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View Full Version : When to tell that special someone?????



jenny_k78
05-25-2004, 03:17 AM
Currently I'm not in any relationship but am looking at being in one in the near future. :) I would like to tell her about CDing but am unsure of when a proper time would be, if at all. I don't want to have to keep a secret from someone that I may spend the rest of my life with. I have seen some post be up front in the relationship and then others have said to wait. Out of curiousity, what are the thoughts as to when the proper time is?

Beverly591
05-25-2004, 05:12 AM
I made the mistake of waiting too long in my first marriage to bring up the subject, only to learn as time went on that she had a huge disdain for any man who would willing wear her lingerie...so, for 15 years, I hid clothes, burned clothes, lied, deceived, and generally placed my heart in my throat whenever i dared to put on a pair of panties. Happily, that marriage ended before I completely lost my marbles, and I vowed to not hold back in my next relationship. I told my current partner there is something she should know about me...something a little strange perhaps but having no bearing on my feelings for her or on my manhood...and I just blurted it out. What followed was a great discussion about sexuality, likes and dislikes, and her affirmation that if dressing was something I liked to do, then she was all for it. That was four years ago and her acceptance keeps getting better. Hope that helps! Luv, Bev

Julie
05-25-2004, 08:56 AM
The best time to tell her is when you feel you have each other's trusthttp://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/227.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001). The CD stigma can still create problems for any one of us if the wrong person knows we CD. So I would say you need to have reached the point of trust before talking about.

Before telling her I would try to find out how she might react. Test her reaction when the opportunity presents itself like when watching TV http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/7/7_1_115.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001) and the show has a CDer or TS or someone transgendered. I have read many times that this can also be a preliminary preparation for her as your interest in the subject will soon become apparent and she will begin to suspect it's part of you. It can make telling her much easier for her.

As far as telling someone I would recommend practicing saying it in a very matter of fact manner. Leave out any guilt http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_6_202.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001) you may have or any other negative feelings about CDing. The better you come across as having accepted it yourself, the better the other person will accept it. Of course taking into consideration there are people who would just freak out http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10_1_17.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001) with this knowledge, you need to know where she stands. Being open and honest is vital but you need to let her know you are deeply concerned about her feelings on this.

I dated a girl in my early 20's and had a lot of guilt feelings about CDing. When I did finally tell her it was after many beers http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10/10_7_4.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001) and I tried so hard to get it out until I finally started crying. She was more worried about me personally that when I did finally get it out her response was more of a "is that all?" response [/url] . I expected her to walk away and never come back but instead she actually had fun with it insisting I dress up as a girl for Halloween :D . So that method worked at the time and in that situation. Today I'd handle it more matter of fact.

Let her know there's millions of us out there [url="http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001"]http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/3/3_4_8.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001) and we cover all walks of life. If you feel compelled to bring her to a forum I would recommend this one http://crossdressers-forum.com/forums/ as it has a very strong female presence and is tightly moderated. There she can read all sorts of stories from her point of view and most are very postive toward CDing. Women really have a tough time with this and understandably so. Their man wants to look like a woman :eek: . That's pretty confusing and causes a lot of worrisome images to go through their heads :confused: . We on the other hand have lived with for a long time and know where we are on all the issues (transsexuality, homosexuality, bi-sexuality, fetishes, etc.). They on the other hand need to learn to trust where you really are. The CD stigma is their reality and we need to re-educate http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/3/3_3_14.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001) them as to what it is for us.

I personally wouldn't continue a relationship with anyone who wasn't accepting. Ideally I'd want someone who was really into it and might take the time necessary to find her. That's just me. It's too deeply ingrained in me to have to walk on eggshells for the rest of my life when I know there is someone out there I can be much happier with that will let me be myself.

Most importantly you have to tell her as soon as you feel ready. Don't let the realtionship get too involved and never enter into marriage without letting her know first. On the other message board that's the #1 complaint the wives have and it has caused some major trust issues between spouseshttp://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10/10_9_140.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001). Looking back I'm thankful I told mine. I only wish I knew enough about it at the time to fully explain it to her. Forums like this really help in that understanding.

https://home.comcast.net/~julimarie/Julie_sig.gif

~Tammy~
05-25-2004, 02:28 PM
Hi Jenny,

I think Julie sums it up very well. As always, her posts are very insightful.
(I also think she will make an excellent moderator!)

Anyway, I can only speak from my personal experience with Tamara.

When we first met we hit it off instantly. I pratically moved in with her within a few days. After a few weeks, Tamara and her friend thought it would be a good laugh to put a little dress on me and some make-up. Little knowing I loved every bit of it! With this, I knew she was quite open with these kind of things.
It was after a few months together when I realised I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and wanted her to know everything about me. No secrets.
I showed her my little skirt and told her I liked wearing it. I was nervous as hell obviously, but I felt like she deserved to know. She was shocked at first, stating she felt betrayed that I didn't tell her sooner, before she developed such strong feelings for me.
She wore my skirt that night and it was incredible. Since then we have had no secrets at all, nothing hidden. We talk openly about what we do and don't like. This way we have a clear understanding of where the borders are, what each other will permit.
I do however place limits on my dressing up. She doesn't like it all the time, which I understand. Sometimes she wants the man in her life to be a man. Other times we play dressup together and have a wild time!
All things in moderation. I think if I constantly walked around in girl clothes it would become too normal. I would loose the great thrill and excitement of when I do get all dressed up.

Like Julie mentions, a good way of testing the water without actually going there, is when watching a television program about crossdressing, what is there reaction? Do they think its funny? cute? kinky? or disgusting and perverted?

You could make little suggestion to her like, 'That dress looks great on you, better than on me!'. Say this like you're just having a laugh and see their reaction. They might say, 'well lets find out!'

Ultimately I guess it all depends on how well you get know each other, what she will and wont tolerate. This takes a while to judge, but don't take too long or she may feel too betrayed that you have kept such a secret from her.

lara_myklund
05-25-2004, 03:33 PM
With my wife, I didn't tell her until four years into the relationship, and it was this length of time that was the main problem she had with it.
On the other hand, you want to know that you can really trust the person first.

Try this link:
http://www.ren.org/rbp03.HTML

~Tammy~
05-25-2004, 03:49 PM
Lara, that is an incredible read. Some many points I can relate too. I asked my GF to read it. It gives a each side a great understanding of things.

ruby red
05-25-2004, 09:01 PM
jenny its simple tell her right away " if she loves you she wont mind" after all she might double her warddrobe :eek:
honesty always prevents future misunderstandings i think! :rolleyes:

wifesundies
05-25-2004, 09:27 PM
i have yet to ttell my wife flat out and i am miserable. do it now before it's too late

Summer
05-25-2004, 09:38 PM
I agree with most of the post.
I told my wife as early as our second date. I was cooking dinner and she happened into the bathroom of my apartment at the time and low and behold what did she find. Well you can guess.
She was accepting almost the second she walked back in to the room with an article of clothing. With a great big smile. "Whats this" she said!!
Most of you know I'm a fair skinned redhead. I turned beat red. And that was that.
20 wonderful years later, 2 daughters who share my life with me. I could not be happier.
The right mate will make you happier than anything else in your life as a dresser.
Summer

jenny_k78
05-29-2004, 06:05 PM
I would just like to say thanks as another thought has been cleared up by all of your responses. I will keep updating as time goes and see what happens.

Tammy... the suggestion about the dress, that will be a tough one. I have known her for 3-4 years and in that time she has worn a dress only a couple times. She prefers jeans, t-shirts and her jean jacket. I guess to sum her up she is a tomboy. :)

Lara... that link was great, I plan on printing off a couple copies just to have on hand in case I feel comfortable enough to open up to someone. ;)

Julie... I always look forward to your post. If I need a boost, the wit and insightfulness of your post usually can do the trick.:p

Suzzie
06-07-2004, 09:30 PM
Hello all, :p

The girls are right

Tell her as soon as possible and get it over with. You won't be sorry that you did because, deep down in your heart, you know its the right thing to do.

I also waited, like some of the girls, and it can get to be a sticky wicket at times. She came around after awhile. My SO is one special lady to except the fact that she is married to another girl. :p

Lots of Love
Suzzie (Q)

pattysue
06-08-2004, 04:11 PM
I can say that I never really wanted to tell my wife. After all I had not told anyone in 34 years. But, last Halloween my wife's friend was having a costume party. I figured I would make a joke about cross-dressing for the party. She thought it was a pretty funny idea. I was quite thrilled to be able to dress up and go into public. So, after the party one thing lead to another and I told her that I kind of liked getting dressed up that night. She was not at all thrilled to hear this!!!! And after a few days of talking about it. She had kind of accepted it. And this was after 14 years of marriage. If I was to do it over I think I would be up front about it. Sneaking around and trying to dress is a pain:)

Elinor
06-09-2004, 07:18 AM
Girls just want to have fun indeed ! Go for it girls.