Ann Landers

[JoAnnDallas]

Found these on another forum. Thought I share them with you.

Dear Ann I am in a state of shock and need your help. My fiance is a highly respected, successful attoney, masculine in every way. Last night "Tom" confided that he likes to wear women's clothes on Sunday afternoons. (Never in public, however.) He described in detail his secret wardrobe, wigs, lingerie, satin nighties, high heels and padded bras.

This man has no homosexual characteristics. In fact, he is very macho, works out four times a week and is a very satisfying lover. I love Tom with all my heart and want to spend the rest of my life with him. When he gave me a beautiful engagement ring last June, I was so happy I thought I'd died and gone to heaven.

Ann, I am disturbed and upset. I don't know what to make of this. Is Tom a homosexual? Please help me understand.
--Somewhere in Pennsylvania

Dear Somewhere: Your fiance is a transvestite. Many transvestites enjoy dressing in women's clothes but do not necessarily engage in homosexual acts. Some are happily married to women who understand this deviation and accept it.

Not all women can handle this. If you plan to marry Tom, I suggest counseling-- for you, not Tom. He is not going to give this up, and you need to learn how to live with it.

[JoAnnDallas]

Dear Ann
That letter from "Somewhere in Pennsylvania" caught my eye. "Somewhere's" fiance "Tom" is a cross-dressing successful attorney. She wanted to know if he is a homosexual. I can tell her- it ain't necessarily so.

I am a cross-dresser and strictly heterosexual. When I was growing up, there wasn't much reliable information on this subject. My encyclopedia said cross-dressers were homosexuals, so I fought the urge to cross-dress for may years. I knew I wasn't homosexual, but I was afraid of what others might think.

After I married, I told my wife about my secret urge. She did her best to be understanding but then forced me to see a therapist, who insisted I give up cross-dressing to save my marriage. It was very painful at first, but I did it.

I still think about cross-dressing, and even writing about it causes me pain, but I owe my kids a decent upbringing, and my sexual fulfillment is less important than they are. I hope Tom resolves this dilemma before he marries.
-Middle America

Dear Middle America
Thanks for the input. Keep reading for more.

From Oregon: Your response about the cross-dressing attorney was surprising. Why didn't you tell her to dump the creep and his padded bra? She said he has no homosexual characteristics. Well, what do you think cross-dressing is? I walked in on a former boyfriend and was shocked to see him wearing my silk negligee and a great big smile on his face. This is a guy who was very macho and into weight lifting and deer hunting. We never married, which was lucky for me.

Portland, Me.: Bravo, Ann for your wise response to "Somewhere in Pennsylvania." There is no way her fiance will give up cross-dressing. If he says he will, he'll do it behind her back. It was decent of him to level with her before they married. Many men in his position mistakenly believe marriage will "cure" them. It won't.

Somewhere in Arizona I offer a lifetime of experience to "Somewhere." Her fear that her transvestite boyfriend is homosexual is groundless. I have enjoyed cross-dressing for many years and am completely normal. I've had a successful business career and am married with four children and five grandchildren.

Hamilton, Ontario: "Somewhere in Pennsylvania" should get out NOW. Her cross-dressing boyfriend will never change. I've been there. Coming home and finding a man in a dress never turned my crank. The prospect of telling the kids why Dad locked himself in the bathroom for hours was no piece of cake, either. My psychiatrist said I had a problem because I couldn' accept it.

El Monte, Calif.: Thanks for your response on cross-dressing. I'm a psychologist and a transvestite, and I'm married to a wonderful, supportive woman. I take exception, however, to your use of the word "deviant." I prefer "variant." It is less judgmental.

San Diego: For the last 11 years, I have been working with transvestites, doing makeup, wigs, hair removal and body waxing. Some of my clients are doctors, lawyers, CEOs and businessmen who are extremely successful. It has been a learning experience that has made me much more tolerant. Many of these men have become friends.

[JoAnnDallas]

Dear Ann: A year ago I knew nothing about cross-dressing. Today, I know many cross-dressers and socialize with them regularly. You probably do, too, but you are not aware of it.

A cross-dresser can be your attorney, your physician, your child's kindergarten teacher or your druggist. They should not be labeled "peculiar." Actually they are sensitive, courageous men who are not afraid to express the caring, nuturing side of themselves. And please set the record straight once and for all-- they are not gay.

The gentleman whose therapist told him to give up cross-dressing needs to find another therapist. Cross-dressing fills a strong need in some males, and they should not be asked to hide a part of who they are.
--Happily Married to One in Ohio

Dear Happily Married: Thank you for a solid rebuttal. I received a ton of mail on this subject, and most who wrote agreed with you. Keep reading for more.

From San Diego: Why all the hulabaloo about cross-dressing? Women have been cross-dressing for years, and no one gives it a second thought. Women wear jeans, flannel shirts, boots, sneakers and tuxedos. Some even go to men's stores and buy raincoats. So what's the big deal?

Long Island, N.Y.: In Scotland, men have been wearing skirts for centuries. They are called kilts, and no one has ever suggested that the Scots are sissies.

Tujunga, Calif.: Cross-dressing is not a crime, nor is it a communicable disease. Also, it does not mean the guy is gay. If a woman wears a pantsuit, would you call her a lesbian?

Lansing, Mich.: People discuss cross-dressing as though it is nothing more than playing "dress up." It is a lot more than than that. It is a sexually fulfilling experience. Those who deny it are not being honest.

West Coast: My husband is the CEO of a Fortune 500 company. For the 15 years of our marriage, he has worn women's underwear. He is not gay. He simply enjoys the feel of it. We have a healthy sex life and two fine children. He told me about his "secret" before we were married and it never made a particle of difference to me.

St. Petersburg, Fla.: Cross-dressing flap? Let the Bible settle it. From Deuteronomy 22:5: A woman shall not wear that which pertains to man; neither shall man wear women's clothing; for all that do are an abomination to the Lord.

Brantford, Ontario: What's wrong with people anyway? A man can't wear a pink shirt these days without somebody wondering if he's loose in his loafers.

Los Angeles: Those tolerant of transvestism defend it on the grounds that "it has nothing to do with being gay." I was surprised and offended that you did not speak up to defend the gay community.

Miami: My husband is a cross-dresser, and I love it. When we take vacations, we dine in the finest restaurants, and he wears his fanciest outfits. I hate to admit it, but he is prettier than I am.

Chicago: Not only clothing but jewelry has crossed the gender line. What do you think of Michael Jorden wearing an earring? -- Go Bulls

Dear Go: If you think I'm going to criticize Michael Jordan, think again. He could wear a wedding veil and four strands of pearls like Dennis, and I wouldn't say a word.

[Calliope]

Great research.

Great read.

Thanks.

[Shadeauxmarie]

I know there are individuals who are homosexual who crossdress. It seems to be a small minority in the crossdressing community. The other two options of hetero and bi are much more prevalent. I myself am hetero all the way. I have had occasional bi fantasies, but will never act on them. My marriage is too important to me.

[Kate Simmons]

Great research.

Great read.

Thanks.All too quickly forgotten though, unfortuantely.:straightface: Ericka Kay

[Calliope]

I'll tell ya one thing about Ann Landers, with her crusty hair and Church Lady smarminess - when she cut loose on Reagan for putting all of the country's money into Star Wars instead of the children, hoo boy, a zillion people heard it.

She did one thing 'ol Brezhnev could never do - she kicked his ass.

[Diana West]

[QUOTE=JoAnnDallas;662635]St. Petersburg, Fla.: Cross-dressing flap? Let the Bible settle it. From Deuteronomy 22:5: A woman shall not wear that which pertains to man; neither shall man wear women's clothing; for all that do are an abomination to the Lord. [QUOTE]

Didn't Jesus wear what would now be considered a dress?

[Sierra Evon]

I did'nt know she was still around , but great info., but as far as the Bible quotes, and what i know of the bible myself, and that is my own preseption of such that , the LORD JESUS, accepts all who beleive in him , for me dressing like how i want as to become a girl , is not a crime or a sin , because I know in my own heart , that i should have been a girl, and that I'm blessed to have the true knowlege of knowing who I am in the Lord, and thats what counts. This is how I think , but I respect other views as well...

[SherriePall]

I remember reading that when it was first printed several years ago. I am embarassed to admit that I checked the papers for a few weeks after to see if any lawyers were getting married.

[ElleCD]

[QUOTE=JoAnnDallas;662635]
[B]From San Diego: Why all the hulabaloo about cross-dressing? Women have been cross-dressing for years, and no one gives it a second thought. Women wear jeans, flannel shirts, boots, sneakers and tuxedos. Some even go to men's stores and buy raincoats. So what's the big deal?

Says it all for me. I am looking foward to the day when gender equality means I can wear what I like in public and its not an issue. Some time in my next two or three lives but I am looking forwrd to it.

[Talon DeRojo]

JoAnn - Thanks for sharing the letter and Ann's response. The responses to Ann's answer are also very revealing. While there are some who are tolerant and understanding, ther are many who are ignorant and hateful. It's sad that there's so much misguided opposition to CDing.
Talon:happy:

[Leslie Foxx]

I did'nt know she was still around , but great info.

Esther Pauline Lederer, AKA Ann Landers passed away in 2002. I think some papers still run a "Best Of" column.

[CindyB]

This is how her letter should have read:


Dear Ann I am in a state of shock and need your help. My fiance is a highly respected, successful attoney, masculine in every way. Last night "Tom" confided that he likes to wear women's clothes on Sunday afternoons. (Never in public, however.) He described in detail his secret wardrobe, wigs, lingerie, satin nighties, high heels and padded bras.

This man has no homosexual characteristics. In fact, he is very macho, works out four times a week and is a very satisfying lover. I love Tom with all my heart and want to spend the rest of my life with him. When he gave me a beautiful engagement ring last June, I was so happy I thought I'd died and gone to heaven.

Ann, I am disturbed and upset. I don't know what to make of this. Is it ok to marry an attorney? Please help me understand.

[Billie Jean]

[QUOTE=JoAnnDallas;662635]St. Petersburg, Fla.: Cross-dressing flap? Let the Bible settle it. From Deuteronomy 22:5: A woman shall not wear that which pertains to man; neither shall man wear women's clothing; for all that do are an abomination to the Lord. [QUOTE]

Didn't Jesus wear what would now be considered a dress?Actually Christians are to believe that the old laws are fulfilled the golen rule has taken its place. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Bille Jean

[Vicky_Scot]

Dear Ann

You are obviously in no position to give out any guidance on the issue of transgendered.

I know this because if you were you would not use the word deviation which insinuates we are defiants of some sort.

[Michellebej]

I read the letters to and from Ann Landers. I was struck by a theme that seems to re-occur with depreasing regularity.

(paraphrasing). He works out four time a week, he is so handsome and Macho. He is an Attorny and makes lots of money. I am soooooo totally in love with him. How can he be a crossdresser.

Well, no. She is not in love with HIM. She is in love with her perception of him. She is in love with the gift wrapping. Not the present in the box.

Many of us, for one reason or another, took up macho lives. Soldiers, Sailors, Marines, Airmen, Police and firemen. And; a significant number of those went down the 'mucho-macho' route. I know a large number of Airborn, Rangers, Scouts, ect. ect.

For most our crossdressing outlet occurs when we are more mature, say around 30. This is past the primary dating/starting a family phase.

Now if I met a girl who know I was an Chairborn Ranger, ect, and met me when I worked in law enforcement; her image of me, her perception, is going to be a masculine one.

So; she, and many of our SO's fall "in Love" with thier perception of us. NOT who we really are. So; when they learn who we are it totally throws them for a loop. Can we really be surprised when they don't want "US" anymore, after we reveal our true selves?

Now adays I only date women that know Michelle. I never date women that I meet socially through work or the military. No matter how attractive or flattering the attention. Because for most, perception and desire will destroy truth and reality every time.

And; I too have matured. I too look deeper than the wrapping paper.

Love

Michelle

[Nike]

[QUOTE=JoAnnDallas;662635]
St. Petersburg, Fla.: Cross-dressing flap? Let the Bible settle it. From Deuteronomy 22:5: A woman shall not wear that which pertains to man; neither shall man wear women's clothing; for all that do are an abomination to the Lord.

I agree with Billie Jean when she points out that the Christian faiths teach the "old law" (Old Testament) is "fulfilled in Christ" and Christ has left us with a "new covenent" (New Testament).

Deuteronomy 22:5 also was written in a time when only men were permitted to participate in services and women crossdressed as men to attend. Somewhere in my reading and conversations with those far more theology literate than myself, I recall that one of the major reasons that Joan of Arc was burned at the stake was that she was caught multiple times sneaking in to services and it was considered an act of heresy.

[MarinaTwelve200]

Dear Ann

From Oregon: Your response about the cross-dressing attorney was surprising. Why didn't you tell her to dump the creep and his padded bra? She said he has no homosexual characteristics. Well, what do you think cross-dressing is? I walked in on a former boyfriend and was shocked to see him wearing my silk negligee and a great big smile on his face. This is a guy who was very macho and into weight lifting and deer hunting. We never married, which was lucky for me.

.

The letter from Oregon illustrates perfectly what I have been saying in many of my posts---Lotsa, if not most average people dont know what GAY IS, thinking its wanting to "be like a girl" rather than being sexually attracted to other men.
They equate gay with CD, not knowing the difference. These people can't get through their ignorant heads that the clothing one may wear has nothing to do with whom one is sexually attracted to.
Of course this is also a disparging attitude in respect to actual gays too.---I wonder whom they really hate, guys who dress like women or guys attracted to other guys? If they actually knew the difference, it would be interesting as to what group they would have the most animosity for.

[Michelia]

I enjoyed these columns.

Michelia

[Aprilrain]

creator of the universe, timeless. bible, barely 1500 years old. Why would I want to use an old politically charged, badly translated, thoroughly adulterated text to settle such a personal and fundamental issue like Crossdressing. In one line I have been marginalized demonized and, one can assume, sent to hell for all of eternity because I’ve worn panties and a skirt? I may actually deserve hell (not because of Cding) but my mom who has dedicated her life to help others in need and is one of the sweetest ladies I know is going to hell for wearing pants?

[Billijo49504]

All I can say Jo Ann, is WOW!!!!!

[racquel]

creator of the universe, timeless. bible, barely 1500 years old. Why would I want to use an old politically charged, badly translated, thoroughly adulterated text to settle such a personal and fundamental issue like Crossdressing. In one line I have been marginalized demonized and, one can assume, sent to hell for all of eternity because I’ve worn panties and a skirt? I may actually deserve hell (not because of Cding) but my mom who has dedicated her life to help others in need and is one of the sweetest ladies I know is going to hell for wearing pants?

Amen sister.:hugs:

[Diana West]

Concerning the reiligious aspect, we are all naked before God.

Concerning the death of Ann Landers, her daughter took it over. I'm not sure if she still is writing the column.

Concerning the terminology, the debate goes on.

[Angie G]

All I know is if she is smart she would grab him ou the locky woman :hugs:
Angie

[Leslie Foxx]

Concerning the death of Ann Landers, her daughter took it over. I'm not sure if she still is writing the column.

I believe it was Ann Lander's twin sister, Dear Abby, who's column was taken over by the daughter.

[shannonsilk]

i hadn't seen that series of letters. there were a wide variety of responses, some women freaked out and others just accepted their men.
i'm no bible expert either but i'm told that the verse in deuteronomy was to prohibit men in wartime from wearing women's clothing as a way to dupe the enemy. the king james' version shows the bias of the times.

[JoAnnDallas]

It amazes me that people seem to forget that the KJV bible is just that, it is King James of England VERSION of the bible. Which means he had it changed to suit him and not religion. I personnally know of at least FIVE differnent versions of the bible in use today. If you look into the history of the bible, scholars from all over the know world were gathered together to create a tome that reflected the current christian Theology. Thus the bible was founded from this group. It is a book writin by man and created by a commentie, not handed down from a higher power. It is also interesting that the King that commissioned the bible was a PAGEN and only converted to Christianity on his death bed, years later after the bible was created.

[MsJanessa]

I know there are individuals who are homosexual who crossdress. It seems to be a small minority in the crossdressing community. The other two options of hetero and bi are much more prevalent. I myself am hetero all the way. I have had occasional bi fantasies, but will never act on them. My marriage is too important to me.

or maybe not so small----many of us are gay or bi, many of us are straight--

[Jesse69]

Concerning Bibles - an authorized Roman Catholic version will always have the words -- "Nihil Obstat" in it saying it is free from errors.

[Jammie Lyann]

St. Petersburg, Fla.: Cross-dressing flap? Let the Bible settle it. From Deuteronomy 22:5: A woman shall not wear that which pertains to man; neither shall man wear women's clothing; for all that do are an abomination to the Lord.

I looked this up sure enough its there, but you also have to realize that the bible as we know it was translated from Hebrew an rewritten several times
Translating from Hebrew to Latain then to English during the Middle ages when translating anything wasnt done well (or was translate to what they wanted people to know).

Thus I have no faith in the bible per say as it was written by men
I believe in whats in my heart, an live by one simple law:

An it harm none, do what ye will :love:

An when its time to face the good lord then I will let him/her judge me an only him/her.
So lets just enjoy our lives the best we can an try to bring a little happeness to those close to us :hugs: