no words could name this subject. it's just.....

[Luscious Star]

My aunt apologized today for throwing away my femme stuff, she said it is stealing in a way and agrees she should of talked to me first. We came to an agreement that I will deal with my crossdressing when I live in my apartment 2-3 years from now. I am not to do it in my aunt and uncle's house. They both love me and they didn't disown me. My grandfather knows and is very angry at me even though he loves me so he and I are going to have a deep talk. My uncle Rich knows too is silent and just *shook his head down back and forth" he also didn't disown me

My dad just found out last night and not by me. He had no words and was slightly angry in his looking at my grandfather. My dad has not disowned me from this after finding out but he and I are also going to have a talk. I will deal with this dressing thing. and I will make sure that I don't tell a gf that would not accept that part of me. My aunt's biased views at the time saying no woman would accept a femme guy is wrong. she admitted to saying it out of anger. We now have peace in our house after talking and my uncle Jerry and I are going to have a talk about this. I didn't call the police about my aunt. I let my anger go. I feel better knowing I had a peaceful talk with my aunt for once knowing her and I did not get upset. I can dress femme when I'm not living with them. All they ask is that I watch who I tell, trust, and come out to. and remember that if I feel it hurts me in life to stop it. I will keep that in mind in my heart as well. They are actually just looking out for me. I guess I misunderstood them at first because of their words and actions. now I understand where they came from and am at peace with them. I want peace in my aunt and uncle Jerry's household. By not dressing when living with them. It didn't cause anger, fights or arguements. so I won't be dressing for about 2-3 years. It doesn't bother me. I can still make femme guy friends on here. All they ask is that I put up a level of caution when making friends. A way to protect myself from being used or hurt. I agree with them and thank them for coming to peace with me. I now feel peace in my heart with my aunt and uncle. Thank you everyone for your thoughts.

your friend,
Luscious star

P.S. Even though I will not be dressing up for 2-3 years. I will be here on the forums contributing to each somehow in my thoughts at least. and commenting and letting all my friends know my thoughts, concerns etc on here. I will be on here when I can. I have alot to deal with in this life. Be careful who you tell ladies ok. I don't want you getting hurt either.
I thank those that I just friended on here/have friended/ did friend when I first join
we will all become better friends if we haven't already.
Thank you for keeping the peace with me on here when possible and not getting angry and scaring me away from this site. This place is not fully home but it's some place to call like home where we can all try and talk and bond and get along. No one ever said life would always be easy or fair. You gotta persevere, conquer, and learn and grow and love and learn.
That is what life is about.

[Shelly Preston]

Its nice to hear you are getting things sorted out

you have a few long chats ahead of you and I hope you can stay calm and not get upset as it may be difficult for them to understand how you feel

I wish you the best of luck and remember we are alwys here if you need advice :hugs:

[Alaceann]

It's so good to hear that you had a talk and worked things out. I'm sure your other talks with your family will go as well.Two or three years go by fairly quickly. It seams the older you get the shorter the year.:hugs:

[bredalee25]

I'm so glad you worked it all out without getting the police involved. At least you've got the next three years to sort all of your feelings out before getting intp dressing alot.

Do ya think you'll be able to not dress for three years or will ya sneak it in after everything settles down?

Wish ya lots of luck.

ttfn

[Naomi]

Its good that you have remained on terms with your family. that is important.
fingers crossed that given time they will warm to c/ding.
I myself intend on coming out in the new year............ they are not going to like what i have to say, but tough......... im living for me now and not for the opinions of others.
Good luck for the future . x

[rosiegurl]

good luck with lasting 2-3 years *grins* I know I couldn't do it, can't even last a couple of weeks.

don't agree at all with the telling you, you can't dress, thats just total control of who and what you are, would be just as bad as telling someone who didn't want that they HAD to, it's forcing a personal choice on someone else.

if I were you, I would look into getting your own place a lot sooner

[ubokvt]

I'm glad you worked things out and in doing so you've opened the door for futher conversations and some one to talk to. In time your anut might become a supporter, who knows. Talk to her if she is open and be open and honest with her. It will be good practice for all the others in your life you are going to have to tell.

2 to 3 years yea! I wish you luck. In your place I'd talk to your anut about being able to have a small stash at home, let her control it if need be for times out side the house. I sure you can work an agreement that works for both of you. The are lots of places to dress even if only in under wear outside the house. ie camping, hotel room, weekend at an accepting friends, just agree that you will never dress or be dressed in the house, it might work and make the three years go faster. Be pratical work an agreement you can both live with be honest and open and don't agree to something fraught with failer like not dressing for 2 years. Good luck I happy it worked out well.

[RobertaFermina]

Dear Luscious,

I'm glad that you have found some peace today.
My thoughts are with you as you complete your conversations with your father and others.
My heart is opened by your courage and poise.

Be Well, and keep coming back !

Hugs!

Roberta

[Calliope]

It didn't cause anger, fights or arguements. so I won't be dressing for about 2-3 years.

Since your family negotiated away your dressing while you're living with them, why on earth should you be expected to endure a 'talk' with them? I mean, what more could they have to say since they've 'won'? Oh, I remember, the victors always get to make a speech.

I hope you can find your own place real soon.

[melissaK]

don't agree to something fraught with failer like not dressing for 2 years.

Well, the mediator in me is glad you found some initial peace and common ground. From this calm point there will be ebbs and flows on peoples positions about you, and you about yourself.

Keep in mind the "old you" they knew has died and is being replaced by a "new you" that they will have to learn about. You may well be able to see others go through the stages of emotions we go through when a loved one dies - The stages are:

1. Denial - The "This can't be real" stage.: "This is not happening to me. There must be a mistake."
2. Anger - The "Why me?" stage.: "How dare you do this to me?!" (either referring to God, the deceased, or onesself)
3. Bargaining - The "If I do this, you’ll do that" stage.: "Just let me live to see my son graduate."
4. Depression - The "Defeated" stage.: "I can't bear to face going through this, putting my family through this."
5. Acceptance - The "This is going to happen" stage.: "I'm ready, I don't want to struggle anymore."

Kübler-Ross originally applied these stages to any form of catastrophic personal loss, such as the death of a loved one, or even divorce. She also claimed these steps do not necessarily come in order, nor are they all experienced by all patients, though she stated a person will always experience at least two.

Do not overreact to their emotional states as they work through them, but keep them focused on working through them. If you can prod them out of a stage (i.e. denial, or bargaining with you) do so. But remain patient.

As for the 2-3 years in the closet? As you can tell from the comments already posted this is not going over well with the girls on the boards. Some of us on the board have stepped in and out of the closet many times in our life. In the closet is hard. It's disorienting. During this time you must focus on being true to yourself.

For me, keeping the closet door closed took both hands and great concentration, and I still lost my awareness of who I was. This led to what I think of as a spectacular emotional breakdown that took me to the edge of my sanity. So my point of view is pretty tainted with the idea that trips back into the closet are not healthy . . . no matter how appealing the initial rationale was.

Thus, the negotiator in me thinks that you gave up too much on the 2-3 years of no dressing while living with them. You aren't asking to keep drugs in their house, just clothes; and they have conditioned their acceptance of you on you being someone you are not.

But, the strategist in me, and like many who have made comments already, thinks you can work this position to your long term advantage. When you can, take steps to negotiate your way out of this 2-3 year closet. Or, find a way to live on your own perhaps; or dress out of the house. Take a chance on some new CD friends in a support group in your town. They are there somewhere. There's lot's of ways to go besides 100% into the closet. Like Cat Stevens sang : "there's a million ways to be, you know that there are."

So, big hugs.

[Brooke A]

You have my sympathy on being outed to your entire family. Many of us here
have never come out to anyone except a so. I know that I woudn't want my Dad or Grandfather to know about my cd'ing. In a strange sence you've been set free, you won't have to protect this secret anymore. So when you show up to Christmas in a mini skirt in 2-3 years, it won't come as a shock to anyone, will it? Also, I would start gathering my finances to move out, your going to be under scrutiny as long as your there.
Good luck to you, Brooke A.

[Angela E.]

I couldn`t go two to three days! Do try to move out sooner dear,or re-negotiate(maybe you could get them to go for"just not in front of them").:hugs: Angela.:bunny: :bunny: :bunny: :GE: :<3: :<3: :<3:

[Amy Hepker]

I am sorry to hear you are on a rocky road. It does sound like you have some support within your family. Some like your uncle that just bowed his head may just not want to let everyone know what he is thinking. No Man wants anyone else think that he may think it is alright, because they are afraid it will come back to them and someone may think they are weird. Be careful about telling girlfriends, but if you do have someone very special that you want to marry someday. I suggest that you tell them before any wedding plans are set. It is not something that a girl wants to find out after they are married. Just talk to some of the GGs in here and you will find out that you should tell a girl before getting married to them. I pray that everything works out for you. Just take it one day at a time and very slowly and things will work out.

[Kelsy]

Hi Luscious star,

You have been handed a fantastic opportunity!! First of all you're out to your entire family. That is something at my age I couldn't possibly do but you gurl are free! Now you have two years to show them all that you are everybit the person they all love and CDing is just the part of you they didn't know about.
You can show them that a crossdresser is not some perverted freak or weird person, only different and multifaceted. Great, though difficult times ,ahead for you. Keep us all posted :happy:


Jennifer:hugs:

[Tracy_Victoria]

Maybe your families overal impression of what a crossdresser is is clouded by the general image some have of people like us. Whilst there are many gay, and bisexual TV's CD's (which is fine, and we all have a right to live live as we want) many of us are hetrosexual males, married with families and our dressing is only a small part of our lifes. Maybe some of their fears are not the fear of you dressing, but there understanding of what it means to be one, maybe when you have that long chat with them, you need to express that this is your life, and you will be living it how you want to.

if you are going to be going 2 to 3 years with out dressing, maybe you can use that time to good measure, ie save a bit of cash, get yourself trim, and ready for the time when you can dress. ie put 10 bucks away a week for 2 years and thats 1000 dollars, which you could spend on your fem self, when you have time and your new place. 1000 bucks buys a hell of a lot in the US.

it's also important to let your folks know, your not ill, your not curable, as you have nothing to cure. ie it estimates 3 in 10 men could be in to some form crossdressing, maybe more, so it not an unusual pastime as some people think it is.

Good luck I hope it all works out for you.

[Country girl]

Hi Luscious star,

First let me just say that I agree with Jennifer. You have been offered a fantastic opportunity in which to educate the ones closest to you. I wish you all the best and pray that your family and friends will see that you are the same wonderful person you always were :hugs: . There is nothing wrong with enjoying women's clothes. I also wanted to tell you that while we may be far and few between there are GG's who completely accept a man who is a CDer and even enjoy participating.:D I happen to be one of them. So good luck to you with talking to your family and friends and I pray also that some day you will find a wonderful SO who will embrace your CDing and enjoy it with you. Take care and be strong!

:hugs: CG gg

[Sierra Evon]

Since your family negotiated away your dressing while you're living with them, why on earth should you be expected to endure a 'talk' with them? I mean, what more could they have to say since they've 'won'? Oh, I remember, the victors always get to make a speech.

I hope you can find your own place real soon.

Ditto, I hope it all works out for ya......

[Luscious Star]

Ok I have not talked about it with my father (gulps) : father and I were always close as son. now that he knows he's a bit angry at me. he didn't disown me. He's just really angry. He's gonna have a long long talk with me when the time comes. He will call me at my aunt and uncle's house when he's ready to talk about it. Trust me folks. I tried telling my aunt and uncle many times that crossdressers are harmless. I don't care if I get attacked for what i'm about say because it's what I feel inside and not just to say it
I was raised with God/Jesus in my life
I started crossdressing at age 16
Crossdressing helps me understand women more
I will always appreciate women no matter what
wether genetic or not
I love you ladies
and I'm not afraid to say it
You're beautiful
inside and out
no one can take that away from you or anyone
Also my Uncle Jerry doesn't want to be held accountable when he passes away
see alot of people like me unfortunately forget that whatever they let me do that they're against
God holds them accountable
not me
And I don't want my uncle being held accountable
Plus I'm in their house
they said even though they hate it they will let me do it all I want in my apartment
which I will have enough for in 2-3 years
because that's how long it will take to save
I have drum lessons, college, car insurance etc that I pay for
so my money is tight at times
and honey ladies
you can put your mind to anything you think
if you think you can go 2-3 years without dressing
you will
It's the lack of belief that if we don't believe in ourselves
no one will
When realistically it's
if we don't believe in ourselves
we will doubt ourselves more often
I have gone whatever # of days since I had to give up crossdressing for these next 2-3 years
I am doing fine
Just remember
it's all in your head folks
if you think it
it can come true
you just have to make it come true
and I am
I am not fighting my impulses to dress
I am staying focused and centered
I believe in God/Jesus
as a Christian and Catholic (converted to Catholicism to get deeper meaning of both religions)
I know truthfully that
God and Jesus do hold people accountable that let me do things I shouldn't do
in their house
I don't want my uncle left with that burden
by not dressing in their house
I avoid confrontation, being kicked out. lack of love, understanding. Trust me they'll never understand. I wish they would
but you can't force someone to understand
they have to on their own
and I'm not gonna force them to ever
it's their choice
as much as crossdressing is mine
I don't live regretting I crossdress
I live regretting that alot of people in my family don't accept it
Though to me
if they didn't truly accept it
I would be disowned by all of them by now
no one has disowned me
I will comply to not doing it in their house
also
my uncle Jerry has high blood pressure folks
avoiding crossdressing avoids problems with his condition
please no one attack me or my family on this
I am doing the right thing
because I feel it in my heart first and head later
My heart has always been sincere to me with things I have to deal with
and for the record
just because they don't accept me crossdressing
doesn't mean they love me any less
I am still the Nephew they had come over from little on to visit and show some family times and love
and I'm sad to say
I didn't come out to them
They found out the bad way
when they found all my things
Aunt told my grandpa who told my other uncle who told my dad, and so on
So even though I am out of the closet as a cd
not many in my family are happy about it
but I will deal with it
If Jesus or God hated me crossdressing
especially at age 16 (6 years ago)
I would of been struck with lightning by now
because God can take anyone's life when he wants to
he hasn't taken mine and for that I am greatful
I will just keep my peace with my family and members of my family
by hearing what they have to say
and not trying to argue
arguements cause stress
and stress causes more problems
we don't need more problems
deaths in the family, illness, etc
are enough to deal with let alone my crossdressing
so please speak your peace on here and not attack me, my aunt, uncles, anyone
just speak your peace ok everyone
I'll say it like this
That which is loved
is always given a chance

if they didn't love me
they would of disowned me, kicked me out of the house
and so what if they don't accept it
they're not hateful like some I've seen that use violence to express their dislike for crossdressers
they have a right not to like us
it's a choice
that's what life is
learning and choices
we either learn the right way
or the wrong way
they are doing what's best for us as a family as am I
so just wish me well with this
Time heals everything

The wounds that the lips speak
Are dried out by the love that the river drinks

It's really abstract what I just said above this
but i'll make sense to you all ..... someday, today, tomorrow, eventually or never
If you look into your minds, hearts, etc you'll see my words don't stand with conviction
but rather honesty
I wish you all well with your lives, dressing etc
I will be on here when I can
Starting January 18th I start my Graphic Design classes at 8 AM
But I will be commenting on as many of these posts of yours as I can everyone
and to all the friends I make on here, made on here, will make on here, I look foward to whenever we can chat.

To those that believe in God and Jesus
God bless you, your soul, your family and friends always

To those that don't believe in God
May your life be full of many wonderful times and moments with people who truly care for you

I have spoke my peace
Now you can speak yours everyone

Thank you for your patience and time

Love always,
Best wishes and sweet kisses,
Luscious star