What to do

[Tamara Barclay]

For reasons I wont get into, (unless you ask) the opportunity to dress up in front of my wifes best friend has come up. I have fantasized about wearing her clothes and dressing as her for years. She has even offered to let me wear her wedding dress.
My wife would be crushed if she found out, but the need to become "Brandi" (her friend) is driving me batty. I love to dress in front of real women and be a "sissy", and I know things will get sexual.
Please....someone give me some feedback!!!

[Kate Simmons]

There must be a reason why you are questioning it. Is the potential outcome worth the repercussions? Only you can answer that question.:happy: Ericka Kay

[Shelly Preston]

This sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.

You already know the consequences of you actions and have said it yourself

Its a fantasy and often when turned into reality its not the same.

Does your SO know about the dressing ????

[Tamara Barclay]

Yes, she knows of my dressing, does not approve. I know the answer seems easy, but.....well.....this is one of those "fantasy come true " things...
just really confused.

[Peggy55]

I agree with Shelly. Keep it a fantasy. It's not worth the price.

Peggy

[Tamara Barclay]

I know you all are correct...but dang....to miss the chance to wear her wedding dress in front of her (and the worst part is it will fit perfectly!!!) Oh well!

[Kate Simmons]

Guess you have to make a decision, Hon. The very fact that I questioned it would make me think twice. If you hurt your wife, you hurt yourself in more ways than one but I think you know that already.:happy: Ericka Kay

[Tamara Barclay]

Thanks for all your input. Better off not going there!!
Then again I can just wait for her next yard sale!

[older not wiser]

Hi Tamara, I wouldn't do this!!!!!! I feel you are looking at a diaster waiting to happen. You know of course once you make this fantasy a reality your marriage will be over and it may even become really ugly, are you prepared for this and the inevitable consequences? Think this over again and again. There is more then one person here that will suffer.


:love: BonnieAnne

[lady lycra]

You are crazy to be even thinking about it!
Don't go there.
Is it worth wrecking your life over maybe an hour of gratification? I think not.

Some fantasies can be lived out, but not with your wife's best friend.
Trust me. I nearly wrecked my life thanks to the growing bond between me and my wife's best friend.... It was so close it scares me. It would have wrecked 3 lives. Mine, my wife's and her friend's. Plus I would have lost a lot of friends in the process

Fantasies are great, but not when they involve being unfaithful. Our wives have enough to put up with as it is... Adding adultery would just make life hell!

The problem is that we're male... Like it or not.... We're controlled by our dangly bits. Listen to your head, not your one eyed trouser snake and stay well clear.

LL

[Joy Carter]

For reasons I wont get into, (unless you ask) the opportunity to dress up in front of my wifes best friend has come up. I have fantasized about wearing her clothes and dressing as her for years. She has even offered to let me wear her wedding dress.
My wife would be crushed if she found out, but the need to become "Brandi" (her friend) is driving me batty. I love to dress in front of real women and be a "sissy", and I know things will get sexual.
Please....someone give me some feedback!!!



One good reason is you will have to deal with "Auntie Joy" in THE END!:spank:

[Teddie]

Why do I smell a set up. Don't do it.

[Robin Leigh]

Thanks for all your input. Better off not going there!!
Then again I can just wait for her next yard sale!

Although the temptation is tantalizing, you know you've made the right choice Tamara. Good girl! :thumbsup: :bighug:

But how do you think your wife would react if you told her that "(best friend) wants to dress me up, but I don't want to do it if it will make you feel bad"? Just a thought.

It's not quite the same, but I had a semi-accepting SO leave me for my best friend of almost 20 years. Wanting a more masculine guy was part of the reason. They didn't stay together very long, and fought like cats & dogs a lot of the time. I rarely speak to my former best friend anymore. Such breaches of trust can be forgiven, but never forgotten...

Be strong; be good.

:hugs:

Robin

[Penny Lane]

Hi Tamara

I agree with what everyone else has said, once the genie is out of the bottle it'll be impossible to get it back in. It sounds decidedly dodgy to me, this friend would seem to have an ulterior motive either getting her evidence to expose you, or determined to hutr your wife. Don't do it!

Penny xx

[Robin Leigh]

Why do I smell a set up.


It sounds decidedly dodgy to me, this friend would seem to have an ulterior motive either getting her evidence to expose you, or determined to hurt your wife.

Why does it have to be an ulterior motive. Maybe the wife's friend is TG friendly & wants some hot CD action. It does happen, you know. :heehee:

:hugs:

Robin

[RachelDenise]

Tick tick tick tick.......... Be afraid, be very afraid. To not tell your wife invites trouble, especially if she is supportive. Don't throw that away!

[Penny]

Think about this, your wife has some best friend. Forget about yourself; protect your wife. She is your wife!

:hugs:

Penny

[Eugenie]

For reasons I wont get into, (unless you ask) the opportunity to dress up in front of my wifes best friend has come up. I have fantasized about wearing her clothes and dressing as her for years. She has even offered to let me wear her wedding dress.
My wife would be crushed if she found out, but the need to become "Brandi" (her friend) is driving me batty. I love to dress in front of real women and be a "sissy", and I know things will get sexual.
Please....someone give me some feedback!!!

Dear Tamara,

I've read all the answers to your post and by and large, they seem to advice you no to take this opportunity. This is of course the most reasonable way to react, given the background you gave us.

But let me be the devil's advovate for a moment. Being reasonable all the time isn't much fun. Sometimes our lives put us in front of situations which are indeed chalenging our moral beliefs. Sometimes we do let some great opportunities go by and feel bad about having missed them... But sometimes we take the opportunity and then feel bad because we feel guilty to have taken it...

The decision is yours, not that of anyone who gives you advice.

It all depends upon how strong your relations with your wife is established, How sad it would make her if she knew about it, what kind of trust you put in yourself with being able to resist a temptation to develop something else than just spending time "en femme" with your wife's best friend. It depends also upon how strict a morality you live with, for example living with hidding something to your wife. If you would feel guilty about it, of course why do it?

Last element, should you want to go ahead, remains the point of how much can you trust that friend to remain quiet even in the case nothing other happens with her than sharing x-dressed moments.

This said, don't consider this message to be an encouragement to go ahead with your wife's friend :o My point is that it is you and only you who should take the responsibility of your choices.

Being quite a few years older than you, the relations with my wife being far less positive than yours seem to be, I have chosen a different attitude: I see regularly a GG friend of my Wife. My wife knows that I invite her for diner. She doesn't know for sure that I am x-dressed when I invite her friend but probably has some doubts, since my wife knows Ive been coming out to that friend. The relation between that friend and I is purely on a friendly confidence basis. No sexual relationship at all, even though my wife would rather prefer such a relation to the one we have.

Like that I'm not lying to my wife, I'm just not telling her everything. It is the same by the way for my X-dressing. She knows but prefers to ignore. So I respect her feelings...

I hope that I haven't confused you too much with all these considerations.

Do your best for your life taking all into account.
:hugs:
Eugenie

[Amy Hepker]

Tamara,
Don't let your fantasies control your life. That can only lead to trouble. Be true to the Lady you married. LOVE her and show her how much she means to you. You shouldn't even think of anything like this. If you and your wife split up that would be something different and you could try to get to know the other lady then. You don't want to piss off a wife. I would not even tell her of this as she could take it in many different ways. Chances are too, that if you and your wife split up, that your oppertunity to be with the other lady will be gone. Most Lady friends will not decive another friend as seen in soap operas and reprocussions in the real world can be far more dangerous that a soap opera. LOVE your wife, make her happy and maybe someday she will accept your dressing and the other side of you, that is far better than tearing apart a marriage and friendship. It is diffently the wrong thing to do. LOVE YOUR WIFE.

[Billie1]

If this is your wife's best friend, do you really think for one minute that your wife doesn't know about it already? Even without knowing all the particulars, it still sounds like Bad Idea No. 441.:thumbsdn:

[suchacutie]

Let's see if I have the summary...your wife does not approve of your dressing. Her "best" friend knows of your dressing and is willing to help? And you think it could be sexual?

Nothing here computes in any kind of positive way. If your wife disapproves, why would you or her best friend even consider this?

incredible!

[Amanda Shaft]

Short term gain, long term pain! Forget it honey!
Amanda:thumbsdn:

[Angie G]

Tamara don't go there babe :hugs:
Angie

[Tina Dixon]

Could be the night of your life:thumbsup: , but the rest of your life could be a living hell:thumbsdn: , think very hard on what you really want here.

[MsJanessa]

Hon, it depends on how much you want to stay married to your current wife--your'e a big girl and I'm sure you know that this lady has more on her mind than just dressing with you. I remember years ago when I was in college---one of My lovers told a mutual GG acquantance of ours that I was a Xdresser---the next time I went to see her she had all her clothes out for Me to try on--within 5 minutes I was completly dressed(she had great stuff btw) in bed and in her. And don't think for a minute your wife won't find out--she will.

[tekla west]

"If your wife disapproves, why would ... her best friend even consider this?"

Wow, you sure have a lot to learn about women.

[MsJanessa]

It's usually the best friend.

[Calliope]

Well, you're either trying to punish your disapproving wife, or you're looking for a dealbreaker, or you just get off on breaking rules. Based on my experience (decades ago, when I was a real idiot) I would say you're sure to get burned. (Watch that joint bank account, babe.) If it's just naughty fun you're after, take out a personals.

Doing somethin' stupid for a boner, btw, isn't very ladylike.

Now go have a balll!

[Sejd]

Seems to me that you have been sharing some intimacy with your wife's best friend which you should have shared with your wife instead. Even if your wife is against you dressing, she may change her mind as you both work on this, and you can turn it around to something great. Dont blow the trust with your wife.
My 25 cents
Sejd

[kathy gg]

yes yes, it sucks yoru wife does not particpate or approve.....BUT....as Ms janessa said..do you want to stay married to yoru wife? If the answer is "yes" then this fantasy is best to stay that way. If not...well you know the answer.

Also..sorry but really good true and caring female friends don't hit on their best friends husbands...me thinks you gals have been watching Desperate Housewives to much.

At this point...if you think this friend is truly coming on to you...you owe it to yrou wife to let her know that this friend is nothing but a peice of garbage and that both of you shoudl steer clear of her.

Honestly...if any of my friends *hit* on my husband I can pretty much guarntee that the friendship would be over. Real freinds dont' treat each other this way.

Maybe I am old fashioned...but I would be devestated to know that something like this was happening behind my back. Accepting or non-acepting aside
If anything, this might be the *wake up * call your wife needs to know is looming. There are women who will do this and if she keeps her non accepting stance ...maybe the next time you won't be questoning us on the forum...but making it happen.

[tekla west]

"Also..sorry but really good true and caring female friends don't hit on their best friends husbands...me thinks you gals have been watching Desperate Housewives to much."


I've had this happen to me and people I know so much it qualifies as a cliche. Seems that women kind of like that "seal of approval" or else, 'the grass is greener on the other side of the hill" or something. But its not rare. Wake up, coffee is served, 'ya want yours with cream?

[lady lycra]

sorry but really good true and caring female friends don't hit on their best friends husbands.


I don't fully agree with that.
I very nearly had an affair with my wife's best friend.
We hit it off as soon as we met, even though we were "chalk and cheese"
She, a right wing, middle classed professional, and me a left wing, working class, tradesman.
She is gorgeous, was then, is now.
Over time (years) our friendship became stronger and we began to really fancy one another.
We very nearly started the affair. We got together alone for all sorts of feeble excuses. It would have been easy.
The difference was that I loved my wife (still do), and the girl really was a true friend.
Me and this girl decided not to take the chance and we put a stop to any further involvement. At the time it was a tough decision.
The only times we ever kissed were at parties and social events, and these were the kisses that friends give one another when meeting.
There was one kiss under misletoe once that was a bit more, but that was a one off.

So to say that friends don't hit on friends partners isn't totally true... Relationships grow. I know it's wrong, but we're human. It happens.
Fortunatley me and this girl were strong enough to stop before it was too late.
Yes, I often think about what it would have been like, but I've also thought about what my life would be like now if we had continued. I probably wouldn't be marrried, I wouldn't be a dad, and I wouldn't have most of the things I cherish.

We are still good friends this girl and I. She's is still a very close friend of my wife's. My wife knew of our relationship, it was obvious when we were together. My wife also knows that we never did anything. She does know that we came very close. This was bad enough for a while.

We didn't hit on one another, it grew over time, but no matter how good a friendship, if two people are attracted to one another it's very hard to stop.

We don't know how long Tamara and this woman have known one another.
It might be something has has grown over time. If so, this will make it very tough for Tamara to resist... Resist you must!!!!

LL

[monalisa]

Tell her you can't but have a very good friend Monalisa who is single and would be a lot of fun and a good playmate.

[susiepaul]

no way you should do it unless you are that fed up with your marrage and want to end it.

if you need to pose in a wedding dress that much go out and buy one but dont go to your wife's friend.

i would love to wear a wedding dress but if i do it will be at my own wedding.

regards susiepaul

[Eugenie]

I feel somewhat off beat in this discussion... Perhaps it is because I live in a country where the President of the Republic, François Mitterand, had a daughter from a long lasting love affair while still maried officialy to his wife.
A country where the press never mentionned that subject untill very late, and it was done with respect for privacy. The journalist who had leaked the story was blamed more than the president... At President Mitterand funerals, both his Wife and his Mistress stood on the side of the coffin. The eldest sons of the president were there near their step sister, daughter of their father. No one made a single moralistic comment.

Does that mean that there should be no moral sense? Absolutely not. One must respect the feelings of the others, not hurt them physically or psychologically. One must feel responsible for his/her acts.

The question Tamara might ask to herself is "Will I hurt the feelings of my wife?" The second question could be "May I also hurt the feelings of my wife's friend in engaging in a relation doomed to be at best episodic?"
Or perhaps the ultimate question "Do I want to change my life?" In that last case of course someone is going to be hurt, as is the case in most divorces. But life isn't a quiet river (La vie n'est pas un long fleuve tranquile)...

Blaming the "wife's best friend" seems to me somewhat simplistic. It take two to start a relation... Anyhow, as far as the alchemy that gets developped between two individuals is concerned, it is a complex one and it is one very hard to predict. Who can say that he or she won't be caught in such a strange, marvelous, devastating, terrible, disastrous situation? "Though shall not judge".

I mentionned having come out to my wifes dear friend. That friend is a widower. I hate being alone and she does too. My wife knows I am seing her and often invite her for diner when she is away on business. We have wonderful friendly discussions and, since I like cooking, delicious diners.

Through time, more than a friendship developped between us, but it has remained purely sentimental. The love is there though. Is it because we didn't sleep together that this makes this love more acceptable? I think that what makes it acceptable is that my wife knows about it. I admit that my wife is less happy that I discuss X-dressing with her friend: she know I've come out to our friend. So I avoid mentioning the subject, but she know I receive her "en femme" and , I'm pretty sure...

The other thing I don't understand is that there is so much critiscisme of Tamara's hesitations while some CDs here hide so much about their X-dressers lives to their SO, have a paralel life "en femme", going out, meeting CD sisters without her knowing. For me that's also cheatting upon one's wife.

That's perhaps where I would be a little less tolerant with Tamara's opportunity to spend time "en femme" with her wife's best friend: it would be easy to avoid cheating upon her wife by letting her know.

Eugenie

[tekla west]

Well one of the things that is going on here is that women tend to talk to each other (best friends in particular) about sex and sex stuff in a lot more detail then men talk to each other about that same topic.

[Eugenie]

Well one of the things that is going on here is that women tend to talk to each other (best friends in particular) about sex and sex stuff in a lot more detail then men talk to each other about that same topic.

Yours sure right about that... One of the draw backs of the fact that I'm so friendly with my wife's best friend is that my wifes doesn't talk anymore to her about her sex life :D

And yet, my friend and my wife had been indeed talking a lot about that subject... Without breacking my wife's private secrets, my friend hinted that they had had very intimate discussions about thier sex lives. I know my wife has had lovers and I'm happy that she had great fun with them, but as expected she never shared her stories with me. Women don't talk about these subjects with men :o

But on the bright side, when my friend and I spend time together and talk as two women, she and I often talk about "sex and sex stuff" to each other :heehee: Of course that's not our only subject of discussion...

I think that it is that type of intimacy that I enjoy most about this priviledged relationship.

I wish I could have the same intimacy with my wife... But she doesn't accept the woman in me, so don't talk about these subjects with me... :rolleyes:
:hugs:
Eugenie

[kathy gg]

"Also..sorry but really good true and caring female friends don't hit on their best friends husbands...me thinks you gals have been watching Desperate Housewives to much."


I've had this happen to me and people I know so much it qualifies as a cliche. Seems that women kind of like that "seal of approval" or else, 'the grass is greener on the other side of the hill" or something. But its not rare. Wake up, coffee is served, 'ya want yours with cream?


Tekla, I am not saying it DOES NOT happen, obviously these things do happen. But my point was saying what kind of *good* friend does this? A shitty friend, not a good one.

And yes I read Lady Lycra's story. Maybe your wife is made of something many of us are not. I could not be friends with any female who was quielty or loudly drooling over my husband. I mean there are millions of available men in this world and I realize some women only want one's who are already taken. I have met a few women like this in my life, and yeah once I see what they really are, I stay the hell away and sevre ties with them quickly.

I stick by my words though, a real honest good friend does not hit on her best friends husband. Any woman who does that is NO FRIEND. And to continue assocation with a person like this only causes more difficult situations.

[Rachaelb64]

One of Life's little unwritten is:

'Thou shalt not get involved with my SO's best friend'

This is one of the most destructive things that can happen to a relationship, dropping a nuclear bomb would do less damage.