Leaving Forum/Almost Quitting CDing

[Sarah38b]

I have been doing some soul searching and I have decided to leave the forum and quit crossdressing. I can't go on pretending to be somebody I will never be. It's just too difficult when your living with your parents. I will always love womens clothing, all the styles and fabrics. There are many reasons why I did crossdress. As stated before, I love the styles and the fabrics, the fact I have 38B breasts, maybe it was sexually gratifying. Dressing just made me have these feminine feelings and they were good. I always had this feeling inside when I put my arms through the bra straps to put it on. I may just wear the bra occasionally since I am so in love with them but as for the rest, well it can never be...at least until I'm on my own. I always felt like a pervert wandering around the lingerie/ladies section. I know it's pretty normal for a woman to browse in the men's department but it does seem a bit unusual for a guy in the lingerie section. I'm just tired of living a secret life that I cannot share with family and friends.

Sarah

[Melissa A.]

Hi Sarah, wont try to talk you out of anything, but let me ask you, cding is obviously a sexual thing for you. May be more, I don't know.
Why would anyone share things of a sexual nature with their family and friends? It's none of their business, and they don't want to hear about it anyway.

I understand the living with your parents thing, and nothing wrong with putting something on shelf for a while while it is impractical.

As far as feeling like a pervert, First of all you are not. I am not saying that to make you feel good, it's just a fact. CDing hurts no one, steps on no one's toes, is not illegal. THe fact that it makes some people uncomfortable does not make you a pervert.

I get the feeling you are rather young. All I am trying to do is maybe prevent you from experiencing a life of revolving door supress/return, as many girls here will tell you they have lived, before they became comfortable with who they are.

I am not telling you not to quit. I am not telling you to cross dress. I am not telling you to do anything.

All I am telling you, is, you have done nothing wrong.

Hugs,

Melissa :)

[sherri]

Sarah, you may be about to be flooded with encouragement to continue dressing, and I know that advice will come from good, compassionate people who mean well. Maybe you want to be talked out of quitting. I for one do not feel qualified to advise someone one way or the other on such a personal issue.

You are young, with much life ahead of you and plenty of time for reflection. If you need a season away from dressing, there's nothing wrong with that. Crossdressing can be lonely and frustrating, and it can cause problems.

One thing you said bothers me, though — for your sake. Feeling guilty about crossdressing is common in our society, but you should resist that impulse and not let it be the basis of your decision. If you want to quit dressing for awhile because you know it will hurt people you love (and who love you), such compassion is legitimate and admirable. But don't let this situation make you think there is something wrong with you.

[Melissa A.]

Thanks for adding, Sheri.

Hugs,

Melissa :)

[Rachel C.]

Sarah, please don't quit. A few years ago I quit for almost one full year. Myself, you maybe different, I was the sadest that I could ever be. I just wasn't the same. I know that you will eventually find someone that you can talk with regarding your secret life. I know because I did in October of 2003. Also, that is, I feel why we have this website. To give one another the encouragement that is sometimes needed so that we can go on being who we want to be, even if it is secret. Beacuse of websites like this one, I have started to become more brave about going outside as Rachel. Granted, I do not go much further than my back porch and only in the middle of the night, but it is a big step. All you need is a little support and a whole lot of encouragement. Maybe we can get together sometime and just be us girls. I think that it might do both of us some good.

[Julie York]

We've all been through the same thing. It's a pain to have an urge that is so difficult to fulfill. And that conflict makes you feel depressed. Living with your parents doesn't help but as Mellisa said...It's between you are your hormones, no-one else. Parents make getting stoned, having sex, listening to music and decorating your room purple a problem so that's normal. Just very inconvenient.

And if it helps, I know exacly what you mean about feeling like a perve, but EVERYONE has something, some sexual preference tucked away. We aren't the only ones! Look at the darker corners of the internet and We're lucky! It could be horses! Or even less acceptable desires. Yours is just a 'thing' about an item of female clothing. Big deal.

So take a break, clear your head and we'll see you in.....oooh a week then?

[T-girlMichelle]

Sarah, If you feel you must stop while living with your parents fine but my advice to you is don't do what I and so many girls have done the deaded PURGE. Just pack your things up neatly for long term storage. You may want to take up Cding again.

[Vickie-CD]

Sarah, I wish you the very best in life. I hope all goes well for you.
Vickie

[sherri]

Good point Michelle.

[Maddie Knight]

Sarah, I spent many years living with my parents and keeping Maddie hidden. I also spent a lot of years thinking "why me !", and at times felt down.
The truth is you are you, if cd'ing is your thing try to acept it. You are not perverted and looking round girly clothes shops will become less embaracing.
My advice is to get your own place as soon as you can afford it and if your lucky you will find someone who will love you for who you are.
I am not telling you to cd or to quit, but look at what you want. You only get one shot at life, love yourself and others will love you too.
Best of luck with whatever you do.

Love
Maddie

[Tristen Cox]

Sarah it's nothing new that we, who live in fear of others finding out our secret, live with an incredible amount of stress. If you can, find a safe place for your things and put them there until you can get on your own. The purge can make things worse, but just knowing those things are still there can give you hope. You don't have to leave us. You're more than welcome to stay and we'll be happy to help you any way we can. Sometimes just talking about whats troubling you can help, and a laugh once in a while can be as good. We're all your sisters and we always will be. If you like take a break, and do somethings you may have been needing to catch up on. Than when you're ready all of us will still be here. *big hugs*



Love always
Tristen

[sherri]

Tristen, you are the bees knees — to all of us. Thank you for being such rock (a very soft, sexy, pretty rock) in this forum.

xoxo

[Stephanie Brooks]

Sarah,

I can grok. When I lived at home I had only a few items of my own. Going away to college was worse, as any deviations from the "norm" are sufficent provocation for attack.

You're doing nothing wrong by crossdressing, even though elements of society would have you believe otherwise.

In the past I've kidded about how people come here and they're quickly addicted to the forums. The reality is that this place can be a safe haven for us as a part of the transgendered community, defined by me as anyone who chooses to be here.

Also, being transgendered isn't something to be "cured". I don't know why any of us are like this. When I look at my biology, I am MALE. Inside I'm FEMALE. Aaaaaaaargh!!!! This is bloody frackin silly. How can this be? Nevertheless, it is how we are in as much as those of us who are transgendered have a mindset at odds with our body.

We each must live within the context of our situations as best we can. I know living at home as a transgendered individual can be difficult, and you must do what's necessary to survive until you're out on your own. However, the femme side of you, "Sarah", isn't something you can discard.

Hang in there Sweetie!!!!!! Maybe you'll wish to stay a little while longer, huh? ;)

[Sara Kat]

They come back. They always come back... :D

[Tristen Cox]

Tristen, you are the bees knees — to all of us. Thank you for being such rock (a very soft, sexy, pretty rock) in this forum.

xoxo

Now I'm blushing, some rock huh. Thanks Sherri


Love ya
Tristen

[Vallari]

Sarah I wish you the best of luck in whatver you choose to do. I am not going to urge you to go one way or another because I know it helps to sidetrack things for a while occasionally. You know what works for you. It is hard living at home and the secrecy stuff does get really annoying after a while. From what I've heard and expierenced though being CD just doesn't go away for good. It may be able to be suppressed to a point, but it comes back eventually. You have to find that inner balance that works for you. As far as being able to be enfemme more and being around others who accept you is concerned, all I can say is this: Good things come to those who wait. This concept hasn't failed me yet. Someday you will be in a situation where Sarah can be out more and she will be around others who are cool with her. But for now, good luck and stay happy. :)

[sherri]

You can rock me anytime, Tristen. :o

[ChristineRenee]

Sarah,

I know that you must be going through a real tough period right now, but I'm going to recommend a couple things here. One, please, PLEASE, do NOT purge your femme wardrobe. Trust me, you WILL regret it down the road if you do. CD'ing is an addiction and it will return, when you least expect it to, with a vengence. So much so that you will rebuild your wardrobe even as you are cursing yourself out for doing so.

The second thing I want to tell you is that this site is the best thing that has ever happened for people like us. You have a invaluable resource here to support you. People, many like myself, who have all gone through what you are currently experiencing and we had to do it in the days without an internet or ANYBODY we could talk to about what was happening to us.

I am not going to tell you or anyone else how to live their life. I can only offer support and the vast experience and knowledge of being a CD for over 40 years. That's a lotta years son. And we have people on this site that are older than I am who have been a CD for longer than I have been. Just remember, you will always, ALWAYS, have a home away from home here. A safe haven...an oasis in the desert that is the reality of the cold, harsh world. If you ever need us again, we will be right here for you and welcome you back with open arms.

Sarah, you are special...more than you realize now yourself. More than you will ever, ever, know. And you are truly loved as well, more than you know.

May God bless you on your journey down life's highway. Take care and most of all, please be safe.


Love always,
Christine Renee

[Sarah38b]

Thanks for your support girls. Honestly, I have purged several times in the past but always end up coming back. I don't know what it is exactly. Sometimes I think why am I this way? Other times I feel guilty in some way and end up throwing out my girlie things. There are just so many complicated things like sizings, etc...and that in itself is a nighmare. I think I will stay here. You are all so supportive and understanding and I think the best thing for me would to stay here. I feel so awkward shopping in the ladies dept. though. The last time I was looking at some skirts and these teenage girls were snickering.

Sarah

[Katiegirl]

Sarah

You may well give up - I did for 10 years as I was caring for parents but beleive me its okay to start with but it gets harder as time goes by. I found that it was always in the back of my mind and when I got my own place after my parents died 6 months ago, I was back wearing Fem cloths in no time.

I wish you the best in whatever you decided

:)

Mind of a Woman Body of a Man Life is a Bitch

[DonnaT]

Good for you and us Sarah, on your deciding to stay.

It takes some of us a long time to get past letting what others MAY be thinking dictate how we live our lives.

If you let other influence how you live your life, you'll always be unhappy.

And when shopping, you have every right to browse just like anybody else.

Live life for you and be happy, and say to hell with what others may think.

[racheal]

It's an interesting situation that all of us may or have faced in the past, present and future. Words of wisdon, "Look inside your heart and you can really see yourself for who you are and what you feel."

It's something that you have to do some 'soul searching' on. Hopefully we, as other members, some who have been CDing for many more years that I, who also have more words of wisdom than I have, can help you through this 'tragic' time. I can see in your words that you really do not want to gie it up completely. Maybe that is a good thing, maybe it's a bad thing - it depends on what your heart and mind are telling you.

Listen to that 'inner voice' inside you, be it masculine or feminine and make your choice based on sound judgement. You can always step away from it for a while and come back to it like a rolling thunderstorm coming in from the coast.

I hope that this helps you as I had lived with my parents in the past as well, had limited feminine clothing, kept it well hidden, but sometime it may come to the point when you just have to say )($*% it and let a close person know, to 'test the waters' to see how others may recieve your new information.

As for now, I do not think that you should leave the forum, but ask for further advice and oopinions of more expirienced girls here that know best - remember mother knew best, but we do know better in our hearts and minds. :) Take care...

Emotionaly yours,

[tina1957]

im a 47 yr old dress started at 9 yrs old my mom caught me at 7yrs old.ive lost one wife and 2 girlfriends.my presant wife caught me twice.we are still together but she or we dont talk about it.it suck the life.ive stopped a hundered times but i always see a pantie i cant resist and im back.its me its part of me.im still cute but when im way old ill still dress.good luck to you its tough but remember its ok your not wrong its the world that is they all do it they just dont tell

[Holly]

I read your original post this morning and thought about it all day long. Wheather you continue to CD or not is totally up to you. My only advice is be true to yourself (at least to the extent that understand who you are). It may be that a break is what you need... some time to sort things out. Heck, isn't that why we take vacations from our jobs, to refresh and recharge? Sherri said some valuable things and I hope you take them to heart. NOTHING YOU HAVE DONE IS WRONG. <Big Hug>

[Wendy me]

sara sister not knowing ,thoughts of quitting giveing up stopping the maddness........
realy not that uncommon.......just part of this little game we are in.......its funny and
sceary all at the same time.....theres a balance and a total mealt down.....joy and true happeness.........and crashing and burning all just around the connor............
i know this for shure.....this for most is not chosen........rather it choises you........
it's not what you do ..........it's who you are........................

it took me a long time to kinda get it some what together (i said some what) their
is something you have that manny of us includeing me never had in the begining
that is this place........theise girls ..........take small steps you can get there......
just some thing i have found out along the way.............play ........have some fun
along the way.........let lose .........be a little crazy..........lifes too short....kick back
its's not that bad...........some times it is......just be ...........girlfreind i got this
feeling your going to be ok...............




come over here and get a huge hug you an't going anywere

[Bonnie-OR]

Hi Sarah. I'm glad you're staying too. Like the rest of the girls, I'm not gonna try to talk you into or out of dressing. But I will repeat about not purging. I shudder to think how much money I've thrown away every time I quit for good. Not to mention the things that are not availabe any more. Just store your things away safely. You will want them again. Huggs, Bonnie

[Merinda]

Sarah, my advice to you is don't do what I and so many girls have done the deaded PURGE. Just pack your things up neatly for long term storage. You may want to take up Cding again.

I agree with Michelle ,

pack your stuff away in a box and put it way out of sight , I have given up many times only to be dragged (pardon the pun ) back into it again .

I know of a girl who gave it away for 15 years and went back to it.

Sarah , take some time and enjoy a new interest for a while , but please dont throw out your cloths because what your feeling now wont last.

[ChristineRenee]

Sarah,

I am so glad that you have made the decision to stay. You have gotten some excellent advice by a number of the very special girls who are members here, and I am pleased that you feel more comfortable enough with us to stay on. Like I told you before, you will always have a home here and that you are truly loved. You have done absolutely NOTHING wrong. But the advice to maybe take a break from CD'ing for awhile is sound. It will also give you some time to examine your feelings about this subject and how you feel about yourself. The other sound advice that you have been given here, almost to a person, is to resist that "urge to purge." That can be a vicious cycle that will cost you large sums of both money, and anxiety when you end up re-purchasing your entire wardrobe. I only did it one time and at the time my wardrobe could all fit into one suitcase. By the time I had "finished" initially re-buying, you could have filled 3 foot lockers full of my stuff. So anytime you have those feelings of wanting to purge, just find yourself a good storage place and put them there for safe keeping. You will thank yourself many times over that you did.

Once again Sarah, I'm pleased that you made the decision to stay. Remember again that we are all here for you when you need us...as you have already seen in this thread.:) ;)

Love,
Christine Renee

[Helana]

Something tells me Cheap is trying to provoke us. :rolleyes: Does the Administration have a policy on trolling?

As far as purging goes, I agree no matter how bad you feel now, in a few months time you will feel much better about yourself, have put everything back into perspective and start missing your favorite clothes. If you throw them away then you will not be able to replace them with the same designs and you will be kicking yourself.

The last time I purged I was also still with my parents but I had already recognized that my CD desires would inevitably return so I put everything into those black garbage bags and went to a nearby forest and found a hole under a tree and left them there. Many months later I picked them up again and 90% of them were ok although somehow some water had got inside and a few items were ruined. I then had a massive washing day when my parents were away to wash and dry everything and then I placed everything into new bags and put them under the floorboards in the loft, just keeping one or two items in my room which were easy to hide and alternating from time to time.

The bliss of having your own place and just hanging everything in a closet is wonderful. Dont worry that day will come soon. :)

[derminator]

Sarah - I've read through your original post and your reply post.... so much of what you have written and replied too is spot on. I read through it and can picture myself doing the same things, thinking the same way... I too have 'purged several times'... at the time, it feels right and i feel powerfully released, but then i know at the same time that i will be back.

Personally speaking, this website (which i only discovered a week ago) is like looking in the mirror... I read so much of what everyone has to say and can easily see/relate to my own situation. In a way i am finding that this website nakes it easier for me to accept CDing (though the rest of society may see it differently).... at least I know I am not a freak or a weirdo... I AM OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Derminator

[Tamara Croft]

I know exactly how you feel. You are absolutely right to quit. Crossdressing is an early symptom of homosexuality and pedophilia. Throw away all of your girly stuff, kick a dog and renounce the democrats while you still can. Listen to Ann Coulter every chance you get. Anyone with a less extreme viewpoint is a born pussy. Pat Buchanon rules!!!!! Lipstick is for queers!

Oh dear... I think I get it... you are talking about yourself aren't you. Sarah just ignore this idiot.....yes IDIOT... I'm glad you are staying with us, we are all here for you... sorry for my delayed response but I have been poorly. I can't even imagine what it's like to go through what so many of you go through everyday, feeling guilty, purging, feeling misplaced in society. But just look how many members there are here, over 5,000 and yes a lot aren't active, but they all accept you for who you are. As for your family, well you can't chose them and the majority were born at a time and don't know how to adjust to the real world, that's just life. As for purging... I don't really understand why you girlz do that, I have clothes that are too small for me now... the joys of having children.... but they are in a box, they are my treasures and one day if I ever get to wear them again they will be there even though I hate the damn clothes LOL. Just try to focus on each day and do things gradually, don't panic and do something you will regret later.

Hugs
Tamara x

[Wendy me]

tamara that whole feeding thingy
hugs

[ChristineRenee]

Sarah - I've read through your original post and your reply post.... so much of what you have written and replied too is spot on. I read through it and can picture myself doing the same things, thinking the same way... I too have 'purged several times'... at the time, it feels right and i feel powerfully released, but then i know at the same time that i will be back.

Personally speaking, this website (which i only discovered a week ago) is like looking in the mirror... I read so much of what everyone has to say and can easily see/relate to my own situation. In a way i am finding that this website nakes it easier for me to accept CDing (though the rest of society may see it differently).... at least I know I am not a freak or a weirdo... I AM OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DerminatorUh...Derm...take it from us (ok then...ME!)...you ARE a freak or weirdo....but we luv ya just the same honey chile!:) ;)

Luv,
Christine "I know I am but what are you?" Renee:D

[Tamara Croft]

tamara that whole feeding thingy
hugs

I know....I'm sorry..... but grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr *consider myself slapped*

Tamara x

[Wendy me]

is that a hijacking ???????????????????????bon........................ .........

[Tamara Croft]

is that a hijacking ???????????????????????bon........................ .........

UHM.... *goes and hides in the corner*

Tamara x

[Wendy me]

i starting to ..............well..............you know ................well ................i mean.......ok i like to stand in the connor.................

[Sarah38b]

Well I don't have many girlie clothes, just a few bra's, some hose, and some dressy heels. I really don't have any tops or bottoms at all. I'll be throwing out a few bra's as they are a lil snug for comfort. Basically these articles of clothing except for the heels can be worn and hidden underneath guy clothes. Oh how I would love a dress like Christine's avatar..wowie! Very sexy...

Sarah

[Toni]

Hi Sarah,
I've just read your post and I must say that you should NOT under any circumstances give up CDing. I have been dressing up for 50 years now and I have given up a dozen times and each time I saw a pictur e of a bra or suspender belt I was off again, and each time it cost me a fortune in lovely clothes given to the charity shop. But the main reason I say don't give up is that in 1993 I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis and I couldn't put my high heels on because my feet were swelled up so much and I couldn't reach up to put a bra on nor could I wear nylons because my fingers wouldn't grip to pull them up. All this is apart from the fact I was walking using two walking sticks.
Anyway I gave up and it wasn't too bad because I was in so much pain that I didn't think about panties and bras. Then in 2001 I was diagnosed with prostate cancer and I really thought it was all over, but I had an operation and everything turned out o/k if you can call impotence and incontinence o/k. Things remained like that until November 2004 when the pain and swelling begane to subside, and in January 2005 I asked my wife to get me a bra, I put it on and since then I have been buying bits and pieces for the day when I can go outside again. I feel wonderful now when I'm in my "things" and as I said DON'T give up - it's bad enough when you have no choice in the matter as I had. Be true to yourself your not alone and doing nothing wrong.
I'd love to hear from you.
Love & Kisses,
Toni