Advice on comming out

[Cami]

I've been a closet CD since I was 13 and am now 45. Only 2 other people know (my ex and one of her friends). I want to tell my best friend but he is a old fashioned strait redneck kinda male. This only came up because I have shown an interest in tv shows about CD, TG, ect. He thought this was not right. All he said is If I say I'm gay He will never speak to me again. Well I'm not gay. I'm a hetero male to female CD. Should I just drop it or fess up??

[Lily_gg]

Hmmmm, sounds like he probably wouldn't take too well to it at the moment, I'm guessing he's the type who assumes MTF = gay, and so wouldn't want anything more to do with you.

So, on the one hand, there's the whole "keep quiet, keep your friend, and keep your life stable; find a more receptive person to tell"; on the other hand there's "tell him, risk losing him as a friend, and if you do, he wasn't that great a friend anyway...".

How strong is your urge to tell, and how important is this friendship to you? Are you happy to risk losing it to be honest with him? And do you think he'll come around to the idea that cds etc are ok given time (maybe give him the time to get used to cd-ing via telly shows and so on before you fess up?)

Whatever you choose to do, I hope it goes really well for you :o

[sherri]

Unless you're planning on coming out fulltime, is there any compelling reason he needs to know? I have friends who would not understand and because their friendships are important to me, I have no intention of telling them. Life isn't just about crossdressing.

[Cami]

I just needed to hear that from someone in the forum. I trust and value the experience and wisdom of the members here. Thank you. I'll be keeping my little seceret for now..

[Melissa A.]

Hi Cami,

The advice you recieved here is pretty much perfect. both girls said pretty much what I would have.

I consider myself "out" in the sense that:

1: Any SO in my life from here on in must know. My girlfriend does and is completely supportive

2: If anyone inadvertantly, or due to someone else's maliciousness, does find out, I will not let that bother me. I will never be ashsmed or afraid of who I am.If anyone tries to use the info against me, they can knock themseves out. I simply don't care anymore. They have to live with themselves. I know I can live with myself. No one can make me feel uncomfortable about me.

However, there is no practical reason for shoving cd in people's faces, or making people feel uncomfortable, or jeopardizing friendships that are just fine without your cding being known. It is a personal matter that I choose to share with some, not with others.

I was found out many years ago. Many of my friends know. There were uncomfortable moments, for sure. But over the years, these same people have seen that I am still the same decent person and friend I was before they knew. We dont talk about it, and I dont force them to make it a part of their lives. It works.

The greatest weapon we have at our disposal is just that- that we are still good friends, neighbors, relatives. The rest is none of anyone's business.

Sorry to go on so long, but this issue has touched me, and I think I have dealt with it in the best way I can.

Best of luck in however you pursue it.

Hugs,

Melissa :)

[paulaN]

you are so right melissa. thats exactly how I feel I could not have put it any better. I wonder if age has anything to do with it I am 47 and have just come to the same conclusion. kinda like don't ask don't tell but if you ask I will talk about my dressing. know one can hold it over my head like it's a big deal. It's just me take it or leave it.

[Melissa A.]

Hi Paula, Yes I believe age has alot to do with it. And experiences, unfortunately, many of them not so good. Guess as humans, we need to go through some stuff before we are ready to be happy with who we are, whatever the issue. Also a level of maturity that can, of course, only come with age.

Melissa was, of course, alot prettier in her 20s but was also afraid of her own shadow. Today, I feel much more beautiful than that Melissa ever did.

P.S. to cami- There is nothing wrong with telling your friend he is being a bigotted jerk without letting him know you are a cd. I hope you don't laugh along with him. That is another way you can be true to yourself.

Hugs,

Melissa :)

[Tristen Cox]

I want to tell my best friend but he is a old fashioned strait redneck kinda male. This only came up because I have shown an interest in tv shows about CD, TG, ect. He thought this was not right. All he said is If I say I'm gay He will never speak to me again. Well I'm not gay. I'm a hetero male to female CD. Should I just drop it or fess up??

In my opinion Cami, I wouldn't say anything to him. It's probably the best not to mention it.



*hugs*
Tristen

[Wendy me]

i have freinds buddys and bros that just would not get wendy (sometimes i don't)
hunting partners no way, freinds i fish off shore no way thay could say hay thats cool
my bros "he" rides with well lets just say don't push it thay are packing not a warm and fuzzy groupe...............realy got to think before you come out to people can thay deal and accept it ................think before you jump

[Trinity_cat]

Hi Cami,

Your best bet is to keep quiet. Your friend obviously doesn't want to know, so why ruffle any feathers. The idea of telling someone is so that you are not keeping secrets and you feel less alone, and you have found someone you can talk to about your CDing. Therefore you have to choose very carefully who you tell, or you may end up even more alone than before.

My rule is if it is going to hurt someone by telling, don't do it.