HELP please

[nygirl]

Hello all! I met this great guy who has everythig I could ever want in a person. A few weeks in, he admitted to me he was a cross dresser. I really dont feel it bothers me. With that being said I also want to be prepared. My question to you all is whats the best way I can be supportive of him? What do you all wish your SO would do or know? Thanks in advance!

[Alice Torn]

We need to know where you are first. Thanks.

[marie354]

I like to be fully dressed all day and every day that I can. I'm going on two weeks of dressing every day except when my girlfriend and I go out together somewhere, which is about twice a week. She's still not sure about it, but she's very understanding.

[Holly]

Hi NYGirl. First of all, :welcom: to the forum. So what's the best way you can be supportive of your BF's CDing? First of all be honest with him about how you feel. It does neither of you any good to pretend. If you really have no problems with it, great! If you have concerns, express them to him. He must trust you to have told you about this part of his life. Work through the issues (if any) together. Communication is the key. The fact that you've come here looking for answers speaks volumes to your sincerity. One question you might ask him is what HE would like from you. Let that be the beginning of your dialog with him.

[Marcie Sexton]

Good for you...you didn't jump to conclusions that he was some freak or pervert...support him and enjoy the company of two in one...A girl friend and a S/O...I know for a while my S/O was dead set against me dressing and for a while did not dress by her request, well more like a demand...Needless to say our marriage suffered terribly. Given the problems we endured I was a testiment of our love for each other we didn't throw our hands up and call game set and match...:(
Then back in November for some unknown reason, she gave me a bithday present that was the best I had ever had, my identy and clothes back:happy: ...Now we have ventured out, she helps with my make up, just got me two skirts for Christmas, has agreed to go shopping together for our unmentionables:heehee:

Moral of the story...Love him, Hug him, and support him 110%, find out what size he wears and give him a nice article of clothing...Ask to see him and then offer you help in making it happen...

Good for you and good luck...Your kind< understanding and supportive > are few and far between...:hugs:

[princessmichelle]

NY Girl:

The book MY HUSBAND BETTY is an intelligent and clear discussion of what it is like to be the girlfriend (and later wife) of a crossdressing man. The author thought it was cool that her boyfriend had a kinky side, and supports his crossdressing. She knows that it is not going away (it almost never goes away), and she accepts it.

Despite this:
* she worries about his crossdressing as a hobby that could forever be a secret from the world, with the threat of exposure. What if someone finds out? Who can I talk to about this safely?
*she also worries about boundaries, the future, her femininity....

I can add that most male crossdressers are terrified of losing the woman they love-many crossdressers _never_ find a girlfriend who will put up with this. The fact that he told you early on is a very good sign-it shows that he is smart enough to realize that hiding the secret would hurt you, even though telling you could have been a huge risk.

Good luck.

"Michelle"

[nygirl]

First of all thank you all for answering! For those who want to know I am a
GG. My CDer isnt as accepting of himself as what you all seem to be. He grew up in a severly religious household and I dont believe he got a lot of attention from his parents, others GGs etc. He told me he only dresses sometimes and he may have weeks of not doing it. He doesnt shave, he currently has a beard and does not wear makeup even when dressed. I guess my question to you all is do you think he is sugar-coating it because he is scared I will freak out? I really want to understand all of this. I have been reading many of your all posts and more then anything I want him to accept himself which I dont think he has. I am sure many of you have been there and what is something someone else could have done to help?

[Peggy55]

I wish I could find a GG like you here in California! :love:
Peggy


First of all thank you all for answering! For those who want to know I am a
GG. My CDer isnt as accepting of himself as what you all seem to be. He grew up in a severly religious household and I dont believe he got a lot of attention from his parents, others GGs etc. He told me he only dresses sometimes and he may have weeks of not doing it. He doesnt shave, he currently has a beard and does not wear makeup even when dressed. I guess my question to you all is do you think he is sugar-coating it because he is scared I will freak out? I really want to understand all of this. I have been reading many of your all posts and more then anything I want him to accept himself which I dont think he has. I am sure many of you have been there and what is something someone else could have done to help?

[Sheila]

ny girl can other GG's answer or do you just want answers from the cdr's themselves, and by the way welcome to the forum

[Alice Torn]

Strict religion, is an issue I have had to wrestle with, too. I wish there were a whole lot more ladies, like you everywhere! Tell him about this site, tell him, it is not that unusual, and there are far worse things he could be doing. I have never understood a beard, with dressing up, though, unless only in the closet. Lucille

[nygirl]

I am open to answers, suggestions or thoughts from anyone if they have insight into this.

[MsJanessa]

My advice is to feel your way slowly----find out if he wants to dress with/in front of you, what he likes to do when dressed(ie go out, hang around the house, have friends over etc), whether or not he wants to have sex with you when dressed(and if youre ok with that) etc---there is no way that you are going to know overnight whether he and his xding is for you or not. What might seem awful and scary at first, after a while might seem fine. Conversly what seemed ok at first, might be a real turnoff after you have been exposed to it repeatedly over a period of time( kind of like ignoring a guys personal habits is fine during the first bloom of romance but after a few months you want to kill him when he leaves the toilet seat up) Whatever happens don't make the mistake of thinking that you can change him from not wanting to Xdress---it doesn't work like that---even if he says he won't do it any more for your sake he will still have a very strong urge and probably will eventually start dressing again. Just go slow---find out what he likes to do, go shopping withhim if he and you are comfortable with that. If you are comfortable with him shaving you might encourage that, then participate in make up and hair sessions etc. It all depends on what you are both comfortable with.

[nygirl]

Strict religion, is an issue I have had to wrestle with, too. I wish there were a whole lot more ladies, like you everywhere! Tell him about this site, tell him, it is not that unusual, and there are far worse things he could be doing. I have never understood a beard, with dressing up, though, unless only in the closet. Lucille


He has never went out dressed, he says this is just something he does at home. I do feel there are worse things he could be doing and this isnt a big deal to me. If I had the choice of him wearing heels or putting a needle in his arm I would pick the heels! Dressing isnt hurting anyone and its comforting him . He needs some support for sure and I thank you all again for being so open and honest with me.

[Shadeauxmarie]

Many of the members here do not wish to go out and "Pass". Many of them do. That is not really unusual. Most of us have gone through phases in our CD life.

Would it bother you if hew were dressed all the time at home? How about when you are intimate? Would you be willing to participate when he dresses? Does he entertain bi-related fantasies? Does he only dress up to pleasure himself? Does he think he might be gender dyshoric? Are you both looking at marriage down the road? Kids? Will you/he be telling family? Friends?

These questions and many more may come up. BUT, only if you sit down and talk to him about it. Just remember, relationships are dynamic and not static. Your views on his dressing up may change. So may his.

Life is the journey, not a destination. I wish you luck on your journey.
:2c:

[Tree GG]

Welcome - seems the CDing world is getting bigger & bigger every day.

Our initial stories are very similar. Within these past 4 (or is it 5?) mos that I've known, however, the beard has gone, more shaving has begun, and even though he doesn't dress frequently, he's gone from something he does alone with just clothes, to forms, makeup, wig....the whole 9 yards. Are you comfortable with that possibility?

It may or may not accelerate, that's up to your guy and then for you to decide if you want to participate. You can't make him be OK with it or not. You can tell him what you think or feel, but in the end it's his evaluation that will determine the course. Perhaps professional counseling or one of the many publications available may help your b/f identify with his personal reasons for CDing and accepting himself.

Just as it's easy for a GG partner to totally reject the idea initially, it's equally easy to try to be all accepting without fully understanding what you're getting into. Education and honest, direct communication, empathy & consideration are a must, IMO - from both CD & GG. Good luck.

[Dixie Darling]

You may find answers to a lot of the questions you have on my web site. It's a CLEAN site and you might want to look over the material WITH your boyfriend and discuss it as you read. Let me know if you find it helpful.

Dixie -- http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd

[Holly]

NY Girl, the issue of self acceptance is almost universal within the CD community. For me it was the isolation and the feeling that I was the only one in the world that did this kind of thing. Just finding out that there are others like myself went a long way in helping me come to a place where I can accept the fact that I am a cross dresser. If your BF is not a member here, please point him in our direction. With your support and our encouragement, I think he may be able to come to terms with himself.

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

since ive joined the forum ive learnt communication is major key. talking, and learning what you both want/need is a BIG part with the c/d. the fact you "want" to support and understand, well.... hun your half way there :happy:
also there is a GG forum you can join, a few GG's and moderators will tell you what you need to do . everyone on the forums are here to support/help each other, so any questions u have , people will try to help with :love:
try and sit and talk with him, and make it relaxed, so theres no pressure for you both. then, you can BOTH learn to understand what each other wants/expects from the c/d.
hope it works out for you :love:

[janedoe311]

He is probably more uncomfortable with is crossdressing than you are.

Some like myself would not want my SO to be involved even if it does not bother her. CD’n for some is a private thing.

I would go like to dress with a GG friend but not my wife.

I do not want her to see me like that.

So you need to be able to read him to see what he needs or wants. I may simply be just to go shopping and leave him by himself once in a while.

And he may have a problem with you talking about it. So take a little time to read him.

[Beckii_aCDInOz]

nygirl,

Bravo, kudos and all that jazz :clap: Full marks for not exiting stage right!

I think the most important thing is support & empathy. GG's may not always understand where their guy is coming from, but, the willingness to simply listen, talk & accept that differences make the world go round, goes a long way in showing that your their for someone.

I think you've done really well so far & have got a pretty good start :)



hugs

x

beckii