Words can hurt...

[cdeeko]

One of my bi friends who has been helping me deal with new lifestyles issues responded to one of my e-mails about a possible fashion Idea this way...

I know she did not mean it to sting like it did (we have since talked.) but this kind of hurt...


"Honestly you won't be making a very realistic girl, so you should go with whatever you like, not try and pull off a certain look, but thats a pretty trendy look these days, classic almost and cute. "

I now know what she meant and agree BUT I still say she could have phrased it better.

Guess I needa hug.:(

[Joy Carter]

"Sticks and stones" Hun. But I know if it came from a friend you start to wonder. Just maybe she was being honest with you and felt comfortable telling you.

[Amy Hepker]

:bighug: Life can be cruel and so can words. I guess we just have to take evryday as it comes and do the best we can. If anyone cannot pass it would be me. I am 235 and 6"2" not fat, but not all muscle. Very large boned with large hands and head. But you know what if I could get the chance, I would still like to go out and see what would happen.

[Alice D]

eeko-that's the kind of feedback I dread- especially from a friend. After talking aobut it did you get anything positive?

Alice

[Holly]

:hugs: :hugs:

[Angela E.]

I think she was being very catty and cruel.Before you let her ignorant comments get you down, consider the source.I wish I could hug you in person sister, but this will have to do.:hugs: :hugs: :bighug: :bighug: I hope you feel better soon.Love:love: Angela.:bunny: :bunny: : :doll: :bunny: :bunny:

[cdeeko]

eeko-that's the kind of feedback I dread- especially from a friend. After talking aobut it did you get anything positive?

Alice
:hugs:
Yeah she was all for some of my outfit ideas. And she was not trying to be mean. Just honest.

I think it just hurt because one of my other friends helping me accept me is open to any idea I have and so wants to make me at least feel pretty.
She is so up for my dream glamour female boxer photo-shoot, helping me, and she even knows a photographer, and is so GO for it.

But this friend was trying to keep me from expecting too much and getting hurt. So she accidentely hurt me instead.
If that makes sense.:hugs:

[Kate Simmons]

You are as realistic as you want to be Hon. You have your imagination. With that the sky is the limit.:happy: Ericka Kay

[sterling12]

But the real point is, she doesn't know! She probably didn't give it much thought and people can be very un-sympathetic to the feelings of others, but she simply has no idea how you will look when your dressed up.

I have seen lots of gurl's who look entirely different with makeup and in the right kinds of clothes. Your male image is no indication of how you will look as a woman. Most of us, would not even be recognizable to even our closest kin when we are en' femme.

Even if she's seen you dressed up before, it's still not an indicator. Somebody does your makeup differently, you wear a different corset or a convincing wig. It all changes with the occasion and the moment.

So phooey on that! Do not let her negative vibes put a lot of doubts in your head. Let the rest of the world be the judge of whether your pretty or not.....you might be surprized!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[cdeeko]

But the real point is, she doesn't know! She probably didn't give it much thought and people can be very un-sympathetic to the feelings of others, but she simply has no idea how you will look when your dressed up.

I have seen lots of gurl's who look entirely different with makeup and in the right kinds of clothes. Your male image is no indication of how you will look as a woman. Most of us, would not even be recognizable to even our closest kin when we are en' femme.

Even if she's seen you dressed up before, it's still not an indicator. Somebody does your makeup differently, you wear a different corset or a convincing wig. It all changes with the occasion and the moment.

So phooey on that! Do not let her negative vibes put a lot of doubts in your head. Let the rest of the world be the judge of whether your pretty or not.....you might be surprized!

Peace and Love, Joanie

I think that is why I am gonna let my best friend Pammy do my make-up etc.
She called me dollface even before I came to grips with cross dressing.
And is so into my glamour photo dream AND getting me to clubs in drag.
Her and another friend Aimee are even giving me wigs they no longer use.
Pammy's is a blue sort of anime one with pigtails.
And Aimme is giving me one that is Catherine Zeta Jones in chicago style. And A betty page style black with red highlights--I want to use the BP one when I finally get to do the glamour boxing photos.:heehee:

[Stephenie S]

Yeah, I know how it is. This evening at work I told one of my girlfriends that I was trying to make my handwriting more feminine. She asked me to show her what I meant, so I wrote something and showed it to her and said, "See, that's not very feminine looking". She looked at it and then said, "Yeah? Well, guess what, neither are you".
Now she did appologize and said she hadn't meant to sound so mean, and I know she likes me, although she really doesn't aprove of my CDing, but those words did hurt for a while. Words can hurt.

Steph

[Angie G]

cdeeko :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Angie

[Stephenie S]

Yeah, I guess so.

[jozee]

A True Friend Will Tell You The Truth, Or At Least, Their Honest
Opinion. A Wise Man Once Said, "nothing Hurts Like The Truth", Or
Words To That Effect! If You Are Brave Enough To Go Out Anyway,
You've Got Me Beat. The Only Time I Went Out Fully Dressed, No Wig
And Only Nail Polish And Lipstick, Was T0 A Halloween Party. I
Don't Think There Is Enough Make Up In The World To Make Me Pass,
And I'm Not Ready To Come Out Of The Closet Yet, Anyway. God
Bless, And Merry Christmas. And The Hell With Any Body Who Is
Offended By That! Jesus Is The Reason For The Season. Minorities
Are Allowed To Do What They Want While Christians Are Expected To Be Tolerant Of Them But We Can't Practice Our Beliffs So As
Not To Offend Them! Bah! Humbug!

[Maureen Henley]

People are frequently unaware of how their comments sound to the recipient. It's a 3 step process: sender thinks, sender puts into words and recipient hears words, recipient interprets idea. The problem comes when the listener interprets the words, inflection, and facial language of the speaker differently than the speaker intended. My wife and I still have this problem occasionally after 22 years of marriage.

On the other hand it sounds like your friend was being what my mother used to refer to as "brutally frank".

:hugs: Maureen

[Helen MC]

I was taught at Primary(Grade) School a very useful aphorism. The three things which can not be called back are the Lost Opportunity, the Sped Arrow and the Spoken Word. Thus in the case of the last of these to carefully weigh our words before uttering or writing them as in real life one cannot "erase and rewind".

I know that at my age and build I would never "pass". This is no problem for me as whilst I "underdress" 24/7 by wearing panties under my male clothing , I only dress fully en-femme at home. I would however say that I have seen hundreds of ordinary biological women who look like a "man in drag" for lack of a better description , even although they are quite definitely female , indeed there is one such woman where I work. She is married and has kids, wears quite ordinary female clothing, a tee-shirt or sweater , skirt and I assume bra and panties, yet her build and face are rather masculine. IMHO she could easily pass if dressed in male clothing as a man.

From what you have said I don't think your friend meant to hurt by making the remarks in question, but was being honest, if perhaps brutally so.

I also have to say that, having seen quite a few M to F CDs in my time , some try too hard and over egg the cake. They dress as their fantasy woman, all frills and lace etc and perhaps over do the makeup, whereas if you observe ordinary women in their everyday activities they will be wearing ordinary female clothing and a minimum of makeup. Alas by so doing they stand out and are almost wearing a sign saying "Transvestite".

[Marcie Sexton]

Words do indeed cut deeper than any knife...but with that said, I'd be willing to bet you're a much better looking gal than she is :2c:

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[paulaN]

Here is a hug from me.:hugs:

[cdeeko]

Words do indeed cut deeper than any knife...but with that said, I'd be willing to bet you're a much better looking gal than she is :2c:

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Thanks BUT If I am half as pretty as her. I will be happy. She is one of the hottest woman I personally know.

:devil:

[MsJanessa]

Hi Hon----as I've said in other postson this site the whole point of dressing etc is not so much to pass but to be beautiful, glamorous and chic---I'm 5'11'' (6'2'' in heels, which I always wear) so even though I attract both men and women(lots of each), I'm a little too tall to "pass" conventionally----don't worry about it. I've met (and slept with) T-Girls who are more stunningly beautiful than any GG I've ever met--My relationships with them have been and are more satisfying than with most of My GG relationships---yet because of size issues many if not most of those T-Girls couldn't "pass" yet they all seem to be the most desirable ladies in the room so to speak----I would much rather be a beautiful T-Girl than a plain ordinary GG---so don't worry about passing, strive to make yourself look fabulous. xoxoxo Janessa