Gender

[marie354]

I've been searching the web and found this http://www.doctorbushong.com/pubs/what_is_gender.asp
It seems to be a very good article for those of us that are still asking why.
Any one else read it?
:hugs:

[Kate Simmons]

I identify with the matrix concept Sandra, in fact I have been living it. After a long internal struggle, I seem to have balanced both my male and female aspects. As for a definition, which I don't care for because I believe there is just too much diversity in the human species to put everyone under one umbrella or the other, it seems I would come under Transgenderist. I can present as either sex and have qualities of both that "bleed over" into each other. By that I mean I can present as my male self but have the feelings of my female self and vice versa or a mixture. That being the case, it would really not matter what I choose to look like as I am always the same person regardless. Since I retired a couple of weeks ago, I've been Ericka most of the time. This is an experiment to see if I could live that way full time and if I really want to. For myself, it matters little what I settle into appearance wise. I know I can live full time as Richard but the question in my mind is ,is it always Richard and has it ever always been Richard? It matters little to me really because in the long run, I am ME(yep, back to that again). I seem to be satisfied anyway and that is what counts. The article does make you think though and may give some ideas for those who are still searching.:happy: Ericka

[marie354]

I understand Erica, I'm pretty happy with myself. It is a interesting read, though. I guess it could help some others here come to terms and gain a better understanding from his point of view.
Lots 'o hugs!
Sandy

[sara_also]

An interesting read. As I read one part "I say, ya that is me". Then I read the next part and say " well maybe, I am more like this". I really have no desire to change my body ( except for the spare tire around the middle). I only know that I somewhat have a little different attitude about things when I am dressed in fem. I do not know where it comes from and I always feel a little guilt about not being the man my wife married. Guess I am still confused.

[Kate Simmons]

Just a side note on the above. As a result of the amalgamation of my female and male aspects, I have become self directed and empowered to be who I am. As such, I have taken ownership of myself and my own actions and am solely responsible for being who I am.While it may be necessary from a clinical aspect, I care very little for definitions or grouping people. We all know who we are really. We are all unique individuals whether we admit it to ourselves or not. I appreciate everyone for who they are inside, regardless of outward appearance. In the end cold hard statistics are just that and have very little to do with the person inside. The inner spirit , the soul if you will, makes us who we are. This is how a person proves their worth to themself and others and is something I can work with.It's all about people being themselves and people being people after all.:happy: Ericka Kay

[Gary]

Thanks for the link. It was a pretty good read and I did identify, as in "hey, thats me" in several sections. Not sure I agree with the ending but up to that point seems like a good article and makes sense, to me at least, in many areas. gary

[marie354]

Just a side note on the above. As a result of the amalgamation of my female and male aspects, I have become self directed and empowered to be who I am. As such, I have taken ownership of myself and my own actions and am solely responsible for being who I am.While it may be necessary from a clinical aspect, I care very little for definitions or grouping people. We all know who we are really. We are all unique individuals whether we admit it to ourselves or not. I appreciate everyone for who they are inside, regardless of outward appearance. In the end cold hard statistics are just that and have very little to do with the person inside. The inner spirit , the soul if you will, makes us who we are. This is how a person proves their worth to themself and others and is something I can work with.It's all about people being themselves and people being people after all.:happy: Ericka Kay

I just love your view! You're an inspired woman!
:hugs:

[Glenda]

It is hard to believe that research in this area began so recently. As a child, I knew that I saw and felt things differently than my two brothers and our other (primarily male) friends. I became very talented at succeeding in sports and other competitive situations. I was good enough to be "the winner" a lot of the time but losing didn't bother me the way it did the others. I was more happy to be able to play than to worry about winning or losing. I never understood why it was so important to the others.

With the "assumed" knowledge of the fact that there are boys and girls, I never suspected that I was a little bit of both. I loved fashion magazines and everything feminine. I couldn't wait for the awards programs when the women would wear the fancy gowns and dresses but never realized I had the desire to wear them as well.

I didn't recognize this part of me until I was 45. A girlfriend insisted I dress female for Haloween. After she had finished my make-up and placed the wig on my head she stood back and said, "My God Glenda, you look just like a woman." I couldn't say a word. I was shocked to look in the mirror and see this other part of me staring back at me in the mirror. I knew at that moment that I had always had this other part of me that I had never even acknowledged. Somehow everything that had made me different from the other guys and more in tune with their wives and girlfriends made sense. My life hasn't been the same since.

What will life be like for those little boys just growing up now? I have a nephew who has three sons. My nephew is an outstanding athlete and, like his father, is extremely competitive. He is instilling this same competitive drive in his sons. They will also be extremely talented athletes. However, when I look at them, I see my two brothers and myself. Two of the boys have that look of determination and drive. Real competitors. The third boy competes with the others but the look and desire in his eyes is different. He is feeling the same things that I did as a boy. He doesn't know it, but I do. What will his life be like?

[CaptLex]

I just love your view! You're an inspired woman!
:hugs:
I agree - I think we should clone Ericka. If there were more people who accept everyone as they are, the world would be a much better place. :happy:

[Kate Simmons]

I agree - I think we should clone Ericka. If there were more people who accept everyone as they are, the world would be a much better place. :happy:Thanks Captlex and Sandra but I'm no one special really. Just a guy who likes being a girl who is in touch with my feelings. I'm just being honest about those feelings , that's all.:happy:

[Stlalice]

This link/post should be included in the sticky at the top of the forum - perhaps one of the moderators could copy it there?

[GypsyKaren]

I've added his home page to the sticky as a post, I'll get that better organized as soon as I get a chance.

[bi_weird]

This article once again highlighted my feelings of existing on both sides of the fence. In the sections where he'd say "The female brain.." I'd go "Yeah, that's me with my boyfriend." Then he'd talk about the male brain, and that'd be me around my brothers. I can break down a lot of my experiences into being on one side of the fence or the other... and some to being in the middle. It's weird, though, because there really does seems to be a difference, that I'm not necessarily an average of the two, but can exist in each state. Gets me thinking.

[melissaK]

You know, Dr. Bushong has a ridiculous name. :heehee: I probably need t oreread his site - but on first pass, he says nothing that is as ridiculous as his name, and much resonates with my experiences. His extended, but perhaps superficial, discussion of genetics was interesting. I suppose his point was we all could be Mutant-Gs? Made me think of Marvel Comics Mutant-X . . . and the premise in Marvel is mutants aren't accepted by others because their genes made them different. . . . Ultimately Bushong's article scares me because deep down he doesn' talk of cures, just growing through stages of acceptance. And I know in my heart of hearts that it will be very hard for me to make it without transitioning at some point in time . . . and, like he says - its pretty hard to give up the perks from a lifetime invested in my male personae.

If you liked Bushong, I recommend reading Anne Vitale PhD.,'s essays as well. She's been dealing with our kind for a long time and her collected insights seem more sound than not.
http://www.avitale.com/Essaylist.htm - a list of essays;
http://www.avitale.com/developmentalreview.htm - essay stating her GEDAD terminology, and her most recent essay: http://www.avitale.com/TherapeuticErrors.htm

I recently finished "Transgender Emergence," by Arlene Lev (2004). It was worthwhile, textbookish, well footnoted. Who else have you girls read lately?

[Josie06]

Good article Marie. I spend years wrestling with myself over my feelings of who I knew I was and who I apperad to be. Up until about 10 years ago when I was in my 40's. I read thisand it broke it down very simply for me and I've seen it on the 'Net' in a few places over the last year or so. Simply "Sex is between the legs and Gender is between the ears."

As I said I wrestled for years but finally it was clear for me. This article expands on that very well as things are never as simple as they seem or as society tries to make the.

[Felix]

An extremely interesting article which made me think on many levels. Interestingly I was about 8 when I first thought I wanted to be a boy and thought it was most unfair that I couldn't do certain things just like a boy. I used to do as much as I could with my dad ya know jobs in the house which disgusted my mother cos as a girl I shouldn't be doin them but I just loved doin anythin to be like my dad. My dad used to say leave her alone she is enjoyin herself!! Yeah more than he knew. I realized I was different then but how do ya tell two strong catholics that so I did my best to forget it and be a girl like I was expected to be. I always preferred even when I was young to wear and look like a tomboy but it was always squashed by my parents and I would go back to tryin to be feminine for them. I never ever felt 100% comfortable in women's clothes if I'm honest. I started wearing the odd men's clothing again when I came out as lesbian portraying the butch persona I softened the look sometimes but it wasn't really me. Things came to a head when a friend who was dressing as male visited and I was jealous because I wanted to look like that. My partner realized what I was feeling and brought it to my attention that that was what I wanted to be like. Since then I have gradually become the person who I see as more of the real me and it is heavily male weighted. I have been presenting as quite androgynous in the workplace and occasionally with a more male slant. Recently my partner said she sees me as a man which was like wow! Although she still doesn't like using my nickname. I have recently come out to another couple of friends. Sorry if I've gone off track a bit. Well this is my journey so far I guess, so thanx to all for bein of such support to me xx Felix :hugs:

[Deborah]

With all the female remnants it would be nice if we could reengineer ourselves :D