same problem a few years ago, My wife found a bra of mine in a drawer next to my cumputer. Not having anything to say other then that it belonged to another woman, I told her everthing. Showed her my cloths, show her some pictures, showed her my yahoo profile, everything. Needless to say, things went down hill from there. Come to think about it, she didn't say whos bra is this that I found, she said what is this bra doing in your desk. So deep down she did know that I croodress. Anyways to make a long story short. She doesn't accept me as Jodi, is not supporting and every so often she will say something about how she can't live with me because of it. Now keep in mind that most likely that "that day" wiil come when your wife does find out, and you will have to come clean. While many other will disagree with me about it, I know how hard it is to open up about something that you have allways felt was something very personal and special to yourself and that the fear of her not understanding and accepting you had keep you from tell her or anyone else about it. It is so much easier to go with the flow and try tro keep everyone happy.

[Teresa Amina]

Now you know your heart works fine:D Close calls are terrifying, the heart and brain work overtime and then, suddenly, the path opens before you and things are back to normal. But you gain perspective, and think a little more seriously about your "situation". I had a number of "speed undressing" moments over the years; good for your circulation!

[Holly]

Amanda, you made a decision on the spur of the moment that you deemed in your best interest and I absolutely respect that. But one thing that you may have to contemplate in the future, should you want to reveal this part of your life to your wife is the awkward explanation of, "Remember that bag of tights you found in my car? I wasn't totally truthful with the explanation." In many cases, our SO's are hurt more deeply from the deceit, than by the fact that we crossdress. Just something you may wish to consider.

[Karren H]

Nope!! I told the truth!! She asked "Who's skirts are those in your closet?". Mine, I like to crossdress" I replied!! BOOM!! Wasn't an enjoyable day for sure!! And the amusing part was it was done over the phone, and I was fully enfemme and working in Ohio for the day!!

Still wish she had never found out, in a way... Kind of...

Love Karren

[Jodi Lynn]

In many cases, our SO's are hurt more deeply from the deceit, than by the fact that we crossdress. Just something you may wish to consider.

I have to agree with you Holly, I know that my wife was much more hurt by my deceit. She has told me that many times in the past 2 years.

[Sandra]

I have to agree with you Holly, I know that my wife was much more hurt by my deceit. She has told me that many times in the past 2 years.


Have to agree here, as People have said many times before "It's not the just the dressing it's the lies and not being trusted".

[klyde]

The same thing you did. It sounds to me as if she wanted an excuse. She made up her own at the last minute and looked to you to confirm it. You know your wife and will know the right time if ever to tell her.

Cheers

[serinalynn]

From my own experiences, my wife is only marginally accepting as to my crossdressing. I am her husband first and Serina Lynn second. I usually always get time to be Serina Lynn and over the last 3-4 years there has not been much of a problem with my wanting to be Serina Lynn for a few hours on the weekends. During the week I work a drab manly job so there isnt much time for dressing. My wife sometimes says I have to much femmine clothing but when sale flyers arive in the mail or E-mail she is always saying its ok go buy something. so I do!!!!! :cheer: MY wife and I have talked about my dressing and althought we haven't come to any agreement where she would help me become feminine. She is a little bit help full at times when we shop together(although rarely) she does tell me things I would look good in but will leave it up to me to remember what those items are an in which store they were located. So I can go back another time and buy them if I want, alone.

Hope this helps.

[Amy Hepker]

I have to agree with Holly. I had simular experiance in that department and when she finds out that you didn't tell her the truth in the first place, the axe could fall. You may want to feel it out, you know her better than anybody. I don't think I would put it off to long if you do plan on telling her. Just remember it can turn a good time into a nightmare real quick. Just have all your ducks in a row and be ready to awnser any and all questions at rapid fire. Becareful this is a tricky way for a GG to get you to say something that you didn't mean, and she could take it and run. In other words she could turn it around and use it against you. My Xwife used anything and everything against me. GOOD LUCK!