Hi everyone,, I am Robyn_oz

[Robyn_oz]

Hi everyone,, I am Robyn_oz
I am new tothe forum, and I have only been told about my partners CD.. in the last 4 weeks.. So I am still very much emotional and would love some support from other SO GG"s that are on line..Unfortunatley it is very late or very early here in Oz 4.45 am..:yawn:
I would love to have some support.. I find reading what other Cd's do etc I am finding that scary.. Is my CD going to follow suit... We have taked.. But just end up crying and my head gets muddled with negative thoughts.. I would loved to hear from other SO GG's by them maybe posting private messages to me. as I cant post private messages yet or get intot he GG forrum Im still feeling very isolated and scared and confused .
thanks

Robyn_Oz

[Sheila]

Robyn_oz,
first of all welcome to the forum,
secondly what you are feeling is perfectly normal --------- I was there 4 months ago I now feel that I have been here for ever, Yup good, bad indiferent days we all have the --- and believe it or not even the CDR's themselves have those days to.

You will find all the support you need here, whether it be from the genetic girls or the GURLS (CDR's)

Where this leads probably not even your DH (dear heart/hubby) knows but

1) the majority of cdr's are hetrosexual and are still in love with their wife and have absolutely no inclination to look elsewhere

2)Only a tiny majority ever go the full way to becoming a girl

3) few ever want to live full time as a female with or without the surgery

First of, if he tells you he still loves you, Trust him ------- yup I know he lied ---but he did that for a good reason

1) society and it's views on anything out of the "normal" are pretty scarey----- trust me if u stay stay the distance u will hate the word normal

2) by the time he realised how he felt about you he was scared to death of telling you in case he lost you

3) He felt guilty --it's not normal, nobody else does this, I am weird etc etc ----- I think the latest stats show that 1 in 6 people crossdress whether they be male to female or female to male so it is a lot more normal than being a Terrorist scarey or realistic thought !!!!!!!


We can't PM you as you do not have 10 posts and an intro yet sorry

Will look forward to seeing you on the GG side

Jess(SO TO Claire Jane)

[Robyn_oz]

Thanks Jess,
for the reply and some of the information re the Pmessages... I just feel a little uncomfortable posting to genal. I dont want to Upset the CDs or offend anyone. Im am trying really hard to dealing with this news.
Yes my partner and I talking a Lot....
was up till 5am last night.. then had to sleep all day to get over the stress before heading off towork again that night.
thanks again Jess for some insight.. and I felt like it was me who had written that post.. and yes
the tears weld up again in my eyes while I was reading your reply
Yes I cry a lot at the moment.

Robyn

[Robyn_oz]

I am coming to terms with my partner CD.. but at this stage i dont think I could handle Actually Seeing Him dressed up as a girl.

[Robyn_oz]

Thanks for all the support that you you all have posted. I Really Do Appreciate it.

Luckily I didnt find his Stash.

He came out and told me that he was a CD.

He had been really moody for a week or so. then he said late one night i need to tell you something. My first reaction was, is he was really gay!

Then he told me.

I felt threatened first.

We sat and talked for over an hour.
And we are still talking about it.
Its been 4 weeks now since he has told me he is a CD
and its only in the home.

I Think If I had found a stash I would have been really upset and probably not be here to talk about it tonight.

Well, I just want to say that I am starting to feel comfortable starting to type about my feelings, especially to you guys and girls.
Im sorry this gender thing is big for me.

I know you are CD and I cant get my head around calling yo girls .
I hope I dont offend anyone at the moment.

Maybe in a few more weeks I will call you girls but right now you are still male to me.

[Holly]

Robyn_oz, a big :welcom: to you! I know it seems as if your life has been turned upside down and inside out right now. I hope you can hang in there. Perhaps this might help... what is it that attracted you to your husband in the first place? Was it that he was this macho type, good looking kind of guy? Or was there something more to him that caught your attention? Robyn, we're all visual learners to some extent. When I first saw my wife I wasn't particularly visually attracted to her. Our first date was practically a disaster! If either one of us had gone on visual clues alone, we wouldn't still be together 38 years later. Now the visual things don't seem to be as important (although I'm happy to say that my darling wife is still a looker and I do enjoy her physical presence to this day). The more important things seem to be character, emotion, dedication, the intangibles of life.

When I first met my wife, I wasn't actively CDing. In fact, it was during a time of self denial so I hid it deep. Over the years, the urge ebbed and flowed as did the guilty feelings. It wasn't until just fairly recently (the last few years) that I have really come to terms with myself and was able to tell her the truth about my cross dressing. In a very real sense, I had not been lying to her all those years... I had been lying to myself. Lying about how I enjoyed the texture of the various fabrics felt on my skin, or how certain articles of clothing "hugged" my body, or how the different colors and patterns made me feel happy inside. But even more than that, how when I was wearing those clothes, how I had permission to be more vulnerable, more open with my emotions. I could "let my guard down" and experience things over 60 years of societal programming told me should not be part of my makeup as a male. If a guy experiences great joy (or sorrow), why shouldn't he be able to shed tears without ridicule? If he finds pleasure in the beauty of a flower, why should he not be able to enjoy it openly? If he wants to show tenderness, should he not be allowed to do so without being labeled a sissy?

Robyn. I guess what I'm trying to say is try to not let the visual image of your guy dressed as a woman be a deal breaker for you. Maybe if you could see it as a means for him to try and express feelings he has trapped inside him that he cannot otherwise express, it might help... a way for him to reconcile the feelings he has inside. Some of those feelings may be some of the very things that drew the two of you together in the first place. I know acceptance of this magnitude is not something that can be turned on and off at will, but I urge you to try to the best of your ability. Sit him down and reinforce your love and devotion to him first, then tell him you are struggling to come to terms with this new chapter in your lives together, that you need his help and understanding, that you need his truthful responses to your questions and his patience while you get this all sorted out. My best wishes to the two of you and a hope for a very long and very happy life together.

[Robyn_oz]

Thanks Holly
thankyou Holly for your very long and eye opening reply. i do appreciate it very much. I have read it once, and then again. And i will probably read it again.. It has told me lots. I thankyou very much.
Yes it was something else that attracted me to him. Your soo right. I love him soo much. My life would not be complete now withut him.
I am starting to see where you guys are at and do appreciate your total honest replys.
I am glad you can see it from a SO GG side that it is scary and new to one that has just been told of ones partners makeup thats been completed.
I am beginning to accept thats him.
Nothing has changed what we do as male and female together, which is good and nothing gets into my head while we are doing anything which is also good!

Thank you for time to writing to me. I love all the caring time you and the others have spent trying to explain things.

Big Hugs
robyn

[x_girl]

Hi Robyn, and welcome.

I realize that this is a very difficult time for you. You likely have a lot of questions and that is great. Your husband is very lucky to have a woman in his life that is doing her best to understand all that is happening.

Please realize that it has taken your husband years to understand this side of him, if he fully does at all. Time will help you also.

All people are different as you know, regardless of gender. He will always be the most qualified to answer questions about him, but insights can certainly be gained from all the people on this forum, in particular the GGs.

The most important thing is to share your thoughts, regardless of what they are. You can always change your mind about how you feel. It is a woman’s prerogative after all.

If you are like my wife when I told her, you are feeling hurt, betrayed, confused, and fear. Knowledge will take care of the last two. The first two will be overcome by your love for one another. It is important that he know what you are going through.

It might help to keep in mind that he is still the same man you have loved all along. You just have more insight now. I am hopeful that his new found openness will actually bring you two closer.

My thoughts are with you.

[michellecd9999]

As a CD whose wife does not know, I can only imagine your feeling. But, understand he is still the same person you love. The same guy, but yes, he has a softer side. and you probably appreciate the things he does for you that a real macho type would not. You don't have to see him dressed, but just accept he is who he is. He can dress in private. Don't be critical of him for this or judge him to be gay or unfaithful. I am a CD who has been 100% faithful to my wife. I love her so much but I know she would not like this side of me. I have been dressing long before I knew here (and probably so has your SO) so it is not anything to do with you. It's tough on us CDers and on you GGs to accept us. Look at the total picture. Is he abusive? He is a addict of drugs or alcohol? Has be cheated on you? NO - well most women would be glad to have a guy like that!
Michelle

[Kimberley]

:welcom: Robyn.

You have taken the right steps for both of you. This is a joint effort for sure. You will find quite a cross section of us here from all walks of life and socioeconomic realities. We really are a diversified group.

You will find fully supporting SO's, struggling SO's, unsupporting SO's. You will find CD's. TG's and TS's in the same boats. The one thing we all have in common is that none of this is easy. Anyone who says it is must be in denial. We all struggle with it at one time or another even with support and acceptance.

You have a lot to learn about this and learn you will. You will learn a lot about your CD and yourself because living with this is a huge challenge to a lot of your preconceived notions and prejudices. By coming here, you have taken the first step to facing those. Jess and Holly have pretty well laid out the basics and I know none of us, CD or SO, likes to see anyone struggle or live in pain. This is why we exist in a large part; to support one another (and share in some silliness and laughter too). It helps a lot.

Get to know people both on the boards and privately. Everyone will benefit, you, your CD and us because you bring your own special point of view with you.

Welcome again.

:hugs:
Kimberley