How do you supress the urge

[Jenni B]

Its that time of the year again, winter, when the urge to dress is stronger than any other time, well for me anyway.

You see, I don't want to do this, dress up, even though i have a SO who doesn't mind me dressing, not one bit.

When i'm fighting the 'urges' she knows. She tells me just to go and get on with it.

I'm constantly down and in mood swings, hate everyone and so on. Do you think this could be due to me fighting with the feeling of what i need to do but just won't give in or is it possibly a middle age crisis thing.

For example I moan about the state of the country etc just like my parents did when i was a kid.

Don't get me wrong, when the other personna wins and i am dressed it one of the best feelings i know until it runs its course and then i end up on the guilt trip.:sad:

Help me girls.

Jenni B

[Lisa Golightly]

I'm constantly down and in mood swings, hate everyone and so on. Do you think this could be due to me fighting with the feeling of what i need to do but just won't give in

Simple answer... yes.

[Nikki A.]

I read Karen's posts and realize that I can't top her and I get depressed.

[Tatiana Thomas]

I was in the same mindset as you. One week ago something got me looking into buying a dress for myself(1st time ever). And like a light switch being flipped on, my mood changed dramatically. Went from mad at everyone to super happy when in my feminine mindset.

Your not alone with that kind of thinking.

[Rebecca Petersen]

I agree with Lisa, maybe some outside help would be useful? You shouldn't feel guilty. Take it from an expert...did it for years.

[Nikki Dee]

You don't want to do this.???????...Yeah right...!!..I don't think so.!...I agree with Lisa...less fighting...more enjoying.!!!...just be who you are.!!...and you have a suportive S.O..??...there are girls here that would kill to have that luxury..LOL....don't waste it.!!...Your feelings/thoughts are not uncommon love....just try to come to terms with the fact they are always gonna be there and try not to go on too many guilt trips...they don't work anyway.!!!LOL
Nikki. x

[Jenni B]

Thanks for the fast response.

I knew someone would say it, Nikki Dee. That i have a supportive SO and that a lot of girls would love to have what i have, don't get me wrong i can't believe it myself. I even have a couple of friends that ask me 'has Jenni been out recently', you know, in there eyes it not a problem either.

So whys it a problem to me. Erm....cause i want to be this strong man that my SO first met and always want her to see me that way. Erm... i'm struggling really.

"You know what my minds going through"

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Jenni

We all go through a period of feeling guilty

You feel you need to dress more because it calms you down.
You need to have a talk with your SO explain that you feel guilty.
I get the impression you dont want to push it too much with her, but I feel sure she prefers the calmer you.

Crossdresing is part of you and its finding the level of dressing you can both be happy with
The fact that she is accepting makes your task easier.

[LindaMarie]

Hi, Jenni,

I also notice that my need / urge to dress goes in cycles. When I'm feeling stressed or down, the urge increases.

Winter is a tough time for me. Life is just a little more difficult and I think I may be affected by less sunlight. Dressing is an amazing stress reliever so if I can't dress and it's winter, it's like a double whammy.

If your SO is supportive and dressing makes you feel better, I would suggest going for it. If you want to reduce the amount of time you dress, it may be a good idea to wait for a less stressful time. I know, there's never a good time to try to reduce dressing, but I think trying to do it at a difficult time would be setting yourself up for failure and if you feel guilty about it, that would make it that much worse.

Now if my wife was supportive I don't think I'd worry about dressing too much. I'd go for it. But that's probably a subject for another thread...

Best wishes to you.

Linda

[Tatiana Thomas]

I use to fight those same urges. But I think that is what brought me down. Constant battle in my mind.

Shelly is right, find that middle ground where you feel just right.

As much as I hate to say it, mentally I am like the old guy joke goes, Im a lesbian trapped in a mans body. And I do feel that way. But am just now letting it flow normally instead of fighting the urge to be "socially normal". Which in my mind is far from normal.

[Kate Simmons]

You don't have to feel guilty about being yourself, Hon, because in the end, you have to live with you. I get plenty of time in as Ericka but needed a break this weekend, so decided to be Richard instead. Think I'm "guily" about that decision? Not a chance because it's always me.:happy: Rich

[krisinpink]

Wow, reading this thread has opened my eyes, and put words to feelings I've had for a long, long time. We really are not alone; and it's very good to know this.

I'm very lucky to have a supportive SO, and I too feel very much like I want to be the man she first met, and not overwhelm her with my crossdressing. There is truth in the advice to 'be yourself' and there is a balance to find/build in our relationships with others.

The feelings expressed in this thread sure do ring true in my world.

[gennee]

I can't top a number of people here as far as passing but I enjoy it whenever I dress. I don't fight the urge; I act upon it. Accept yourself and you will discover who you really are. It's wonderful that you have your spouse's support.

Gennee

:gorgeous:

[Maddie]

just did it

my wife is friendly and helpful but due to daughter living home i sometimes almost burst so when it happens I


shop

[Megan G]

Like you I have a very supportive wife but yet I struggle with my CD'ing all the time. When I supress the urge I also become very down and depressed.

I am starting to realize that supressing my femmine side only causes me and my wife problems and am working on accepting who I am and learn to live with it.

I wish you luck as I know how you feel.

Trisha

[Cheryl T]

Suppress? did I spell that right? lol.

How can I suppress it when my S/O and I go shopping (for her) and she keeps picking out skirts and tops for me?

Anyhow, now that I can and do go out with her and with her blessing, why on earth would I want to suppress it?

[Joy Carter]

You talking to a lifer here at suppressing my feminine spirit. I turned to my career and worked god awful hours week after week. I picked up extra jobs on the side. I paid the bills and made us comfortable. But I was never happy. All this never stopped the want to be me just prolonged the need. So folks I can tell you how destructive this can be, ignoring something that is natural to me now. I can totally relate to people who are addicted to things etc. Except this had been good for Joy to finally accept and be who she is.

[Jenni B]

Didn't work all the hours but I have had so many hobbies and five minute fads in the past that i can't keep count. I probably spent so much money on these so called interests. And i wasn't.

It was all probably just to keep my mind occupied.

[kerrianna]

Jenni, all I know is that we are complicated creatures, living in a complex society, and sometimes there's no one reason we feel, or even act, a certain way.

Depressed at the world? How can you not be sometimes? We're making a bloody mess every day it seems. Sometimes I just have to shut it out and take care of my own little world or it gets to be too much.

Midlife crisis? Well, I waited until my late 40's to have it (or Male Menopause) but I tell you these days I haven't got a clue what I'm doing. Everything I try makes me want to try something else, restlessness has me always looking....but I couldn't tell you what for. I think my SO is just glad it's led to changing my looks and not buying the sports car and running off with a co-ed. :heehee:

My mood swings are out there too. Today I woke up mad at the world for no reason, then I felt sorry for myself, then happy, then grumpy, then calm and serene, then grumpy, now I'm happy.....:silly:

I don't think your mood swings are necessarily because you're fighting the urges. What I have found, though, is that embracing Kerrianna's side calms me down (well, usually - sometimes she winds me and my SO up :D ). Not just 'giving in' to the urges, but accepting your feminine side, might help you feel more positive and hopeful. It has for me (I don't know if I'm explaining this well.) It's about acceptance of self, the courage to handle change, the willingness to explore and play, knowing that although you've lived 40 years there's a WHOLE lot of living to be done, and a WHOLE lot of learning - and THAT is exciting!

I don't think any of us should feel guilty about what we do or who we are unless we have deliberately hurt others. Guilt and shame will not help you be a better you. Love and forgiveness will. :hugs:

[Kate Simmons]

Gee Kerianna, guess you're guilty of being human. Happens to the "best" of us, you know.:happy: Ericka Kay

[mona lisa]

Its that time of the year again, winter, when the urge to dress is stronger than any other time, well for me anyway.

You see, I don't want to do this, dress up, even though i have a SO who doesn't mind me dressing, not one bit.

When i'm fighting the 'urges' she knows. She tells me just to go and get on with it.

Be thankful as I am sure many of the girls on this forum wish their SO's would be so accommodating. If I had one at the moment, I know I would want that.


I'm constantly down and in mood swings, hate everyone and so on. Do you think this could be due to me fighting with the feeling of what i need to do but just won't give in or is it possibly a middle age crisis thing.

Not sure yet.


For example I moan about the state of the country etc just like my parents did when i was a kid.

Who doesn't do this? Whatever their politics, I don't know anyone who thinks things are the way they should be.


Don't get me wrong, when the other personna wins and i am dressed it one of the best feelings i know until it runs its course and then i end up on the guilt trip.:sad:

Help me girls.

Jenni B

Is it possible Jenni that part of the reason you want to dress up more in winter is because there is more stress that time of year than at other times? I think part of the reason I like to dress is to take a vacation of sorts from my normally fairly assertive male persona. I certainly relate bettter to women than most men do but that is not the same thing.

When I dress up, I feel prettier, more submissive, more "girly" if you will. I love the feel of the clothing and how it makes me a different person in many respects, not better or worse necessarily but different. I also have certain facial features that look good in makeup though I do not put the latter on as often when I dress as I probably should. (My eyes in particular look nice: naturally long eyelashes probably explain that.) And I feel as if the stresses of everyday life are left aside at least for a while if that makes any sense.

As for your situation, explain perhaps what is going on in your life at those times you feel more and less inclined to want to dress up. That way, it would be easier for us girls to help you with the questions you are asking. In the meantime, hope this note helps some.

[Angie G]

Jenni mine don't run its course & I don't try to supress it I dress all I can :hugs:
Angie

[Christine cd]

Hi....I frequently have the urge to dress because I supressed it most of my life. When I told my wife I thought it wouldn't be as bad.. My dpressed days are practically over because I now have an inner peace that I didn't have. My wife, sadly, still doesnt accept and doesn't want to see me or pictures of me as Christine. I can't dress nearly as much as I want but I can cope at the moment. No matter what comes of this I still feel more better that I told her than when I kept it a secret. My only wish now is that she would understand and accept Christine as she does me. I just enjoy it so much to give it up. Your lucky your wife accepts you and loves enough
Christine

[Mistress_Thorny]

I don;'t understand the want or need to supress it if you have the support?

why feel guilty? who are you hurting except maybe yourself with going through these pains and denial?

Please enjoy your life for it is a gift. and if you can't then please seek some one that can help. life is too short.

MT

[geri-tg.]

Just do it.When you become at peace with who and what you are you will be so happy and feel so blessed .It took me a long time but now I am so happy .I know I am TG,I know God has blessed me.
LOL Geri

[Sally24]

You can try to come to terms with this by yourself. If that doesn't work, then you need to talk to a counselor or therapist to help you. I've done that just a few times, and my wife has too. It's made a large difference in how both of us deal with this. I am now also taking a medication for depression that helps increase my seritonin levels. That helps prevent the mood swings and evens out my temperment. I notice a little difference but my family notices a large difference!

In you situation, you have alot of options. Explore them and find a place where you are comfortable and not guilty. You've been honest and your wife is accepting. You have no need of guilt. It's like worry. It's not constructive and it's not helpful.

Good Luck

Sally

[BeckyAnderson]

Thanks for the fast response.

So whys it a problem to me. Erm....cause i want to be this strong man that my SO first met and always want her to see me that way. Erm... i'm struggling really.

"You know what my minds going through"

:2c: From all that I have read, seen and experienced you really don't have a great deal of control over who you are. You were dealt a hand at birth that you must now play out. It is extremely difficult, if not impossible, to battle a possible genetic trait. Once you begin to realize that this is as much a part of you as your ability to breathe and begin to accept that which you can't change, your life will reach a new level of peace, happiness and satisfaction. Self acceptance is a mighty big step in your life and once you reach it gone are the feelings of guilt, fear, anxiety, etc. that shadows a crossdresser through life. Be very thankful your SO can accept this. I've been dressing for over 50 years and have gone through almost every feeling imaginable. Three years ago I began to realize that I can't change what is and I began to accept who I am. I've never been happier than I am now. I can still be that macho man my wife married but I can also enjoy the softness of my femine side as well. One does not over power the other.

Just thought I'd add my 2 cents worth.....

Hugs,
Becky

[cdjenny]

get a tooth ach..a bad one...that will stop you for sure....i got one now....pain so bad i got tears in my eyes:2c: :(

[kerrianna]

get a tooth ach..a bad one...that will stop you for sure....i got one now....pain so bad i got tears in my eyes:2c: :(

Awww, you poor dear - that's miserable - hope you get it looked after soon. :koc:

In the meantime Tylenol 3 or whiskey. Or both! But be careful. :itsok:

[Naomi]

Its that time of the year again, winter, when the urge to dress is stronger than any other time, well for me anyway.

You see, I don't want to do this, dress up, even though i have a SO who doesn't mind me dressing, not one bit.

When i'm fighting the 'urges' she knows. She tells me just to go and get on with it.

I'm constantly down and in mood swings, hate everyone and so on. Do you think this could be due to me fighting with the feeling of what i need to do but just won't give in or is it possibly a middle age crisis thing.

For example I moan about the state of the country etc just like my parents did when i was a kid.

Don't get me wrong, when the other personna wins and i am dressed it one of the best feelings i know until it runs its course and then i end up on the guilt trip.:sad:

Help me girls.

Jenni B

Hi Jenny, dont feel guilty babe just enjoy it for what it means to you.Take care

[Angela E.]

I think you should listen to your SO and try to accept and be happy with what you are.This is not something any of us have any control over.It`s with us from birth I believe,and only gets stronger with time.You will feel so much better if you learn to embrace it rather than fight it.Life`s too short for guilt trips,have some fun!:2c: :hugs: -Angela.:doll: :daydreaming: :daydreaming:

[Karren H]

Easy...I don't surperss it!!!

Karren

[Alaceann]

We all have those feelings. The ups and downs, should I or not, what can I do ? Well you have a supportive SO enjoy it and do what your heart tells you.:hugs:

[Maggie Kay]

My wife initially said that she didn't have that much of a problem with my dressing as long as I was OK with it. When I exhibited my self doubts, it affected her acceptance too. The more I fought it to be the man she married, the worse it got between us. The only peace we have now is when I am at peace and that means, I dress.

Kay

[Jenni B]

My wife initially said that she didn't have that much of a problem with my dressing as long as I was OK with it. When I exhibited my self doubts, it affected her acceptance too. The more I fought it to be the man she married, the worse it got between us. The only peace we have now is when I am at peace and that means, I dress.

Kay

Well said Kay, My SO hates to see me in pain and when i'm fighting with it she can't understand why i do and tells me to just get on with it.

i'm really glad i started this thread, its helped me and it appears it may have helped some others too.:happy:

[AmandaM]

Wow! This is me too. I am so angry all the time. I get and stay mad at my co-worker, my boss, the guy next door, the person at school. I get mad cause I haven't lost enough weight yet. I get mad cause I want to be skinny and fem, yet I feel unmasculine when I do lose the muscle weight. Geez! Is this because I have too much suppression going on? Sound familiar?

[Amy Hepker]

Jenni, I know exactly how you feel. I just can't dress when my Lady says I can, I have my 12 year old son lining with us and it wouldn't be cool.

[cdjenny]

Awww, you poor dear - that's miserable - hope you get it looked after soon. :koc:

In the meantime Tylenol 3 or whiskey. Or both! But be careful. :itsok:

tried that...worked for about a min...luckley i got a uncle who is a dentist....so i called him after i posted here..he called me in some meds... they help alot.....so now i can dress as i please once again....

so as foir the supress...dont....you will find that in the long run..you will want to do it any way so dont wast time supressing...just dress and have fun doing it..."if it fells good then do it":2c: :D :love: :tongueout

[Brianne_bc]

Run with the urge... Run hard run fast. and love it.... after that sometimes the urge subsides.....

[kerrianna]

Run with the urge... Run hard run fast. and love it.... after that sometimes the urge subsides.....

Can you run in those heels of yours Brianne? :heehee:

[Shannon CD]

I have no answer. I do know that my urge does indeed, get suppressed. I'm going through that right now, actually. I have not been dressed in a week and have no real desire to. I'm sure it will be back with a vengeance, probably at the most inopportune time. That's just the way it works, I guess.

[dann]

I think, more important than finding out how to supress something that obviously won't go away, you should focus on where the guilt comes from. It'd be easier to battle that than battle your desire to be who you are.
Just my 2 cents.

[Missy Anne]

Jenni B,

I don't try to suppress it at all.

I don't see any incongruity between being a strong man and crossdressing. It takes a real man to wear a dress!

Missy Anne

[ArleneRaquel]

I haven't try to suppress it since I have gone 24 / 7 in June 2005.:love: Maureen