Just Curious

[DonnaT]

Since the other thread was locked, and Hopefully there will be no mud or flames thrown, but intellectual converstion instead, Amelie posted:


I don't agree with how [snip] presents herself, but she does make a point that I never understood with sraight Cds. I know there are Cds who get a sex thrill with dressing, sort of like a man who gets off wearing a diaper. What I don't fully understand is why the others men dress, if it is not for a sexual thrill. Now, I have read past posts, and most of the answers have been vague or Cds say it is because they like to dress as women. I think what [snip] is trying to say is that there is a deeper feeling to why some dress, that they might not see or say in public. I have read here some say they like only to dress as a woman, and then after being here for a while they now say they would like to transistion. Transistion wasn't what they were first talking about it came later in their posts, which could be percieved as they were hiding something about their CDing at the begining of their posts. Which is what I think is what [snip] is trying to say.
The only other thing that I think [snip] might be saying, Well I do anyway, is why do Cds wear figure altering corsets, breast forms, tuck the naughty bits, get electrolisys, pluck eyebrows, and try to pass as women. If it was just dressing in womens' clothes, why not just wear womens' clothes?
I sometimes think there are hiden motives or reasons for dressing that are not coming foward. I would like to know, not why one CDs, but why does one try to alter their body to a woman, when all they are is crossdressing?
Why do you go through all the trouble of altering yourself to take the shape of a female and then stay home?
I know you will say it is because you like to do it,, it feels good. So is it similar to someone who sits at home reading a book, because he likes it. Or any hobby for that matter. What exactly is the enjoyment in dressing as a woman? If it is not sexual then how is it fun for you? What is this feeling that makes you want to do this? Just Curious.

Working backwards, What is this feeling that makes you want to do this?

The feeling is one of being whole. Something was missing, whether I knew it or not.

Was it "I'm a girl in a boys body?" that some have asked since they were 4 or 5 years old? Definitely not a sexual issue there. What 4 year old has sexual feelings?

Was it something else? When I started I had no attraction for girls or boys. I had no sexual drive, that came a few years later. I know I'm not the only one that fits in this category.

So, apparently something was missing in my life, and putting on that first night gown filled it.

If it is not sexual then how is it fun for you?

Was it a sexual thrill? Some have been known to start CDing based on this. Even to become addicted to it.

However, the fun, well is it really fun? How about 'enjoyment' instead!? I enjoy the fulfillment that dressing, even if it is only panties, or only painting my nails, brings me. Sometimes I need more, and dress further. Why? 10 million dollar question. I just do. But the need is definitely not 'sexual'.

Don't get me wrong. CDing can be fun too. Many aspects of it can be fun. Especially if one has a partner that helps.

My wife would rather I not do it, but does want me to be 'happy'. So it's not fun when I disappoint her, nor do I enjoy disappointing her, due to my CDing. But I can't stop because I am transgendered. It's not an addiction nor a hobby.

And being straight, gay or bisexual has nothing to do with it. Ones sexual orientation is a completely different issue from ones gender identity.

I don't do it because "I like to", instead I do it because I need to.

So, having the need to crossdress, should I hate dressing as a woman? Or should I like it, because that is who I am (a CD), I accept it and I can't change it? I think I'd rather like that part of me than hate that part of me.

We are all individuals and everyone has their own 'cause' for why they crossdress.

Why do Cds wear figure altering corsets, breast forms, tuck the naughty bits, get electrolisys, pluck eyebrows, and try to pass as women. If it was just dressing in womens' clothes, why not just wear womens' clothes?

There are different levels of crossdressing. Not everyone does the things mentioned. Some are fulfilled by simply wearing, for example, stockings and no other fem garment. Some need to do more. Why? I'll let the others answer with their own why.

Then there's the need for others to 'pass' if they go out. Afterall, why stay home simply because you are dressed as a woman? There are different reasons for trying to pass. On one end there is the fear of ridicule or being attacked. On the other end, why not?

[Georgette]

I used to do it for a sexual pleasure, and it turned me on to the excitment of getting by with something, you know it gave me quite a rush or high not the sexual thing after a period of time I sometimes get a little arroused yet but not to the point of having to be satisfied. Right now I am sitting here in shorts, tank top with a bra and thigh highs on and I feel perfectly normal, It must be that Bi-polar thingie that my therapist keeps telling me I have it is just that Georgette likes to play most of the time.
No It is not sexual it is for my fulfilment of who I really am.

[Vickie-CD]

Its always been gender identity for me.
Vickie

[Wendy me]

for me the most relaxed and carefree side is wendy for shure she is my inner peace
the true child i could never have been...........wendy may seam like a nut but
she is 10000 time the oppiset of "him" just think of that who would you rether be???????? in thearapy we are trying not to clash the two..........i vote for wendy altho i do feel more relaxed and free dressed its more me than anything sexual

[Danielle1960]

I orignally suffered from the am I gay back in 1983 and suffer a bit from that today. As a child my childhood developement was stunted by the antics of siblings and neighbors who thought sex (all minors) was just youthful antics with no consequenses.

Well at 8 years old discovering my sister being sexed (she was 9) I was convinced to take her place. :mad: After about 4 years of this behavior and my neighbor who was in the same place we sort of branched out on our own (with each other) and finally stopped by the time I was 14. In this era we didn't really know what sex was and what it was for except for the occassional play boys and Penthouses that appeared. So when I went into the Navy at 20 I was mentally running away and didn't realize it till recently. I flirted with the gay idea once in 1983 and almost became suicidal becasue of it but finally got over the guilt and met a nice lady and we married. The shame and guilt of these supposed childhood experiences (according to my psychologist) programs my basic comfort zones and when stressed or other I tend to unconsiouslyl migrate toward this behavior, sex without comittment.

With that said I almost screwed up my marriage in 2002/3 when after a year of uncontrollable events, I broke down mentally and started cheating on my wife with paid company. :( 20/20 hind sight I was more impacted by the death of my mother, my wifes mother, her dad all in a year, blown engine in the car, dry well as part of a drought, unexpected unemployement, bankruptcy, and more. When I realized I was doing,things directly against my nature (paying for sex) I started dressing. My psychologist told me that everyones personality is basically male and female. We only suppress one more or less because of societies pressure and for me religous ones too. My wife of course was phsycically sikened by the thought of me dressing more so than me cheating on her and still is. To her it is a sickness or other mental defect that needs to be overcome.

Sorry for the novel but it feels good to get it out. I don't dress all that often but I do things to partially transistion. As you know from some of my post I've been working on breast developement and some femenizing. I don't let the wife in on this because it is for me and not her. Although you might think it would be readily obvious it really isn't because being close with contact everyday she doesn't see a change.
I started dressing to take take control of me and it worked.
Dressing now is because I discovered the femme me inside and I want to know her more.
I'm not ashame of my male side in that I'm proud of many things I've done and together we (male/female) make a better person than each individual.
In a perfect world I would be enfemme 24/7 for awhile so that I can develop more, but with kids and family I hide it from them.

Now that I've written all this I'm almost scarred to post it but I guess I will. I'm sure every person out there has a reason for dressing and as far as I'm concerned they are probably ligitmate.

Am I gay? I've experimented with that and I would have to say no, I'm I hetro? Yes. Could I be convinced to be in a male to male relationship No. Could I be in a Male/ enfemme verdict is still out.

At this point in life I'm happy. I know who I am, My kids are well adjusted, None have mental baggage like I had at there age, and I'm hoping my wife will let me practice being enfemme in the open some day.

Still lovin life
Danielle :)

[sherri]

I think that maybe the only way I could grasp why I dress and what dressing does for me would be to write about it, and it might take a whole book to get to the bottom of things. I do not write in my journal about it because I do not want that left behind for others to discover.

Here instead are some top-of-mind thoughts about my dressing:


I have been dressing for approximately two years, although there was some very brief and limited experimentation with it when I was in my twenties, followed by two decades in which I never gave it a thought.
Dressing is sexually stimulating. (But why?) At first, that was the only concious reason why I dressed. It will always be stimulating, but the nuance of it is changing (evolving?).
I have discovered that I can be sexually attracted to a male, but only in the context of me being a feminine person.
There is something exhibitionistic about my dressing. I can enjoy being dressed and alone, but I often crave being seen. There is an element of sexuality to this, but also a passive/aggressive thing. This too is evolving into a need simply to interact with other people as a feminine personality.
A protracted period of dressing has evoked a femininity in my personality that may have been intuited from time to time, but had never surfaced before. I like this aspect of me very much.
My feminization has been progressive, for reasons I don't fully understand yet. I think the "pretty boy" approach is perfectly valid, yet I find the addition of complete makeup, wig, breastforms etc to be enormously fulfilling.
This aspect of me is something I would not try to hide if I knew that certain people could be understanding and receptive about it.
For the first time in my adult life, there is no woman in my life. Sometimes I wonder if my dressing (and bisexuality) isn't partially about providing myself with that female companionship.
I am experiencing a powerful desire to play a decidedly feminine role in a romantic relationship. I do not know whether it would be most satisfying for the other person to be a man or a woman, but given a choice, I might choose another crossdresser.
The stigma associated with feminized males is insane and fosters (I think) an obverse reaction. What I mean is, who says only women get to take advantage of smooth skin and makeup and pretty clothes to enhance their appearance? Some men need to be mui macho, but some of us would rather wear a swishy skirt. So what? I suspect that if men had all the latitude women do in how they appear and behave, fewer crossdressers would be preoccupied with full feminization.

[Melissa A.]

It is both, for me. Sexual and othewise. I started dressing before I even knew how to masturbate.

Don't know if the need(and it is a need, as Donna says) can be explained to satisfaction to someone who doesn't understand.

I have never seriously questioned my heterosexuality, and have never felt like I am a transexual. When I am not Melissa, I am very much a "regular" guy, in many ways. And I love that guy, who, by the way, is a better person because of Melissa. I have had women I have dated, who knew nothing about my cding, tell me that being with me is like having a nice guy and a best girlfriend all in one. Thats pretty cool, if you ask me.

I am mostly an all or nothing cder. Occasionally I may wear panties under my clothes or hang out in a nightie, but for me, durring full dressing, I AM a woman. I know it is temporary, but it is something I need to experience. When I go out, I hope to be percieved as a woman. Am going to a club for first time in a couple of weeks with my gf, and though I know everyone will know I am not a gg, being treated like one will be enough for me.

As noted by others, there are degrees. The only body transformation I do is shaving. I like to go out. I like to feel like I am a girl, for periods of time. I can relieve myself sexually, or have sex durring dressing or when I am done, but don't always have to.

Melissa is someone I NEED to be sometimes. It is sometimes sexual, sometimes not. It is always relaxing and feels quite natural, although I do not desire it to be permanant.

And it's always fun. Don't know if any of this helped. Hope so.

Hugs,

Melissa :)

[Tristen Cox]

Working backwards, What is this feeling that makes you want to do this?

I feel more natural doing as a woman does, dressing, speech, character.


Was it "I'm a girl in a boys body?" that some have asked since they were 4 or 5 years old? Definitely not a sexual issue there.

Yes and yes


Was it something else? When I started I had no attraction for girls or boys. I had no sexual drive, that came a few years later. I know I'm not the only one that fits in this category.

This is correct, I had no attraction at such an early age and when I did it was for GG's not boys, and never has been for me.



If it is not sexual then how is it fun for you?

Simple (West Side Story), I feel pretty, oh so pretty (and I love it!)


However, the fun, well is it really fun? How about 'enjoyment' instead!? I enjoy the fulfillment that dressing, even if it is only panties, or only painting my nails, brings me. Sometimes I need more, and dress further. Why? 10 million dollar question. I just do. But the need is definitely not 'sexual'.

And I agree. but I do wish I were 'actually' a woman.


But I can't stop because I am transgendered. It's not an addiction nor a hobby.

I am transexual, I can no more give up who I am anymore than I could give up my organic heart. It is part of me and there's no way I can exist with out 'her.'


There are different levels of crossdressing. Not everyone does the things mentioned. Some are fulfilled by simply wearing, for example, stockings and no other fem garment. Some need to do more. Why? I'll let the others answer with their own why.

The closer I can look, the closer I become to who I feel I am inside.


Then there's the need for others to 'pass' if they go out. Afterall, why stay home simply because you are dressed as a woman? There are different reasons for trying to pass. On one end there is the fear of ridicule or being attacked. On the other end, why not?

I do want to pass to try and avoid any confrontations, however this would not be the case if there were more acceptance where I would go(or if I were with others who 'dressed') I am not looking for men and I do not want to be accused of this since it is false. I only want to be looked at upon a person enjoying life as I wish.


(geesh I hate the long posts :D )

[racheal]

This one I am going to have to think about. I'll get back to you all on this one. Definately worth a detailed answer :)...

[megan]

I agree with many of the things posted by the other girls above. I started at about age 4 so it is more then sexual, but it definately has sexual undertones. My wife told me she thought it was because at a very early age, try from birth, my Mom told me I should have been a girl. I was second and she wanted a girl so she could stop having babies. I heard it from her from time to time, even into my teen age years. It became wrapped into my identity to stay. It sounds reasonable anyway.

As each of us is at a different place I will spell out mine. I do not at all want to be perminantly changed into a girl. If there were some sort of magic where I could twinkle my nose, wave a wand, flip my pony tail or sprinkle pixy dust and become, in full, a girl for a while and then when I want switch back to being a guy it would be perfect for me. As it is I dress mostly at home and make do. If I could find a guy I could trust to share my Megan side with I would, but that kind of guy would deserve more then I could give him I am sure. Well, that is where I am.

[AnnaMaria]

For me dressing has more to do with feeling natural than sex. Though I do want to be sexy at times, it has nothing to do with being stimulated by the act of dressing. The dressing simply serves a perpose. No different than a gg wearing something sexy for her so. As far as altering my body to look more like a woman I think that it has as much to do with being part of the package as it does in passing. No one would ask a woman why she is putting on makeup if she is getting ready for a date or a night on the town and I see no difference.

Yes I let my hair grow out and I have recently had it colored. Long hair for two reasons. 1. Because I like long hair and always have. 2. because with long hair I don't have to worry about getting a wig, I just have to learn how to style my hair to look more femme.

I also pant my finger nails and toe nails. Toes because I think that it add something to the overall picture and finger nails because it makes my hands look more femme and because it helps in the strength of the nails and since I am a nail bitter I also helps me to not bit them so much.

When I started wearing panties full time almost two yrs ago it felt natural to me. As if I was suppose to be wearing them anyway and I had just not figured it out until that time.

Then I started wearing nightgowns. For me the gowns was a matter of function more than look. I have always worn just underpants and a tshirt to sleep in and have never really been able to get warm when sleeping but when I started to wear gowns I noticed that I was staying warmer and slept better, and even now there are times that I still go to bed i just a tshirt and panties and I have noticed that I don't sleep as well and I wake up more often at night because I am cold.

As far as passing in public. I think that it has as much to do with a fear of being caught as it does wanting to make a good impression on the people that see me. I have already decided that if I ever do get to the point that I think I am ready to go out in public I will make sure that I do all I can to pass and if I still don't think that I pass then I probably won't go out.

The biggest problem that our community has with society today is their preception of us. If we dress trashy then they are going to think about us the same way they think about gg's that dress that way. But if we present them with a picture of us that is closer to what they are acustom to seeing then they will be more likely to think of us in that way.

Besides with all the technology that this world has today why not try to present the best picture of ourselves as we can. No I don't want to change my body permenently. I do still enjoy being who I was born. And besides that if I went through the transition I don't believe that I would be happy with it. Just simply because I am married and enjoy my life and I would have to give up part of that in order to go through the changesAnd that is something that I am deffinately not going to give up. I ahve a loving wife that accepts mme for who and what I am and for me that is the most important thing in my life.

huggs
anna

[Fallen Angel]

ive been cding since i was about in my early teens was this exiting to me sexualy yes did i share this with other people no i got married in my twenties devorced in my early thirties and decieded i wanted to do what i wanted to do cd is it still sexual yes do my partners enjoy it yes i think it brings out the better side of me. i feel more compasion and understanding with others i dress from head to toe wig make up bra breast forms cinch thongs and stockins and perfume why because i pride my self in doing this the more thats on the more fem i feel do i blame this on my past no this is my decission i feel good about it i date females that like the idea of my atire would i consider a cd more likeley than just a male why because they have special qualities if i could be a full time cd i would this side of me completes a part of me thats missing if any body on this forum asked the same question when i first joined like many others i would have not told or shared my thoughts but the more your on here the more that you feel a sisterhood and you can be a little more open i dont think that for some we are hidding our thoughts and for some it may be a little harder to explian on type how we feel or why we do what we do

[Danielle1960]

I remember my mom showing a picture of her at graduation from highschool and telling me how I would look just like her dressed up. She was a doll, but I think she had a mothers eyes.


Danielle :)

[Rikki]

I started dressing when I was 4 or 5 years old. At that time, I had no idea a sex or anything stimulating. I don't know why I put on my frist dress, but I do know that I liked it and I still do.That was almost 50 years ago. Yes, after I got older I did get aroused and took care a business, but that passed and I still dress. For why, other than I like to, I don't have a clue as to why. Sometimes I will go all out with makeup and jewelry, but for the most part I will just wear dress, slip panty hose,wig, bra and breast pads. I can't even imagine being with another man. I have tried to picture it, but can't even picture it. So I can't say why I dress as a woman.


Rikki

[DonnaT]

Thanks for the responses everyone.

Anyone else?