Clues left behind - SO found

[Cassie Cas]

Wasnt' too sure I wanted to put this out here, but I guess I need to hear some thoughts.
I left an empty package of Danskin tights in my car this past August and forgot about it. Well this past Tuesday my wife lost her phone under the seat and proceded to look for it. She found the package and waited for me to come home from work. She presented it to me, I had nothing to say, and she was wondering if had anything else. She aske if liked to wear tights or anything else under my clothes and when did I find time to do this. I didn't lie to her when I said that I don't wear them under my clothes. I don't like to. Even though I don't mind to, I figure what's that point if no one else can see.
I did lie to her about having anything else, hoping that I can purge everything hopefully making things easier.
The next day I took stuff that was easily accessible, 5 pair of panties and stockings, which I took out to the car. I planned to toss them in the trash. Guess what, I forgot about them. My wife promptly found them. This time she was really upset, said anymore, and that was it. That was Wed.
Its now Sat evening, I'm by myself and even though my wife finding this stuff just happened, I'm dressed in this really sexy bra that I bought but not had a chance to wear, thigh highs, a pair of real pretty red pumps. The thing is that I'm not even really upset at myself for doing this, but then again I am.
I asked her to go online to find some stuff out. I don't think it will do any good if did it. She also asked if I was gay, and I'm not. I assured her that none of its her fault. Which it isn't. Don't know what more to do.

She never put all the clues together. I shave the tops of my legs, wax my calves. I Buy all the feminine creams/lotions (i luv the scent of OLAY) and use them much more then she does. Its not that I even bought them for her, she knows I buy for myself. I've even been bugging her to go for a facial with me. She constantly catches me watching her do her make up so that I can learn techniques.

I think she's doing like she usually does, buries her feelings, but then lets it all out in a fight. She fights extremely dirty.
I thought that in bed she wouldn't want me near her but she let me touch her which I think is something.
However, I'm extremely confused, in that she is acting like this.

Any thoughts?

[Amy Hepker]

Why Lie to her??? Be open, it's far better to tell the truth than to be CAUGHT in a LIE!!! You expect her to trust you now??? I think you made a big mistake. I understand how you feel about dressing,but cannot understand about lieing to the one you LOVE!

[Marla S]

However, I'm extremely confused, in that she is acting like this.

Any thoughts?
Let's see it through pink glasses first.
She might be able to accept you, but she probably is more confused than you, and has no other way to express this.
Considering the things that happened, it would be time for an open talk and apology for the white lie. (Don't focus on the why of CDing ... there is no answer).
But please, don't send her to the internet to teach herself.
It's up to you, and it is up to a talk, which might be supported by selected articles from the internet (you select them).

Black glasses:

She might not be able to accept you.
Have a talk or three and find out.
Than the both of you have to decide how to handle it.

[Holly]

Cassie, you've made things a bit harder on yourself, in my opinion. Don't delude yourself into thinking that she hasn't put 2+2 together. That fact that she asked if you are gay tells me she's already thinking something is wrong. If your wife is the type to let things simmer and then let it all out at in one large outburst, you would be better off, again in my opinion, initiating the conversation and getting it out into the open before it has a chance to fester inside her.

[Kieron Andrew]

stop lying to her, shes obviously not stupid so dont treat her like she is......come clean before you dig yourself a deeper hole that at some point she feels she cant forgive cos of the lies and deceit

[Bethanygirl]

Respect her enough to level with her, she has adjustments and decisions to make, don't force her to make them without a chance to work them out! You are NOT going to stop, so be fair and square with her and TELL HER!

[Calliope]

Babe, you're in deep. Lying only works - until it don't. Now you gotta let her ask away. Don't hold back. I suspect you're, too, bewildered so your conversations are probably going to be strained. I'd suggest therapy but so many therapists are clueless - damn it all anyway, I can't tell ya anything except you've got a hard road ahead, so make preparations. If you drink, cut back, eat healthy, read more books than online stuff (apologizes to this forum) and give yourself a lot of time to think things out. My sympathies.

[celtic.blue.eyes]

If you can put your own feelings aside for a moment, and be an onlooker from the outside, just think of what is going on in her mind, and how SHE is feeling right now. It's time to treat her as your best friend and really level with her. It sounds like she's pretty decent, so treat her that way.

Just my 2 cents worth, but I've been there already.....

[MJ]

please don't lie to the one you love. she knows something is going on. think about it please if it is not your stuff then it must be someone else ? another woman !!. what do you think she is thinking or pondering at the moment . it's time for total truth between you. and what ever happens , happens for a reason. talk to her

[michelleliz]

I went through the very same thing as you have just gone through . I am now divorced and living as Michelle all most full time. Good luck with what ever you do.

Michelle Liz

[ColleenCD]

Cassie,

IMHO, be truthful with your wife. You need to be honest with yourself and with her. If you plan on CDing in the future, which apparently you will, you need to talk with her. First set the ground rules for discussion so she doesn't fight dirty. Make it a conversation where she asks honest questions and you provide honest answers, even if the answers are "I don't know."

Second, give her time to digest information and formulate understanding. She may be open and accepting and maybe not. But much less likely if she can't trust or believe you. :2c:

Colleen

[Katie_]

your screwed....

unless you come clean, tell her how it is, and then back off until she asks questions, then answer them honestly....

and dont be dressing around her until she indicates it's ok, otherwise you will be divorced before next Xmas

best wishes

[tekla west]

"She fights extremely dirty"

DUDE! Only boys fight fair (and only when other people are looking at that).

[Sheila]

Cassie, you've made things a bit harder on yourself, in my opinion. Don't delude yourself into thinking that she hasn't put 2+2 together. That fact that she asked if you are gay tells me she's already thinking something is wrong. If your wife is the type to let things simmer and then let it all out at in one large outburst, you would be better off, again in my opinion, initiating the conversation and getting it out into the open before it has a chance to fester inside her.

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree: I discoverd nearly 5 months ago about my partners cding, there had been clues along the way each time I asked him a variety of questions the only one I didn't ask was ARE YOU A CROSSDRESSER? so while he answered the questions I asked, some with truth others with downright lies, I never ever totally believed him which put a huge strain on our relationship, don't do it ---------- when I discovered his secretr I was so bl**dy angry about the lies and deceipt I threw him out, he went to mummy's when I tried to talk to his mother (because I just knew he was putting me in the wrong --- she didn't want to know ------ now we don't speak) now he was only at his mothers for a couple of hours but trust me right at that moment I could have done him some irreparable damage NOT OVER THE CDING BUT THE DAMNED LIES We are still here 5 months later, his mother and I no longer speak, he now wishes he had taken one of those chances to tell me, we would both have been spared a lot of pain, hurt and mental anguish, --- the things I worried over and the pain they caused me and him were nowhere as dark as I thought.

Please before you dig yourself a deeper hole with your lies seriously consider what you are already doing to your relationship.

Wishing you both all the very best

[janet p]

I don't think you really forgot about those things. I think you wanted to get caught but when it happened you were afraid to be honest with her for some dumb reason, now you have lies to deal with. Like everyone else has said you need to sit down and talk to her truthfully and then she won't have to fight dirty. It might surprise you because she hasn't thrown anything up to you like cheating and other things, just asking if you might be gay.:love:

[Cassie Cas]

Thank you all for your opinions and thoughts. I will bring it up with her after the holidays (after the kids go back to school) and see where it goes. Telling her to check the internet would be bad considering whats out there.

Merry Christmas All!

[Stacy GG]

Wasnt' too sure I wanted to put this out here, but I guess I need to hear some thoughts.
I left an empty package of Danskin tights in my car this past August and forgot about it. Well this past Tuesday my wife lost her phone under the seat and proceded to look for it. She found the package and waited for me to come home from work. She presented it to me, I had nothing to say, and she was wondering if had anything else. She aske if liked to wear tights or anything else under my clothes and when did I find time to do this. I didn't lie to her when I said that I don't wear them under my clothes. I don't like to. Even though I don't mind to, I figure what's that point if no one else can see.
I did lie to her about having anything else, hoping that I can purge everything hopefully making things easier.
The next day I took stuff that was easily accessible, 5 pair of panties and stockings, which I took out to the car. I planned to toss them in the trash. Guess what, I forgot about them. My wife promptly found them. This time she was really upset, said anymore, and that was it. That was Wed.
Its now Sat evening, I'm by myself and even though my wife finding this stuff just happened, I'm dressed in this really sexy bra that I bought but not had a chance to wear, thigh highs, a pair of real pretty red pumps. The thing is that I'm not even really upset at myself for doing this, but then again I am.
I asked her to go online to find some stuff out. I don't think it will do any good if did it. She also asked if I was gay, and I'm not. I assured her that none of its her fault. Which it isn't. Don't know what more to do.

She never put all the clues together. I shave the tops of my legs, wax my calves. I Buy all the feminine creams/lotions (i luv the scent of OLAY) and use them much more then she does. Its not that I even bought them for her, she knows I buy for myself. I've even been bugging her to go for a facial with me. She constantly catches me watching her do her make up so that I can learn techniques.

I think she's doing like she usually does, buries her feelings, but then lets it all out in a fight. She fights extremely dirty.
I thought that in bed she wouldn't want me near her but she let me touch her which I think is something.
However, I'm extremely confused, in that she is acting like this.

Any thoughts?

First,
you need to sit down and talk this out. Hiding things and throwing things away is not going to make you happy and ultimatly going to hurt your relationship. You need to come clean and at least explain ( to the best of your ability) why you do this and if your confused about your desires to do with cross dressing explain that too.
If you think she is trying to suppress her feelings, let her, but I would suggest you introduce her to these forums, people here can be really supportive, and I think the GG forum would be a great place for her to get advice. she's probably more mad about the lying than the cding, so try, really try to be open about it . :2c:

[Kieron Andrew]

Telling her to check the internet would be bad considering whats out there.

then give her links that you know are ok.....like introducing her to this site for support as you are not the only one that needs support

[tekla west]

If she is worried about sex and sexuality issues she will find scant comfort here.

You need to talk to her about you and her, and not the rest of us. All of this goes so many ways, that having her read a bunch of stuff on here might not exactly let her feel any better.

[Sheila]

If she is worried about sex and sexuality issues she will find scant comfort here. You need to talk to her about you and her, and not the rest of us. All of this goes so many ways, that having her read a bunch of stuff on here might not exactly let her feel any better.
:Angry3: :mad:
It may just be she is concerned because her partner is lying to her

[Beckii_aCDInOz]

If she is worried about sex and sexuality issues she will find scant comfort here.

You need to talk to her about you and her, and not the rest of us. All of this goes so many ways, that having her read a bunch of stuff on here might not exactly let her feel any better.

Some pretty sound advice :clap: tekla!

Cassie just level with her, she's got every right to know where your at...Please don't hide anything just come clean. I know it's not easy, but, if you have a heart to heart with her and don't fess up the whole truth, it's just as likely to come back and bite you on your ass. Which is going to hurt your SO even more.

Plus telling her means you wont have to sneak around or worry about hiding your tracks.


hugs

x

beckii

[suzy]

You have to be open and honest. Lying is ruining your relationship.:2c:

[kathy gg]

Cassie, '

Gonna give some tough love advice.

To me it sounds like you would love aceptance but .....the road to get there sounds liek a lot of hard work and effort...so ....you wanna just let her figure it all out for herself, without actually having to DO any work on your end. And hey, maybe it will all fall in yoru lap...maybe she will evenstumble acorss this site..... Um....this lazy attitude will eventually cost you. It could cost you small, her picking a mean fight...or her getting fed up with being treated like the village idiot and leaving.

You say she does not like to talk...well what is there to talk about when you won't actually sit down and discuss things like an adult.

First off, why dont' you ask us gg's here for some info...like webs sites books....support. I am a WEALTH of information, I just need to be asked. I run a woman's only yahoo group....again....happy to email her about our list.

Secondly, coming clean, since you have already been caught ....what have you got to lose by laying the full deck of cards on the table at this point? To me you have everything to gain.

Thirdly, be clear and concise. This means saying what you intentions are...I am going o wear these items when you are not home....or I would like to slowly introduce a few items around you once you become more comfortable.

Fourthly acknowledging that this is not going to disapear, this will be a part of you, and that you woudl rather be on the up and up than for her to keep finding bits and clues and what not.

You hold the key to life being easy or hard...the only differnce, is there is no *easy* button. You will have to do some work. Are you prepared to work for your acceptance, or would you rather her have to treat you like an opponant?








Thank you all for your opinions and thoughts. I will bring it up with her after the holidays (after the kids go back to school) and see where it goes. Telling her to check the internet would be bad considering whats out there.

Merry Christmas All!

[Rachaelb64]

Be open, be honest.

I spent 15yrs lying to my Ex, when she found out things exploded, got messy and ended badly. In hindsight it would have been best to be honest to her from the beginging, but the there is also a high probabilty that I would have two wonderful kids.

Since then i've been honest. some walk straight away, one special person tried understand, but in the end she couldn't get her head around my cding. We had six wonderful month together. I now have a good friend.:happy: