So my bf cds and is upset I - advice?

[Jane GG]

I found my bf's clothes. I have no problem with it and told him as soon as I asked about them. He, on the other hand, is completely stressed out about it. I told him it doesn't bother me in the least and I see nothing wrong with it. But since I found out he seems to have closed a door and I feel shut out. He only dressed in the clothes- no makeup and only inside. He is almost avoiding me now. What do I do? It doesn't matter to me at all, but his being upset is making me upset because I feel shut out all of the sudden. Any advice?

[Kimberley]

Hi Chloe and welcome.

He is embarrassed to be sure. A lot of compassion is called for now; a lot of it.

We grow up living with this and it manifests itself in fear, guilt and shame. Not a pleasant way to live. In his mind, all 3 of those have been realized and hit him at once. He is hurting big time. Words are fine, but he is going to need to FEEL that you are okay with it. It will take some time but patience and love will be the key.

So, if he isnt a member, get him online here for starters.

For yourself, get involved with the GG forum as soon as you can. They will have a lot of good advice for you.

Hope this is of some help to you.

:hugs:
Kimberley

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

hes obviously embarrassed that you have found out, and now is fearful that you will walk away, leave him, because even though you have told him you are fine with it, hes not gonna believe it hun :straightface: we have a GG forum here. ( for genetic girls ). you just need to have 10 posts , then you can apply to join :happy: there are plenty of people on the forums who can listen/help/offer advice :love: the key point with the c/d that comes up time after time, is COMMUNICATION .talking with him, i would imagin hes quite shocked that you know now, so he will be frightened and worried.
hang in there hun, after all hes got your support from the outset :love:

[Sophia Rearen]

May I ask, how old is he/she?

[Jane GG]

Thanks- he did say he was embarassed and has grown up being told it was wrong. He says he has done it for as long as he can remember. I told him I see no problem with it, afterall I wear pants all the time. I don't know how to make him know I am fine with it; Id take him shopping if he wanted. He said he was afraid I said I was ok, but am not. I assured him that was not the case and he would have known if I was, which he agreed was true. (I'm not great at hiding my feelings) I tried talking to him and letting him know it was fine, but it doesn't seem to help. I am at a loss because I don't see what is wrong with it. I am just estatic they aren't another woman's and that he's not cheating!

What is the GG forum? He said he has been online, although I'm not sure if he was here or is a member.

[Jennifer_Ph]

There's only one thing to do! Take him shoe shopping! Everyone is happier when they have new heels!

[Jane GG]

He's 31 years old. There are no wigs or makeup or anything- just the clothing, which is just when he is alone. I told him I would care if he wore them while I was home either. I wish he wasn't embarrassed because it's ok! How do I help? He is one of those guys that will shut down and kind of run away when he is feeling like I am hearing he probably is, which sounds like some of the things he has been saying.

[Jane GG]

He also said he isn't gay and doesn't want to be a girl, but just likes wearing the clothes.

[Janelle Marshall]

Be patient with him. It sounds as if he will have to see that you are OK for a while to believe it. By the way you sound like the SO that most of us only can dream about with your accepting and suportive attitude. Hopefully you can get him to at least read the posts here and possibly join. Welcome to the both of you! You are not alone.
Janelle

[Jane GG]

We were talking on im earlier. I brought it up and reiterated I had no problem with it and he said he needed to "reboot" and never came back online.

I am feeling like he is the one who will run away from me.

[Lisa Golightly]

Sounds to me that the best policy to employ is to let sleeping dogs lie. You say you're not worried, he obviously wants to keep this private, so the best course is to say to him 'talk when you want' and just be as you were. The barriers will fall with time. Deep breath and relax :)

[Jane GG]

He started to talk some this morning when it all happened, but I had to go to work - my job can't let me be late. I dont' want him to feel like I am trying to shoo it under the rug because I am not okay with it. I feel like I have no idea what to do. I feel really upset because I almost feel like there is something wrong with how I feel about it.

[Kimberley]

We dont know how long ago all of this transpired so feelings are probably very raw at the moment. He is trying to digest all of this because it goes against everything he has been told throughout his life.

I'm not saying leave him alone, just be patient, give him a bit of space and be loving so that he will feel begin to feel comfortable over time. Just keep being the great lady you obviously are. Communications are the key but he has to feel comfortable with it too and right now he isnt at all comfortable. (IM is a not so good thing at the moment.)

I dont think I would be too concerned about him fleeing. It has happened but very rarely.

:hugs:
Kimberley

[carla smith]

Hi Chloe Jane, sorry you are having problems.

The GG forum is where the genetic girls chat. Most of them have been in the same situation. They are an important part of this site.

[Emily Ann Brown]

If I can suggest something, just treat him like the man he is. I'm gonna guess you finding out was his worst nightmare and then a bit. Guys have this macho issue and confession to dressing is a killer on the male ego. If he has been secretly dressing for near 25 years it is intensely private and personal to him.

And I applaud your support for him dear....wish my wife would have been so accepting when she found out in January.

Emily Ann

[Lisa Golightly]

He started to talk some this morning when it all happened, but I had to go to work - my job can't let me be late. I dont' want him to feel like I am trying to shoo it under the rug because I am not okay with it. I feel like I have no idea what to do. I feel really upset because I almost feel like there is something wrong with how I feel about it.

You obviously love him very much. You need to show it doesn't change anything by just being you. A sense of normality means more than anything at these times. Trust me I've been there. The talking comes later. At this moment in time the real fear is that everything has changed, you just need to show nothing has. He knows you know, now he just needs to feel the foundations are as safe as they always were.

[Sophia Rearen]

Chloe Jane, pretty name. You can IM me if you want. Sounds like you have a lot of questions and want to get alot off your chest. At 31, he probably is still confused about who he is, what this is, where is it going? Most of us don't figure this out until a later point, if ever! Some do figure it out earlier, of course. The advice of slowing down and giving space is valid. He's probably so overwelmed right now, he might burst. Soon, he'll come to his senses and the two of you will be able to share a rare and powerful relationship.

[Jane GG]

Well he came back on im after several hours with a "work reason" for the delay. we talked a litlte bit- mundane stuff like what's for dinner and his car needs gas. I didn't bring it up at all. I have to admit I am smarting a little bit about it myself- not because of the cd, but because I feel kind of alone myself. A bit like a slap in the face that it seems perfectly normal to me, but even though I support him I am getting shut out, as though I did something wrong. I then feel terrible because I feel like that is so incredibly selfish of me since it sounds like he is having an extremely difficult time. As far as society- to me it is just a double standard - anyone can wear pants, so why can't anyone wear skirts? Besides maybe he has some cute ones I can wear! I feel like I can't win here. He wants me to call on my way home from work, which is now, but I kind of want to just have a good cry on the way home because I feel like I can't make him feel okay. I want share it with him, but I feel like he is upset with me about it. grrr... boys can be so difficult! (even if they do wear skirts) :)

[Jane GG]

Thanks everyone! You are making my life so much easier! Being a girl- I have the urge to talk through things right away. This is such great advice and I feel like I get things out. I appreciate it! I am headed home for now, but will check back in tomorrow. I'm sure I will have lots more then! ...and he has mentioned the macho aspect. I'm so glad you guys are here!

Sophia- I will take you up on the im tomorrow!

[Lisa Golightly]

grrr... boys can be so difficult! (even if they do wear skirts) :)

You're not wrong there :)

[carla smith]

Chloe Jane....you just won my heart! I hope that everything works out for the two of you.

[Shadeauxmarie]

Well he came back on im after several hours with a "work reason" for the delay. we talked a litlte bit- mundane stuff like what's for dinner and his car needs gas. I didn't bring it up at all. I have to admit I am smarting a little bit about it myself- not because of the cd, but because I feel kind of alone myself. A bit like a slap in the face that it seems perfectly normal to me, but even though I support him I am getting shut out, as though I did something wrong. I then feel terrible because I feel like that is so incredibly selfish of me since it sounds like he is having an extremely difficult time. As far as society- to me it is just a double standard - anyone can wear pants, so why can't anyone wear skirts? Besides maybe he has some cute ones I can wear! I feel like I can't win here. He wants me to call on my way home from work, which is now, but I kind of want to just have a good cry on the way home because I feel like I can't make him feel okay. I want share it with him, but I feel like he is upset with me about it. grrr... boys can be so difficult! (even if they do wear skirts) :)

My wife continuously complains about my lack of communication. Since I HAVE tried to tell my wife about my dressing and she shut me out as a "pervert", I don't have your perspective.

If you continue reading on this forum, you will find many of us here don't understand the dressing ourselves. Why, how far we want to go, the guilt, the lack of support.

It would appear to me the best course of action would be for you to show him the posts you have written here. This will let him know you are searching for answers too. Aren't we all?

[Jill]

Chloe Jane, I think just about every person that has read up on you and your situation now has a small part of them that is in love with you! LOL You are a dream come true for many of us.

I agree with what has been said here about him. He's embarrassed about it and he's embarrassed about it because he has never come to grips with it within himself or accepted himself as being a crossdresser. He probably feels the need to be macho and manly and a guy dressed as a girl, just doesn't feel that way at all. In many ways, I can relate and I have been there myself. A huge step for me in my personal growth came when I could admit to myself that I was a crossdresser. If he hasn't done that with himself, he's not going to want to talk to anyone about it, including you, so don't take it so personal. I admire you for wanting to talk about it, I wish I had someone like you in my life that was dying to talk this thing over with me and was as supportive as you and that is a huge credit to yourself, don't beat yourself up over it. The fact is and will remain, that he does not want to talk about it and sadly, you can't force him to. Talking about it will only make him uncomfortable and you're right, he will continue to push you away.

My advice is to stop forcing it and let it be, I think that's what he wants right now, for you to let it be. I think that you should just say one last thing about it and that would be to tell him that you love him, that you don't care what he does during his alone time and if the day comes that he wants to talk about it or even go shopping, you'll be there for him and leave it at that. Once he gets over the embarrassment, I really think he'll appreciate that a lot and love you more.

Good luck!

[Jane GG]

So I called him on my way home like he asked. And when we started talking I just said:

Okay I need to say this first. I want you to know I'm perfectly fine with all of this and would enjoy sharing it with you when you feel ready. I know you feel upset by it all right now and so I don't want to keep trying to bring it up and you feel like it was always going to be coming up. So I am going to not talk about it until you feel better about it and want to talk. My not talking to you now is not because I think there is anything wrong or that I have any problems, but only to give you time and some space until you are ready to talk. And that is is like when I say I am upset and want to talk it all through if you have done something wrong and you should do that because you made me upset. I know I didn't do something wrong to make you upset, but that you are, so I am letting you get through how it is best for you, which is just some space. This doesn't change anything in our relationship.

To which he responded: Okay and I need to find something to take to the pitch at work for Thursday. Maybe I can still just bring the rolls.

Oh geez! :happy:

So I left it at that. But I can't tell you all how awesome you are! Thanks for talking to me and everyone helping me out.

I hope you don't all feel so guilty about it and feel it is wrong. I mean not long ago I would have been horrible to wear pants and even think about not riding a horse sidesaddle! Now both of those are completely acceptable. There is nothing wrong with it- they are just clothes. If other people in your life thinks it is perverse then they are not thinking about it the right way - not you.

[Sandra]

Don't force it with him, talk with him about it and take it slow, the more you try to push the more he will go into his shell.

He is proably confused and worried and although he may not show it he will be hoping for your support, but even though you have told him it is ok he does need reassurance.

[Jane GG]

Jill - you are definitely right about not coming to terms. I mean the boy had huge bags of clothes and dresses and panties, but this morning when it all came to light he even said "I don't think I'm even a crossdresser". Today I have been sitting there thinking- whatever! :happy: I didn't say that to him- I figured he can come to terms with that himself. I just hope he does. Then maybe I can join the fun! Maybe a part of me wanted to talk about it because I want to be able to have fun with it too. But, alas, I guess I will wait. I really do hate waiting. It helps to be able to talk to you all here though.

[Kimberley]

Bring the rolls? Bake em hon, and decorate them too....:D

Glad it is working out. Be diligent and you will be just as good with this as he will. What a relationship you will have!!

:hugs:
Kimberley

Oh, and that bag of clothes? Launder, press and hang them up. (That will speak volumes)

[Bethanygirl]

Well girl, I guess I should be the one to go against the grain here. I agree with what everyone has been saying about his embarrassment and confusion, but disagree with them about how to handle it. If you are strong enough, then I think what you should do is force the issue. Dress him, help him get as feminine and passable as it is possible given his looks. Insist on it, use sexual interest to do so if neccessary, turn him on and he will do it even if he keeps saying no, then get him looking as nice as possible. Then reward him by showing how much you like what you see by whatever way you feel you can. He needs to get over his guilt, and doing this for him will convince him you are better than ok with it. He cannot leave this alone, it will always be part of his, and if you stay with him, your lives. Make sure it is a GOOD part! I wish you luck dear no matter how you end up dealing with it...
:hugs:

[Jane GG]

Oh, and that bag of clothes? Launder, press and hang them up. (That will speak volumes)

Love it!:happy:

[Sheila]

Well he came back on im after several hours with a "work reason" for the delay. we talked a litlte bit- mundane stuff like what's for dinner and his car needs gas. I didn't bring it up at all. I have to admit I am smarting a little bit about it myself- not because of the cd, but because I feel kind of alone myself. A bit like a slap in the face that it seems perfectly normal to me, but even though I support him I am getting shut out, as though I did something wrong. I then feel terrible because I feel like that is so incredibly selfish of me since it sounds like he is having an extremely difficult time. As far as society- to me it is just a double standard - anyone can wear pants, so why can't anyone wear skirts? Besides maybe he has some cute ones I can wear! I feel like I can't win here. He wants me to call on my way home from work, which is now, but I kind of want to just have a good cry on the way home because I feel like I can't make him feel okay. I want share it with him, but I feel like he is upset with me about it. grrr... boys can be so difficult! (even if they do wear skirts) :)

Chloe,

You sound exactly like I did 5 months agowhen I found out about my partner cding
even though I support him I am getting shut out, and it took him nearly 3 weeks to get him to talk even a little to me, I asked him loads of Question, went online and discovered a few sites , this being one of them and he hated me doing it ----- he thought I would be put off by cd sites (yup some of them are nasty ------ this isn't) eventually he joined here and bit by little bit we talked, then there would be more silences, then I would feel shut out and wondered what the F**k was going to happen next, but thankfully with the support of the peeps here we have made it thus far.

He just wouln't talk to me I felt alone, hurt and confused, then about 6 weeks ago we met with another cdr and her SO, two sets of complete strangers ---- apart from having chatted on the forum ---- and guess what he sang like a bleeding angel, he was so open, relaxed and carefree it was unbelievable, ---- when I asked him later on that night why he could be so open in front of strangers but found it so difficult to talk to me, he said, that it was because he didn't have to explain himself -- if he got it slightly wrong the other CDR knew what he meant ------ he didn't have to dot the I's and cross the T's to explain himself and that made sense.

He had also said in the beginning when we talked that it took him time to get his head round the fact that somebody else knew about his dressing, that he wasn't alone, in fact he actually said that in the beginning because I was so supportive of him --------- I just kept going out and bringing things home for him to wear ------ that he felt like I was forcing him to dress :eek: and until he got his head round the fact that, I knew and really didn't see it as a big deal (cos I think we are meant to screan all sorts of abuse at em:D and if we don't it confuses em )-- seriously they gear themselves up to anybody finding out and world war 3 is going to break loose, when it dosen't they spend time wondering why instead of talking to us, --- the same as some GG's need time and space when they first find out, so do some cdr's when they are first discovered, hang in there hun just carry on as you would normally.

Hope to see you in the GG section real soon

Jess

[Jill]

I am going to stick with everything that I said, however, I think that if you want to continue to test the waters and try to move it forward, it might be a good idea to buy him some clothes, he would secretly love it. So maybe go out and get him some hose with back seams and a nice victoria's secret bra. I really do believe that even though he hasn't come to grips with himself, he will secretly love it if you do that.

[Sheila]

I agree with what everyone has been saying about his embarrassment and confusion, but disagree with them about how to handle it. If you are strong enough, then I think what you should do is force the issue. Dress him, help him get as feminine and passable as it is possible given his looks. Insist on it, use sexual interest to do so if neccessary, turn him on and he will do it even if he keeps saying no, then get him looking as nice as possible. :hugs:

Sorry Bethanygirl
Not all CDR's want that, so I have to disagree, mine needed to find his own comfort level with somebody else knowing, and nobody should ever be forced into doing something they are obviously uncomfortable with. Do that and things could go badly wrong

Jess

[Jane GG]

I think I will just give him a little time to absorb it all that I know. I know him and when something happens he likes to take some time and just think about it. Maybe in a week or so, I will try to come back to it a little by doing some things - like getting him something. He is one that if you push too hard he just completely shuts down. I said today I would give him some time and I think I need to stick with that for a while or what I said doesn't really amount to much- then can he really feel like if I didn't mean it when I said that, do I mean it when I say it is ok?

I'm just so glad I found this site!

[Bethanygirl]

Sorry Bethanygirl
Not all CDR's want that, so I have to disagree, mine needed to find his own comfort level with somebody else knowing, and nobody should ever be forced into doing something they are obviously uncomfortable with. Do that and things could go badly wrong

Jess

Interesting, lets hear from some of the cd's on this...
I hope you do not imagine I was suggesting she be indomitable about this, I meant she should lead him into the situation in which she could show him her ability to appreciate his needs. When I said 'force' I was in reference to 'forcing' the issue, not 'forcing' him.

Anyway, as I said, I hope it all works out for the best no matter what happens.

[Sweet Susan]

Chloe,
With your attitude, this could be a very exciting time for both of you. I suggest taking him with you when you go Christmas shopping and look at women's clothes together. I also recommend buying him something. Talk to him about how you think such and such might look good on him. Try to accelerate his comfort level without intruding on it, if possible. He is in shock right now. The best thing for shock, is more shock, but the good kind, the acceptance kind. Rent a crossdressing movie and watch it with him. Doe he have a good body? If so, recommend sexy clothes for him. I'd urge him to step on out there and learn more. You know, a wig for Christmas could be fun!

[Kimberley]

Sorry Bethanygirl
Not all CDR's want that, so I have to disagree, mine needed to find his own comfort level with somebody else knowing, and nobody should ever be forced into doing something they are obviously uncomfortable with. Do that and things could go badly wrong

Jess

***************
Jess, you are on the money here. A lot of confusion and mixed feelings. Go shopping but do it down the road and with him. But wait until the lines of communication are open again.

[janelle]

With X-mas coming Hun buy him/her a nice gift. Something soft & frilly & of course sexy. If you think she would be mad just say Santa left it. Good luck dear, keep us all posted. You both have many friends here as this is one big family.
:hugs: :love: Janelle

[AmandaM]

I agree. Take him shopping. You could ask him to help you find clothes. You need his advice. Say please, pretty please and smile at him. Then, when out. If you think it feels right, ask him if he wants something.

OR, you could tell him that you have been fantasizing about him in lingerie lying in the bed, waiting for you, and then you approach, and then he.... Just Kidding! :)

[Calliope]

Id take him shopping if he wanted.

I'm sure there's probably a few dozen gals here who'd love to take up that offer.

Just kidding!

Give 'em a week or two and, chances are, he'll be yakking nonstop about CDing.

[Debra Lynn]

Okay, I'm going to take a little different slant on things, but first, congradulations on being so open and accepting, lots of us would like to have our SO be that way. He mentioned that he was not sure he was a cross dresser at all, and you have said he is just interested in the clothes. It could be that he has a fetish for womens clothing, which a lot of cross dressers do. The dividing line between a fetish and cross dressing seems to be in whether it is a single piece of clothing (just stockings, just garters and stockings, just panties, just high heels) as opposed to all types of clothing (dressing to some extent, such as panties, bra, garter and stockings, or adding a slip and a dress, etc). I completely agree that this has really blown his mind to be caught, and if he is having problems coming to terms with it, then he needs reassurance. He may feel that he is very much male and the thought of you "helping" him to dress would be a roundabout way of turning him into something he really doesn't want to be (really female.) This is something that he has to figure out for himself (self-identity) and it may change as the years pass. I would really caution against pushing it (taking him clothes shopping for herself) but think that having him along to make suggestions about clothing for you is a great idea (many cd's would love to help thier SO shop for clothes). But I really think you need to let him lead on just how far to go, continue to be supportive of him (I reallly liked the idea about pressing and hanging the clothes, WOW) and reinforce his masculine side because right now he is scared because his secret shame is out for the most important person in the world to know and he may really not want to be your gf as much as he wants to be your BF first and foremost. I really wish the two of you much happiness and success. Speaking for myself, I really didn't understand why I wanted to dress for losts of years and the shame (fostered by society at large) was a hard thing to overcome.

[RobynG]

Make it a romantic adventure,dress yourself up and ask him to join you. It will help to build your trust in each other. And who knows what could happen after that. Just make sure that you don't pressure him into doing it. Maybe he feels more comfortable in his own closet. Hope everything works out

Robyn

[Jennaie]

There are several good ideas presented to you here. I think that you are the only person who really knows how to best handle this. As crossdressers, we are very diversified in our desires, so no single one answer is going to be the catch-all for your situation.

There is only one piece of advice that I would offer, if you do get him to dress in front of you, be supportive. Whatever you do, DO NOT LAUGH! DO NOT MAKE A JOKE OF IT! and by all means don't say, (someday we will look back on this and laugh).

I never discuss my dressing with my girlfriend because of this very thing. As a matter of fact, she believes that I no longer dress.

Talk about sending someone into their shell! Forever.

[Michelia]

Please just give him time. DO NOT PUSH.

At this point no one really knows what is going on in HIS head. He could be shy or just not ready. He could be in denial. He could be feeling a lot more girly than he lets on and afraid of talking to you because he might lose you. He might not accept himself. He may see himself as some pervert and now see you as one too because what kind of crazy girl would want me like this?

Just let him know you are OK with it. Learn all you can from this site. There is a lot of material here. This way you will be better prepared for whatever comes next...you never know!

Sometimes no matter how supportive you may be, he may not believe it. I think I have the most understanding and awesome SO, but I still sometimes doubt when she says she is OK with this or that, even though we have a history of being very straight with each other. Sometimes I get very insecure as to whether one day she will leave me because of my CDing. I know it is not rational, but I cannot help it.

And yes - do not make fun. My SO never has, but one day she did say I would never know what a being a real woman feels like. This is very obvious and I am keenly aware of it, but she did not have to say it. It was mean. But she really did not know better at the time. She would never say it now.

Good luck. With your attitude I think it will all be OK maybe even fantastic. Hopefully it will all end wonderfully!

Michelia

Michelia

[kerrianna]

Chloe Jane, I'm glad you have been able to get a lot of support and feedback here, some of it contradictory, which is the nature of a gathering such as this.

I think you have the best idea of how to handle this - you know your man better than us. I agree with the thought of giving him his own time and space to deal with it. He probably has been keeping this seperated from his relationship with you for a long time and was comfortable with that - your discovery has changed that comfort zone for him, so now he's trying to figure out what that might mean. Give him time, acceptance and space and he'll likely come to see that this might work out pretty good for him. He probably never thought it would and hasn't travelled there in his mind so it's a new thing for him - and if he has been feeling guilty and ashamed privately that won't go away just because you support him. He needs to find his own acceptance of his desire/fetish/hobby - whatever he wants to call it.

So go slow with him (sounds like you already are), try not to make it a big thing, even if you want to explore it with him more - he will when he's ready. Hopefully he'll see that it's nothing to be ashamed of and it doesn't have to MEAN ANYTHING (ie. "I'm gay" I'm bi" "I want to be a girl" "I'm sick" etc.). It is different for everyone.

And A LOT of people are doing it, as the popularity of this forum and the increasing pop culture and advertising references show.

Good luck. I hope your man realizes he's got it maid :heehee: in the shade with you.

[MandyTX83]

I am going to have to agree with what a lot of people have said, Give him time and be supportive. I know for myself since I started dressing in my sister's clothes when she left for college (i guess i was about 12) I was not sure what it meant and did not to grips with it myself. If somebody had asked me about it, I would not have known what to say and would not want to be the uncomfortable situation of being around somebody who knows about my dressing even if they are supportive because I had not come to grips with it in my own mind. I have only within the last year let myself be my truly girly self which is great for me and puts a giant smile on my face when I think about it. I am still closteted since nobody I am close to has any idea anything about me and any way of talking to me about it. My mother recently guessed at it and I did not deny it and had a long talk with her about what I liked and what the experience of dressing is in my mind, but I can't describe it to her since she is not me and doesn't understand my perspective. She has said that she is ok with it and now I don't feel I have to be as secretive with it and that makes me feel better and will open the lines of communication more. The important thing for us to understand each other is to give the room the other needs to take so that they can be comfortable. I think there are a lot of people here that are that way and need comfort and understanding without having people trying to force us talk about something we may not be ready for. You are an amazing woman and could not be better for a man like us, I hope he will come to grips with himself and include you with everything he wants to do and maybe someday get in his best pair of heels and his little black dress and ask you to make him the happiest person ever by sharing your life with him... (i think of thought this situation out a little too much, but I tend to do that). I hope you both end up having the greatest time with each other and can become comfortable with who you are enough that you are not afraid of somebody else seeing/knowing it. Good luck and we are all cheer for you both.
:hugs:

[Bonnie D]

Going slow seems to be the consensus, however, it doesn't seem like you can wait very long for him to come out and at least talk about it. Forcing the issue may close him up and it may not. I'm afraid he might purge everything and go into complete denial without talking to you first. Then there goes a lot of clothes and money out the window, which is not a major issue but something to be considered. Eventually, he may come out to you and become accepting of himself and then the shopping will begin, and will probably get out of control trying to play catch up.

None of what I'm saying could possibly be of much help so here's my two cents is; Get as much information as you can, here is a great place, join the GG forum too but I think you have to wait until you've written a minimum number of posts (see Tamara). Then continue to try to talk to him and see how he reacts. Back off if it's not good and try again later, if it's okay then go a little further. Make sure he doesn't throw everything out. If he goes into denial he should lock it all away somewhere (ex. storage locker). Then just be patient. Oh yes, one more thing. Send him here so we can knock him upside the head. What's he thinking, he has someone like you and he won't talk to you????

Bonnie

[Shannon CD]

Okay, who all here is now in love with Chloe Jane?

I know I'd like to throw my hat in the ring.

Chloe Jane, I can't believe how you have been able to make me feel so much better about myself in the few posts you have made than I have felt in quite some time. And that is saying alot, since everyone here has been boosting my confidence over the last 2 months.

Stick with him. He'll come around. He may never feel comfortable about sharing it with you, but remember that it is only part of who he is. Who you fell in love with is still there. No matter how open a person is, every one of us have things that we keep personal and private. This may be his.

Good luck to you.

[Rachel Morley]

I think you're doing just fine. :happy: Keep him talking and understand that (if he's anything like me) this has been his most deepest secret in the whole wide world, something he promised himself he would never ever tell anyone because of the ramifications involved. When it's been buried that deep, and then it suddenly comes out in the open, it's not easy to talk about, especially the personal stuff.

Stick with it and good luck.

[Holly]

Chloe Jane, you've received a lot of good advice. Your b/f really needs to come to terms with himself. He's a cross dresser, no matter if it's panties once a year or fully dressed everyday. We come in lots of different flavors! Admitting is hard. Everything we have heard all of our lives tells is that it is the wrong thing to do. The problem is that nobody can say WHY it is wrong. The reason? It isn't! What cross dressing is, is misunderstood! Those of us who participate in it are not perverts, not deviants, not criminals. We're your banker, your mechanic, your neighbor, your kids teacher, your pastor, your grocer, well, you get the idea.

I think it's wonderful that you want to support him. I understand his reluctance to include you... he's afraid of the rejection that he been conditioned to expect. His self esteem is low because what he loves to do just can't be "right." Here's a few ideas that you might try...


Buy him a cute nightie. Maybe something similar to what he has seen you wear (or something you'd like to see him in :D).
Get him something girlie. It doesn't have to be something big... a tube of lipstick, some cologne, a fancy pair of hose, etc.
Look through a woman's clothing catalog and ask his opinion on different articles of clothing (do you like this skirt, do you think these shoes are cute, etc).As he becomes more comfortable talking to you, reassure him that it's okay. Maybe plan a dress-up day for just the two of you.

At the same time, you need to assess your own acceptance level. You will need to set boundaries that fit your needs as well. We CDer's tend to go overboard if we think we've got the green light. Any activity carried to an extreme, can be upsetting to the other partner. You will need to be the voice of reason.

I have high hopes for the two of you. Thanks for being a part of our community.

[michelleliz]

It's Christmas Buy him a new outfit< But give it to him when NO one is around Then let him open it alone. So he won't be embaresed

Michelle LIz

[Debb]

Chloe Jane

It is wonderful that you are willing and able to be accepting and open about this; it is unfortunate for your boyfriend that he is not ready.

I have similar difficulties communicating with my (accepting and supportive) wife. I still have not completely gotten over my own discomfort about my crossdressing -- I have found it difficult to accept for so long now, that it is hard to quit being ashamed. Even though we like to dress as women, we are still men, and most of us do not open up easily about our feelings.

I want to throw my hat in the "don't push it" ring. I also would like to say that I don't think you should get him any "femme" gifts of any kind; if he is in a denial or shame phase, this will only push him further down the solitary road (I know, my wife gave me a femme gift last year and I ... just didn't know how to feel about it, I felt very strange -- and I didn't know how to communicate that to her without making her feel badly).

I wish you well, Chloe, and I hope things work out well for you and your boyfriend.

[Jane GG]

Shannon CD- You shouldn't feel bad. Like I said I would be in the same place by wearing pants to work 100 years ago. If that social norm can change for women- and hey we all think it is just fine now- then it can (and should) for men, which means it is just fine too! Besides can you imagine how much better peace talks would go if the male world leaders could go into a room and look at each other and say - oh that is a cute skirt ?:happy: So unless there is something wrong with all of women who wear pants and polos, etc which are "menswear", there is nothing wrong with you wearing a skirt!

Bethany Marie- I think you are a lot like my boyfriend in how you feel/think. I think if I bought him something now he would feel even more uncomfortable. Once he opens up I will do that though.

I think I will go with hanging the clothes up. They are stuffed in two big bags in an empty closet. I am going to go get some nice hangers for them and hang them up. He should at least take care of the clothes! :happy: I think he will be okay with that. I really think he is in some severe denial, but now maybe he was come to terms with it, since it isn't so hidden anymore.

It wasn't mentioned last night. I told him I would let him have some time to absorb my knowing and I wanted to do that. I held his hand while we were out shopping (electronics store) and made sure he knew I was still attracted to him just the same when we got home :happy: Maybe he will start to open up soon. Until then I am glad to talk here! (and I did register for the GG forum) Even if advice is contradictory- everything said to me helps me. I appreciate it all! Thanks for being so fantastic!

[Satrana]

Chloe jane

You seem to have got the right idea. And I would also be one to advise against buying him anything or going shopping with him as this is just too embarrassing for him to cope with at this moment.

Not only is he in shock at having his deepest secret revealed, but he is also scared that he has let you down as a man, that you will think less of him and that you are only trying to be nice to him by saying these things. The only way he is going to get over these feelings is by simply giving him time to adjust and keep the relationship ticking over as normal. But if he does not come out of his shell over the next few weeks then you should prompt him by saying he is not allowed to sweep this under the rug.

One other thing which has not been mentioned is this - although mentally you are fine with the idea that men can wear feminine clothing, when you actually see him dressed you may find that your emotions are somewhat different. I dont know what his physique is like or his choice of clothes, but he may not look so good when dressed. Also you may also have emotional problems remaining sexually attracted to him while he is dressed. Do you know how you would react if he wanted to make love while he was dressed as a woman?

Just bear this in mind when you are telling him that you fully accept him because you don't actually know that for sure until you experience his crossdressing for yourself. And if you do have issues, and it is very common, then he may feel betrayed that you were so suportive earlier and are not so sure anymore. So you should also take baby steps yourself and not jump in headfirst into the unknown.

Anyway you seem to have a wise head on you so I wish you all the luck. :love:

[CDBarbie]

Chloe Jane, He can't help how he feels. Love him and give him time. You could go shoping and buy him a new outfit. One you think would look good on him and one that you would like to see on him (sexy outhit hopefully) You guys have to get through this. Life is wonderful once you get through to the other side. Love, Barbie

[Jane GG]

So, how has today gone? Well my hot water heater is broken so I've been having to go over to his place to shower (hence how I just found the clothing- he had put a new toothbrush in the medicine cabinet but not thrown the old one out and I thought maybe it belonged to someone else and looked in the closet and found the clothes and hauled back to my place - which is where we spend most all of our time- about how I knew there was another woman as I found all of her things. His response being- no there wasn't someone else, they were his)

anyhow the bathroom needed to be cleaned and he had some old towels, so I went today and cleaned the bathroom, bought him some new towels and got the bathroom spiffy. I had brought with me bunches of nice new hangers. I hung up all of his clothes- dresses, skirts, pants and shirts all organized and panties in cute little cloth baskets. He knew I was cleaning the bathroom (which he says I did more for me than him- okay, true). I showed him the new towels- which match the colours in the bathroom. He seemed happy. Then I told him there was one more thing and to go look in his closet. He headed for his bedroom closet and I said no, the other one (the spare bedroom where his bags were). He looked inside and said oh and then closed the door. I told him I didn't think any part of him should be shoved in a bag. I asked if he was mad and he said no and that he was just still getting used to it.

Well tonight he actually started talking to me about it. He said he's afraid I will still think it is weird. I said no and that I wouldn't have hung his clothes so nicely, but would have just kept them in the bag and not tried to talk to him, to which he agreed. So we seem to be making some serious progress.

I can't even begin to tell you how nervous I was because I was afraid he would be mad at me. When I was at the store buying the hangers and towels, I thought they would think I was shoplifting because I was acting so nervous and edgy. Anyhow, I was so nervous the whole time I was hanging them- completely freaked out he was not going to take it well. I am relieved now and I think he is beginning to talk to me.

As for seeing him dressed up and my reaction. When I had worn skirts for work and still had them on when we started getting "frisky" he asked to wear it while we were in bed-along with my panties- I had no problem with it. It was as much of a turn on for me. So I think I am okay with it so far. Ah we will see how the rest of the night goes! :happy: Thanks for everything- I must admit I just wanted to run home and get on my computer for help while I was at the store, but I didn't have time if I was going to get it done before he got off work. I so look forward to my visits here!

[brina_cd]

I think it's safe to say that we all look forward to your posts. Particularly those of us with less-than-accepting spouses/gf's. If he blows it...

[Satrana]

I can't even begin to tell you how nervous I was because I was afraid he would be mad at me.
I thought the clothes hanging was a great idea and struck just the right balance. I think your fears were unfounded.


. It was as much of a turn on for me. So I think I am okay with it so far. Ah we will see how the rest of the night goes! :happy: Thats great to hear, you are very open minded about these things which is important if this is going to work out ok. If you think about crossdressing rationally, it is actually not a big deal as all he is doing is using clothes to overcome the social conditioning to hide his feminine side. Your acceptance will result in a wonderful opportunity to grow more close.

I give your efforts an A+ . You are obviously a loving and thoughtful person.:love:

[Sheila]

Chloe,

Glad he has opened up a bit to you hun, take it slowly, with small steps and love you should make it

Jess

[Sophia Rearen]

Then I told him there was one more thing and to go look in his closet. He headed for his bedroom closet and I said no, the other one (the spare bedroom where his bags were). He looked inside and said oh and then closed the door. I told him I didn't think any part of him should be shoved in a bag. I asked if he was mad and he said no and that he was just still getting used to it.



Chloe, what you have done so far is inspirational. Last year, my wife gave me, amongst other things, skirt hangers for Christmas. Of course, I was hoping she would by me something pretty to wear, but oh well, she's practical. My point, everything you do like this, no matter how small it may seem, is a sign of acceptance. It sends a message. My hanger present was one of the best christmas presents I've received. It wasn't the product, it was the thought. Your bf is obviously overloaded by this acceptance from you. He isn't used to someone else participating in his "kink". I say kink, because he may believe, at this point, that this is all it is. Keep sending the messages, he'll open up and eventually welcome any signs of your love and acceptance eagerly.

[Rachaelb64]

Chloe Jane, he doesnt know what an angel he has in you :happy:

[Jane GG]

So last night he actually talk to me quite a bit about things and started asking me a lot of questions like why was I okay with it and if I liked any of the clothes. I told him about one of his skirts that I liked in particular. That seemed to go over well. He really seemed to open a lot more and said he was feeling more comfortable. Then he tried on a few things for me. It was followed with lots more questions like why did I like it etc. I think he is feeling a lot better and I think he was happy to try on the lingerie for me....maybe that was because it was mine and it was just new for him. Oh well, nonetheless, it was a big step. I also told him I had some panties that I wouldn't wear because they came the lingerie top and I bought different panties to go with it. He seemed happy about that and actually that was the first thing he put on last night. I am feeling much more relieved about it all. Of course we had an argument this morning but that was over his overbearing, not so selfless nor nice mother. Now if we can just get him to stand up to her and tell her to #@&$ off, we would be all set! :happy:

I did ask him to admit he was a crossdresser and he said that he always thought that meant he had to go out in public dressed up.

I am anxious to see how this evening goes. I will keep you updated!

[Erica Lauren James]

Sounds like things are starting to work out for you to. You should let him know not to be all concerned as to why your ok with it as there are many, many of us here that would love to have gf that was ok with it and parcipitated with us.

He is a very lucky Guy!!

Kiera

[JoAnnDallas]

Tell him that being a crossdresser does NOT mean he HAS to go out in public. Many CDer's here will tell you that, many of them do not go outside the house. I have been a CDer since I was about 10. That I was 49 years ago. It was not until last year that I started going out in public. For most of those 49 years, I did not venture out into the public.

I am glad he is finially starting to talk to you about it all and he is starting to let you see him dressed. That is a very good sign. He is starting to come out of his shell.

[Sophia Rearen]

So last night he actually talk to me quite a bit about things and started asking me a lot of questions like why was I okay with it and if I liked any of the clothes. I told him about one of his skirts that I liked in particular. That seemed to go over well. He really seemed to open a lot more and said he was feeling more comfortable. Then he tried on a few things for me. It was followed with lots more questions like why did I like it etc. I think he is feeling a lot better and I think he was happy to try on the lingerie for me....maybe that was because it was mine and it was just new for him. Oh well, nonetheless, it was a big step. I also told him I had some panties that I wouldn't wear because they came the lingerie top and I bought different panties to go with it. He seemed happy about that and actually that was the first thing he put on last night.
Sure makes me feel as if things are moving at a snails pace in my camp.


I am feeling much more relieved about it all. Of course we had an argument this morning but that was over his overbearing, not so selfless nor nice mother. Now if we can just get him to stand up to her and tell her to #@&$ off, we would be all set! :happy:



Maybe it's time for him to dress up in front of Mom?

[AmandaM]

This is good news. With so much hate in society towards us, he was freaking out over you reacting poorly. His own image of crossdressing is poor because of it. He doesn't want you to think he's some freak, fa**ot, sicko.

Only by your actions is he coming around. Don't laugh at stuff on TV such as Jerry Springer transvestites. He will take it poorly. At least until he trusts you.

[Olesja_CD]

So, how has today gone? Well my hot water heater is broken so I've been having to go over to his place to shower (hence how I just found the clothing- he had put a new toothbrush in the medicine cabinet but not thrown the old one out and I thought maybe it belonged to someone else and looked in the closet and found the clothes and hauled back to my place - which is where we spend most all of our time- about how I knew there was another woman as I found all of her things. His response being- no there wasn't someone else, they were his)

anyhow the bathroom needed to be cleaned and he had some old towels, so I went today and cleaned the bathroom, bought him some new towels and got the bathroom spiffy. I had brought with me bunches of nice new hangers. I hung up all of his clothes- dresses, skirts, pants and shirts all organized and panties in cute little cloth baskets. He knew I was cleaning the bathroom (which he says I did more for me than him- okay, true). I showed him the new towels- which match the colours in the bathroom. He seemed happy. Then I told him there was one more thing and to go look in his closet. He headed for his bedroom closet and I said no, the other one (the spare bedroom where his bags were). He looked inside and said oh and then closed the door. I told him I didn't think any part of him should be shoved in a bag. I asked if he was mad and he said no and that he was just still getting used to it.

Well tonight he actually started talking to me about it. He said he's afraid I will still think it is weird. I said no and that I wouldn't have hung his clothes so nicely, but would have just kept them in the bag and not tried to talk to him, to which he agreed. So we seem to be making some serious progress.

I can't even begin to tell you how nervous I was because I was afraid he would be mad at me. When I was at the store buying the hangers and towels, I thought they would think I was shoplifting because I was acting so nervous and edgy. Anyhow, I was so nervous the whole time I was hanging them- completely freaked out he was not going to take it well. I am relieved now and I think he is beginning to talk to me.

As for seeing him dressed up and my reaction. When I had worn skirts for work and still had them on when we started getting "frisky" he asked to wear it while we were in bed-along with my panties- I had no problem with it. It was as much of a turn on for me. So I think I am okay with it so far. Ah we will see how the rest of the night goes! :happy: Thanks for everything- I must admit I just wanted to run home and get on my computer for help while I was at the store, but I didn't have time if I was going to get it done before he got off work. I so look forward to my visits here!
this is how these situations should be handled... any more perfect? probably not... best example how things can be settled but girls have to be the ones to be OK with it... its not drinking or drugs.. just clothes...
well go on, make kids... now that secret is out marriage time !

[mona lisa]

As far as society- to me it is just a double standard - anyone can wear pants, so why can't anyone wear skirts? Besides maybe he has some cute ones I can wear!

Boy, he is one lucky fella. The man in me is a bit envious.


Shannon CD- You shouldn't feel bad. Like I said I would be in the same place by wearing pants to work 100 years ago.

Funny you mention that because I brought the same subject up with a friend of mine a few weeks ago.


If that social norm can change for women- and hey we all think it is just fine now- then it can (and should) for men, which means it is just fine too!

One should not have to be scottish or irish to be able to wear a dress.


Besides can you imagine how much better peace talks would go if the male world leaders could go into a room and look at each other and say - oh that is a cute skirt ?:happy:

:heehee:


So unless there is something wrong with all of women who wear pants and polos, etc which are "menswear", there is nothing wrong with you wearing a skirt!

At least if those who have a problem with men wearing skirts would have a problem with women wearing pants, whatever one thought of them they would at least be consistent. But the modern status quo on this is not consistent at all.


I think I will go with hanging the clothes up. They are stuffed in two big bags in an empty closet. I am going to go get some nice hangers for them and hang them up. He should at least take care of the clothes! :happy: I think he will be okay with that. I really think he is in some severe denial, but now maybe he was come to terms with it, since it isn't so hidden anymore.

It wasn't mentioned last night. I told him I would let him have some time to absorb my knowing and I wanted to do that. I held his hand while we were out shopping (electronics store) and made sure he knew I was still attracted to him just the same when we got home :happy: Maybe he will start to open up soon. Until then I am glad to talk here! (and I did register for the GG forum) Even if advice is contradictory- everything said to me helps me. I appreciate it all! Thanks for being so fantastic!

Thankyou Chloe...for being who you are. I wish there were more women with your understanding -and I doubt I am the only :doll: on the forum who thinks that :happy:

[danam]

I think you did awesome. Your experience and conversation is pretty much exactly how I envision it happening to myself. It hasn't happened yet--my wife doesn't know. I don't want her to know. But eventually it will happen. And I will probably react exactly as your BF did. I really don't want these two worlds to mix together. My brain is wired like a man, but it so so enjoys pretending occasionally to be Dana...really weird and hard to accept. But, like your BF, I draw a pretty hard line between the two worlds and don't like them to cross. So give him lots of time.

And try not to even JOKE about it. Let him initiate the conversations. If he's anything like me, he probably doesn't want to mix those two worlds.

I would, however, give him blocks of time to himself, alone.

[kerrianna]

Maybe it's time for him to dress up in front of Mom?

:lol2: oh Sophia! You're so bad!

[TxKimberly]

I found my bf's clothes. I have no problem with it and told him as soon as I asked about them. He, on the other hand, is completely stressed out about it. I told him it doesn't bother me in the least and I see nothing wrong with it. But since I found out he seems to have closed a door and I feel shut out. He only dressed in the clothes- no makeup and only inside. He is almost avoiding me now. What do I do? It doesn't matter to me at all, but his being upset is making me upset because I feel shut out all of the sudden. Any advice?
Hmmm . . .seems to me a lot of people responded with the way THEY feel, and things THEY want known if their SO found out about them. Can;t trust that as we are all different, with unique feelings, thoughts, and habits.
What can you do to help your SO know it's all right? My opinion? Hug him, laugh with him, tell him you love him.

Kim

[InHerShoes]

Just give it time. I have a very accepting wife and it took me months and months before I could be really comfortable dressing around her. And there are still plenty of awkward days when I feel weird or I can tell she does and it's been five years now. But we communicate really well and if she says "Hey I really miss those ratty sweats you used to wear" or something to that effect I know it's time to dress down. Just be patient, I wouldn't have wanted to come out any faster than I did and my wife seems like you - she really didn't care if it was jeans or a skirt. I was embarrassed. There is a lot of cultural conditioning against guys being anything but "manly". It takes time to get used to the fact that - "Oh, you're still into me even though I wear a dress?"

[cdjenny]

just tell him hey we need to talk...and leave it at that for a min...here is y

when talking to a man you need to start off saying hey we need to talk...dont force it any farther..when we as men are confrunted with a problem..and we are forced to talk right then we cant...we cant think..we get defenceive..when we are naged at about things...we need time to think things through first..and get it together..does this make since to you..i hope it does:hugs:

[loki_uk]

I don't know if it's any help but I've told a few close female friends, but my wife finding out would be one hell of a shock, if it's not the fear she'd want to leave me it's almost as bad to think your relationship will suddenly change...and well most blokes fear change unlike their missus who are usually intent on changing them into something else lol

I think most of us whether we've been completely found out or had a narrow escape probably clammed up the shock is just too much

[Khriss]

..Chloe.. You're "neck deep" in aquireing information or advice here..when,,,steering Your SO here for reasurance or knowledge like- "she's - not alone-in her feelings ,may have passed...
there's the "masculinity" factor...
..an old line still rings true ,, "Do'nt believe everthing You read "
I'm inclined to think.. "I'ts better if He admitts it,to You" before You go further? ...just My opinion , and xx"K"

[Jane GG]

So last night I was a bit surprised. We were in the car on the way to dinner and he bring up that he knew he would be working a bit late at work and had hoped that he would've had time to run out and buy something to wear for me that evening, but he didn't have the time. So we just talked for a bit- I just let him lead the conversation. There wasn't a whole lot more- but I am still getting a lot of "what are you thinking about?".

Then last night while we were on the couch after dinner I said I was disappointed I didn't get my surprise from his not being able to go shopping. He pulls the laptop on the couch and goes to Victoria Secret's website and wants me to go through it with him showing him things I like and talking about why. We went through tons of items discussing which ones I liked and why and he talked about some of the things he liked. Then (even though it is 9p) he says he wants to go to the mall to get me something for him to wear for my surprise. He wanted me to go with him in the car, but I waited outside because he said he wanted it to be a surprise what he got until we got home and he had it on. On the way there he asked about if I just like the skirts and panites or if there were other things. I told him I wasn't clear if he was saying he wanted to try shoes, makeup, wigs, etc or what. I said if he wanted to go shoe shopping, I would take him. Or anything else for that matter. I think he wanted to try the shoes, but he said no to makeup and a wig. He wasn't definite on the shoes, but I left it open that we could go if he decided to.

Anyhow- he got a skirt and 3 pairs of panties- all of which he modeled for me. He first had on his tshirt, which I told him to take off because it didn't look right to have it on and I just wanted to see him model his surprise new clothes for me. I am still getting the questions about what I like and why. I think it is more for reassurance that I am okay. I told him that I thought he looked sexy and stop talking and kiss me. :happy: But I think he is definitely feeling more open and wants to talk about it a lot now. I am surprised by how much he does want to talk about it. When we are together he wants to talk about it a lot. I try to let him bring it up, which suddenly isn't an issue. :happy:

[Debra Lynn]

Open communication, it's wonderful when it happens!

[TxKimberly]

So last night I was a bit surprised. We were in the car on the way to dinner and he bring up that he knew he would be working a bit late at work and had hoped that he would've had time to run out and buy something to wear for me that evening, but he didn't have the time. So we just talked for a bit- I just let him lead the conversation. There wasn't a whole lot more- but I am still getting a lot of "what are you thinking about?".

Then last night while we were on the couch after dinner I said I was disappointed I didn't get my surprise from his not being able to go shopping. He pulls the laptop on the couch and goes to Victoria Secret's website and wants me to go through it with him showing him things I like and talking about why. We went through tons of items discussing which ones I liked and why and he talked about some of the things he liked. Then (even though it is 9p) he says he wants to go to the mall to get me something for him to wear for my surprise. He wanted me to go with him in the car, but I waited outside because he said he wanted it to be a surprise what he got until we got home and he had it on. On the way there he asked about if I just like the skirts and panites or if there were other things. I told him I wasn't clear if he was saying he wanted to try shoes, makeup, wigs, etc or what. I said if he wanted to go shoe shopping, I would take him. Or anything else for that matter. I think he wanted to try the shoes, but he said no to makeup and a wig. He wasn't definite on the shoes, but I left it open that we could go if he decided to.

Anyhow- he got a skirt and 3 pairs of panties- all of which he modeled for me. He first had on his tshirt, which I told him to take off because it didn't look right to have it on and I just wanted to see him model his surprise new clothes for me. I am still getting the questions about what I like and why. I think it is more for reassurance that I am okay. I told him that I thought he looked sexy and stop talking and kiss me. :happy: But I think he is definitely feeling more open and wants to talk about it a lot now. I am surprised by how much he does want to talk about it. When we are together he wants to talk about it a lot. I try to let him bring it up, which suddenly isn't an issue. :happy:
WARNING! If he is at like I was, he is going to talk to you about it until your sick to death of hearing it. After you have devoted so much effort to keeping it secret for so many years, to at last have someone you can talk to about it is a tremendous relief.
Just nod your head from time to time and say "yes, that's nice dear". LOL
Kim

[AmandaM]

Oh please girl! If he's going to model a skirt and panties, for God's Sake, tell him to put on a bra and top!

Topless crossdresser, indeed! :)

[genevieve]

you are such a wonderful woman, continue to be supportive , but not aggressively supportive, he must be quite a catch and you have a bond that will get stronger, sometime soon you will both look back and say remember when

[Jane GG]

Well I bought a couple of things for Christmas, so we will see how it goes! I spent forever shopping trying to find something I was sure he'd like.

I think we will go shoe shopping after Christmas, since I tihnk he'd like to try them as well.

He said today he felt sure I was completely okay with things, which made me feel better. I think he feels like it is okay now too.

[kerrianna]

It sure is nice to hear about how it's working out. He sounds like a wonderful BF.

My SO had fun shopping for her girl this year for the first time. She used to shop for our god-daughter, but not lately, so she said it was nice to go buy Kerrianna some girly stuff. I can't wait :heehee: .

[Jane GG]

Yes, last night he told me he wants to go shopping together.

[Penny]

Thanks- he did say he was embarassed and has grown up being told it was wrong. He says he has done it for as long as he can remember. I told him I see no problem with it, afterall I wear pants all the time. I don't know how to make him know I am fine with it; Id take him shopping if he wanted. He said he was afraid I said I was ok, but am not. I assured him that was not the case and he would have known if I was, which he agreed was true. (I'm not great at hiding my feelings) I tried talking to him and letting him know it was fine, but it doesn't seem to help. I am at a loss because I don't see what is wrong with it. I am just estatic they aren't another woman's and that he's not cheating!

What is the GG forum? He said he has been online, although I'm not sure if he was here or is a member.
Welcome Chloe, try the following: buy him something pretty; it's christmas.
dirrect him to us; we can help him. He is fighting the same fight we all have fought; it's a conflict between what we were taught (gender brainwashing) and how we feel.

:hugs:

Penny

[dazzed]

When hes back and I belive he will be,who could stay away from you!..Might I advise, at the first opertunity a gift box with a nighty and matching panties,kind of an invitation to curl up and chat.I know I love it when she picks something out for me.And its usually something that looks great on me.