Hit on By Guys but Not Girls

[Felicia Conti]

One of the posts reminded me of the most frustrating part of being transgendered. Whenever I go out, and whether the venue is straight, gay, trans, or mixed, although I am attracted to women, I am constantly hit on by guys and women will not usually give me the time of day. If I go to a mixed fetish party, I am so busy trying to shake off the guys that I don't get a chance to meet women. One problem is that as a female, I am somewhat passive and never hit on women partly because I do not want to come across as a guy and partly because I am afraid of rejection by women. In either case, I get tired of being bombarded by guys but ignored by women. Does anyone else have this problem when you are out? What do you do about it? Thanks in advance for your ideas.

Felicia

[Sierra Evon]

Felicia, first off you look great hon!!!, I wish I could get hit on by more guys , but more and more I'm being accepted as one of the girls, try putting on a big fat rock ring on your finger , thats all I can think of ........:happy:

[Shannon CD]

Believe it or not, I go to a lesbian bar specifically so that I won't be hit on by guys. Obviously the girls don't hit on me either, but the last time I went I was accepted in with a group of three girls. It was very nice actually, even if there was no chance of romantic involvement.

[Kate Simmons]

Send all those guys my way Felicia, I can handle them:heehee: As far as finding gals, just enjoy yourself and party away. Just be yourself and show you are full of life and a fun person to be around. That's hard to beat. Some girls admire the fact that we have the courage to do what we do.You never know, you may connect with a nice one. As I said though, I've found if I stop fretting and have a good time, the atmosphere usually follows suit. Others folks may be just as nervous as you are but that doesn't stop them now does it?Works for me.:happy: Ericka Kay

[Amy Hepker]

Hi,
I can't say that I have ever had the problem and I can't say that I have been out lately. I can see where this would be a problem. This is not only the problem of those who are out. We all go through this. We don't want a guy, we want Females. The problem is that most women want real men and the gay Females, want real Females, not males that dress like Females. We are in a spot that is between a rock and a hard spot. We are in a very bad spot. There arn't that many Females that want a guy that dresses like a female. I guess the only thing to do, is be in a place where Real Females hang out, and maybe you'll luck out and find one that will want you. Don't put yourself in a place where a bunch of guys are going to hit on you if you want a Female.

[ArleneRaquel]

When I'm in girl mode I love being hit on by men. But because I never go to clubs or bars it only happens while I am out shopping, sitting on my deck ( in shorts and top ) or doing yard work (same attire ) and it consists only of honks and / or wolf calls. Last Summer I got a little bolder and strutted my stuff , scantilly clad and high heels, and a come hither walk,while out at night. I must say the attention thrilled me, but I would not it go any further than that.Lack of chick attention doesn't especially bother me, but I could always use more.

Felicia you are a beauty ! :love: Maureen the Vamp

[Alice Torn]

Felicia, It is as old as time. It proves beyond a shadow of doubt, Guys are attracted by the female image, even if the female, is a guy dressed up! A guy will turn his head and watch, at a nice looking gg, and a nice looking cd, or tg. Most will be repulsed by cd's. though, when they find out. The only times I went out, walking down city streets, in a sexy dress, I heard calls, 5 times! If I walk down those streets, as a guy, that never would happen, unless gay men were out looking! I, also, am conflicted. Part of me digs the attention, when I am dressed up, in my pics, but, part of me, wants a right gal. I am single, and seldom dress up, anymore. My guy side is still out there, loking for the right gal, and I , though I enjoy it, in closet, could give up cd'ing, believe it or not. Guys are driven by sight, at gg's, or cd's. Lucille

[Alice Torn]

Oh, Felicia, the pic is of the stuff I wore, walking down sidewalks, of 4 towns, in one day, five calls at me. Lucille

[trannie T]

I've been hit on by both men and women while en femme. I tell the men politely that I'm not interested and that has taken care of it. Unfortunately nothing has developed with the women but it has been fun. Women never hit on me in male mode, I must be more attractive ina dress.

[JulieCDorlando]

Hello,
Guys will be guys. It proves one thing, that men will chase anything in a skirt or dress :D It is sad when a CD desires the companionship of an understanding GG. As slim of a chance as it is it can happen. I am of the belief that as long as someone "hits" on you, all is right with the world. You are getting the compliments, the attention, perhaps even a drink every now and then. The opportunity to know a little something about another human is there to take advantage of. I have met a few guys in my time while dressed. As long as you are sincere about your intentions, some guys will either just move on, while others that have struck out with women (GG) that evening, may just need some one to talk with for a little while or the "tranny chasers" will just want to engage in what I have heard some tranny chasers say "goin fishin".
You are right though, most GG's want a man that dresses and act as a man. The lesbians want a woman that is a woman. Where does that leave us? There isnt any room for us CD'son the social spectrum to so to speak. Bottom line is enjoy your time while out dressed as the person you feel you are. Any human interaction while you are out and about is icing on the proverbial cake. :2c:

[Julogden]

Try a lesbian bar if there's one near you. I used to hang around a lesbian bar called Temptations near Chicago, made some female friends there, was accepted as one of the regulars, had some great times there. Although most of the women basically ignored us CD's that were there, some were interested and hung around with us.

There was the occasional trannie chaser guy there, but nothing like at the boys bars.

Carol:hugs:

[marie354]

Shirt $63... Blouse $47... Being picked up by men that can tell... Priceless!
You look absolutely fabulous

[ArleneRaquel]

Men will chase anything in a skirt. :love: Maureen

[Fallen Angel]

you may want to give it a shot and try to stike up a conversation never know unless you try

[goofus]

[QUOTE=Amy Wannabe;657992]Hi,
The problem is that most women want real men

I'm a real man where it counts baby :D

[Bethanygirl]

Just party and learn to appreciate the men's attraction, while learning various ways to turn them down gracefully, (tell them you are a lesbian-that ought to at least get a chuckle) their hitting on you should be flattering, right? As for the girls, just try to involve yourself with them, insinuate yourself into their conversations without any edge. Be one of the girls, it's fun, and eventually one will take an interest in you. Don't try to get picked up, and sooner or later, once they are comfortable with you, one somewhere, sometime, will pick you up. Just have fun, be one of the girls, and be PATIENT!

[Felicia Conti]

Dear Ladies,

Thank you all for your sincere comments. I have heard some wonderful suggestions that I will try. I will let you know how it works out. Lotsa Hugs.

Felicia

[DarleneCD]

I agree, we CDers are in a bracket all by ourselves. I think personally out at the clubs I have been hit on more by other CDers than anyone. I guess we have the best of both to offer.......

[Kate Simmons]

I agree, we CDers are in a bracket all by ourselves. I think personally out at the clubs I have been hit on more by other CDers than anyone. I guess we have the best of both to offer.......Yep, good lookin' "whatevers". That be us!:happy: Ericka Kay

[Cori]

I do like the attention - but get nervous that the guy gets angry if he realizes he was just hitting on a guy.

[DonnaT]

It may be that you pass too well. If so, any straight girls won't be attracted to you.

You'd need to make sure that the girls know you are in drag, and usually, if you pass real well, the only way to get them to notice you is to talk to them. It may be a guy thing to do, but it may be what you need to do to get noticed by the girls.

Lesbians will generally figure you out, and being interested in girls themselves, may not give you the time of day.

Usually, in a lesbian hangout/bar the bi girls will most likely find you interesting. Same in a straight bar, and there are some women who do look for CDs, but, they have to know you are a CD. If you pass real well, your chances will drop unless you start the conversation or show interest.

One way to get things rolling, look for women dancing together in a straight bar, and ask them to dance.

[sonalnarula]

A guy hitting on me? - ugh !

Btw, that is GORGEOUS dress Felicia !

[Beckii_aCDInOz]

but get nervous that the guy gets angry if he realizes he was just hitting on a guy.

I think that's a really good point you've raised.

I know out here in OZ there have been CD's & TS's who have been in this situation and got the cr#p kicked out of them and ened up seriously injured in hospital.

Unless you can hold your own (look after yourself) I'd be showing a side of respectful caution to this activity where unsuspecting hetro guys are concerned.

[Angela E.]

Felicia,you should be flattered.You are very beautiful and men, being the way they are,respond to that.If you are feminine you will attract masculine.A conundrum for those of us not interested in men,but,an unavoidable consequence of assuming a female persona.Love-Angela.:hugs:

[Kimkandy]

One problem is that as a female, I am somewhat passive and never hit on women partly because I do not want to come across as a guy and partly because I am afraid of rejection by women.

I think that you've hit on the problem... if you want a chance of meeting :gorgeous: GG's while CD I think you will have to make the first move. Just try talking to them and see where the conversation goes.

Kim

:dom: :lovestruck: :luvu: :love:

[DarleneCD]

I was approached one night at a gay bar by a man who asked me to go home with him. I was not in to that so I refused. Then a woman approached me asking why I wouldn't go home with her friend.I said I just wasn't interested. She said then what are you doing here? Apparently there is some sort of belief by many that crossdressing is for sexual purposes. It may be for some but not me.

Anyway, when I left the club that night i found the hood of the car keyed down to the bare metal.

There are risks in being out.

Dar

[Felicia Conti]

You ladies are awesome and have expressed many key insights into my dilemma. I am struck by the talent and intelligence in this group. Lotsa Hugs.

Felicia

[SherriePall]

Felicia -- First, judging by your avatar and profile pic, I can see why you get hit on by men. Being hit on by men is an affirmation that you are doing well in the passing area.
And, as for the women, I can't help you. I attracted one en drab and that's the limit for me.

[Felicia Conti]

Thank you Sherrie and Everyone who shared your valuable insights. Lotsa Hugs.

Felicia

[eydie]

hi Felicia, just b careful when with a lesbian couple, even if one of them digs you...they're overly protective of their partners and carry some nasty guns and knives in purse. Sometimes you're just trying 2b polite and they might think you're " messin' with my girlfriend " Maybe first ask if they're bisexual?

[Karren H]

Dahhhhh Your dressed as a woman!!!! hehehe Unless your at a lesbian bar I seriously doubt that many women are going to hit on you!!! Even if you hung a sign around you neck...

Love Karren

[Francine]

Being hit on, by a guy, while dressed enfemme, would be biggest compliment I think I could get. But I see from your profile and avatar, I understand why! :love:

Francine

[vbcdgrl]

Judging from the way you look, l'd say you brought this terrible dilemna on yourself.

Vikki

[Rachel Morley]

In my experience....and I stress....in my personal experience, (others might think differently) it depends on where you go, we (my wife and I) only go out clubbing to TG clubs, so IMHO gay guys don't (particularly) go for crossdressers, lesbians (for the most part) only want real GG women, and so where does that leave things?....yep, when out clubbing at TG friendly clubs and bars I sometimes get hit on by other T girls! :D At regular hetro bars and clubs ...I dunno...never done it (yet) however we do go out to regular restaurants with me en femme, but that's a different type of environment.

There are GGs out there who are attracted to feminine guys, my wife being one of them, but being a cder is not necessarily what is going to make you attractive to those types of GGs, that comes from within. How you are as a person, as well as appearing to be cute.

[Anita Mae GG]

You look great! I have to say that even though Danielle and I haven't gone out with her in female mode, I do notice a lot of hitting on via internet....don't get it. In fact that is the only part about CDing that I HATE...especially whe her profile state, happily married and interested in friendship only......some people :rolleyes:

[Alicia_lynn419]

Hi All...

Great thread! I have often pondered the same situation myself... When I do go out, i always harbor hope that I will meet that one in a million GG, whether it be at a gay/cd friendly club or even more of a main stream place... so far, though I always manage to strike up conversations, I always go home feeling somewhat disappointed.

This coming weekend a very dear GG friend (who has been out with me en femme and as a guy) is having a birthday party at a karaoke bar. She is on a local girl's roller derby team. She suggested I come dressed, that many of her team mates will be there, as well as a few of her gay friends (sounds like a safe and accepting crowd). I was very touched by her invitation, and this could be a rare opportunity to meet some very open minded ladies.

So reading this thread came at a good time... I have benefited from all the words of wisdom and shared experiences!

[Aprilrain]

First of all honey your Hot! so what do you expect. secondly what everybody else said I am frankly jelous I know i would like the attention though i would be scared that a guy might get the wrong impression.

[goofus]

One of the posts reminded me of the most frustrating part of being transgendered. Whenever I go out, and whether the venue is straight, gay, trans, or mixed, although I am attracted to women, I am constantly hit on by guys and women will not usually give me the time of day. If I go to a mixed fetish party, I am so busy trying to shake off the guys that I don't get a chance to meet women. One problem is that as a female, I am somewhat passive and never hit on women partly because I do not want to come across as a guy and partly because I am afraid of rejection by women. In either case, I get tired of being bombarded by guys but ignored by women. Does anyone else have this problem when you are out? What do you do about it? Thanks in advance for your ideas.

Felicia

Felicia:
Yes, I have the same problem. Then again, it's no different than when I go out in drab, no women hit on me then either. Women, for whatever reason, rarely hit on men.

:2c:

[lowlavalentine]

I am constantly hit on by guys and women will not usually give me the time of day. Felicia

I know the feeling - a few of the guys are even polite. I'm married so I'm not out to meet gg's other that just to talk and be friends. In your case being pretty and dressed to the nines is probably not a great strategy but it's who you are and how you like to dress. You could actually be viewed as the competition. Being introduced by a mutual friend is a good way to go about it if you have the opportunity.

Take care
Lowla

[Delila]

I know its been said before but if I wasnt married I would be all over the men hitting on me. It means you have acheived a level of passing that makes men want you. Part of my dressing is wanting to be female in every sense including the sexual end. Some cders may not be gay but many people think that we are. I am not gay per say but if I were to fall fully into the female persona I would be glad for some man to hit on me.

[kristytv]

Women, for whatever reason, rarely hit on men

you hit the nail on the head, i wish more would , its so intimidating for me to go out and see someone i might like and wonder will they like me too, are they even gonna look at me if i go try to talk to them? and thats not even including the cd issue!

[Felicia Conti]

you hit the nail on the head, i wish more would , its so intimidating for me to go out and see someone i might like and wonder will they like me too, are they even gonna look at me if i go try to talk to them? and thats not even including the cd issue!

Kristy,

Yes, this is definitely a big dilemma for me to. Hugs.

Felicia

[Felicia Conti]

You ladies are so incredible, I usually go back and read your responses several times. There is a lot of wisdom in this group. Thank you and Lotsa Hugs.

Felicia

[goofus]

you hit the nail on the head, i wish more would , its so intimidating for me to go out and see someone i might like and wonder will they like me too, are they even gonna look at me if i go try to talk to them? and thats not even including the cd issue!

And I don't know if it's because women are just passive by nature or have been trained to be passive or are afraid of seeming too aggressive or what. I like to think it's not because I'm ugly (as a guy or as a female) :)