Confidence broken by friend.

[ShortSkirt]

I'm not really sure where to start this, so I'll just dive right in.

I need some advice and differing points of view, and especially from the GG's. I hope you may be able to shed some light on why she would do this.

I have a close female friend, thats known I've dressed for quite some time. She's also known that I dont want it made "public knowledge". Last night she had a "heart to heart" with a friend of hers, also female, and married, and she told her about me and my dressing. Just last week we had a talk about this friend of her's, and she told me she didn't trust her enough to tell her anything too personal for fear it would get to her other friend's, and then she turns around and does this, to me, after knowing full well, I dont want it everyone business.

I really can't understand why she did this. She told me that her friend is fine with it and accepting of it, but that's not the point in my eye's. I feel betrayed. She asked me if I was ok with what she did and my reply was, "I'm not sure what to think of this right now it's a shock". I can't say whether it's ok or not.

So I ask you all, am I justified in feeling this way, or am I over-reacting?

[DonnaT]

Sounds like you're quite justified.

It is a reminder/lesson to others. Once you've let the cat out of the bag, it won't go back in.

[kerrianna]

It sounds like the answer to her question is "NO! I'm NOT ok with this!" That's pretty obvious from your post.

You might not want to say it because she will feel bad (and so she should). She might have just been too chatty and wanted to tell someone about you and made what sounds like a mistake. I doubt she did it intentionally to hurt you - but the fact is she shouldn't have done it and she owes you at least an apology.

I'm sorry she did that to you. It could cause you lots of headaches - at least worry about who knows what - she has a lot of sucking up to do.

My :2c:

[Kate Simmons]

I know how you feel Hon. 6 years ago when I first came out, I told my Brother in confidence. He proceeded to blurt it out to the whole family. Now, none of them associate with me unnecessarily. Evidently, this is some kind of "disease" that is contagious. That, in itself, showed me just how shallow some people really are as I've never changed one iota. Family members seem to be the worst when it comes to stuff like this. They act as if you've taken someone away from them when it was nothing of the kind.This is all the more reason I appreciate everyone for who they are as a person. I shortchange myself actually if I let something like that get in the way of my feelings for people. Everyone is different and you have to celebrate rather than suppress that diversity.:happy: Ericka Kay

[DonnaT]

Yes, you should tell her you're upset with her for telling. Especially if you don't want her to tell anyone else, though her friend may take care of that.

[ShortSkirt]

I've made it perfectly Swarovski Crystal clear, that it's absolutely no one's business but my own, and if I desire to tell anyone, it's my job and my job ONLY.

I'm trying to find reason in her action, and I'm unable. She has yet to apologize, and she even got defensive. She, got defensive?

I guess I'm trying to find an......acceptable, explanation for this so I can deal with it and not feel betrayed?

I asked her what she thought my reaction would be and she replied, "I thought you'd be happy and think it was a good thing."



***Goes to listen to Genesis - Land of Confusion***

[Sweet Jane]

Hi

once you reveal a "secret" to anyone, it isn't a secret any longer...only tell another person, any person, what you want the world to eventually know...and knowing that scares the sh1t out of me.

[kerrianna]

She's proabably defensive because she knows she f*kd up. If you want to salvage the friendship you need to sit down and have a heart to heart with her when you both are feeling calm. Maybe she could explain why she did it. Maybe she can't.

You should definitely tell her how it has made YOU feel. Maybe that's what you need to focus on right now - not why she did it - but how you feel about it. There is no denying how something makes you feel, so if you can articulate it to her then it's up to her to decide what to do to make it better with you. A real friend will get that.

[Lessa Lynn Young]

"Just last week we had a talk about this friend of her's, and she told me she didn't trust her enough to tell her anything too personal for fear it would get to her other friend's, and then she turns around and does this, to me, after knowing full well, I dont want it everyone business."


If I am reading this correctly, she can't trust this person with her own secrets, yet apparently thinks she can be trusted with your biggest secret. My only suggestion is to ask her calmly as to why this is so. Depending on how much you value this friendship will decide how you broach the question. My advice is that you maintain a calm level headed position and try to keep her at the same level. None of us can predict how she will react to it and only you know how it may turn out. In the end though you need to make your feelings on the matter clear and consice to her.


Best of luck

[Delila]

This is just proof of my general belief... Trust no one there is no person living that you can trust with something you need to truly keep secret. I almost have to wonder if you told this friend with some deep down need to come out publicly. Im probably wrong but then Im paranoid too.

[Brooke A]

I would drop this person as a freind. You keep looking for an explanation
as to why she would do this, it's because she's not a good freind. Freinds
should have your back, not stab you in it.
Brooke A.

[Mary Morgan]

When you told your "friend", you gave away ownership of your secret. It shouldn't be that way but it is. When she told your secret, she gave away your friendship. Very sad whether intentional or not. If you choose to go to war over this, you risk her telling many others out of spite. At this point, you already run the risk that her friend will tell others. I cannot tell you what you should do, this is one of those "lesser of evils" kinda issues, but I would express strongly my disappointment and make my feelings clear without inflaming the situation. All you can do is hope for the best, whatever that is.

[older not wiser]

I would drop this person as a freind. You keep looking for an explanation
as to why she would do this, it's because she's not a good freind. Freinds
should have your back, not stab you in it.
Brooke A.

Right on the money, nothing more can be added!!!!

:love: BonnieAnne

[Stormgirl]

Typical backstabber,if she can't keep something like this confidential then you need to remove her from your life,sweep this incident under a rug and be resilient, and go on with life.

Some people = shit.

[SusanTL]

Hi.

I agree that this person can not be trusted. She broke your trust and lied to you. This is not a friend.

I would drop her myself.

Susan

[Sandra]

I don't think she is much of a friend and I certainly wouldn't tell her anything more.

[Elaine Lynn]

I don't think I would trust her anymore. Friends usually put the secrets in their vault so to speak it sounds like her vault door is stuck open.

[Joy Carter]

Some people just can't keep a secret. This is what I have been trying to tell you gurls. Is the pain of keeping it to your self worse than having everyone know it ? I have lost friends over this and now recently I find out my cousin knows. And him I see maybe once evey two years. It's a small world out there gurls.:o

[Marcie Sexton]

Wash your hands of her, who needs friends like that...

[Stlalice]

There is an old rule of thumb that the chances of a secret being blown is equal to the square of the number of people who know it. Equally, as others have said here, there is no such thing as being a "little" out - sort of like being pregnant - you either are or you aren't. There is only one thing you can do at this point - accept that others know and move on with your life. Good luck kid and hang in there. :2c:

[Charleen]

That's some "friend"! Hope it all works out for you. Love and xxxx, Lily

[Megan72]

I have no ideas other than what was posted, but I wish yo the best and hope it does not get too out of hand.

[kittypw GG]

There are many reasons that someone betrays a trust. Most of the time it is not for a malisicious purpose. The burdon of the secret could be too much for the holder to keep, they may not understand the secret and it is disturbing to them in some way. One divulges a secret to help another, the secret is usually used in an anonomous way without divuldging who. Without knowing your friend or why she told your secret it is difficult to comment on why.

At the very least you should tell her how you feel and she does owe you an explaination and an appology. You will have to be the judge wether or not to trust her again enough to get that close to your inner circle.

I have found that secrets are nothing but a way for people to hurt you so I keep my life an open book. I am what I am and people take me or leave me. If you are ashamed of who you are and what you do then either you accept yourself and be proud or you wallow in shame. It is a personal choice.
The freinds you have are also a personal choice. Take care and make a careful evaluation of your "friend". :hugs: Kitty

[azure]

A so called "friend" who felt it was thier right to "share" the details of my life with all present in a local pub. I felt like taking a contract out on her, but my venom was brought under control by the voice of wisdom which focused upon revenge which was better served cold.
Damage limitation is vital, dont give these *******s anyomre to go on, you cant vanish, but you can present the smallest target possible, hide/bin/purge all your things , the less proof of their vile little lies the better. Next play the "grey man" this is a method of being incedibley predictable and boring, no odd hours, no shopping for anything out of the ordinary, nothing to draw attention(those who now know will be activley watching fopr any signs and will follow you around to confirm thier suspicions and this isnt about being paranoid, its about beating them at thier own little game). Next, should you have the misfortune to find yourself confronted by them, your approach could be to come out as gay. Being gay is far more socially acceptable, and easier for them to deal with. Be very careful about how you tell them, as women will read any "adjustments to the truth you make.

[Emily Ann Brown]

I'll add this thought......go to war with this woman and the whole city will know your "secret"....not saying to kiss her arse, just remember that she already has sprung a leak once, what will she do when REALLY angry?

And just as a point of reference, my wife outted me to the adult kids to rip my heart out......they all still love and accept me and BOY is she miffed !!!!! It isn't necessarily the end of the world sis.

Emily Ann

[JenniferR771]

Well your secret is not out until the second woman blabs. And most people keep stuff like this confidential. My wife told her friend years ago--no repercussions at all. I went en-femme to eye doctor and talked with the office asistant for a few minutes--and changed wigs just to show her my blond look. My wife went to same eye doctor and office assistant the next week. They didn't say anything to her. (my wife knows, but is very non-supportive).

[ErikaLeigh]

One important thing to remember, if the person hasnt seen you dressed, its just heresay and you can deny it. You could also have your "friend" talk to the person she told, and just say it was a joke/test to see if she would blab it to anyone. Or if confronted by the person she told, or anyone else for that matter, just get with your friend who will colaborate the story with you of just being a test for the blabber mouth woman.

[ShortSkirt]

Most of you echo my same thought's and feeling's.

No I'm not going to run, and no I'm not going to hide, that's not my style.

I fully intend to make sure that everyone involved, including her most of all, and anyone else that know's, including her friend, fully and completely understand's the gravity of this situation, and the wrong that was committed.

To keep something to yourself for over thiry years mean's it must have been very important to you. To finally trust someone enough to share it with them must mean that you trust that person highly. To have that trust broken is a devastating blow to that relationship, and I don't believe that can be easily mended, if at all.

When I first posted I was confused, scared and angry. Right now I'm just angry. A trust issue of the highest level has been broken.

I intend to speak my peace and then they can all go to Hell.

Thank you all for the clarity of your thought's and honesty, it mean's a lot to me.


When she told your secret, she gave away your friendship.
Thank you for that, it really hit home.

Michelle.

[LindaC]

Exactly the same thing happened to me 5 or 6 years ago.

A woman, who I thought I could trust, told one of her GF's. who then proceeded to tell her family. We all ran in the same social circle.

It ruined my friendship with her GF's family. I didn't speak to her for 2 or 3 years. We talk once in a while now, but they are very polite conversations, and I will never trust her when it comes to matters of substance. That makes it real hard to confront her about this issue, but I don't have to, she knows how I feel.

[suzy]

As you felt the need to share a secret....so did she. In my humble opinion, two people can share a secret only when ther other one is dead. In other words, you can never trust anyone with a true secret. That started with you.

Depending on how close a friend she is with you, you may or may not want to remain friends...but I certainly would never trust her with a secret of any kind again. Sorry!:hugs:

[Wendy me]

OK late on this but ......yes a trust broken for sure i would let her know that your hurt that she would share that with someone with out your saying it was ok.... then i would also say long after the being hurt sunk in the truth is that i am mad as hell that our Friend ship was something that meant so little to you ... if this is how you treat Friends ,... i wished i would have known before seams i wasted my time ....

as you know ether her or her Friend might just tell more people and like it or not with each new person you will need to deal with it... in what ever way you need .... my hopes are your group of Friends are open enough were they might not understand your little hobby ... but are Friends enough were it relay is not going to cause any parting of Friends... the ones that stay well their gold the ones that don't well .... were they freinds ????....



good luck.............

[JulieCDorlando]

Hello,
I also have been betrayed by trust that I have placed in others in my past (2 GG friends) when I revealed my inner most self to. After getting burned a couple of times, I now refrain from disclosing my 'little secret" to others in a face to face world. Once the proverbial cat is out of the bag, there is no way that cat is going back in there. We all make decisions, some for the best, some for the worse. And we all have to live with the ramifications of those decisions.
My point being, use your discernment when revealing yourself to others. What would happen if this individual speaks out against you later on? Is the individual(s) work where you work? Do they know family members or mutual friends of yours? Sure telling others of our secret life can be liberating and joyous, but you will have to also consider the alternative as well before your disclosure. To those that have kept their CDing a secret just be careful is all I ask.

[princessmichelle]

...
At the very least you should tell her how you feel and she does owe you an explaination and an appology. You will have to be the judge wether or not to trust her again enough to get that close to your inner circle.
...


ShortSkirt,

The only thing I can add to what Kitty said about this nightmare is that I am so sorry that this happened to you. :(

Take care,

"Princess" Michelle

[Bethanygirl]

I am sorry for you and the trauma you are emotionally feeling dear. Try to remember that we are just talking about a done deed, your reacting poorly now will just excaberate a bad situation. Try to find empathy for your friend now, and forgive, talk to anyone that wants to talk, and try to impress them with your desire to remain descreet. This may be managed into an event that allows more people to be knowlegeable and sympathetic about you without a general 'outing'. Whatever is important to you will not be achieved by alienating those who know about and are close to you. Good luck dear, and don't consider a course of action unless you are dressed, it helps your empathy and mitigates your aggression.
:love:

[lynnrichards]

I would not advocate tossing away a friendship over this incident. Your friend is being defensive because she knows she was wrong to tell your secret. If you approach her non-judgementally you might find out why she did it. It might not have been intended to hurt you; maybe she just couldn't keep it to her self. If there is enough good in the relationship, it will survive and perhaps become stronger.

The lesson you can learn is that there is always a risk in coming out to someone. Even people who pretend to keep your secret may leak it to one or more people - it's human nature, after all. In this case, you know of the betrayal. I think that you, personally, will be better off when you become more willing and able to accept your crossdessing and not be concerned with the opinion of others.

[Jane GG]

Personally, I'm not sure why she would think you would be happy about it. If someone tells me something and tol dme not to tell anyone else and I did, then I woudl certainly know I was doing something wrong to my friend and they would not be happy. I would know I was running a risk of their friendship, depending on the depth of the secret. Granted, if it something that is life threatening (like suicidal thoughts etc) I would see how telling would be something I should do, but this? No.

I'd say she is being spiteful in someway and her actions and reactions to you pretty much show that. I don't know her personally, so I can't assert that as fact, but as a girl, that is how I would see it. I don't know if she wanted to "out" you for some reason, which is why she told the person she wouldn't share her own personal information with, but it sounds like it. As a girl, I am not going to share a close friend's secrets with someone I wouldn't share my own with. This being the case, it doesn't sound like she just needed someone to talk to about it or she would have chosen someone else who she was confident they would keep it. That is just my opinion based on what I read and the fact I do not know her. If she had reasons for doing it that she doesn't want you to know about, then she won't tell you even after talking to her most likely. If it was someone she tells all of her own secrets to, then I would say very different things, but it isn't. If it was a secret I needed someone to talk to- I would have made very sure it was someone that I could completely trust all of my own secrets to, because I would want to break the trust you had in me by the possibility of this person telling others. Sorry this happened to you!

[Lanore]

It's not who we tell, it's who they tell. That's why we try and find friends can trust. This isn't a game and surely not a conversation piece. However, sometimes the ones we trust hurts us the most. Once that trust is broken, it takes a long time to put back together. You can forgive, but it's hard to forget. It does make you think of who you will tell next. I like what Donna said about letting the cat out of the bag. Not only will he not go back in, but he's not going to like you very much after that.

Lanore

[marie354]

Many years ago, this happened to me and it esclated to the point that all of my friends heard about it. When I was asked if it was true, I just said ''what do you think'', and if they said maybe, I asked them if that made me a bad person. I got mixed responses, got closer to some and lost a few friends too.

I do agree with Kitty that being open is best. Then no one can tell anyone else something that they don't already know. My family and all of my good friends know, even if they havn't seen me dressed.

I like to be optimistic and when I see her, I tell her that it was the best thing that she could have done to/for me. It makes her mad because she was really trying to hert me at the time and I just delt with the best that I could.

While not many except my SO and one other close friend ever see me dressed. I no longer feel too embaresed when someone asks me about it. Well yes I get embaresed when it's somebody that I didn't know asks me, but what are you gonna do... Lie to them. No I'll not start the lieing game! It just leads to more lies, and more lies. Finally you don't know to whom you told which lie and they'll figure you out anyway and maybe not trust you any more.
Well, I spoken my piece. Take it with a grain of salt, as it's only my reasons, etc.
:hugs:

[hotbobbie]

As bad as this may look on the surface it just may be the best. If this gets out to your other friends you will find out just who is really a friend and who is the imposter. Trust me as i tried the keep it to myself for to many years and once it was out it might be a little scarry at first but what a load off your mind to really be you. I wish you well and it will all work out.

[kaitlin]

Hello ShortSkirt, This may sound silly but are you sure she is "OK" with your dressing ? She may be using this chance to get you to stop CDing. If you think she told the one person that she knows you both don't trust, she may in some way think it will force you to stop dressing. She may not understand our life style as well as you thought. Before I let this ruin a friendship I would get her alone and talk it out. Maybe she did, maybe she didn't ???? Just a thought, hope it helps some. Kaitlin

[joanlynn28]

Girl, I made the same mistake last spring. I went to a baseball game with a couple of coworkers and went and showed on of them's wife my toenails and told her how I am TG. What a big mistake, I had forgotten that one of the guys is friends with my exwife's cousin and what I did got back to my ex. And now half of the plant where I work knows all about the truth about me too. There is only really one thing I can do about it and that is to come out at work and go fulltime. My secret in not a secret anymore so why am I even trying to cover it up? Just a few words of after thoughts from someone how has also been in your position.:o

[susandrea]

Unfortunately, some people (I find most are women) get more out of telling a secret (they get attention!) than they do by keeping one (it's private!).

What it boils down to is that she craved attention more than she valued your privacy. Or friendship.

[EricaCD]

She's proabably defensive because she knows she f*kd up. If you want to salvage the friendship you need to sit down and have a heart to heart with her when you both are feeling calm. Maybe she could explain why she did it. Maybe she can't.

You should definitely tell her how it has made YOU feel. Maybe that's what you need to focus on right now - not why she did it - but how you feel about it. There is no denying how something makes you feel, so if you can articulate it to her then it's up to her to decide what to do to make it better with you. A real friend will get that.

:yt: I think Kerrianna got the reason right and her suggestion is quite sensible. Your friend might also benefit from knowing she can in part make amends by impressing on her friend the importance of not disclosing this further. Obviously, there are no guarantees, but I'd at least try to plug that potential leak!

Good luck!

[Robin Leigh]

We feel your pain, ShortSkirt. :hugs: :bighug: It can feel surreal when you learn that your confidante has blabbed your deepest secret. But I hope you're feeling a bit better about all this now.

Yes, you have been betrayed, but I don't believe that necessarily means that you should stop being friends with this woman. It sounds like she doesn't feel that she's betrayed you, so give her time to justify her actions. And then ask her how she's going to handle damage control. As others have mentioned, she owes you bigtime. :D

Anyway, I have a few questions and theories for you to ponder & a few points to make. If I get too long-winded, feel free to ignore me. :)


I have a close female friend, thats known I've dressed for quite some time. She's also known that I dont want it made "public knowledge". Last night she had a "heart to heart" with a friend of hers, also female, and married, and she told her about me and my dressing.
Interesting. Why did you get mentioned at all during this "heart to heart"? Have you ever been more than just friends with this friend, or wanted to be? Why are you important enough to either of these women to warrant mention during a "heart to heart"? Could they have been discussing your marital status?

One possibility is that your friend mentioned your CDing to explain why she spends so much time with you, even though you aren't romantically involved. Or alternatively, the she's not interested in you romantically because you CD, but she still thinks you're interesting anyway.

Another possibility has been mentioned by others in this thread: she just needed to talk to another GG about your CDing. She could come & talk to the GGs here. They'll soon get her up to speed on proper CD etiquette. :D


Just last week we had a talk about this friend of her's, and she told me she didn't trust her enough to tell her anything too personal for fear it would get to her other friend's, and then she turns around and does this, to me, after knowing full well, I dont want it everyone business.

I've made it perfectly Swarovski Crystal clear, that it's absolutely no one's business but my own, and if I desire to tell anyone, it's my job and my job ONLY.

I really can't understand why she did this. She told me that her friend is fine with it and accepting of it, but that's not the point in my eye's. I feel betrayed. She asked me if I was ok with what she did and my reply was, "I'm not sure what to think of this right now it's a shock".
Although she knew the rules, sometimes people go with the flow & bend the rules if they think the outcome will justify it. For some reason, she felt that you would be happy to have another GG accepting of your CDing & felt that the moment was right. Even though she told you only days earlier that she doesn't trust this other woman... sometimes GGs can be hard to fathom. Maybe she's re-evaluated the trustworthiness of this other woman. Or maybe she has some dirt on her. :devil:


I can't say whether it's ok or not.
In the long run, you will be happier deciding it is ok. But it may take some work to get there...

How large is the circle of friends that may potentially learn about your CDing from this incident? If it gets bad, can you stop moving in those circles, or would that involve major life changes?


I guess I'm trying to find an......acceptable, explanation for this so I can deal with it and not feel betrayed?

I asked her what she thought my reaction would be and she replied, "I thought you'd be happy and think it was a good thing."

As I said at the start, it sounds from this statement that she doesn't feel as if she has really betrayed you. If she is any sort of friend, she will be able to discuss this rationally with you.

Good luck,

:hugs:

Robin

[myMichelle]

When you told your "friend", you gave away ownership of your secret. It shouldn't be that way but it is. When she told your secret, she gave away your friendship. Very sad whether intentional or not. If you choose to go to war over this, you risk her telling many others out of spite. At this point, you already run the risk that her friend will tell others. I cannot tell you what you should do, this is one of those "lesser of evils" kinda issues, but I would express strongly my disappointment and make my feelings clear without inflaming the situation. All you can do is hope for the best, whatever that is.

:iagree:

Louise offers some excellent advice...It may be a bit painful to hear it, but I feel the same way. The best thing you can probably do at this point is to just begin distancing yourself from the person who betrayed your confidence. Gradually begin putting distance between the two of you and, when the time is right, just ride off into the sunset and put this behind you.:2c:

Good luck whatever you decide to do (or not to do)

[Wendi {LI NY}]

WOW< that was harsh from an so call Friend ! Secrets are very ,very tough to control.Once they are out ,you can not take them back .. So i am very careful who and what I talk about ,it is a shame ,but that is life .people do strange things to other people !
Secrets between two people can be keep,if one person is DEAD! hARSH BUT true ! :2c: HUGS,WENDI:(

[DonnaT]

Do you know a secret your "friend" doesn't want out? If so, ask her how she would have felt had you not honored your friendship and told someone else.

She should get the idea of how you feel then.

[TxKimberly]

No question she betrayed your confidence. Now the question is, can you get over it and forgive her?

Kim

[ShortSkirt]

Well, we've talked it over.

She's had a full day to think about her action's and I made what she did clear and she agreed and has apologized, to the point of tears. I can forgive, but I will not forget and she understand's the gravity of the trust she has sacrificed. I told her that any damage control would be dealt with on her end and I'll stay out of it as long as I can. I told her that if she's unable to explain the severity of the situation to her friend, I would talk to her but I'd rather not, atleast not yet.

As far as the circle of friend's involved, it's not my circle, but we all know it's a small world at times and it might not even resurface for quite some time. I've made that clear as well. No one know's what the future has in store, but it never hurt's to be prepared for it.

She's explained to me that she admires me for letting this side of me out to her and found it a very special thing, and felt the need to share this with her friend to show her how special I am to her. She said her friend understand's the weight of it all and will keep it all to herself as would any respectful person.

I can understand the emotional need to try and show a friend, or anyone really, how much someone else mean's to them, but I would do it in a different manner.


Interesting. Why did you get mentioned at all during this "heart to heart"? Have you ever been more than just friends with this friend, or wanted to be? Why are you important enough to either of these women to warrant mention during a "heart to heart"?

Robin

Robin, your a very astute observer ;). Yes we have been more and have been working on the relationship, but it's been a long road that didn't need yet another detour.


Although she knew the rules, sometimes people go with the flow & bend the rules if they think the outcome will justify it. For some reason, she felt that you would be happy to have another GG accepting of your CDing & felt that the moment was right. Even though she told you only days earlier that she doesn't trust this other woman... sometimes GGs can be hard to fathom. Maybe she's re-evaluated the trustworthiness of this other woman. Or maybe she has some dirt on her.

Robin

Correct again, well done lol. She did know "The Rules", to a degree anyway. I believe a lot of her motivation for it was to show me how accepting people can be under the right circumstances. That, however, remain's to be seen. She did say that she had in fact, started trusting her more in the last week or two, and she did tell me that she does have some "dirt" on her, at which point I politely asked to be left out of any further dirt slinging. Talk amongst yourselves about yourselves, but no one else.


Another possibility has been mentioned by others in this thread: she just needed to talk to another GG about your CDing. She could come & talk to the GGs here. They'll soon get her up to speed on proper CD etiquette. :D

Robin

This has been on my mind for some time. I've thought about having her join this forum, but after this little episode I'll have to think about it for a little while longer.


Do you know a secret your "friend" doesn't want out? If so, ask her how she would have felt had you not honored your friendship and told someone else.

She should get the idea of how you feel then.

I did indeed, do just that. She admitted that she would be ashamed and embarrassed, at which point I think it clicked for her and the tear's started. From that point on we were on the same page and understood each other quite well.


No question she betrayed your confidence. Now the question is, can you get over it and forgive her?

Kim

Forgive yes and I'm working on that, but it would be very foolish to forget.

At this moment, I'm ok with things. The problem I have is having the faith in her friend to be the honourable person I'm forced to trust her as. I don't as a rule, have a lot of faith in most people, but as the saying goes, "Time tell's no lie's".

I'm prepared to deal with anything that might arise from this, openly and honestly. If I can bear the weight of it, then so can they.

Now I need to thank everyone here for your help, insight, feeling and support. I haven't been a member here as long as most, and this is the first time I was faced with dealing with something that made me uncertain on how to deal. There's really not much I can't and haven't dealt with in the past, but this one threw me for a loop and if I couldn't have read all your post's and thought's, here and in PM's, I'm not sure I could have worked through it as well or as quickly.

Thank you all, so very much.

Michelle.

[Jennaie]

It's very difficult to know who you can and cannot trust. Many people are simply unable to keep a secret. They mean you no harm, they just can't keep their mouths shut. I would be very cautious about anything else I told her in the future. And yes, I would let her know that I was disappointed in her, that I trusted her with my secret and she failed me.

[judyk]

I would feel betrayed too, it was a secret.

Maybe she just wanted to keep the chat going and had nothing juicy to say, women chatting will do that.

Men say ~7,000 words a day, women ~20,000 , it appears that there endofings release in women’s blood stream when they talk, that bring them pleasure.

I would let her know it was wrong and start to worry about the other women !

Remember once you open a can of worms you will need a can twice as big to get those little buggers back in.

All the best.

Hugs

JudyK

[Robin Leigh]

It's great to hear that things are on the mend, Michelle. :happy:


Robin, your a very astute observer ;). Yes we have been more and have been working on the relationship, but it's been a long road that didn't need yet another detour.

I seem to have more than my usual supply of feminine intuition ATM, probably from spending so much time en femme lately. :) My feeling is that you won't get any major repercussions from this other woman knowing about your CDing. But you & your friend have learned a valuable lesson about each other. Everybody makes mistakes; what really matters is how we deal with them.

:hugs:

Robin

[stlmichelle]

I know how you feel. I had someone tell of my crossdressing in a malicious attempt to hurt me, and it worked. The thing is I keep finding out the people that know about me and even though this happend a while ago, it still hurts all over again. Not too long ago she even tried to use it against me again, this time I let it be known that she already let everyone know, and it can't be used against me. I also let it be known that I no longer care who knows about me, cause the most important people to me already know. It felt pretty good to take that power from her, and now I am at a point in my life where I don't care who knows about my crossdressing. While I don't go around advertising it, I do not deny it, it is who I am. I am not going to change who I am for anyone.

[Scotty]

Everybody makes mistakes; what really matters is how we deal with them.

:hugs:

Robin

Very good quote, saw an Outer limits TV show the other day and the end said almost that.

The mistakes we make in life are not as important as the lessons we draw from them.

I have a GG friend who also told a friend, although she denies it I just know she did.....intuition. When I saw the other woman recently I could tell, I'm pretty sensitive to how o ther people are feeling.

[ShortSkirt]

As it is right now, I feel pretty good about things. We've done a lot of talking and continue to talk more, and it's good.

I also think this might be the beginning of coming out to people. That scares me and, at the same time I find it exhilarating. It must feel very liberating to not have this as a secret, and not fear it anymore.

It will all take a lot of time, but life is a journey.

A journey of 1000 miles begin's with the first step. I feel I've taken that step for the first time in my life, and I'm very glad I have you all for support.

Thanks again.

Michelle.

[Lovely Rita]

I am really sorry this happened to you. I would not even presume to advise you on what to do. I hope you will not suffer too much undue stress. A betrayal of confidence is one of the most grievous wrongs.

I hate to see this happen to people.


hugs

[kerrianna]

I'm glad you found support here Michelle. You were obviously very traumatized by this event. Your attitude now is very positive - I think you've handled this very well. You're right. It may be the first step on a journey you need to make. Things seem to happen for a reason - sometimes the hard part is figuring out why.

It's nice to know we can help each other :hugs:

[Kristen Kelly]

There is an old rule of thumb that the chances of a secret being blown is equal to the square of the number of people who know it. Equally, as others have said here, there is no such thing as being a "little" out - sort of like being pregnant - you either are or you aren't. There is only one thing you can do at this point - accept that others know and move on with your life. Good luck kid and hang in there. :2c:

Little pregnant, you hit the nail on the head, I'm a "Little Out" would be an understatement. Going out 2-3 nights a week and out with my Girlfriend all over the NY / NJ / PA area, Day and Night, sooner or later I would run into someone I know. I have a good friend, who I know has trouble keeping a secret, and a bit of a snoop. I hate to keep things from her and I am less of afraid being outed, as Kristen has become a very large part of who I am. I don’t know what I fear more her knowing or letting her loose in my closet, for she is already wearing some of my hand me downs, she just thinks they are from another of my friends.

[Raychel]

I guess that is why we are so reluctant to take that step out of the closet, even with our wifes and best friends. I told my wife 2 years ago. She was very stressed and she told her mother. Her mother was very close to her twin sister at the time. Telling anything to the sister might as well be posting it in the newspaper. She couldn't keep a secret if her life depended on it. The twin sister lives next door to my fathers friend.

So how many people really know that I crossdress?

Potentially
Wife =1
Mother = 1
Sister = 1,287,968,245
Friend = 1
Father = 1 really bad one

Possible Total = 1,287,968,249

I haven't heard any flack from any of the people that I know. So if they know they aren't telling me.

Kinda scary though.

[klyde]

When you told your "friend", you gave away ownership of your secret. It shouldn't be that way but it is. When she told your secret, she gave away your friendship. Very sad whether intentional or not. If you choose to go to war over this, you risk her telling many others out of spite. At this point, you already run the risk that her friend will tell others. I cannot tell you what you should do, this is one of those "lesser of evils" kinda issues, but I would express strongly my disappointment and make my feelings clear without inflaming the situation. All you can do is hope for the best, whatever that is.
:iagree: