Could you...? FTM Question only please.

[pocoyo]

Ok, I think I can predict some of the answers to this question but hey, I might be surprised!

Could you - if you had to for some reason - could you.... *gulp*.....

Could you go on and live totally as a female, leaving behind any feelings of wanting to be a boy? Dressing and looking like a female, acting in a more "female way", having relationships with someone as a female.....just basically being a girl.

Could you do it? And if not, why not?

[Kieron Andrew]

nope, no way, nadda!! Why???? cos i aint female!, cos it wouldnt feel natural!, cos i hate female clothes.....want any more reasons???:tongueout

[pocoyo]

Muahaha, well that was the answer I expected from you young man :D
Like it..... looking forward to reading the next answers.....

[Adam]

i wonulden't won't and will not solely because why should i its like i would be walking around as a slave to what the world calls normal just so that i can fit in.
Whats the point i would be upset and uncomftable i would not want to live i would wake up every morning and think whats the point it would be as if the lights are on but no ones home because for me to be dressing liveing as female i would be going thu the montations of liveing but not liveing at all i tryed this liveing as female thing honest i did but for me it wasen'tliveing it was just like a haze of plodding thu my life and i was always unhappy and i felt so out of place i felt like plonka to be honest.

I live as me and thats end of i may not be a what socaity classes as a "normal" man but nether the less i am a man and i won't play a part of a female for anyone no way!!!

i hope what i wrote made sence

[pocoyo]

Haha, yep it sure did.

I know so what you mean. Last year for a while I "tried" being a female too, I tried really hard and even went out with a guy that people wanted me to just so that I would make people happy. As you can imagine it wasn't exactly a successful mission. (Both the being a girl and the trying having a relationship when I wasn't even sure about/happy with myself).

[JenniferMint]

Could you go on and live totally as a female, leaving behind any feelings of wanting to be a boy? Dressing and looking like a female, acting in a more "female way", having relationships with someone as a female.....just basically being a girl.

I don't think you have to quite be that drastic, even if you're worried about transitioning. I mean, you could cut your hair short, wear clothing from the men's department, and act the way you naturally act.

From the M2F side of things, I'm having FFS and growing my hair out, and I'm already on HRT (had an orchiectomy too), but I haven't legally changed my name and I'm undecided about going full-time after FFS. I haven't ruled out outwardly presenting as a very femme-y guy. It would cause less friction in some ways---I'd be able to express myself, without the stigma of being a "transsexual".

[pocoyo]

I don't think you have to quite be that drastic, even if you're worried about transitioning. I mean, you could cut your hair short, wear clothing from the men's department, and act the way you naturally act.

Oh yeah totally, I think that is what a lot of us do. It's just that people tend to see you as a lesbian then (even if you don't fancy girls :eek: !), rather than a guy. I was just asking the question out of interest and to learn some stuff.


From the M2F side of things, I'm having FFS and growing my hair out, and I'm already on HRT (had an orchiectomy too), but I haven't legally changed my name and I'm undecided about going full-time after FFS. I haven't ruled out outwardly presenting as a very femme-y guy. It would cause less friction in some ways---I'd be able to express myself, without the stigma of being a "transsexual".

I know what you mean about the expressing yourself without the stigma of being transsexual, and that's so great if you are happy that way :happy:
I know some of us sometimes get really sick of being seen as something we're not though.

Can I ask... do you see yourself as a crossdresser or transsexual? Or just generally transgender? (Just out of interest again).

[JenniferMint]

Can I ask... do you see yourself as a crossdresser or transsexual? Or just generally transgender? (Just out of interest again).

I'm still figuring out what I am...

I'm not sure if I count as a CD because I've had an orchiectomy, and I didn't like my male sexuality.

I'm not sure if I count as a TS either because I'm not presently working towards getting SRS, even though I could afford it, and presenting male doesn't bother me most of the time.

So I just call myself TG for now.

[pocoyo]

Sounds fair enough :happy:

[durden]

Ok, I think I can predict some of the answers to this question but hey, I might be surprised!

Could you - if you had to for some reason - could you.... *gulp*.....

Could you go on and live totally as a female, leaving behind any feelings of wanting to be a boy? Dressing and looking like a female, acting in a more "female way", having relationships with someone as a female.....just basically being a girl.

Could you do it? And if not, why not?


No, I definitely couldn't do it. It took me 28 years of my life to finally get it into my head that I should stop worrying about my family [hurting them, confusing them, being the same face that means a lot to them, etc.] and learn how to put myself & my own feelings first in my life. Once I got to that point, I didn't look back. I started talking w/a gender therapist & began taking testosterone. This is the best thing I've ever done for myself. Instead of always sitting around wondering "what if?" I can now look at my life as a reality. It's a brand new life, and it's the correct version of one. I am completely comfortable w/myself for the first time ever. I'm calm & I enjoy my own identity now. It's almost like you can finally start to love yourself [if that makes any sense.] So that's my answer. I would never compromise just to live a mistake of a life... for everyone else's sake. They get to live their lives the way that they want. Why shouldn't I get to do the very same thing? No amount of money or family-planted guilt would ever change this decision for me.

[pocoyo]

Wow, that's a great answer. Good on you. I'm so glad you're happy :D
Thanks Durden! :happy:

[pocoyo]

:eek: someone's added to my title!
lol!

[Tamara Croft]

:eek: someone's added to my title!
lol!I did it :heehee: I was just going to PM you ;) s'ok? yes, no?

[pocoyo]

Oh! Hehe, cheeky :heehee:
Well I think it's ok... I did consider putting "(FTMs)" but then I though maybe we could also learn something from the mtfs (but the other way round... like could they stay a man.) Mind you sometimes I think some of the mtfs are slightly different, even in reverse.
Plus there's probably mtf threads of the same nature anyway should we need to look... so ok, lets keep it FTM only :happy:
Good call!

[bi_weird]

Hmmm we'll I'll break up the monotony and once again feel like less of a man than y'all. I could if there was a good enough reason forgo my boyish traits and live totally as a girl. It'd be hard, but I assume we're talking about real extenuating circumstances here (dunno what...) and I could do it. But then again, I tend to live for other people anyway. Sorta a long story...
'sides, only two people now get the guy thing, it wouldn't be that big of a change in my interactions. But I'd miss my tie.

[CaptLex]

I second everything Durden said, so there's no need for me to repeat it. It's taken me a lifetime to finally get to where I'm happy with who I am, and I couldn't go back to that pain. So the question for me would be, would I want to go back to being unhappy - and the answer is definitely not. It's like asking a man who used to be blind if he would give up his sight again. Sure, he lived as best he could while he had no choice, but once his eyes were opened . . .

To answer Jennifer's suggestion, I couldn't pretend and play the part of someone I'm not - I have to be who I am. Otherwise, I'm not living, just existing.

It's a good question, Poc, and I assume you've asked it in order to help yourself find some answers. I hope these have helped. :happy:

[pocoyo]

Hmmm we'll I'll break up the monotony and once again feel like less of a man than y'all. I could if there was a good enough reason forgo my boyish traits and live totally as a girl. It'd be hard, but I assume we're talking about real extenuating circumstances here (dunno what...) and I could do it. But then again, I tend to live for other people anyway. Sorta a long story...
'sides, only two people now get the guy thing, it wouldn't be that big of a change in my interactions. But I'd miss my tie.

Awwww, you'd miss your tie!
So like, it wouldn't be heartbreaking/really really awful for you? That's good... I think. :happy:
I'd like to hear some of that long story...

[pocoyo]

I second everything Durden said, so there's no need for me to repeat it. It's taken me a lifetime to finally get to where I'm happy with who I am, and I couldn't go back to that pain. So the question for me would be, would I want to go back to being unhappy - and the answer is definitely not. It's like asking a man who used to be blind if he would give up his sight again. Sure, he lived as best he could while he had no choice, but once his eyes were opened . . .

Thank you! Interesting answer.
What was it about being female that made you so unhappy? (If you don't mind me asking). Was it because it felt so wrong and stuff?


It's a good question, Poc, and I assume you've asked it in order to help yourself find some answers. I hope these have helped. :happy:
I thought it would be interesting to hear other people's opinions and feelings on it because I and other people reading or answering may also learn something important or helpful!
Yes I think it does help, thanks! :happy:

[CaptLex]

Thank you! Interesting answer.
What was it about being female that made you so unhappy? (If you don't mind me asking). Was it because it felt so wrong and stuff?
You know I don't mind, sweetie. It's really in retrospect that I realize now how unhappy I was then. I knew I wasn't happy, but I didn't really know I was that unhappy. It was more a feeling of somehow knowing that something was off, not quite right, "is this all there is?" kind of thing. Back to the blind man example, he doesn't know what he's missing since he can't see it, but he knows he's missing something. :idontknow:

[pocoyo]

Aha!! I get it!
Thank you :happy: :hugs:
I'm so glad you're happier now. x

[Felix]

Well that's easy no I couldn't now that I have rediscovered my masculinity!! xx Felix

[pocoyo]

Cool ;)

[bi_weird]

See it wouldn't be easy - they boyish traits are so ingrained it'd be a constant struggle. But I tend to view myself as not as important as those around me. It's weird because I don't think I do it in an unhealthy way, but I don't value myself as much as I value those I love. My family and my closest friends, they could ask anything of me. So if it was for them I could do it. It'd just suck ass.

[Abraxas]

I know I couldn't do it. I've been a boy for so long, I don't even remember how to be a girl. Really, I've been dressing in boys' clothes and acting like a boy since I was about eight years old, and up until that age, there aren't too many differences between boys and girls anyway.
Apart from that, if I did decide to chuck on a skirt and halter, everybody I know would either be completely freaked out and send me to a mental hospital worried I'd gone bonkers, or they'd say 'see, told you you'd grow out of it.'
So, nope, definitely couldn't.

[mistunderstood]

When I can stop crying at the question I will answer later. Being serious here.

[pocoyo]

See it wouldn't be easy - they boyish traits are so ingrained it'd be a constant struggle. But I tend to view myself as not as important as those around me. It's weird because I don't think I do it in an unhealthy way, but I don't value myself as much as I value those I love. My family and my closest friends, they could ask anything of me. So if it was for them I could do it. It'd just suck ass.

Well maybe you're not "less of a man" than the other guys here (like you said you were earlier). If it would be really hard and if it would suck ass to do it.
Yeah I see what you mean about valuing those you love, I think a lot of people do feel like that.... but you have to remember be really nice to yourself too....! :happy:



I know I couldn't do it. I've been a boy for so long, I don't even remember how to be a girl. Really, I've been dressing in boys' clothes and acting like a boy since I was about eight years old, and up until that age, there aren't too many differences between boys and girls anyway.
Apart from that, if I did decide to chuck on a skirt and halter, everybody I know would either be completely freaked out and send me to a mental hospital worried I'd gone bonkers, or they'd say 'see, told you you'd grow out of it.'
So, nope, definitely couldn't.

Well... if you've basically been a boy that long fairly constantly... maybe your Mum accepts you as a boy and you could still have a nice relationship with her even if you transitioned? (Sorry... going back to another thread).
Cool... sort of good to know these answers... (that it's so ingrained in people... part of their identities.)
Btw the way you conjured up the image of you throwing on a skirt and everyone being like :eek: was really funny LOL!


When I can stop crying at the question I will answer later. Being serious here.

Awwwww mist... I'm so sorry... I'd never want to make you cry
*hug hug*
I hope you're feeling much better by the time you read this.
What exactly made you cry? (Maybe we can help cheer you up if we know what it was.)
Don't worry!

[Abraxas]

Well... if you've basically been a boy that long fairly constantly... maybe your Mum accepts you as a boy and you could still have a nice relationship with her even if you transitioned? (Sorry... going back to another thread).
Cool... sort of good to know these answers... (that it's so ingrained in people... part of their identities.)
Btw the way you conjured up the image of you throwing on a skirt and everyone being like :eek: was really funny LOL!



Well, I'm sure I probably could, but there's other stuff keeping me from transitioning fully as well. It would take everyone some time to get used to, that's for sure. And really, if I'm nervous for people to see my hairy legs now, imagine how nervous I'd be to wander about the place shirtless :eek:

[pocoyo]

Awww dude. I know what you feel about the hairy legs thing (as you know from my bye bye fur thread lol!) And I also know what you mean about the shirtless thing... I have thought about that myself :hmmm:
The thing is though, if you did transition you could ease people gently into it... and I mean... if they are used to you being boyish anyway, and if you explained it to them... they would probably understand.
What I mean is.. I think they would get used to it in the end :happy:

(If/when you decided it was right for you and had transitioned) You'd probably feel so much more confident/happier in yourself that that would outweigh your nervousness in the end.

[Abraxas]

Well, yes, I suppose most people would at least sort of get it. Although my step-dad's side of the family are all first-generation Iranian-Americans, so they probably wouldn't. My grandparents, anyway. They, after all, come from a culture where dating is a no-no. However, they're some of the most liberal Middle-Easterners I've ever met. They call themselves 'quote-unquote Muslims' which I find rather amusing.
I suppose I wouldn't really have to tell that side of the family anything. I don't think they'd really notice . . . Ha!

[pocoyo]

Haha 'quote-unquote Muslims' , thats funny! They sound like they have a good sense of humour.

I suppose I wouldn't really have to tell that side of the family anything. I don't think they'd really notice . . . Ha!
LOL!! Pretty cool ;)

[Abraxas]

Oh yes, definitely good senses of humour. It's a mad-house when we all get together. You should see my granddad when he's had too much vodka. It's absolutely insane. Everything he says is hilarious, even though I don't know a bit of Farsi. Haha!

[mistunderstood]

Every time I think of this question I panic and want to cry. Even though I have only made baby steps I could never go back. Not for (this is sad but) not for family or for friends or love. I right now am rocking the boat with my SO on this subject.

[pocoyo]

Every time I think of this question I panic and want to cry. Even though I have only made baby steps I could never go back. Not for (this is sad but) not for family or for friends or love. I right now am rocking the boat with my SO on this subject.

Well I think you are very brave to have made the decision *hug*.
Good on you for being true to yourself.. and you tell that panicky voice to be quiet ok? Good luck with your SO... hope they come round. Baby steps sounds sensible... slowly but surely :happy:
There's a wonderful saying I love.... the size of my steps don't matter, as long as I am faced in the right direction.Something like that.