A shameful feeling

[Jenna Lynn]

All day today I thought about getting home from work and dressing up. Before I could, I had to make an errand to the mall. I was noticing all the women in the mall and how they were dressed. Then I had a strange feeling come over me. For some reason I felt embarassed and ashame of myself for wanting and enjoying the sensations of wearing womens clothing. When I am home dressed, I don't have these feelings. But when I am out and about in drab, I occasionally get the feeling of being ashame of myself for dressing as a woman. I was wondering if others get this feeling while out, and what or how they handled it?

[angie^]

Sometimes, I look at myself dressed, and think "what are you doing ?' and other times, I love exactly what I am doing. It's a guilt thing, we know that what we are doing is different, and somewhere in our background, we know that what we are doing is not the norm. However, isn't it fun !!!!!

Angie xxx

[Peggy55]

I feel the same as Angie. I totally enjoy dressing up (as I am right now) but sometimes as I look at myself in the mirror I think, "this is rediculous". It passes and so far for me the great feeling I get out of dressing out weighs the occasional sanity check!

[Kate Simmons]

Don't have those feelings any more since I've balanced myself and my outlook. Sometimes as my guy self, I would look at it as you do and say:"This is ridiculous, grow up you idiot. Are you a man or not?" I used to ask myself if I was trying to do a "cop out", that is trying to avoid my responsibilities as a man. I finally realized that had nothing to do with it. It's just another aspect of myself that I need to express. Some guys build models, some guys jump out of airplanes, etc. I'm not saying it's a "hobby" for me per se, it's just something I "do" that is really part of my makeup. Once I put that into perspective, all the tension, stress and associated guilt seemed to just melt away. Not everyone is like this. Doing otherwise is denying part of who you are and THAT is where the stress comes in. I just tend to look at it as something normal for me like getting up in the morning, eating breakfast and what not. Once you no longer make an issue of it for yourself, it settles into place and is just as normal as breathing. That's the way I feel anyway.:happy: Ericka Kay

[Joy Carter]

No guilt anymore. I'm me and those who don't like it can go fly kite.:tongueout

[noname]

nah, don't be ashamed. They are wearing pants, they should be the ones ashamed.

[Lanore]

I like what I see when I look at myself. The male image has taken a back seat. I believe how you look at yourself depends on how much of a change you are expecting. One can overdo anything. Some look at my male side and see the female in me. It kind of throws some people off a bit. There have been so many changes that have occured in me over the years, that I rarely notice anyone taking a second look anymore. If there is truley a female living inside, which I believe we all have, you'll find it in it's time. Don't be embarassed, be Jenna.

Lanore

[Teresa Amina]

This is ridiculous, grow up you idiot. Are you a man or not?"

Nope! "Man", as a role concept, has always been an awkward fit, a bit of camoflage for the underlying Teresa-ness. It's never been a matter of shame, but of fear. "They" might find out! "They" might do gawd-knows-what to me! Was it a line from Dune?- Fear is the soul killer.
Shame is an internalised value judgement- "they are ashamed of me, therefore I ought to be ashamed of myself". Unconscious, but real. Somehow I dodged that one- whew!

[Kate Simmons]

Nope! "Man", as a role concept, has always been an awkward fit, a bit of camoflage for the underlying Teresa-ness. It's never been a matter of shame, but of fear. "They" might find out! "They" might do gawd-knows-what to me! Was it a line from Dune?- Fear is the soul killer.
Shame is an internalised value judgement- "they are ashamed of me, therefore I ought to be ashamed of myself". Unconscious, but real. Somehow I dodged that one- whew!Hey watch it Hon, using those $50 words confuses blonde "bimbos" like me. "Did you hear about the blonde who......" Kidding aside, it took me a while to figure out who "they" were. Some imaginary part of society (run by gossiping old ladies) who feel we are a bunch of pervs who should be shot. "Why the very nerve of him wearing that dress!(translation: dammit I wanted that dress but HE beat me to it)Anyway, "they" are society and we percieve "they" are watching us. However, "they" (as society) don't give a damn really and just want something to complain about. We are convient, so "they" say: "Go get "em!" Whatever. The point is once "we" show empowerment whether individually or collectively, "they" can kiss my pitude because in the long run "they" are not all "that" and show "they" have no gumption and just follow the crowd, while "we" make our own way. That's blonde logic if it makes any sense.:heehee: Ericka Kay

[Adrienne Heels]

I think I look very good as a woman and have a lot of confidence in myself when I am dressed. I also love to approach women when in drab and tell them that I like their outfits. I don't feel bad at all about being a CD...in fact, I love it !

[Karren H]

If you find anyone that doesn't admit to those feelings ay one point in their life I'd be surprosed!! And yse I've had them, usually after dressing up... But not anymore!! One day I just said to my self..... "Self, there's nothing to be ashamed of...and nothing wrong with doing what you love to do!! Big hurdle but after that everything changed for the better!!

I feel more embaraced that I color my male hair that dressing like a girl!!! Hehehe

Love Karren

[Angela E.]

If you find anyone that doesn't admit to those feelings ay one point in their life I'd be surprosed!! And yse I've had them, usually after dressing up... But not anymore!! One day I just said to my self..... "Self, there's nothing to be ashamed of...and nothing wrong with doing what you love to do!! Big hurdle but after that everything changed for the better!!

I feel more embaraced that I color my male hair that dressing like a girl!!! Hehehe

Love Karren

My experience exactly Karren.Love ya-Angela:rose2: :doll: :<3: :<3:

[Keyplayer74]

Personally I feel terribly guilty. I often wonder what the heck is wrong with me, I really do. It's a very on and off thing.. when I'm dressed, I love it. After I've finished I feel really bad. I feel bad for spending the money, for hiding it from my wife, and generally for even having the feelings in the first place. I tell you I'm a real head case. Sometimes I can be out (drab.. I would never go out dressed).. and I might see a girl with a silimar hair style / color to the wig I have.. and subconciously I panic. I get a wave of depression and angst. Why?? I think most of my feelings of guilt stem from knowing that my wife doesn't have a clue, and the fear of how she would react if she did know.. and the fear of how I would react knowing that she knew.. Got it? Gosh that was confusing.

Anyhow.. I'd love to just be a normal dude but I don't think that's going to happen anytime soon.

-- KP

[Kate Simmons]

Your outlook makes all the difference. We have these feelings, there is no denying that. We have choices though. We can choose to ignore the feelings which doesn't work. We can put the feelings off and in the background for awhile but they will return. We can decide to explore the feelings and try to find out why we have them. I finally chose the last one. I figured I'd try to turn what I initially felt was a curse into an advantage and learn who I was inside. I've come a long way and finally accepted this is who I am. Now I work with it instead of against it and make it fun rather than self loathing. We all approach it differently. This is what worked for me, however.:happy: Ericka Kay

[Sophy]

We all have to deal with culpability complex. But I have noticed it is far less prominent as far the years pass. I felt guilty moreoften when i was younger; now at 35 i simply love what i do, it is fun and sensual and it's so cool to assume to live our own dreams :)

[MJ]

If you find anyone that doesn't admit to those feelings ay one point in their life I'd be surprosed!! And yse I've had them, usually after dressing up... But not anymore!! One day I just said to my self..... "Self, there's nothing to be ashamed of...and nothing wrong with doing what you love to do!! Big hurdle but after that everything changed for the better!!


I feel more embaraced that I color my male hair that dressing like a girl!!! Hehehe
Love Karren

hi
Karren is right i think we all go through this guilty time. but when you accept who you are it goes away and yes there's nothing to be ashamed of...and nothing wrong with doing what you love to do!...
and i too get embarrassed when i color my hair lol
hugs marissa

[Byllie]

Know the feeling well. All I can say is, "Thank you social pressures.":shocked:

[Nicole Summers]

as long as you still know the difference, I don't see a problem........:happy:

[Sierra Evon]

I dont ever have any feeling like that , so I dont have really anything to add for this thread, its mostly the social pressures I would think as being a male..

[KarenSusan]

I feel the same as Angie. I totally enjoy dressing up (as I am right now) but sometimes as I look at myself in the mirror I think, "this is rediculous". It passes and so far for me the great feeling I get out of dressing out weighs the occasional sanity check!

:yt::iagree:

[Shannon CD]

You know, it's funny. 2 1/2 years ago I had become very comfortable with myself and had begun to embrace my CD side. Then I met my ex. In just over a year she pounded me down with words like "pathetic" and "not normal". I knew that I had to get rid of her for my own good. Now that she's gone you would think that I would be happy again and loving the fact that I can dress. However, I now find myself thinking that I lost my chance at a relationship and a family, partly due to my crossdressing. So, yes, I now have those feelings of guilt again. Sometimes while I'm dressed, but mostly when I'm alone and thinking about how the last 2+ years of my life changed.

[danam]

The shameful feeling....a story of my life. I never seem to care about it until I "finish", and then, well, my brain goes back to being a man and hating myself for enjoying the skirts. As I get older, I attribute this feeling to simply "worshiping the female body", because, when you get down to it, that's all it is. At least, that's how I get over the shameful feeling.

[Hope Underwood]

I use to feel guilty but as we all know not enough to stop me from dressing. As I have understood my self better with the help of a therapist and coming out to my wife I now feel I understand this more and feel more comfortable with it. I now think I am accepting myself for who I am, however I will be a work think of what I what to wear tonight and and just smile an think it seem so silly then I get home as tonight and slip in to a sweater and skirt and start dinner. The act of dressing has never real bother me it is the cost to the world I live in that is the problem. You know the basics how could we live in he neighborhood we now live in and the problem in both our family's.

[trannie T]

I used to be ashamed of my crossdressing but no longer. I ask myself, "is there anything wrong with crossdressing?" "is crossdressing illegal?" "is anyone harmed if I wear a dress?" NO!
"Do I enjoy crossdressing?" YES!
It is a harmless activity there is no reason to feel ashamed.

[Myst]

I've had guilty feelings many, many times. Never when I dressed though, I'm just feeling too good during those times. It usually happens when I see women's clothes, I just start thinking to myself "Why would I want to look like a woman? I'm a guy!" Then I start thinking about what my g/f would think if she ever saw me dressed... after all the laughing, she would probably be quite upset.

Sometimes difficult to deal with these feelings, but the urge to dress up is just too strong to stop, and as long as I'm enjoying at the time, then all is good. Plus haven't had any of those feelings of guilt in awhile, so maybe they are going away. I hope!

[Glenda58]

Not any more. After all these years it just goes away. Now I dress all time I go shopping for anything. And feel good doing it.

[krisinpink]

I really enjoy thought-provoking threads like this one.

I've had those bad feelings about dressing, and liking to dress..frequently when I get get undressed, or am looking in the mirror at an outfit that just doesn't work. I've known the angst conneted with having to hide my dressing from my [former] SO. I've lost relationships largely due to my CDing. I am in a place where many people in my life (some of whom now live under my roof) have to be kept in the dark about my femme side.

You know what though, inspite of all these things, there is truth in the statements made in other posts here about this hurts no one, if it is not causing riffs in your life to where you are buying sexy sling-backs instead of paying the electric bill, and you are not swiping the granny-panties from Ole' Mable next door's clothesline, then what we do really is no different than others jumping from airplanes, climbing mountains, building birdhouses, gardening etc. If your dressing is causing genuine near-tangible troubles for you, then you might need to re-acess the balance...if not, then its OK to indulge in this wonderful thing we all share!!

Hugz!

Jacqui