coming out ?

[Victoria Anne]

Hello ladies,well I've gone and done it now! I have been firmly entrenched in the closet except to my wife.Well the other nite I was talking to my sister and I told her there was something serious I would like to talk with her about when she had some time. The problem with my family it is a near given that it will mean being disowned,however she ( my sister ) says it would have to be really bad for that to happen and not to worry.Well she wants to wait and talk after th holiday's. So if anyone has any advise I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks ladies

[Kate Simmons]

You know your family better than anyone else Victoria. I would ask how do they view you as a man and a husband and how would that change with such a revelation?EKR

[Roberta Lynn]

You know your family better than anyone else Victoria. I would ask how do they view you as a man and a husband and how would that change with such a revelation?EKR

I have to add how does your wife feel about you coming out to your family?

[Victoria Anne]

I am not sure how it will change the relationship I have with my sister,she is the only one I'm coming out to. As for my wife she thinks its not a good idea but I feel I need to for good or bad. I just dont know how to do it.

[Joy Carter]

I think you brave but at the same time foolish to place burdens on people by telling them. I mean no disrespect just can't see the need. If you can tell me why it's necessary gurls do tell me.

[Victoria Anne]

Thank you Joy,I do appreciate your response and it is a good question.To be honest I am not really sure save to say it felt so good to finally admitt things to myself and since then I feel so much better and my sister and I have been growing closer over the past few years. Now that you have said it I just dont know why,now I too am not so sure I should as I have always been fine with just my wife.Thanks joy you have given me something to think about and I never did consider the burden it would place on her,rather selfish of me I suppose.Thanks to all.:hugs:

[Kate Simmons]

You've accepted your femme self and you wife is okay with it. You've grown closer to your sister. You are excited that you have finally accepted yourself and want to share that excitement with your sister. If you tell her, her feelings for you probably won't be changed as her brother in her eyes. Her concern, since you are so close , will probably be for you and if you will still be the same person that she loves or will you turn into someone entirely different? She may feel she could lose you in that respect. EKR

[Bethanygirl]

If your wife is as supporting as you say, ask her to be with you when you tell your sister, beyond the moral support, it will help your sisters acceptance to see it in your wife. Good luck, I just know that in the end your sister will come out rooting for you dear.
:love:

[Cami_wi]

hi Victoria, when coming out to Anyone there is only a 50-50 chance it will be
accepted, pretty rough Odds. why is it important to you that She Knows ? Is it more important for you to Share the secret ? There is a List of of Need To Know .... think about WHO really needs to know. Cross Dressing isn't a big sharing thing Unless you are going Out in Public to enjoy yourself. I am a Transsexual female, Need to Know list was my Immediate family. ( I thought they should know ) 8 years later they are starting to talk to me again.
IF SOCIETY were educated properly about this, there wouldn't be a problem generally. Society sees us as Deviants, Gay, Perverts, Child Molesters. None of this it TRUE as most here know. I have met litterly hundreds of new girls friends and not a One of them is anything but a Lady.

So give it allot of thought, once One Family Member Knows they all know.

[Glenda58]

Came out to my family while going thought my divorce sisters and mom were OK with it one sister help with some cloths. But they don't want me to dress at family events. Most families love us no matter what we do. Even murders families still love them they just don't understand thats all.

[snowe57]

coming out is always hard to do. i just wish it was esay to tell someone. some day i will come out

[Eugenie]

If you can tell me why it's necessary gurls do tell me.

I can only speak for myself here. The reason I would like to come out to people I love is that it makes me feel bad to cheat on them. If I trust them to be the people that count most for me, I shouldn't betray their trust in me by hidding to them who I am. That's why I told my SO quite early after our wedding.

I've had this attitude with other beloved family members and friends only recently, since I'm going out more frequently. I asked myself the question :

"What will any of these people I love so much think if something happens to me while I'm dressed "en femme" and they discover through some channel that I was a X-dresser?"

I know most of them won't mind that I am a X-dresser, but I'm also sure that they would mind that I did hide that part of me to them. Telling them, by the way requires a tactful approach. I don't want to offend them and throw my x-dressing to their face. I just want them to know, not asking them to see me "en femme" if they don't want to, but I don't want them to learn from someone else.

In that way, I've come out to a few friends and lately to my own daughter (36 years young) All of them, including my daughter, have said that they really appreciated that I told them. None rejected me, as I had rightly guessed they wouldn't do. There are stil some I've not come out to. I don't feel ready with them, mainly because I didn't find yet a way to come out to them in a gentle manner.

But again that's only my own experience. Some of you may have had less positive feedback.
:hugs:
Eugenie

[susie evans]

i think i would go with my wifes instincts

[Calliope]

Why tell family members? I believe doing so is a necessary step for self-acceptance - secrets infer shame. Coming out validates the fem self and demonstrates a commitment to the fem self. Like watering your garden, really.

[Victoria Anne]

Thank you to all of you lovely ladies/sisters. You have made me think a bit,so I believe I will think a while longer on it as my sis does not want to talk for a while yet. Again thank you all and I will let you all know what I decide on,what the outcome is.:love:

[Chiana]

I have wanted to tell other people before. For the life of me, I can't really justify doing it. I never could really figure out anything that I would gain by telling them. I have some friends who I feel sure would be accepting and not end our friendship. But I fail to see what I would gain. We certainly are not going to start going out with me dressed. Would I feel better about myself? I doubt it. Spock kicks in occasionally. "It is not logical to tell them, Captain."

[Debbi]

I know how you feel about wanting to share yourself, especially with those that are close to you. I have had the same feelings at times, mainly because I am not ashamed of being a crossdresser. I love the fact that I am. However, it is really something that I, Debbi, loves to do. it makes me feel at ease, and more complete as a person. On the other hand, it is hard enough for even us gurls to understand completely why it is we do what we do. now telling someone that doesn't know or really NEED to know, can be a very awkward situation that CAN quite possibly disrupt an already healthy relationship. I am speaking about family members, friends, ect. (Telling our spouses is an entirely different thing, because we live our daily lives with that person and they SHOULD know.)

I have take sides with NOT telling your sister, unless there is a life altering reason to do so. Reason being, is that is IS a risk. regardless of the success/failure ratio, you still run the risk of damaging a close relationship. and being it is a family member, all the more important to consider.

You mentioned in your post that it is a 'near given', that your will be disowned by your family. so think about what the possible outcome could be and if it is really worth the potential loss. Your wife knows, accepts, supports and loves you and that is what counts most and matters. Of course we all support, accept and encourage as well. Talk soon.

Debbi

[Eugenie]

I have wanted to tell other people before. For the life of me, I can't really justify doing it. I never could really figure out anything that I would gain by telling them. I have some friends who I feel sure would be accepting and not end our friendship. But I fail to see what I would gain. We certainly are not going to start going out with me dressed. Would I feel better about myself? I doubt it. Spock kicks in occasionally. "It is not logical to tell them, Captain."

May be you could ask yourself the question "What would my friends gain if I was telling them?"

When I did come out to the few friends that I really trusted, almost all of them were a bit surprised at first but all of them said that they were glad that I trusted them enough to tell them.

One wasn't really surprised; she had told me that I was thinking like a woman, before I came out to her... She remembered that I would make comments on how beautiful a skirt she was wearing was... She confessed that she thought that I was courting her...

Some said that they understand me better now. One said that she could figure out now why I had told her, a few years ago, some things that had boggled her mind then...

I had other reasons for telling them about my X-dressing, but the fact that the felt good upon my coming out to them, also made me feel good.
:hugs:
Eugenie

[Joy Carter]

[QUOTE=snowe57;670411]coming out is always hard to do.


Hey that's a song from the late fifties ! Bobby????:heehee: Sorry gurls I couldn't help my self.

[Joy Carter]

Victioria I'm sorry for you to have this on your mind during this Christmas season. I to would love to be accepted as Joy by my family. But it really gets into some complicated family dynamics. I mean what are my uncle and I to talk about while I sit there in a female frock +? Normally we would talk about cars etc. But I just don't think he'd be comfortable. Then there are to women. Would they want to talk with the other women knowing full well a "spy" was right there in their midsts. You know if it happens they find out and make the gesture to be with you dressed then go for it. I just want to know about before the other gurls.:D