How do you keep your wife/gf/so happy?

[Karen Johnson]

This is a spin-off of a previous thread. I'm not sure if it belongs here, but here goes....

If my wife isn't happy, then I'm not going to be happy. I love her very much and if she's troubled by something I cannot help but be affected by it. Especially if it's because of something I did or didn't do, because then she'll make sure I feel the effect.

So, I get her flowers at least once a month or so. I have the florist make them up special and put them in a nice vase. I tell her often of how nice she looks and compliment her on her cooking and on how much I appreciate the little things she does for me. I once sent her a Valentine's Day card in August and got major points for that.

I never, ever forget Valentine's Day, our anniversary, or her birthday. My advice to the unwed - fall in love with a girl who was born on February 14th and marry her on her birthday.


Anyone got any good tips?

[Gary]

I agree 100%...if the queen is unhappy then so shall be the king...only worse, hehe. This has always been true and is one, but certainly not the only reason I try and do things that will make her happy whether its cleaning up or laundry or handling the kids whatever, the intention is to make her life a bit easier and hopefully this translates into happier. All those things I am good at, its the emotional, affectionate, endearing type things that she needs that i struggle with. Holding her hand, kissing her, telling her i love her, complimenting her, etc. These have never been strong needs within me and as such are not a natural part of my thought process. Thats my story and Im sticking with it anyway. And its not as tho i dont think of these things and am sometimes successful at even doing them. It just never seems to be enough. Now whether its not enough because it truly isnt enough or whether it is in fact a wifey issue, well I wont make that call, least not on a forum she reads regularly...hehe...yes im a chicken. This new thing in my life, our lives, my crossdressing has been a really hard one in this area. I see how she struggles, I see the pain and the hurt and know those are because of me, of what I am or have brought into our marriage. Its hard for me to know I am the cause of such things and this seems to foster much self anger. Now can I change who I am, no more than any other part of me, are there things i can do to help, im trying to learn those, from her, from here and really from anyone that will offer such advice. But thats another story. Keep the ruler of the roost happy and all else is a cakewalk.

gary

[Stormgirl]

By living the single life,last thing I need is a woman nagging me to death :Angry3: :mad: :thumbsdn:

[marie354]

By living the single life,last thing I need is a woman nagging me to death :Angry3: :mad: :thumbsdn:

You know, I usually don't say much, but I think it's time to chill! Maybe you've had a hard time with some women. Get over it! There are a lot of people in this small world and there really is someone for everyone. Relax, enjoy what you have, and don't chase after them too much. When people see that you're happy with yourself, you'll find they will want to be near even it's just to try to find out why you're so happy.
:thumbsup: Think positive! It'll all work out for the best.
Live life to love and love life to live!
:hugs:

[SusanTL]

Hi.

I realize that I am part of a very small group on the forum. In the fact that I like men. My SO is a man. I hope its ok that I also answer the question, since it did ask, about your SO.

I keep my BF happy by being as feminine as possable. This is what he likes.

Susan

[JulieCDorlando]

Hello,
I am divorced so I am not really sure if my opinion even matters on this subject, but I have learned a few things during the course of my marriage, and afterwards. To keep someone happy in your life, just be appreciative of who he/she is and what they do for you every day. All to often we all over look what someone else does for us, and take the small things for granted.
Also be honest with them, and be attentive to their needs, by placing their needs above your own first. Make them feel special every day, then by far and wide they will be happy. Once you take them, and their actions for granted, the uneasiness, unhappiness will soon follow. If either one in the relationship is unhappy no matter what the effort of the significant other does brace yourself for the storm to follow. There is a saying that goes "do not let the sun go down on your anger". Try to make a sincere effort to seek forgiveness or eagerly grant forgiveness and rectify the situation.

[suzy]

Effort and work... Whoever said marriage is easy is just plain wrong! I have been married for over three decades and it is hard work!

Occasional flowers, jewelry once in a while...remembering the special days, recognizing her occasionally for her efforts also helps. It takes patience, commitment and love...and WORK! And I am sure that she would tell you the same thing!:love:

The best piece of advise I believe is the all too often used word...."Communication"...but the reason it is used so much is because it is the key! :hugs:

Tell her that you love her, show her that you love her and then tell her why you love her!:love: IT that doesn't work...then it's diamonds!:eek:

[Annaliese]

Hello,
I am divorced so I am not really sure if my opinion even matters on this subject, but I have learned a few things during the course of my marriage, and afterwards. To keep someone happy in your life, just be appreciative of who he/she is and what they do for you every day. All to often we all over look what someone else does for us, and take the small things for granted.
Also be honest with them, and be attentive to their needs, by placing their needs above your own first. Make them feel special every day, then by far and wide they will be happy. Once you take them, and their actions for granted, the uneasiness, unhappiness will soon follow. If either one in the relationship is unhappy no matter what the effort of the significant other does brace yourself for the storm to follow. There is a saying that goes "do not let the sun go down on your anger". Try to make a sincere effort to seek forgiveness or eagerly grant forgiveness and rectify the situation.

Well said.

Anna

[Stephenie S]

Well, I would have to say that the best advice I could give would be to not get married in the first place. Marriage and CDing just do not seem compatable at all.

That said, I know that most of us (including myself) are married or will get married. So the second thing I would have to say is dont get married in an attempt to "cure" yourself. It just ain't gonna happen.

So what do we do if we are married and we want to stay married? Well this has nothing to do with CDing. This is just everyday relationship advice. And this is it: Always remember that love is an act. I don't mean love is fake. I mean love is something that you DO. It is an active thing, you DO it. You DO love. Far too many people think that love is a feeling. It's not. It's something that you do. If you are not actively doing, then you are not really in love. When you say "I love you" it means I take care of you, I support you, I help you, I do all I can to make your way in this world easier. So you smile EVERY time you greet your love. Why? because you want them to know that there is one place that they are ALWAYS welcome, and that's with you. You try to NEVER say an unkind remark to them, and if you do you apologize for it as soon as you realize your mistake. I could go on and on here, but I'm sure you get my point. Remember that love is a verb. You must act it or it's not really love.

Steph
.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I just always tell my SO how much I love her and how important she is to me. It's also important to always break up the daily grind by going out to dinner, and movies. Jocelyn

[marie354]

Well, I would have to say thatr the best advice I could give would be to not get married in the first place. Marriage and CDing just do not seem compatable at all.

That said, I know that most of us (including myself) are married or will get married. So the second thing I would have to say is dont get married in an attempt to "cure" yourself. It just ain't gonna happen.

So what do we do if we are married and we want to stay married? Well this has nothing to do with CDing. This is just everyday relationship advice. And this is it: Always remember that love is an act. I don't mean love is fake. I mean love is something that you DO. It is an active thing, you DO it. You DO love. Far too many people think that love is a feeling. It's not. It's something that you do. If you are not actively doing, then you are not really in love. When you say "I love you" it means I take care of you, I support you, I help you, I do all I can to make your way in this world easier. So you smile EVERY time you greet your love. Why? because you want them to know that there is one place that they are ALWAYS welcome, and that's with you. You try to NEVER say an unkind remark to them, and if you do you apologize for it as soon as you realize your mistake. I could go on and on here, but I'm sure you get my point. Remember that love is a verb. You must act it or it's not really love.

Steph
.

I agree with this too, but it's also a very warm feeling inside on the receiving end of love, so I try to give as much as I can.
:hugs:

[Megan72]

I simply keep one rule in mind all the time. Unconditional love!!

Sure the little things that pop up like flowers and gifts are sweet and make a positive showing of your devotion, but being more helpful around the house and not taking her for granted seems to be the best way I have found to show her you really care.

I do try and be spontanious about little things though. Some sort of present about once per month, or whenever the thought tickles my fancy. we also go on a lot of Dates still after 10 years together.

[Deidra Cowen]

They divorce or breakup with me...makes em pretty happy. :tongueout :devil:

[Bethanygirl]

I give her unconditional anything, everything, as much as I can. Unconditionally!

Works for us... :thumbsup:

[Kandi]

There have been some outstanding responses. My advice is never underestimate the power of a good back rub. They turn into putty.

[Suzie Green]

The daily assurance that I'd rather be doing something with her than with anyone else at that particular moment. :2c:

[Joy Carter]

The daily assurance that I'd rather be doing something with her than with anyone else at that particular moment. :2c:

Hope you don't mind Christine. But I tend to agree with your line as well as many others.

[kerrianna]

By treating her with respect and giving her the kind of attention and support that a best friend deserves. :love:

Now, how do I keep her unhappy? Let me count the ways...:heehee:
:bonk: :hiding: :nono: :naughty :slap: :spank:

[Kimkandy]

I never, ever forget Valentine's Day, our anniversary, or her birthday. My advice to the unwed - fall in love with a girl who was born on February 14th and marry her on her birthday.

Sounds a good plan... I'm and never have been married, but tomorrow is another day... I always feel kinda lonely New Years if I don't have a girlfriend.

Kim

:dom: :bw: :gorgeous: :love:

[Kristen Kelly]

Be yourself, the person she fell in love with. To often when we CD we take on a different persona, thats not the person she fell in love with. If that doesn't work tryYes dear, Yes dear, yes dear.

[Stormgirl]

Don't be whipped

[Raychel]

I have tried just about everything in the book over the last 18 years. I haven't found the right combination yet.

[melissaK]

Try to make a sincere effort to seek forgiveness or eagerly grant forgiveness .

. . . a concept that should be formost on the minds of those raised with a Christian background, but I have always been surprised at how often it is lacking . . . Forgiveness is not the same as acceptance, but forgiveness is the first hurdle to acceptance. Thus, many who are not ready to accept, will withhold forgiveness as a first line of defense. Sometime by pointing out the difference you can talk someone into forgiving a hurt, giving up their inclination to seek retribution, and they can let go of negative emotions, and get over their hurt. The path is then cleared for later acceptance if wanted.

And SusanTL, oh would that I could like men - it would make it so much easier to do as you say and just be as feminine as possible for my SO. But, I'm hopelessly into GG's only. But I think your advice is still very sound and applies to us all. The essence of your advice is pay attention to your SO and you learn what pleases them.

And, in SusanTL's case its "be feminine." And surprisingly, that specific advice actually works in my life to a greater degree than you might think. My current wife is a hottie. While she likes that I am plumbed male, I also know that she likes my womanly personality traits much better than traditional manly personality traits. I am sensitive to her feelings (I pay attention to what she's feeling not just what she's doing), I respect her thinking (she's got a few IQ points on me), I don't boss her around, I am not a control freak (she can spend our money same as me), and I trust her (I tell her my fears and dreams).

When I do stereotypical male things, i.e., get loud, get insensitive, spend guy time without her, our relationship struggles. She doesn't like it. So, being myself, a man with a lot of feminine personality traits, works very well for her.

[Babette]

How do I keep my wife happy?

1. Fully appreciate her by showing her how much.
2. No matter how rough my day had been, give her my undivided attention when she comes home from work and listen to her (not criticize) as she talks about her day.
3. Keep life full of unexpected but pleasant surprizes. Be spontaneous with the effort.
4. Maintain our Friday evening date. This is our time together. Slip in another date during the week when opportunity presents itself.
5. Focus energy on what is really important and never argue over trivial things like money.
6. Never, never, NEVER act like I want to ever own more shoes than her (LOL!!!)
7. Have fun together.

After 30 years of marriage, I have found my efforts were always reciprocated and usually many times greater.

Bye

Babette