Beyond shopping

[Kate Simmons]

I realize when most of us go out in public for the first time there is a certain "thrill" and the excitement of being our femme self. Some of us go shopping for clothing and other feminine things and mingle with the crowds and other customers in a mall or store. Some of us do various other things that validate our feminine sides to ourselves. Some of us just continue to do that and it makes us feel good about being ourselves. All fine and good. I'm wondering, however, how many have gone beyond that. I've done all of the above and have "passed" very well. Nowadays, though, you might say the thrill of that is gone for me. So, what do I do for an encore? I've gone on to interact with people as Ericka. I'm not talking about a monthly get together with a TG Org but one-on-one friendships with people who are accepting of me. I've built up quite a number of friendships over the last five years with folks who accept me both ways. This seems to be my forte as Ericka, as I've become a real "people" person and I care very much about my friends. I look back and realize this was only made possible by getting in touch with my feelings and finally accepting my femme self. Because of this, I'm happier these days than I have ever been. There has to be more to life than shopping and "passing".I'm wondering how many others have made this "discovery"?:happy: Ericka Kay

[Girly Sara]

Hi Ericka,

Haven't reached your stage as yet, hun but i'm enjoying the ride along the feminine highway!

All the very best to you!

Sara x

[Kate Simmons]

Hi Ericka,

Haven't reached your stage as yet, hun but i'm enjoying the ride along the feminine highway!

All the very best to you!

Sara xWell, Sara, at least you are enjoying being yourself and are okay with that. Some gals are so angst ridden, it brings tears to my eyes when I read their posts and my heart goes out to them. I feel happy for you and always enjoy reading your comments.You seem to be pretty full of life. I like to party like everyone else and have a good time but my point was it's nice to know people are there for me as me and vice versa. Makes this all the more palatable somehow.:hugs: :happy: Ericka Kay

[Kristen Kelly]

I've asked the same question, going to the clubs is no longer enough. I've been going out to dinner, the trips shopping, not just for clothes at the mall but groceries and everyday errands. Last weekend had a chance to get away with the girls to Triangles in CT. enjoyed the drive up and back enfem as well as shopping, dinner, out to the club, and a late night snack at the diner. Hated to remove the makeup and go to work on Monday. Now it’s not so much how I dress but the interaction with people, used to be “shock value”, when they realized I was not a woman, now it’s just how well I blend in.

[Debb]

I try to find more but I don't push it.

Mostly, right now I am just trying to be comfortable with "me". That's actually my ultimate goal, to be comfortable with myself, enough to be in public and not really give a damn what negative thoughts others are thinking; to be able to go about my life without worrying about what others think.

I try not to think of it as my "femme" self, because I'd prefer that there's only one "self" in this body. Ericka, I think your motto "Gender blender" perfectly states what I'm after.

[Kate Simmons]

I agree Bethany, only one "self". I use the terminology just for the sake of defining the different aspects of that self from either the male or female qualities. I realize both genetic females and males have both aspects but usually I'm referring to one or the other in respect to how we as M T F CD's relate to them. It's interesting to note that my own personal "evolution" only came about by the integration of both.:happy: Ericka Kay

[DAVIDA]

Erika, I just found the other side of the door. I imagine it will be a long time before I get to your level of comfort. I hope that maybe one day I will get to the point where the terror level will not be so bad.
Keep on going girl. You and the others here are an inspiration to me and I always ejoiy your insights!
Love,DAVIDA

[Kate Simmons]

Erika, I just found the other side of the door. I imagine it will be a long time before I get to your level of comfort. I hope that maybe one day I will get to the point where the terror level will not be so bad.
Keep on going girl. You and the others here are an inspiration to me and I always ejoiy your insights!
Love,DAVIDAYou have reached a level of comfort just by doing that Davida. I'm indeed proud of you for having the courage to go on that outing and take that step.You will find, as time goes on, that it's less about the "glitter" and more of finding out just who you are as a person. There should be no "guilt" in being one's true self. The nice part about it is you begin to appreciate people for who they are as well. In my opinion, if there ever was a "magic bullet" for finding out about life, this is indeed one of them.:happy: Ericka Kay

[Karren H]

What??? More than shopping.....I feel faint...thud.....

Karren

[Adrienne Heels]

I am still at the shopping/walking the mall level, but do hope to move forward soon. But I am very comfortable at my level of activity and am very confident in my femininity.

[Brianna Lovely]

There has to be more to life than shopping and "passing".I'm wondering how many others have made this "discovery"?:happy: Ericka Kay

For me, a few months ago, the "wall of seperation", that divided my female and male personas, began to crumble.
Although I realize that my dressing is only my way of trying to express, what I feel inside, I'm also aware of a "blending" of gender expression. Sometimes this makes for some odd dressing, but that dosn't really matter. The important thing is that the real me, is evolving, becoming a better person.

I don't know where these changes are taking me, but I'm enjoying the trip and my new persona.

[Kate Simmons]

What??? More than shopping.....I feel faint...thud.....

KarrenYou've only just begun, Kiddo if what I'm "reading" from you lately is accurate. Can't fool "Mother Nature" you know (or Ericka):heehee: :hugs: Ericka Kay

[Kate Simmons]

For me, a few months ago, the "wall of seperation", that divided my female and male personas, began to crumble.
Although I realize that my dressing is only my way of trying to express, what I feel inside, I'm also aware of a "blending" of gender expression. Sometimes this makes for some odd dressing, but that dosn't really matter. The important thing is that the real me, is evolving, becoming a better person.

I don't know where these changes are taking me, but I'm enjoying the trip and my new persona.It's almost like an "eye opener" isn't it Brianna? It's a stage where feeling any "shame" starts to melt away and the start of becoming a "whole new person". Nothing like it really. That's why we are who we are.:happy: Ericka Kay

[Girly Sara]

Well, Sara, at least you are enjoying being yourself and are okay with that. Some gals are so angst ridden, it brings tears to my eyes when I read their posts and my heart goes out to them. I feel happy for you and always enjoy reading your comments.You seem to be pretty full of life. I like to party like everyone else and have a good time but my point was it's nice to know people are there for me as me and vice versa. Makes this all the more palatable somehow.:hugs: :happy: Ericka Kay

Thanks for your comments, Ericka. I understand there are numerous other t-girls that have not experienced what we have but believe me, i was guilt-ridden for 22 years before expressing my feminine side more openly. It was a nightmare but with help from different sources (including this site - thank you!) Sara has spread her wings. I just hope that many more girls get the same opportunities.

Sara x

[Kate Simmons]

Thanks for your comments, Ericka. I understand there are numerous other t-girls that have not experienced what we have but believe me, i was guilt-ridden for 22 years before expressing my feminine side more openly. It was a nightmare but with help from different sources (including this site - thank you!) Sara has spread her wings. I just hope that many more girls get the same opportunities.

Sara xI see a lot of potential for that here, Sara. As we know the dressing comes first then the personality development. There is no shame in coming to realize who you truely are as a person. I consider it a "gift" rather than a "curse" though because most of the people on this planet don't have the kind of insight we do. If I have any kind of "mission" at all, it's to help others feel comfortable and help them get in touch with their feelings because that's where it all begins really.:happy: Ericka Kay

[Diana West]

Beyond shopping? You definitely set some high goals.

I thought shopping en femme was the pinnacle achievement. I'm glad that we keep on pushing the envelope.

The problem is trying not to rush into things. I've walked outside twice, but I'm taking a breather so I don't overdo it. You all make it sound so easy and so tempting.

[Kate Simmons]

It's not that easy Janis but it's all about developing your confidence and finding your comfort level. Once you do that, its as easy as putting on a pair of socks and it becomes "second nature" to you(Well, maybe not that easy but close)and you don't think it's really a big deal. The goal is to enjoy being yourself as this is part of who we are.:happy: Ericka

[Calliope]

Yup, I hear ya, Ericka.

Shopping, for me, has become, like, dragging myself to church, an empty rite of legitimization. I acknowledge it's great start, shopping in womyn's boutiques - people accepting $ don't usually clock ya.

I had some great galpals in Portland, good dancers, and here in Menlo Park I enjoy the friendship of several other womyn who have kids who play with my kids. I like posting here but it's also important to share other parts of your life.

[Teresa Amina]

Great outfit today in your avatar Ericka! Shopping is rather stereotypical isn't it? But, that said, I'm off to the Dee-troit area Friday to meet up with Joy C and shop before an X-mas party in Royal Oak. Kind of a rite of passage I think. But the deep stuff (personal trancendence, etc.) hit me first so I need to catch up on the shopping part.:D

[Kate Simmons]

Well Teresa, a girl has to look her best after all. That may sound contradictory to what I said, but I still enjoy shopping. It's just that it's nothing special anymore and like DT said kind of a drag (no pun intended) at times. Sometimes it's just easier to go as Rich. Anyway, I hope you and Joy have a good time and enjoy yourselves. You both deserve it.:hugs: Ericka Kay

[Victoria Anne]

you are all such an inspiration to me as I have only recently acceptted myself as Victoria Anne.I am learning so much about myself and so much from all you wonderful ladies,I do hope to someday break out of this male cage,if you will.Reading your posts have and are giving me more and more to think about and I find in the reading an understanding of who I am and a new level of comfort with myself.Ericka you have been an amazingly interesting in your posts and have helped me a great deal as have many others here. Thank you all.:love:

[Kate Simmons]

you are all such an inspiration to me as I have only recently acceptted myself as Victoria Anne.I am learning so much about myself and so much from all you wonderful ladies,I do hope to someday break out of this male cage,if you will.Reading your posts have and are giving me more and more to think about and I find in the reading an understanding of who I am and a new level of comfort with myself.Ericka you have been an amazingly interesting in your posts and have helped me a great deal as have many others here. Thank you all.:love:Just doin' my job, Ma'am, just doin' my job, every day, just doin' my job. Sorry couldn't resist that. One of the guys I used to work with used to say that. Finding yourself is the important thing Victoria. Our selves happen to encompass feelings that are different from most people. Understanding those feelings is the key to understanding yourself. I'm still learning after 59 years. I figure the day I stop learning about myself and others is the day I pass on. I also want to thank everyone. It's a team effort you know.:happy: Ericka Kay

[Glenda58]

I've just started doing more than shopping for cloths for me. Now I dress and do most everything from Xmas gifts, post office, hardware store to dinning out last night. I love interacting with people and they either don't care that I'm dress or I pass. Either way it's nice just to be your self and feel good.

[Maria2004]

Back in my younger (single) days, I used to like getting squared away, all squeaky clean, sharp clothes, sorta casual dressy, and go out and mingle with the rest of the local human race. I wan't a CD back then so it was all guy mode. I liked going to the malls and bookstores, chatting it up with any cute girls I encountered, go to a nice resturant for dinner and finish off the evening at a decent club or lounge. I felt good about myself. Now in my present older (married) days I get that same feeling again when I dress up en femm so I want to go out and do those same things I've always enjoyed, and mingle with the rest of the local human race and chat it up with anyone willing to interact with a guy in a dress. I've gone out enough times now to notice a trend in how people react to me when they realize I'm a man and found it intersting and wanted to comment on that the most.

First, most men almost literaly run from me, they won't even get on an elevator with me but will wait for the next one, so I usally always have elevators to myself :happy: Younger folks seem the most oblivious to my very exsitence, with only one negative exception so far. The one group that seems to give me the most attention, and not all of it friendly, are middle aged women. They're the only ones I've noticed so far that give me the dirtiest looks. The reason for this I think (I've discussed this with my wife and she agrees) is the way I dress, my style of clothing on my fairly decent femmy figure. The outfits catch their attention first, I presume some would automatically hate me for being a "skinny bitch", and in some cases (from a distance) I may even look better then they do, and once they realize I'm a man no less, it's the last straw. Some of the looks I've gotten from them in the Malls, in passing cars, in grocery stores, I feel like I should burst into flames any second.

So "Beyond Shopping" I don't go to the malls to shop and buy all the time, I'll go because that's were people are, it's relatively safe, and I have a good probability of having a pleasent chance encounter with another person, and I have. I just need to avoid the GGs my own age.:cool:

[Naomi]

I realize when most of us go out in public for the first time there is a certain "thrill" and the excitement of being our femme self. Some of us go shopping for clothing and other feminine things and mingle with the crowds and other customers in a mall or store. Some of us do various other things that validate our feminine sides to ourselves. Some of us just continue to do that and it makes us feel good about being ourselves. All fine and good. I'm wondering, however, how many have gone beyond that. I've done all of the above and have "passed" very well. Nowadays, though, you might say the thrill of that is gone for me. So, what do I do for an encore? I've gone on to interact with people as Ericka. I'm not talking about a monthly get together with a TG Org but one-on-one friendships with people who are accepting of me. I've built up quite a number of friendships over the last five years with folks who accept me both ways. This seems to be my forte as Ericka, as I've become a real "people" person and I care very much about my friends. I look back and realize this was only made possible by getting in touch with my feelings and finally accepting my femme self. Because of this, I'm happier these days than I have ever been. There has to be more to life than shopping and "passing".I'm wondering how many others have made this "discovery"?:happy: Ericka Kay

You Ericka like so many of the other girls who post here are an inspiration to me and i daresay others. I hope that one day i am confident enough to take that giant leap outside my front door.But first i need to crawl like a girls before i can walk.
Reading the opinions and experiences of the members of this forum has without a doubt been the ''turning of the worm'' for me. All doubts are gone. I know myself better.

[DAVIDA]

Just hit the door running Naomi!That way you will be to buisy to worry!
And, yes Maria, you do have a figure to be envied! Send me some pics of last weekend. I left my camera at home!:(