Would you tell

[TeriAnn]

I have a six year old daughter, she knows nothing of my crossdressing. My question is should I tell when she is young or should I wait until she is a few years older. Your input is needed Thanks for any ideas you can send my way:confused:

[Scotty]

Mine is 10 soon to be 11, she's seen my navel piercing and sees the girly stuff in the bathroom but I bought SOME Of it for her (Pit stick, liquid bath soap etc) but no way, I'm not telling mine as I think it would cause "Visitation problems".

Just ask yourself what good, if any, would come from it and then answer your own question....

At 6 they repeat a lot, and if she's in school repeating a lot then she could get teased or worse yet some other kid tells his parents and it comes back around.

Lot of things to think about there.

But that's just my opinion :)

[Felica_ann_lendy]

well i have a 5 y/o and a 3 y/o and they know all about me they love it when i dress:love:

[Tiffy]

Felica, I think children raised around things often are not put off by them. Which means they should be well adjusted and open minded. Well done I feel.

Tiffy

[Bethanygirl]

My children have never seen me anything but enfemme, so it is natural for them, so maybe I cannot judge. I have noticed that it seems easier to expose them to this side of yourself at an earlier age than a later one. You need to decide if you will ever tell children, and either tell them as young as possible, or wait until they have left home. As adults they have the maturity to handle it on their own, and as young children they can accept it before their cultural intolerances are set. If you do, it is best to try to create a schedule they can depend on, consistency is everything to children.

Good luck! :love:

[Felica_ann_lendy]

Bethany i feel that you are so right that is why i never hid it from my children

[Scotty]

And those are good points too!!

Hope mine did not sound too negative, in my own situation that's how I view it but don't let that necessarily apply to yours!!

[Darlene Rochelle]

Terri Ann,my daughter is 16 and does not know,nor has she asked any questions. I wear satin pajamas around the house,and she knows I read nothing but women's magazines. She may have a clue,or she may be naive.:2c:

[Emma England]

I do not have any kids myself, but would suggest it is better to tell at an earlier age.

Young children tend to just accept their surroundings.
You dressing enfemme would be normal to her.

As long as you help her dress up if she want to as well.

It might be fun for both of you.

[Sheila]

We have two of my children living at home, one is 10 yrs the other 22yrs, neither know, but I would like us to tell them for several reasons, one of them being that Claire would not have to be so restricted, but we are not totally sure how the eldest would take it (Dh is not the biological father to either and the eldest can be a tad stright laced:eek: where did he get that from)

Jess

[Kate Simmons]

In a word, NO!:happy: Ericka Kay

[~Kitty GG~]

In my opinion it totally depends on your own unique circumstances.

If CDing is a dailly thing that you want to take out in public.. then I'd say sooner rather than later.

If CDing is something you do privately then I'd say never.

If CDing falls somewhere in between then my answer would be somewhere in between.

Its like every other thing that we choose to tell our family/friends.. and what we choose to keep private & personal.


Love & Hugs
:star:~Kitty~:star:

[TeriAnn]

I wish to thank everyone who has replied to my question. I will take all to heart and try to make an informed decision. Thanks again for the input.

[janet p]

I'm pretty sure I've answered this before but here goes again.We told our 6yr old about my dressing when she started asking why I always covered up when she came into the bedroom in the morning. We told that she had to keep it a secret. She is now 20 and has no problem with it.:love:

[pocoyo]

Personally I think it might be better to tell her when she is a bit older, because then she will have greater resources and wisdom to deal with it. (As it might be a bit confusing for her).

[Tina Dixon]

Do you even need to tell at that age? Maybe just start wearing a few items at a time, and she'll not be shocked or make a big deal out of it.

[pocoyo]

Didn't really want to go into it but think it might be important to add.
When I was a young(er :p) kid I was told something which rocked my world (not in a good way). It did affect my growing up and anxiety.

I'm not saying this would happen to your daughter at all as the situations are very different. (Although they both involve fathers.) Just thought I'd better tell you. Just incase.
I would hate for someone with potential for a happy and carefree childhood feel all confused and unsettled needlessly.

Sometimes when you're a little kid you just want a "safe", secure, happy family with a Mummy and a Daddy supporting you and just looking after you so you can feel secure and strong and happy and have the freedom to grow up with confidence.

Lots of support to all of you :happy:
x

[pocoyo]

Do you even need to tell at that age? Maybe just start wearing a few items at a time, and she'll not be shocked or make a big deal out of it.

Or yes, maybe like Tina says, perhaps just normalise it so it's no big deal and not a shock at all :happy:

[Edit: and sometimes kids just know or 'feel' stuff anyway.]

Ah, wise ladies here. xx

[Amy Hepker]

I believe that it's easier to tell a girl than a boy. My daughter knew at a very young age, my son probably knows from my wife (xwife now) yelling it as loud as she could. 5 years ago, he is now 12, I figure he knows.

[Penny]

2 of my sons found out when they were 10 and 13 respectively. They asked questions, I answered. It's really no big deal for any of them because the older one knows too. All have seen me dressed but to them, no matter how I look, I'm still dad and they call me that while I'm dressed. I do think too young could present some problems such as your secret.

[Joy Carter]

I chose not tell my kids because they needed a father in their lives. Something I provided to them with all the gusto I could muster. I knew from the start that my daughter was attached to her dad so I kept my secret a secret not wanting to spoil our relationship. They are both in their mid thirties now and though I have not told them I don't think they would be surprised.

[Michelia]

Teri Ann:

I have a 6 yr old boy from a previous marriage and my SO has a 10 year old from a previous marriage and they know and see everything. I think this is a very individual decision and depends on how the family is set up and on the kid's emotional and mental make-up.
After some discussion and reading, it was unanimous that we must tell the kids. Our kids are very confident in themselves. They were "consulted" first and both totally agreed and were not bothered by it one bit. It is totally amazing how protective they are of this family secret. They are completely aware that if the secret gets out they will be the first to suffer because of it. They are totally natural and accepting of it and actually enjoy it. I keep it balanced though. I still do guy things with my boy (and girl) in guy mode and my girl is starting to ask about make up and things like that.
There have been some definite advantages. They really like the softer side of daddy. I never have to hide or take time away from them for my crossdressing. They have become very open minded about others. We are all closer to one another. We do not have to worry that they might find out at the wrong time down the road. Nothing can be worse than someday running into your dad dressed as a sexy girl in the middle of your own adolescence. lAnd even if they never find out, there are can always be doubts and odd things they notice. And they do notice. Even if they do not let you know.
What is the downside?
I really have not seen one so far. There is absolutely no evidence that this will make them gay or crossdressers themselves. My little boy would have none of it. He is very much a little boy.
All this said, we are a pretty close family. God knows. Lots of families and kids carry around all kinds of secrets, from family violence and alcoholism and abuse and cheating. Our kids are well adjusted from the get go. They get plenty of love and we do everything together. It is easy for them to deal with the fact their daddy likes wearing women's clothes. And this is just my experience. I cannot say if it is right for everyone. But there is no question it has been the right thing for us.
I imagine if any other parents that know us knew this they would think we are nutty freaks. But then again, they would think that anyway if they just knew about my crossdressing? I think my kids have an edge on them all. And I also think they will someday be grateful this is the path we chose.

Michelia


Michelia

[Karren H]

I wouldn't.

Karren

[Phoebe Reece]

Everyone's situation is different, so there is no right or wrong answer to the question. My wife and I raised both our children (a girl and a boy) from infancy with full knowledge of this mainly because we wanted to promote honesty between the kids and us parents. The idea being that if my wife and I were not keeping major secrets from them, they wouldn't be as likely to get the idea that it would be OK for them to hide things from us. In our case, the strategy worked. The kids are grown now and have always accepted my crossdressing. And, we have always been very honest with one another. If you are going to tell the kids, my advice is to do it sooner rather than later.

[Calliope]

My two girls - ages (almost) 3 and (almost) 8 - know and are totally supportive. The latter has made and hung a 'Vote For Crossdressers' banner on our bathroom door.

All our neighbors know me enfemme and they're cool with sending over their kids to play at our apartment. I guess if you're totally out it's an easy choice. Living in California helps, of course, but Maine was OK, too.

I'd consider it a trickier situation with boys, though, because their gender may seem 'rebuffed' by MtF dressing. That said, every secret infers shame, so, yes, honesty is probably best.

[melissaK]

That said, every secret infers shame, so, yes, honesty is probably best.

And to play out DayTripper's always astute reasoning a bit further, if you tell them, will you be asking them to keep a secret for you? I think you recently posted on another thread that you had only told Bluebird (but my memory after reading a zillion posts is sometimes off).

I would at least go out of my way to expand their education to more than there's only "Dick and Jane" or "Barbie & Ken" in the world. If I recall there are some "kids books" in the gay/lesbian world that explain alternative lifestyle relationships in an accepting way so kids can accept gay/lesbian parents or family as "normal." You might visit B&N.com or someplace for some of these and see if you can work them into your daughters reading list.

[Glenda58]

My children have never seen me anything but enfemme, so it is natural for them, so maybe I cannot judge. I have noticed that it seems easier to expose them to this side of yourself at an earlier age than a later one. You need to decide if you will ever tell children, and either tell them as young as possible, or wait until they have left home. As adults they have the maturity to handle it on their own, and as young children they can accept it before their cultural intolerances are set. If you do, it is best to try to create a schedule they can depend on, consistency is everything to children.

Good luck! :love:

:iagree:

[Sheila]

Teri Ann:

God knows. Lots of families and kids carry around all kinds of secrets, from family violence and alcoholism and abuse and cheating
ours is one of the families that carries the knowledge of abuse and violence and the fact that my new partner is a cdr makes informing the kids a hard choice for us re cding being seen as perveted (god if only that was what perverts were)

Jess

[TeriAnn]

Thanks to all who posted here I have a lot of info to think about so I can do the right thing. Thanks again.

[carol ann]

I think Joy makes an important point that a child needs a father in their lives - not two mothers. Perhaps , i am not the best person to judge because i have remained in the closet. Although i have never told my children, and they are now all at adult stage, I do believe they would be on my side should I come out to them.


However in coming out i believe i would be damaging their image of me as a father in every way and consequently would not be prepared to create that situation.

[Robin 36]

earlier would be better. before they mature sexually. My wife would have a fit if I came out to our 10 year old. I keep it subtle but ever present.

[hottieforyou]

tell them at a early age and show them that this what you do and explain it to them.

[Michelia]

Really,

My kids still always call me dad and I always will be dad. We are not two mothers by a long shot.

As for Day Tripper's remarks, I admire what she has been able to do with her life and consider her a keen mind with experience in this area. But I am not sure what she meant by "rebuffing" the male side as seen by a little boy. Maybe she could explain a little more. I guess some kids could see it this way if their daddy was always enfemme. Is this what you mean?

In my case, it just adds a dimension to their daddy. Daddy still loves being macho and talking macho stuff with my boy and playing with cars and robots and guns! (although I really do not see anything wrong with a boy playing with dolls if he wants).

Michelia

[Diana West]

I wouldn't. Not because of a lack of honesty or out of shame, but of privacy and innocence.
Would you tell your child or other children about Santa Claus?

I do if for personal enjoyment and it's nobody else's business.

[JoAnnDallas]

Don't you dare say Santa Claus is NOT real.........

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

i dont live with my c/d b/f, but he is very close to my five year old, ( like a step father to her ), yet several times i have stressed myself over her finding out, we have decided it is to be kept from her, ( shes been through enough over past year ), but i dont want her to be raised with predjuces etc. she was out with with us when he bought some femmine clothes, ( we said it was for his mum), and he said he felt extremley bad that he did that infront of her. i said its ok, if i wasnt happy with it i would have taken her off to another shop. :happy: so much was kept from me when i was a small child over my father ( he had sex-change when i was little),and it has caused so many probs within my family, and made to be "dirty,nastie", that i dont want her going through the same process !! :straightface:
children arent daft, they pick up on things very quickly, so iam sure somewhere along the line, she will sense something. i wish you well in what you choose :love:

[stlmichelle]

My fear is not how it will affect them directly, kids are resiliant. My fear is what there peers will do to them and how it will affect them then. Kids can be horribly mean to one another and I just don't want to give their friends fuel to pick on my kids. So as far as they go I do not do it front of them nor do they know. Maybe someday they will find out, but I will cross that bridge when we come to it.

[Diana West]

Don't you dare say Santa Claus is NOT real.........

He's NOT real, but Mrs. Claus is. (The Easter Bunny told me.)