My Black Christmas update

[MJ]

well most of you know a bit about my life. i wanted to give you an up-date
it's been just under two years since my wife and i split up over my gender issues and our breakup was vary hard because i loved her so. but she could not deal with the fact that i wanted to dress en femme. and i lost everything including my own family members. and around this time of the year is vary hard. on top of that i chose to do the real life test and live full time as a woman and had my legal name change and my gender on my drivers license change to an "f" female and live full time as mj. to make things worse after family support had finished with me it made my life a living hell as i found that i could no longer support myself. and no help with my lack of money issues in order to live. as a result of that i just lost my apartment and find myself back at the Begining again... my good friend Angela gg and her so have said i could go stay with them. but most of my belongings have to go to a good will as there is no room for them. and once again i have nothing. my god when is something good ever going to happen to me. now i try again to re build my life.
thanks to my good friends i have some were to go ..and you are my new family. thanks to you i have learned much. gained confidence i never knew i had and became a better person because of you..
i love you all :hugs: :love:

[Holly]

MJ, we love you, too :hugs:. They say what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. Honey, you're far from dead... hang in there.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Marissa

Just remember your new family is here to help you

[Di]

Hon...things will get better..... if there is anything I can do give us a shout...you have a big family here that cares about you.:hugs:

[stephanie100]

hang in there we are all here when you need to talk:rose2:

[SherriePall]

MJ -- I am so sorry to hear about your problems. Somehow, I feel that things will start getting better for you. But you have to remember to keep your head held high and to keep plugging away. Life can only keep you down if you let it.
In the meantime, we are all here for you. Don't hesitate to give a shout if you need to talk.

[maybeJan]

With your positive attitude, you'll come through. :hugs:

Jan

[racquel]

You may have nothing and be starting over but you are who you should be and always will be from now on:thumbsup: ,and since you are a new person it's expected to start from scratch.:hugs:

[Kenix]

It's always darkest just before dawn. I am sure things will get better. :hugs:

[tekla west]

Before you go running to the arms of "your new family" here online, you should go to the post on discrimination, put yourself - as I'm sure you have been - in that sitution and find out what they really think of you. Fine words butter no parsnips, and some who would encourage you on this thread would undercut you in real life as they so clearly state.

You are lucky to have such a good friend in real life. Keep to that. And when everthing is overwhelming, sit down, list out what it important and work on first things first. One step at a time. One day at a time. One problem at a time.

I know well how hard those first few Xmas are. How lost in the world we can become. But there is a way out, a light at the end and all that. Things can get better, but only to the degree that you work at them. You came this far, it took a lot of courage. You were brave - where most are weak. Hold that close to you also. The power of your dreams are the greatness within you, and that provides the way out.

When all else fails, serve dinner to homeless persons.

[Melora]

WOW! Your story does trully break my heart! How Crappy.. And you do look like a very beautifull girl indeed.
I trully believe that the Higher Power gives us lessons.. Nothing EVER happens without a reason. It is up to YOU to figgure out the whole Learning experience from your situation..
Good luck to you Girl..
P.S. If you cannot support yourself, you HAVE TO STRIVE to be EVEN BETTER! IE.. Find a Better Job or something..
Just a :2c:

[Janelle Young]

Hi MJ,

A positive mental attitude is very important and also at times so very hard to have. This may sound silly but think good things and good things will happen. See it in your mind and then make it happen.

Know we all are here for you if needed.

[cdeeko]

:hugs:

[Kaitlyn Michele]

hi MJ...

its my first xmas this year coming up that i've been away from my wife...i'm not a full time girl... but i share the experience with you of being true to myself and risking my relationships with people who i truly love......only to be utterly rejected ...pretty much ONLY because of this part of me....

all i can say is that you are not alone out there and that you are the only person who is responsible for YOU...and you can't control how other people think or act and so you did nothing wrong ...

pls hang in there
peace love and merry xmas

michele

[Amy Hepker]

MJ,
I am sorry to hear about your situation. I guess if you plan on dressing 24/7 then You better try to find a job where they will accept you. As far as your drivers license, go to the drivers license place and tell them you lost your license or it was destoyed and get a new one. Make sure they use your new name on it. They will usally change the name on it, but not the sex. Then when you go back again tell them someone made a mistake on the sex and get it changed to Female. There are ways to get around the name thing. Go for jobs you can do or even enroll in college and get grants to go. I hate to say it but you can get Student Loans also, but be careful of the Loans.

GOOD LUCK and GOD BLESS!!!

Keep in touch!
I'll pray for ya.

[JulieCDorlando]

Hello Mj,
I can certainly understand your feelings about this time of year. Although my life situation here is rough also, I can see it isn't nearly as bad as what you are going through. I am sorry that you are having a difficult time of making ends meet. Certainly you have been blessed to have a good friend that is willing to help you. Even though your family disowns you, at least you have been brave enough to let them in on who you truely are. I on the other hand am struggling with my secret with my family. I often wonder when good things are going to come around for all the good people too. it does seem that the ones that are getting ahead are the coniving, deceitful, and malicious ones, but I assure you MJ that you will have yoiur time in the sun. Try as best as you can to maintian a postive outlook. Look around and give thanks for what you do have. You have people here that will listen and help as much as possible. I do wish you the best in life. I hope things get better for you soon. :hugs: :love:

[Tina Dixon]

My god this is awfully, hang in there MJ thing can only get better:hugs:

[Calliope]

MJ:

I'm chilled, reading your words.

Probably a pretty good indication of what 2007 will be looking like for me.

Starting over from scratch - I do believe it's much more terrifying for womyn than guys.

And even more terrifying for those of us choosing that destiny.

If you're ever in Menlo Park, I'll make ya dinner.

Unless I'm homeless by then.

:love:

[ColleenCD]

Marissa,

Your getting weary from dealing with the same issues. The family support eroding and financial concerns add up. In the midst of it all, start counting the good things in your life. They out weigh the bad by miles/kilometers. Tekla is right...go help someone. Feed them, serve them, help them. By doing so we find our wealth lies within not without. That said, please know we're here for you.

Colleen

[cdeeko]

:hugs: I totally feel for you. I am almost ignoring the holidays this year except when forced to do stuff with family. Due to the fact that that within 2 weeks of each other around thaksgiving I lost 2 family members to cancer. Then found out a good friend has cancer. Then last Monday another Good friend almost committed suicide. I am still giving gifts because I love to give stuff. BUT I have up no tree, only listen to Christmas Music in stores, and did not send out cards.
So be strong we will make it through.:hugs:

[michelleliz]

I have started over 3 times. Lost every thing I am now by my self again and things are better. Lonly but better.

mICHELLE LIZ:love:

[Marla S]

MJ, don't know what to say.

Can it go worse ? Hardly imaginable. So it has to go up again soon.

You have my deepest respect for your descion and as a person.
Wish you the best.:love:

[Bethanygirl]

No one should feel alone during this season, just remember, you are not. There are people here and in your life at home for you, they may not be who you would always like to be with, but they are here for you. I wish you the best dear, and hope a happy holidays for you.
:love:

[rye_ginger]

:hugs:

[Joni Beauman]

MJ - best wishes to you. Hope you find work very soon - serving in a position can take our minds off our own circumstances. Joni

[Fallen Angel]

Sweety when god closes a door he opens a window.I truely belive at times he tests the faith within our selves.And im here for you as well
Big huggs

and xxx's Angel

[suzy]

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. Life can be so unfair sometimes. You do have friends here and we care for you. Take it one step at a time and keep smiling, as hard as it may be. This holiday season is difficult for many people, you are not alone.

I'm praying for you!:hugs:

[uknowhoo]

Awww, MJ, I'm so very sorry you're having a tough time.:hugs: Do take a moment to step back, and make an inventory of all of the blessings you do enjoy. This will help you persevere through these tougher times, until your situation improves. Thank goodness you do have friends who are able to take you in. We're all pulling for you. Take care. xoxo Tammi

[stacylynn1]

Hey Hon if you got your health anything is possable couse things can always get worse . and good jobs are tight now everywhere so you might have to find one as your guy self MERRY XMAS StacyLynn

[SusanTL]

Destest MJ.

I heart goes out to you. It's hard enough being a women in general,it's double hard being a T-woman. I did not not lose as much as you did. I was never married. However, I lost all family and past friends. Over time, I made new friends (better friends), because they accept me as Susan. Which is who I am. I got two low paying jobs, one day job and one on weekends. I also went to night school two nights a week and over time got a degree. I had no free time for anything. I got so busy, I did not have time to think about what I lost and my past. I focused on the future. I focused in on the BIG prize - Susan. Female Susan. Full time Susan.

Today - I am Susan, 24/7/365 - and loving every second of it. I got a higher paying job and even have a boyfriend to keep me warm at night.

Stay strong dear MJ, and never let anyone or people get you down ot keep you down. never let anyone tell you - NO. You are a free women.

Hugs dear Sister.

[RachelDenise]

MJ, I know it doesn't seem possible right now to focus on the positive right now, but you have to try. You have great friends who are helping you, your helath is good, and many here are rooting for you. The holidays are naturally depressing for many. Keep looking for the good. It's there.

[Angela E.]

I am so sad and angry after reading your story and some of the others here.People are really shitty y`know?I hope things get better for you real soon.Love:love: girl hugs:hugs: and hoping smething good happens to you this Christmas.-:bunny: :bunny: :bunny: :be: :bunny: :bunny: :bunny: Angela.

[Angie G]

Marissa hang in there girl a little hard work and things will get better :hugs:
Angie

[marie354]

...And updated your license too! :thumbsup: That's great! I'm sure your life will be better. Be patient. All good things come to those that wait.
:hugs: :love: :hugs:

[Chiana]

I know that when times are at there toughest, it is hard to think positive but you have to do it.

"How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time."

Please re-read SusanTL's post over and over. That is probably the model you will have to follow. Print it out. Set it as your goal. Keep reminding yourself of your goals continuously. You will have to work at it and work hard but you can do it. "What the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve." Now get out there and start working on achieving your goals. Start today. Don't wait any longer. Do it NOW.

:love: :hugs: :hugs:

[Nikki T]

Soooo sorry to hear that, it is never easy starting over, i have known that pain and am still battling, having totally hard financial trouble, and may not be too soon till i am beside you without an apt., hoping it doesnt come to that but am currently unloading my valuables to support myself in the process. I too understand about the family, i have been ignored for years and it doesnt seem like they can be bothered and i havent even Came out yet, so I understand your Pain and with my whole heart Wish you the Best, Merry Xmas, Happy New Year for it will be a Great one. Hold your head up and look to the future because that is all that matters now :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[Sage GG]

:hugs: My heart goes out to you, try not to think of it as a black Christmas but more as a time of new beginnings. You have friends and your health, it will be fine.