A bit about myself, with a question at the end

[Sherri Taylor]

Hello all!

It’s been awhile sense I posted here. I’m going to warn everyone up front that this could get long. Once my thoughts start coming out into words, I can get long winded. So, if you don’t feel like reading a long post, you may want to skip this one.

Anyway, life has been pretty hard the past 3 months. My SO, that was the love of my life, left me at the end of September. She was very accepting of my CDing, and we had a lot of fun with it. But she had things in her life that she had to work out. Unfortunately to do that, she had to break up with me, move out, and do what she has to do on her own. It broke my heart. I’ve been very lonely, lost, and confused the past few months.

I do owe her a lot. She really helped me find out who I am. She opened so many doors for me that I’ve always been scared to go through alone. I found out how far I’m willing to go with my CDing. Unlike some here, I’m very comfortable keeping it in the house as I have no desire to go out in public or to try to “pass” as a female. Not that it is a bad thing. I believe we are all different and have our own ways of expressing ourselves. But going out in public dressed is something I figured out is not for me.

One bright spot in my life is a really good female friend I’ve known for over 16 years. She is my best friend’s wife. They are ending their marriage of 15 years and she has been going through a hard time herself. I look at her as my sister. We’ve helped each other quite a bit dealing with both of our break ups. With out her, I believe I’d be in a rubber room right now. I don’t see us ever having a relationship beyond our current very strong friendship. Like I said earlier, she’s like a sister to me. Well, the other day I came out to her. She is the only person I’ve ever told other than females I’ve had close relationships with. She doesn’t completely understand it, but she does accept it. She agrees that it is part of me and that anyone in my life will have to accept it. On her advice, I called my previous SO and we had a long talk today. She informed me that she still has strong feelings for me, but she has to get her life together. That she feels like maybe we’ll get back together at some point. But it’s going to be a good year or two before that would even be possible. I would have to wait for her but I can’t sit idle waiting for what ifs. Life is too short and I’m not getting any younger.

I’ve been trying to figure out if there is a good place to meet someone that may be better prepared to meet someone like myself. I find it very hard to meet new women because I feel like I have this black cloud hanging over my head. CDing is part of my life and it is something I cannot hide and will always be a part of my life. I believe it is not right to start a relationship and hold this part of my life back only to have it come out years later. (I don’t mean to offend anyone here that may have taken this road. I’ve read so many posts here that have gone that way, and it seems to generally end in disaster). I do realize this is not something for everyone. So for me, I find it better to come out with it right away. It’s a shock to anyone at anytime, but I think it is much easier to walk away after a short time than after deeper feelings get involved. But it doesn’t make it an easy thing to do. I fear rejection, and I’m leery still of people that say they are ok with it. My ex-wife did that to me. I told her up front and she said for years that she was ok with it. Toward the end of our marriage, she told me that she always hated that part of me and wished I would have never been like that.

All of this leads me to my reason for this post. Is there anyone out there that could give me some advice or some suggestions as to find places where people like “us” tend to go our hang out so maybe I could meet a gal that would be expecting something like this from a person in a place like that? Are there such places? Are there web sites that deal with this sort of thing? I don’t see this site as a dating service, so I’m not looking for a date here. LOL. This is all new to me. But I want to be safe going about it. Being a member of this site I find you all to be honest and down right good people. And I would like to express my thanks to all of you for that!

I’ve never been one to go out to try to meet people. But I am feeling a strong desire to do so. I live near Detroit, MI. So any tips, suggestions, or advice would be very helpful to me whether you live near the area or not.

Thanks for taking the time to read all of this. I look forward to any and all replies.

Sherri

[Calliope]

Try Craigslist, they should have some TS's there, if not just put up a post. By all means, avoid romantic involvements for a while, though. Good luck, sister.

[sara_also]

Hi Sherry,
I am sorry to hear about your situation. Just thought I might let you know how I met my wonderful spouse. I had just been thru a terrible divorce and decided I was not going to curl up and die. Being 57 at the time I had nothing to loose, so I became a member of a dating site, just looking for friends. Nothing more. When I put up my profile I held nothing back. Said what I was and what I was looking for. After 3 months of chatting and telephone calls I meet the most wonderful person I could have imagined.
The name of the site was Dream Mates. I don't know if they still exist, but that doesn't matter. My point is that there is someone out there for everyone.
Never give up. I am sure you will find someone like I have that is your soulmate.
Sara

[Joy Carter]

Just don't get into any relationship for at least a year no matter how good it looks. And go out buy your self something pretty. That might get you outta the dumps.:hugs:

[shavedm64]

Sounds like your "sister" may be a good place to start...if she accepts you and you have known each other that long, she would be the one to depend on and maybe get good advice from. I'm not talking about dating her, just having a good friend close by, and one who will help. I wish I had such a sister.... best of luck

[kathy gg]

Hi Sherri

Sorry to hear about yoru break up, but on the other hand it was nice to read that your break up had nothing to do with cding.

Well since you plan on not {at this time} dressing outside of the home, meeting women who might be open to a situation like yours will be even more difficult than say if you at least went out to tg friendly bars or went shopping or just did stuff out in public en femme. By no means am I saying YOU SHOULD be doing that differntly, but no woman is going to be able to read your mind about your true self if the only image she will most likely meet you in is male mode.

So...you are going to have to use the internet. And yeah, although this site is not a *dating site* per se. By advertising {like you did} what your level of cding is, where you live is a good start. Just in case you did not know this site has alot of gg's. yes many are already in relationships, but there are single gg's here as well. I would keep a keen eye on who you see posting and pm accordingly and polietly if you see a single gal pop in here.

Also, I woudl think about using your whole story on dating sites, there are some alternative sites...but you need to figure out, do you want the girl next door....or the girl next door with a whip? If you really can't see yourself with an alterna-girl then don't go to alternative sites saying you are hip to bdsm or other things when you are not. if you are...well there are alot of cool single sites that have very kinky singles....some googeling should get results.

When I think of the all cool open minded gg's who looked for this in a partner...I see alot of creativity and uniquness....artists, writers, musicians, and other women in creative fields or who apprecaite estitique and individuality. Women a little left of mainstream tend to be more open to realtionships with guys of this persuasion.

Also.... I dont' mean to sound cliche', but you have only been broken up three months...I would not expect you to sit and wait for this ex to return..but I also would not totally go *looking* either. In other words, is it possible to just enjoy being single {is that an oxymoron?} for a while, enjoy your space and enjoy the non-hassel of co-habitation.

I think if you met someone this soon, well, you are still getting over the break up and you might still be yearning for her a bit too much. No one wants to be *rebound* material when something just ended. You dont' want to be mooning over your ex and I have a feeling that you might fall in that trap if you try really really hard to hook-up too quickly.

ANyway...good luck and I hope you make this forum your friend. As I said, there are single gg's here. One of them is my friend :heehee:! But if you dont' post and just lurk... no one will get a chance to know your personality.

[DonnaT]

Look in the entertainment section of newspapers, or google search for bars that have drag shows. Most are usually gay oriented, but drag shows do tend to bring out a number of women.

Check trans support groups in your area, as a few members may familiar with bars and other spots you could hang out in.

A place to start at is at http://tgguide.com which lists Seekers, 3301 24th St., Port Huron, MI (810) 985-9349

and list support groups at http://tgguide.com/Guide/michigan.htm

[Sherri Taylor]

I wanted to say thanks to all that have replied to this.

I’m doing fine now. I’m moving on. I do miss my previous SO, and who knows maybe when she has her life in order, we’ll be back together. My favorite saying: “Time will tell”.

For those that provided links or places to look, thank you. I will be looking into them soon.

I don’t want to single anyone out here; you are all full of good advice. But I wanted to say thanks to Kathy GG for your post. I was hoping you’d post to my question. I’ve read many of your posts and you always have good advice.

I’m not looking to jump right into a relationship anytime soon. After my SO left, I told myself I needed to be single and just go out and meet people and date for awhile. Joy Carter: this falls in line with what you were saying. And I have had my eyes on a few things in the Fredrick’s catalog for a few weeks now. Once we get thought the holiday season, and I have some money, I will be placing an order! Not that I need to get out of the dumps, just because those items caught my eye and I think I have to have them! LOL.

The person I referred to as my “sister” has always been a big help for me. I just told her a few days about my CDing. She’s been very supportive and says she is fine with all of it. Don’t think I’ll be getting dressed up for her, but just to have a person to talk to about it feels really good. She has been my support system for quite a while now. Throughout this current situation, and though out my first marriage which was a difficult one. She has a new relationship in the works and he knows we talk daily. She told him that we are really good friends and it is something he’ll have to accept or get lost. Now that’s a friend. She did mention that she needs to make a trip to the local Salvation Army soon and asked if I wanted to go. Well of course I do! That place can be a gold mine at times. But I want to be careful not to make her uncomfortable with me buying women’s clothes with her around. I’ll talk to her about it first. If I have to go shopping alone, so be it. I got over that fear a long time ago. I just tell myself that if anyone is wondering about me buying lingerie, or other stuff, they probably think I’m buying it for a wife or girlfriend. But if a gal thinks I’m buying it for myself, maybe she’ll come over and say hi. I wouldn’t be shy about that!

I think my CDing has really made me the person I am. I’m very understanding and accepting person. I do feel like I have a very strong feminine side. But I also like to do all the things males do. I like to hunt and fish and I love bowling. I do it 3 times a week. WARNING! The next sentence is nothing but bragging! I have one 300 game to my credit and last April had a 299 game. I’m having a pretty good season this year. I’m looking forward to the spring tournaments. Anyway, back to what I was saying. I have a few female friends right now and I find it really easy to talk to them. A lot easier than talking to guys. I don’t know what it is about me, but the females I know find it easy to tell me anything. They tend to open up to me and talk about things that would not be a normal conversation with a “regular” male. I was on the phone the other night and after 20 minutes on a subject; she stopped and said, “Why am I talking to you about this? I’ve never talked about this with a man before! I only talk about these things with my girlfriends”

As I said in the first post I can get long winded. So I’m going to stop now. But I do want to say one more thing. I had put my things away shortly after my SO left. But in the past few days I’m pulling them out more and more and I do feel a lot better about myself and in general. I’ve read about others “purging”, but I’m thankful that this is something I’ve never done. I just put it in a spare closet and leave it alone for awhile.

I want to post more here, but time is a bit limited right now. I’m leaving in a few days for the west coast to be with family for Christmas. I’ll be back mid week and look forward to checking out what has been going on here.

Merry Christmas to all!

Sherri

[Tommie Rae]

You might try being slightly more open about CDing in a way that does not overtly offend anyone and that makes you more comfortable with it. If you look and dress slightly en femme it's possible that women who are open to CDs might take notice. Wear women's jeans - they look like men's, but are cut a bit tighter. In fact, consider replacing as many of your clothes as possible with a female version of the same thing. There are lots of panties that are very plain (VS, Calvin Klein, Jockey) and are almost "manstyle". Same thing with socks and T-shirts and even the occasional shoe style. Shave your sideburns and let your hair grow longer. Seriously consider laser or electrolysis for facial hair and upper body hair. Use a beard trimmer to reduce the length of hair on your arms and legs. Shave your underarms. Keep your nails buffed. You don't have to completely dress en femme to have women notice that you are a bit different - and different may be what they are looking for! Anyway, you have an excellent opportunity right now to explore your possibilities. Good luck!

[Glenda58]

Hi Sherri
First you might want to join some TG groups in here in Mi. And go out more with them before you start looking for someone. Be your self get to know you and like you first. PM me if you would like to know about groups here in the area. Right now you don't need another SO you need friends. We are here to help and listen to you.

[Sherri Taylor]

I talked to my "sister" last night about going shopping when I get back in town. I asked her if she would be uncomfortable if I were to purchase feminine clothes while we were shopping. She said absolutely not. She did say that she is not ready to see me dressed up at this point, but if I found something I liked by all means go ahead and buy it. That's why we are shopping in the first place. How cool is that? She also thanked me for asking her first. That it was very considerate of me to ask how she felt about it before we went.

I'll be out of town until Wednesday, so I'll be checking back in when I return.

Merry Christmas to all!

Sherri