Pronoun Trouble

[CaptLex]

I guess Daffy Duck isn't the only one who had "pronoun trouble". Of course, it was hilarious when Bugs did it to him, but it's not so funny when it happens to me . . . trust me. What bothers me most is that when I correct people, they look at me like "yeah, right". Yesterday in our cafeteria someone called me "she" and when I corrected him ("it's 'he' "), he just stared at me. And at the local drug store chain, the conversation went something like this:

Clerk: "Here you go, miss."
Me: "I'm not a miss."
Clerk: (staring) "No? What are you, then?"
Me: "I'm a 'he' ."
Clerk: (more staring) "Okay, here you go."

No apology, no correction. :Pullhair:

So my question for everybody and anybody who can relate (or even if you're fortunate enough not to have this happen to you) . . . how do you deal with people who get your pronouns wrong? I hope I'm not the only one going through this. This question is open to all.

[princessmichelle]

Dear Sir,

Improper pronouns sounds frustrating.
Sounds like that clerk was (pardon the pun) "amiss".

As for what you can do, maybe Boys Clubhouse can give suggestions? :2c:
And Mr. "T" will help.

I admire your courage and self confidence. You are a good man, Lex.

Princess Michelle

[Abraxas]

I usually just let it slide. Nothing I really can do. Sometimes when I'm with friends they've got my back, or, if they can see I'm about to be in a sticky situation, they'll make a big show of it, saying stuff like 'oh, you can take HIS order first' while pointing at me. Apart from that, I blush and go on my merry way.

[CaptLex]

I usually just let it slide. Nothing I really can do. Sometimes when I'm with friends they've got my back, or, if they can see I'm about to be in a sticky situation, they'll make a big show of it, saying stuff like 'oh, you can take HIS order first' while pointing at me. Apart from that, I blush and go on my merry way.
I used to let it go, but I can't do that anymore - it's just too frustrating now. As for friends, they're usually not around when it happens, and some of them are no help either as they keep slipping too. I swear I'm going to get a big button or something that says something like, "I'm a boy, damnit!" :rolleyes:

[Xaff]

So my question for everybody and anybody who can relate (or even if you're fortunate enough not to have this happen to you) . . . how do you deal with people who get your pronouns wrong? I hope I'm not the only one going through this.

Nope, you're not the only one.
Most people are hasitating to call me girl. Beose there not sure if I am a boy or girl. Or they assume I am a boy.

But I think if I weare in that situation I would just look stupid back. Like....hah I got you. I am me, and perfect. And I am a guy! Something like: I am who I am, and that's a guy.

(Yeah, I can look very stupid/strange) It's almost FUNNY. :heehee:
........it's NICE.... :devil:

For the worst part is to come in this message.

On one leg I have big scars. And people are always looking/staring at my leg for that when I am at the beach. I know they are very rude. So I develepted a way to distract them from my leg. By doing funny. (Looking stange/stupid at them) Or saying something about it to them in public. Becose they don't expact that.
I think you just need to find a way like that. Just something that works for yourself. So people will treat you like you want. And something that you shouldn't need to think about it for long when you need to do it.
Like I am telling those people: Hey what are ya looking at. Or: Can you see it! Then they know they can't stare, becose I will embarase them otherwise. By saying those things. Or let them scare by looking strange/stupid/idiot, and say something in the mean time.
(funny, seriues, cool attitude. 3 diffrent way to say whatever I want. I every mood I am.)

I think you will develop a thing like that also over the years. You just need time.....

Morgan,

[JulieCDorlando]

Hello,
I can say I haven't had such an encounter as what you have had to endure, but if I had, I would do some correcting as what you have done. Say "excuse me?!?!?!" or "I beg your pardon????" I do understand your pateience might be running a tad low on the uneducated, but do try to continue being polite when correcting them. Behavior from trans folk will mean more to the uneducated masses than a sharp rebuke in correction or even braking a foot off on somes backside :devil: . Hang in there Capt. Change comes painfully slow at times, but it can and will happen for you. I am sure of it.

[CaptLex]

I think you will develop a thing like that also over the years. You just need time.....
Time and patience, Morgan. I guess I feel like I've waited a long time already and patience has never been my thing. Anybody have some I can buy?

Michelle, I think you're right . . . "Mr. T" will help, but it's not going to happen anytime soon. Maybe I'll take a long trip on my ship and won't come back until I have a full beard (and a flat, hairy chest). :p

Thanks, Julie . . . I do try to keep my tone civil, but it's getting harder. Especially with my friends and co-workers who have known for over six months now, and still slip up regularly. I think I need a vacation.

[SexxxyBrianna]

Forgive me for asking but, you were born female correct? If so, most people are going to see you as female no matter how much you want to be a "boy" as you put it. I would never expect to be seen as a real woman, it is just not going to happen. You have to be honest with yourself. Don't worry about what others see or think. Just be happy with who you are. :D

[Kieron Andrew]

i simply dont let it drop........'im kieron, i have a male name so therefore i am male, mr, sir, guy any of the following will do, have a nice day lol' (lectures always work lol)

[Kieron Andrew]

Forgive me for asking but, you were born female correct? If so, most people are going to see you as female no matter how much you want to be a "boy" as you put it. I would never expect to be seen as a real woman, it is just not going to happen. You have to be honest with yourself. Don't worry about what others see or think. Just be happy with who you are. :D
difference is that Capt is transitioning and is taking Testosterone so visable changes are happening like stubble i.e a male thing! he doesnt do the girl thing any longer!, so therefore obviously as he is TS and transition he wants to be addressed as male.....im sorry but i can see why it upsets him

[CaptLex]

difference is that Capt is transitioning and is taking Testosterone so visable changes are happening like stubble i.e a male thing! he doesnt do the girl thing any longer!, so therefore obviously as he is TS and transition he wants to be addressed as male.....im sorry but i can see why it upsets him
Thanks, Kieron, I guess Brianna doesn't really know my situation. I mean, if you saw someone wearing a suit and tie, with several days of stubble and a deep(ish) voice, you would at least have some doubt before you opened your mouth and called that person "ma'am", wouldn't you? I know many GGs wear short hair and masculine-styled clothing, but come on! :rolleyes: I'd rather someone not be sure what to call me than to automatically assume, and to doubt me even when I tell them. :Pfft:

[Adam]

sometimes i let it go if im in a hurry but if im in a ratty mood i say im "male or he thankyou" if and this has happened a few times i say look and i get my photo ID driveing lisence out to show them works every time :D watch them eat there words :heehee:

[michelleliz]

I just let it go and walk away. IT happened to me just last week at K Mart
And I was looking sooo good To

Michelle Liz

[Kate Simmons]

If I was with you when this happened Cap, I'd rip 'em a new one and tell them they needed glasses or something because I know you are really a guy and respect you as such. As far as myself, well, you know my situation, so I just consider the source and figure they just have a pinky brain. Most of the time they don't use any pronouns with me, too afraid to, I guess. Sometimes they do call me Ma'am as Ericka however and I don't bother to correct them (why should I?). I know it's frustrating sometimes to put up with that stuff. When it does happen, just remember YOU know the difference along with a whole kaboodle of friends who love and respect you as Captlex. Can't beat that with a stick, right?:battingeyelashes: ;)

[bi_weird]

Just to play devil's advocate here. I've meet some people before where I haven't been sure guy or girl, (this was before I had any idea what trans was) and I felt terribly nervous that I'd make them mad. Some people don't MEAN to be presenting as the opposite sex, they just, well, look it. Don't want to insult them. Also seems very rude to not be sure. So a lot of casual acquantences who get your pronoun wrong are probably trying to be as polite as they can, they just don't know better.
I suggest business cards. Or children's books. Or a taped lecture. But yeah you've just gotta educate the hell outta them until people get it together and realize how to treat you.
As for people not believing you...I can come smack them if you'd like.

[CaptLex]

As for people not believing you...I can come smack them if you'd like.
Oh, please . . . could you? That would make me feel so much better. I think I'm going to go home and sleep through winter. When I wake up in the spring I should have a beard - that would help.

I'm just having a really bad day . . . okay, week . . . maybe two weeks with this. Where's Capt. Jack and the Black Pearl when I need him . . . ? :titanic:

[princessmichelle]

Captain,

You are a survivor. It takes guts to brandish a sword and pilot a ship, and you do a good job of it, aiy!

Princess Michelle

[Lisa Golightly]

Captain, Captain, Captain... You need to enrol at the Lisa Golightly Charm School. Such a response would have required some gay 'Wilde' bandinage that would have resulted in the aforesaid clerk seeking new employment. :)

[Evert]

As for people not believing you...I can come smack them if you'd like.


If you won't, I will...

Captain, maybe is this an idea? :heehee:

http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i262/OomEvert/sirshirt.jpg

[CaptLex]

If you won't, I will...

Captain, maybe is this an idea? :heehee:

http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i262/OomEvert/sirshirt.jpg
That's cute, Evert, I like that. Does it come in blue?

Lisa, start the lessons . . . I'm a quick study.

Michelle, what can I say? You inspire me. I shall conquer this . . .

[Evert]

That's cute, Evert, I like that. Does it come in blue?


I have no idea.. I just made it in Paint.. :heehee:

*Evert starts his own ftm clothing biznizzzz.. * :p

[Kieron Andrew]

:whistling: http://www.cafepress.com/dyketees/1466649
http://www.cafepress.com/buy/transgender :whistling:

[Felix]

Hi Captain well what can I say except that you know who you are and bugger the rest! Walk tall hun in the self knowledge of who you are and who you are becoming :hugs:

As for me well I must admit I get a buzz when I get called mate and even if they don't know which pronoun to use I don't let it bother me. Sometimes if I've made an effort and I get called darlin I don't like it cos it means that I haven't done the job good enough. Hope this has helped even if only a little Captain xx Felix :hugs:

[CaptLex]

:whistling: http://www.cafepress.com/dyketees/1466649
http://www.cafepress.com/buy/transgender :whistling:

Thanks, Kieron . . . I wonder if I can wear this one to work and not get summoned upstairs . . .

38323

[Kieron Andrew]

lol thats the one i was thinking of Capt maybe we should all get one and take a pic....go on wear one to work lol

[Kieron Andrew]

http://www.cafepress.com/buy/transgender/-/pv_design_details/pg_2/id_9778025/opt_/fpt_/c_360/ one for post op girls lol.......god i love this site lol

[Evert]

I love some of those designs Kieron!

*is searching... Do they deliver to Holland?*

*EDIT* http://www.cafepress.com/buy/transgender/-/pv_design_prod/p_storeid.43020740/pNo_43020740/id_10472097/opt_/pg_/c_/fpt_

[Julie York]

I appreciate your frustration. But surely the answer is in the question.


Why would anyone call you Miss or Ma'am? Really why would they? Why would ANYONE assume you are female and address you as such?


They're just humans. They see, they react.


They are not seeing you as you wish to be seen. It takes time. Your perception of yourself may be 100% complete but it's an optical illusion that needs to be completed before people see what you can see.

If I saw a femmy guy and said 'He' or whatever and he said "She" correcting me........I'd back up a bit....and the apology would come when I thought I was wrong and it WAS a female and I'd made a mistake. "Oh..erm sorry..." Otherwise I'd go..."Erm..o.k." and move on swiftly.

That's not the answer you want , I know, but it's probably the most truthful one you'll get.

Good luck.
:thumbsup:

[Kieron Andrew]

http://www.cafepress.com/buy/transgender/-/pv_design_details/pg_12/id_12563226/opt_/fpt_/c_360/ one to wear to the shops that call you ma'am lol

[Evert]

http://www.cafepress.com/buy/ftm/-/pv_design_prod/p_storeid.1828215/pNo_1828215/id_786733/opt_/pg_/c_/fpt_
http://www.cafepress.com/buy/ftm/-/pv_design_prod/pg_4/p_storeid.48607529/pNo_48607529/id_11666872/opt_/fpt_/c_360/

[JulieCDorlando]

Hello,
If the Capt is waving that cutlass around in one hand, and holding a keg of rum in the other and cussing and swearin........ I'd call the Capt anything HE wants me to call him. :D

[princessmichelle]

Some of those t-shirts are great, thanks Kieron.

"Princess" Michelle

[Dasein9]

I just give them a little TMI, but not everything.

Lately, I've just been saying, "I didn't get enough testosterone during puberty." (Well, it's true!)

Then, they have an explanation, and leave me the hell alone.

[SexxxyBrianna]

Just to play devil's advocate here. I've meet some people before where I haven't been sure guy or girl, (this was before I had any idea what trans was) and I felt terribly nervous that I'd make them mad. Some people don't MEAN to be presenting as the opposite sex, they just, well, look it. Don't want to insult them. Also seems very rude to not be sure. So a lot of casual acquantences who get your pronoun wrong are probably trying to be as polite as they can, they just don't know better.

I apologize Lex, I do not know your situation. I was thinking along the lines of bi weird. I would not want to offend anyone. If you had a shadow working and such, I would address you as sir, Mr., dude, etc. I do how ever know enough about you now to know that you have not posted a pic, so I guess I will never know what you look like ;) (hint, hint)

[CaptLex]

I do how ever know enough about you now to know that you have not posted a pic, so I guess I will never know what you look like ;) (hint, hint)
And now you know why . . . :tongueout

Apology accepted, Brianna. :happy:

[CaptLex]

They are not seeing you as you wish to be seen. It takes time. Your perception of yourself may be 100% complete but it's an optical illusion that needs to be completed before people see what you can see. . . . That's not the answer you want , I know, but it's probably the most truthful one you'll get.
Lie to me, Julie! Actually, I appreciate your honesty, and I know you're right, but it is frustrating and even more painful than those spiked heels. :beatup:

[kerrianna]

Yesterday in our cafeteria someone called me "she" and when I corrected him ("it's 'he' "), he just stared at me. And at the local drug store chain, the conversation went something like this:

Clerk: "Here you go, miss."
Me: "I'm not a miss."
Clerk: (staring) "No? What are you, then?"
Me: "I'm a 'he' ."
Clerk: (more staring) "Okay, here you go."

No apology, no correction.
.

Bad clerk! :spank:
I can't believe some of the people who are allowed to work with the public. I've done lots of retail - this is how it SHOULD have gone (and if I was the boss and heard that exchange this is what bad clerk would have been told in no uncertain terms) :

Clerk: "Here you go, miss."
Me: "I'm not a miss."
Clerk: "Oh, I'm sorry, sir. Here you go. Sorry about that."

"No, what are you then?" begs the reply, "I'm an ex-customer of this store!"

For the clerk:
:slap: :spank: :swear: :shutup: :beatup: :Angry3: :thumbsdn:

For you:
:itsok:

[CaptLex]

For you:
:itsok:
Thanks, Kerrianna . . . just for that you can paint my toenails anytime you want (but only you). :kiss:

[dancinginthedark]

We go out to eat regularly at a local restaurant. One of the staff had me baffled. Was this person a male or a female? I could not for the life of me decide which it was and to ask the person upfront...well it seemed extremely rude. "How would you feel if someone asked if you were a boy or a girl", I asked myself. I thought I would be hurt or insulted. I would have felt my gender should have been obvious to everyone. So it was, "hey kiddo" when addressing this person. (much younger person so thought I could pull that one off with minimal hurt or insult)
I found out the correct gender by doing what should have been obvious. I introduced myself and asked for a name. Thankfully it was not one of those names that could go either way. Whew!! My backup plan was to play extremely dense and ask what Chris or Pat (for examples) was short for. I would rather be seen as a bit slow than cruel or hurtful.
The moral of the story, please know that not everyone means to insult or hurt someone else when using the wrong pro-noun. Hey maybe they need some new glasses or the lighting is poor. Or they may not be sure and make a guess. And dang if they didn't guess wrongly. :Angry3:
I do believe the person owed you an apology at the very least. So on behalf of the ignore masses let me say it, "We're sorry." OTOH perhaps their momma didn't teach them any manners? Or they just didn't get their bottoms spanked enough as a kid? :spank: After five kids I'm an old hand at it, let me at em!
Next time someone addresses you with the wrong pronoun respond in kind. Some guy addresses you as miss? Then you reply and address him as miss. Sometimes a return volley is effective.
Hang in there capt. Soon there will be absolutely no way anyone will see you as anything other than what you are ~ male. Bank on it.

dancin

[CaptLex]

The moral of the story, please know that not everyone means to insult or hurt someone else when using the wrong pro-noun.
I do realize that, and that's why I've been biting my tongue for many months. I just can't do that anymore (and my therapist advised me to let it out). I don't expect people to get it right away, but I'm just fed up and frustrated with those that won't even try to get it right after repeatedly correcting them.


Some guy addresses you as miss? Then you reply and address him as miss. Sometimes a return volley is effective.
You must be reading my mind . . . that's exactly what I'm planning to do next.


Hang in there capt. Soon there will be absolutely no way anyone will see you as anything other than what you are ~ male. Bank on it.

dancin
Thanks, Dancin . . . meanwhile I'll send them to you, Bi and Evert for their spankings. :devil:

[Lisa Golightly]

A few years ago I met this girl I really liked... I did the whole boy thing... suit, tie, Marlboro 100's and in the middle of the meal the waiter called me Miss... Doh, doh, doh, doh, doh!!! I know exactly how you feel :rolleyes:

[CaptLex]

A few years ago I met this girl I really liked... I did the whole boy thing... suit, tie, Marlboro 100's and in the middle of the meal the waiter called me Miss... Doh, doh, doh, doh, doh!!! I know exactly how you feel :rolleyes:
Thanks for sympathizing (or is it empathizing?), Lisa. Is that why you opened the Charm School? :happy:

[Lisa Golightly]

Thanks for sympathizing (or is it empathizing?), Lisa. Is that why you opened the Charm School? :happy:

No, I'm just arsey :)

[kerrianna]

Thanks, Kerrianna . . . just for that you can paint my toenails anytime you want (but only you). :kiss:

Oooh, YW...and thank you Capt. I can paint them black too if you want. Oh, are they already black? Hmmm...maybe pirates should wear shoes. :heehee:

BTW Capt...nice avatar...very handsome....I think I'm going to swoon now...:blushing:

[Kieron Andrew]

BTW Capt...nice avatar...very handsome....I think I'm going to swoon now...:blushing:
ok ok hold everything!! when did he post that!!! how did i miss it, ive been online ALL day!!

wow damn Capt you are one good looking guy!! what the heck are you worrying about!!! damn and i dont fancy men (could i be changing??)

EVERYONE CAPT'S GOT AN AVATAR UP!!!!!!!! i think we need a capt 'coming out' party

hes gonna kill me lol!!

[dancinginthedark]

[...] I'm just fed up and frustrated with those that won't even try to get it right after repeatedly correcting them.


I'm sorry. I was not reading that correctly when I read it the first time through. I can see and completely agree with you and your therapist. Let it out. Hell bitch slap someone. hmmm can a guy bitch slap someone? Well you get my point. I'm not saying be overly aggressive but assertive, hell yes. Make your point clear and strong Lex. Some folks can be persistently dumber than a lump of coal and it's up to us to make em into diamonds. And we all know how diamonds are made right? Lots and lots of pressure. Bring it Capt

Hey is that a pic of you in the new suit you talked about recently? Is that a Mickey tie? Looking good. You too Kieron. That's a new avatar for you too isn't it? My, my, my. Look at all the man candy and me on a darn diet. lol
Dancin



Thanks, Dancin . . . meanwhile I'll send them to you, Bi and Evert for their spankings. :devil:

Oh boys ...come ere' got something for ya. :spank:

[Country girl]

Hi Capt, I just want to say that as a person who works in the public 6 days a week, I'm a cashier at a restaurant, sometimes I will say ma'am to a genetic male, and sometimes I will say sir to a genetic female. In my defense, it is simply that I am overly tired or extremely busy,:eek: ie; 23 women followed by a guy and I accidently say ma'am. However, I ALWAYS correct myself and apologize. The thing is we live in a day and age where some people don't care if they make a mistake or are just plain rude. I'm not making excuses for anyone but sometimes you have to give the benifit of doubt, or just ignore the insolent behaviors.:tongueout If someone insists on continueing to call you ma'am, or they question you after you have corrected them [in a nice and respectful manner] then take it up a level and ask to speak to the manager. No one has a right to be openly rude and disrespectful esspecially in a service oriented business. ie; sales clerk, cashier, bank teller, etc. I hope this helps in some small way. :happy: Take care and good luck.

:hugs: CG gg

[kerrianna]

Hey is that a pic of you in the new suit you talked about recently? Is that a Mickey tie? Looking good. You too Kieron. That's a new avatar for you too isn't it? My, my, my. Look at all the man candy and me on a darn diet. lol
Dancin

I'm not on a diet :battingeyelashes: :blushing:
Can't wait for the next party. I'd better start working on my make-up.

Yeah, I love your new pics Kieron. Wow. You and the Captain side by side would be like good-looking brothers. I don't know which one I would pick first.

I think I'll let you fight over me :heehee:

(better make sure I'm worth fighting over first...got a ways to go with the make-up :worried:)

[Kieron Andrew]

That's a new avatar for you too isn't it?yup I posted it today

[CaptLex]

ok ok hold everything!! when did he post that!!! how did i miss it, ive been online ALL day!!

wow damn Capt you are one good looking guy!! what the heck are you worrying about!!! damn and i dont fancy men (could i be changing??)

EVERYONE CAPT'S GOT AN AVATAR UP!!!!!!!! i think we need a capt 'coming out' party

hes gonna kill me lol!!
LOL! I snuck that one past you and then ran off before you could see it. :heehee:

Hey, a party sounds good - don't worry, I won't kill you, especially since I need you to help entertain the ladies. :D

[CaptLex]

Oooh, YW...and thank you Capt. I can paint them black too if you want.
With little skulls and crossbones? Cool!


BTW Capt...nice avatar...very handsome....I think I'm going to swoon now...:blushing:
You too? I'm still looking for Great GG - she must have passed out in one of the lifeboats. Somebody get the smelling salts! :D

[CaptLex]

Let it out. Hell bitch slap someone. hmmm can a guy bitch slap someone?
Sure . . . especially a gay guy. :slap:


Hey is that a pic of you in the new suit you talked about recently? Is that a Mickey tie? Looking good. You too Kieron. That's a new avatar for you too isn't it? My, my, my. Look at all the man candy and me on a darn diet. lol
Dancin
Yup, that's the new suit (and Santa Mickey tie). The pic was taken by a co-worker at the recent firm Christmas party.

I think Kieron's new avatar is cool too . . . but he doesn't like compliments so we'll just whisper about him behind his back. :tongueout

Thanks for your advice and understanding, Dancin. :hugs:

[CaptLex]

Hi Capt, I just want to say that as a person who works in the public 6 days a week, I'm a cashier at a restaurant, sometimes I will say ma'am to a genetic male, and sometimes I will say sir to a genetic female.
Thanks for your input, Country Girl . . . at least you have the good manners to correct yourself. Some people do, but a lot of them don't. What I don't get - well, maybe 'cause it's causing me all this trouble - is why they have to add "ma'am" or "sir" at all. Why not just say, "can I help you"? Wouldn't that be easier? Or are salespeople trained to always add that? Just wondering . . .

[bi_weird]

DUDE Capt! Sweet pic! I'm lovin' that suit on you.

[kerrianna]

Thanks for your input, Country Girl . . . at least you have the good manners to correct yourself. Some people do, but a lot of them don't. What I don't get - well, maybe 'cause it's causing me all this trouble - is why they have to add "ma'am" or "sir" at all. Why not just say, "can I help you"? Wouldn't that be easier? Or are salespeople trained to always add that? Just wondering . . .

I don't think I ever used those terms in retail. I hate it when people do - you're right - there's no reason to. I hate the term "ma'am" - sounds like something you say to the schoolteacher who just punished you...or your Mistress :heehee: :dom:

I can't stand being called "sir" - I'm not a bleedin' old rock star you know! :lol: :roflmao:

While we're at it: No "buddy" "pal" "dude" "hey guy" "mister" ....

I used to bristle at "sweetie, hun, sugar, etc." but now that I'm older I kinda like it :battingeyelashes: Maybe Kerrianna likes it, the same way you might be ok with me calling you dude, pal. Right buddy? (playful punch on the arm that actually hurts :tongueout )

I guess I don't like the impersonal, lazy aspect of those terms. My dog doesn't like to hear "good boy" from strangers either. First of all she's not a boy and second of all who says she's good? :devil: (well, she is...most of the time...:whistling: )

[Country girl]

Thanks for your input, Country Girl . . . at least you have the good manners to correct yourself. Some people do, but a lot of them don't. What I don't get - well, maybe 'cause it's causing me all this trouble - is why they have to add "ma'am" or "sir" at all. Why not just say, "can I help you"? Wouldn't that be easier? Or are salespeople trained to always add that? Just wondering . . .


Well Capt, For me it is just the way I was brought up. I'm much older than most of y'all on here and it is a sign of RESPECT. It also happens to be a southern thing. Most people in the South, including the younger generation say "ma'am or sir", it is ingrained in us from the day we were born. Your new avitar does look awfully spiffy! Kieron's too!

:hugs: CG gg

[CaptLex]

DUDE Capt! Sweet pic! I'm lovin' that suit on you.
Thanks, Bi, I kind of think I look like Tony Soprano . . . but that's okay, nobody messes with him. ;)

[CaptLex]

II used to bristle at "sweetie, hun, sugar, etc." but now that I'm older I kinda like it :battingeyelashes: Maybe Kerrianna likes it, the same way you might be ok with me calling you dude, pal. Right buddy? (playful punch on the arm that actually hurts :tongueout
Ouch! Actually, I don't mind "dude, pal, buddy", but I still get called, "sweetie, hun," and (just yesterday) "darling". And I'm sure they don't call all the guys that, so I take it as a sign of not passing. I don't mind "honey" coming from a gay guy - that's just the main word in the vocabulary, but when a gay man calls you "sweetheart", watch out - it's rarely meant as a compliment (as in, "Listen, sweetheart . . . " *snapping fingers*).

[CaptLex]

Well Capt, For me it is just the way I was brought up. I'm much older than most of y'all on here and it is a sign of RESPECT. It also happens to be a southern thing. Most people in the South, including the younger generation say "ma'am or sir", it is ingrained in us from the day we were born.

:hugs: CG gg
Well, yeah, nothing wrong with showing respect, but it's also a sign that one is older, right? One doesn't usually get called "ma'am" or "sir" until after reaching a certain age. I guess that's why it bugs me too - don't like being reminded of my age. Okay, so it's a southern thing, I can understand that . . . but I don't live in the south, so around here it must just be the way salespeople are trained. Ugh! :rolleyes:

[KrazyKat]

Capt, I think I understand, totally, it was the total attitude of the clerk. The fact that she made a point to let you know, through words and body language, voice tone, etc, that "she" didn't approve of whatever statement you are making. I just think it's amazing that people have no other life, but to show people how they "should" act or look, through approval or disapproval!! All I can say, is, Dude, find your way to the next level of self acceptance, because when you do, you will be chuckling at their unacceptance of the human race. Make any sense?

I think the level after that is empathy for someone who will never know freedom to accept people on all levels.:D Make more sense?

Capt, I'm all agog!! You do look amazing!! I love the suit, it's awesome!! :c9: You look like a TADD(tough arse doggy dog)!! So happy you decided to share!!

And ya know, Kieron does look pretty good , too!!:daydreaming:

[Kieron Andrew]

And ya know, Kieron does look pretty good , too!!:daydreaming:
i said stop that!!!:o

[KrazyKat]

Aww, you're a TADD, too, huh?? :D

I'm a TAKK, Tuff arse Kitty Kat!!:tongueout

[Kieron Andrew]

Aww, you're a TADD, too, huh?? :D

I'm a TAKK, Tuff arse Kitty Kat!!:tongueout
hmpft!!!!:rolleyes:

[CaptLex]

All I can say, is, Dude, find your way to the next level of self acceptance, because when you do, you will be chuckling at their unacceptance of the human race. Make any sense?

I think the level after that is empathy for someone who will never know freedom to accept people on all levels.:D Make more sense?
Yeah, it makes total sense. Someday I'll be in a position to feel sorry for these poor, unenlightened people . . . I have to remember that and not take it so personally. Thanks, Krazy Kool Kitty Kat! (KKKK) :D

[KrazyKat]

Next time, just stare right back, and say, "Heeey, Ya got a problem with me? 'Cause, I know people!":eek:

Tony would be proud!!

[Dasein9]

What I don't get - well, maybe 'cause it's causing me all this trouble - is why they have to add "ma'am" or "sir" at all. Why not just say, "can I help you"? Wouldn't that be easier? Or are salespeople trained to always add that? Just wondering . . .

Yes, they are.

As a kid, growing up on military bases in the South, I was an anomaly since my parents did not teach me to say ma'am and sir. In fact, the one time I tried to sir my dad, he told me to quit trying to butter him up. But when I started waiting tables in college, I developed the habit because it got me fewer complaints and better tips. Then I became a Quaker, and Quakers don't use ma'am and sir, but I catch myself using them anyway from time to time. It becomes a kind of verbal tic.

Oh, and for the record everyone... I was out drinking with the Capt. last night, and yes, he really is that handsome devil in the photo.

Kieron's bloody handsome too. And here, I thought the picture of the dude in the Santa outfit really was Kieron...

[CaptLex]

Next time, just stare right back, and say, "Heeey, Ya got a problem with me? 'Cause, I know people!":eek:

Tony would be proud!!
LOL! There's an idea . . . just ask myself "what would Tony do?" I can just imagine how he'd take care of the situation if somebody called him "ma'am". :eek: :heehee:

[Kieron Andrew]

Kieron's bloody handsome too. And here, I thought the picture of the dude in the Santa outfit really was Kieron...
awwww thanks, but i aint that handsome!......ok theres a conspiracy to compliment me going on...i know there is!!! Capt did you start this....or was it KrazyKat??

[Lisa Golightly]

LOL! There's an idea . . . just ask myself "what would Tony do?" I can just imagine how he'd take care of the situation if somebody called him "ma'am". :eek: :heehee:

Monty Python...

Customer: 'Excuse me Miss.'
Man in shop: 'What do you mean Miss?'
Customer: 'I'm sorry I have a cold.'

[CaptLex]

awwww thanks, but i aint that handsome!......ok theres a conspiracy to compliment me going on...i know there is!!! Capt did you start this....or was it KrazyKat??
Face it, dude . . . when you're as cute as you are, you have to learn to live with the compliments. Don't worry, I'm not hitting on you . . . just wishing I was about 20 years younger so I can tell people you're my brother. No competition, though - you get all the girls and I'll go for the guys.

Das, you're not just rolling out of bed now, are you? :heehee:

I like that, Lisa, British humour is applicable in just about any situation. Gotta love Monty Python! :tongueout

[Kieron Andrew]

I like that, Lisa, British humour is applicable in just about any situation. Gotta love Monty Python! :tongueout
see here:- lol :tongueout http://crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=48183

[Dasein9]

Das, you're not just rolling out of bed now, are you? :heehee:

LOL! No. I've been cleaning, actually. The Gollum-hole is starting to look a little tiny bit more like a Hobbit-hole.

[Sandra]

I would have looked this person straight in the eye and said" and what do I call you" then probably done a runner.

Love the avatar Capt'n only noticed it just now and Kieron no conspiracy honest, you too look good.

[Kieron Andrew]

I would have looked this person straight in the eye and said" and what do I call you" then probably done a runner.

Love the avatar Capt'n only noticed it just now and Kieron no conspiracy honest, you too look good.
omg!! that Avatar just had me in stitches!!! thats got to be your best one yet!! :roflmao:

[Sandra]

omg!! that Avatar just had me in stitches!!! thats got to be your best one yet!! :roflmao:

Blame Jess, she sent me the link for them.

[CaptLex]

LOL! No. I've been cleaning, actually. The Gollum-hole is starting to look a little tiny bit more like a Hobbit-hole.
Just don't vacuum the cats! :eek:

Speaking of cats . . . Sandra your cat avatars just get weirder and weirder. :heehee:

[Sandra]

Just don't vacuum the cats! :eek:

Speaking of cats . . . Sandra your cat avatars just get weirder and weirder. :heehee:


Just like me

Thought I'd get that in before Kieron does :p

[Kieron Andrew]

Just like me

Thought I'd get that in before Kieron does :p:whistling: Moi???? i wouldnt :angel:

[Evert]

WOW! CAPTAIN! :eek:

where were you worrying about?

I WANNA LOOK LIKE THE CAPTAIN WHEN I'M OLDER MOMMY! :p

[Kieron Andrew]

I WANNA LOOK LIKE THE CAPTAIN WHEN I'M OLDER MOMMY! :p
lol! i think he and i could be brothers!

[Evert]

you aren't? :p

[CaptLex]

WOW! CAPTAIN! :eek:

where were you worrying about?
Oh, you know . . . the usual . . . looking like a girl. The suit helps, though. Thanks, Evert. I'm going to hire you as my bodyguard - even a mob boss needs protection. :D

[Evert]

I'll have to change my cutlass to a pistol? :P

[CaptLex]

I'll have to change my cutlass to a pistol? :P

Nah, only if you want . . . you can use whatever weapons you like. :D You probably won't need one, though. One look at my tall, muscular bodyguard and people will avoid trouble. :angel:

[Evert]

Say hello to my little friend...:devil:

http://www.reliks.com/products/bin/1130/thumbs/1.jpg

[kerrianna]

Ooh Evert. :battingeyelashes: ...and it's got a spike on the end too.

Not sure if it's going to beat a bullet, but you'll look good protecting Capo Lexx. Just make sure you don't get any blood on his suit.

[Kate Simmons]

Nah, only if you want . . . you can use whatever weapons you like. :D You probably won't need one, though. One look at my tall, muscular bodyguard and people will avoid trouble. :angel:Oh, oh! I see a new scenerio a brewin' here Boss. Do I get first dibs on being your gun Moll?:daydreaming: :battingeyelashes: ;)

[kerrianna]

Trust you Ericka. At least we won't get sea-sick.

But what about all that rum? Oh, yeah...now I gets it. Yeah, sure...rum-runners...yeah, that's the ticket!

So do I have to become a moll now? I don't even know what a moll is! :cute:

[Kate Simmons]

Trust you Ericka. At least we won't get sea-sick.

But what about all that rum? Oh, yeah...now I gets it. Yeah, sure...rum-runners...yeah, that's the ticket!

So do I have to become a moll now? I don't even know what a moll is! :cute:You've got to have a multiplicitive of provaclitities in this place Kerianna. (Well, it sounded good anyway!):shocked: :battingeyelashes:

[kerrianna]

You've got to have a multiplicitive of provaclitities in this place Kerianna. (Well, it sounded good anyway!):shocked: :battingeyelashes:

:lol: :lol2: :ohgoon: :roflmao:
Oh you kill me Ericka!

:yikes: no wait...I didn't mean like that!

:whew!: gotta watch what you say around these gun molls.

[Kate Simmons]

Yeah, I get to wear tight dresses, chew gum and act stupid.Well, that's a "no brainer", right. I should fit right into that one.

[RevMoonSerpent]

Capt. your avatar looks great. As for people with the miss and sir issues it bothers me too so I just tend to think of them in the famous words of Carlos Mencia, "Dee Dee Dee."

[CaptLex]

Say hello to my little friend...:devil:

http://www.reliks.com/products/bin/1130/thumbs/1.jpg
Nice one, Evert . . .

Wow, Ericka and Kerrianna, a change of clothes and we're in a whole different scenario . . . it's like the holodeck on Star Trek. :heehee: I love it . . . wise guys, bootleggers and molls. Does this mean I need a scar?

[Kate Simmons]

Nice one, Evert . . .

Wow, Ericka and Kerrianna, a change of clothes and we're in a whole different scenario . . . it's like the holodeck on Star Trek. :heehee: I love it . . . wise guys, bootleggers and molls. Does this mean I need a scar?Hey, You da man , Boss. You get to call the shots (in more ways than one!):doll: :battingeyelashes:

[ToyGirl]

Ouch! Actually, I don't mind "dude, pal, buddy", but I still get called, "sweetie, hun," and (just yesterday) "darling". And I'm sure they don't call all the guys that, so I take it as a sign of not passing. I don't mind "honey" coming from a gay guy - that's just the main word in the vocabulary, but when a gay man calls you "sweetheart", watch out - it's rarely meant as a compliment (as in, "Listen, sweetheart . . . " *snapping fingers*).

Hi captain lex !

i can remember getting called darling and similar things when i was living as a boy ,but was generally by older people , like friends of my parents etc

i hate pronouns , my best friend who is very supportive managed to call me 'he' while drinking the other day, possibly an honest mistake and of course i just pretended not to notice , still gets to me though :(

[kerrianna]

Does this mean I need a scar?

Keep playing with Evert's battleaxe and you might get one.

:heehee: :p

[kerrianna]

Oh yeah, you'll have to re-do your bathroom too.

[bi_weird]

Haha just so I don't get in trouble...as a public service announcement, I call everyone "dear", even my brothers. So just deal.:angel:
But we get to play mob bosses now? Sweet deal. My oldest brother would fit right in - this is two years running he's gotten drunk off rum playing poker with the family.
He keeps winning though...

[Abraxas]

Wow, what have I missed? Mob bosses and such? Hmmm, guess my cane will have to be my weapon-- Uzis and such aren't so good for the one-handed player, especially when it's the left hand.
Oh, and I call everyone 'dear' or 'darling' too-- Usually just when I'm being camp, though. Kind of a 'sorry, is my Freddie Mercury showing again?' thing.

[Kate Simmons]

Keep playing with Evert's battleaxe and you might get one.

:heehee: :pThe battleaxe is nice but heavy. I still prefer my katana. It's very elegant and the ultimate weapon in my opinion (other than a light saber of course).:meditate: :battingeyelashes:

[GypsyKaren]

Excuse me for a moment, I just dropped in to swoon over my Captain's picture again...carry on.

Karen

[Kate Simmons]

Yeah, Kind of hard not to, right Karen?:daydreaming: :battingeyelashes:

[kerrianna]

The battleaxe is nice but heavy. I still prefer my katana. It's very elegant and the ultimate weapon in my opinion (other than a light saber of course).:meditate: :battingeyelashes:

Oh there you go bragging about your katana again! Honestly! You'd think you were the only person with one!

[Kate Simmons]

Oh there you go bragging about your katana again! Honestly! You'd think you were the only person with one!Actually not just one, but three Dearie.One for each hand.:tongueout (Little bragger me!:p )

[kerrianna]

Yikes! Pretty soon you'll be like one of the Hindu Gods/Goddesses.

http://www.dgreetings.com/gifts-to-india/newimages/big/Goddess-Durga.jpg

[Kate Simmons]

Not really Kerianna. What I meant was that if I do go into battle, one goes in a sheath on my back(just in case).:happy:

[Kieron Andrew]

http://www.cafepress.com/buy/transgender/-/pv_design_details/pg_4/id_11905786/opt_/fpt_/c_360/ :whistling:

[Evert]

you are part of the cafepress pr-team aren't ya Kieron? :devil:

[Kieron Andrew]

you are part of the cafepress pr-team aren't ya Kieron? :devil:
i wish i was lol......id get the t-shirts for free then lol....i just love the site thats all....there are some really good items in the other catagories too

[pocoyo]

Forgive me for asking but, you were born female correct? If so, most people are going to see you as female no matter how much you want to be a "boy" as you put it. I would never expect to be seen as a real woman, it is just not going to happen. You have to be honest with yourself. Don't worry about what others see or think. Just be happy with who you are. :D

LOL... wally! CaptLex isn't a crossdresser as you seem to think, but transexual.
He will look exactly like the male he is soon, it's just it can take (or seem to take) a long time to get there when on T. He is basically going through a 2nd puberty (or his real puberty) and we all know that can take a few years until we are fully developed.
CaptLex is very honest with himself and true to himself which is in fact why he is on this journey to look like his real self. So his outsides match his insides! :happy:



If I saw a femmy guy and said 'He' or whatever and he said "She" correcting me........I'd back up a bit....and the apology would come when I thought I was wrong and it WAS a female and I'd made a mistake. "Oh..erm sorry..." Otherwise I'd go..."Erm..o.k." and move on swiftly.

Lol I wouldn't! (Say "Erm..o.k.") I think that's maybe even a little bit rude actually. Especially now that I am educated from the people on this board and some other members of the transgender community and so know how delicate gender can be to people.
I would immediately be horrified that I had addressed her wrongly and may have hurt her feelings and would have the respect to say I was sorry and address her as a female from then onwards.

Now then to you, our Cap.


What bothers me most is that when I correct people, they look at me like "yeah, right". Yesterday in our cafeteria someone called me "she" and when I corrected him ("it's 'he' "), he just stared at me. And at the local drug store chain, the conversation went something like this:

Clerk: "Here you go, miss."
Me: "I'm not a miss."
Clerk: (staring) "No? What are you, then?"
Me: "I'm a 'he' ."
Clerk: (more staring) "Okay, here you go."

No apology, no correction. :Pullhair:

So my question for everybody and anybody who can relate (or even if you're fortunate enough not to have this happen to you) . . . how do you deal with people who get your pronouns wrong? I hope I'm not the only one going through this. This question is open to all.

That is rude, to just stare, and to say flatly "No? What are you then?" like a bit of a sarcastic challenge. Makes me wish I was there to say "oi!!"
Perhaps they were just feeling a bit awkward and didn't know how to react and so reacted stupidly. They might not even have meant to seem rude or sarcastic and just been flustered. It happens to us all lol! They may have even felt bad about being rude afterwards.

I don't know how you can think someone with stubble is a she though.... that's pretty weird. I have never seen a lady with stubble. Hmmm.

I guess these people that do this don't mean to be horrible, they just don't understand or are a bit dumb. It is so frustrating though. I know I know. I feel it too.


Don't you worry sweet Cap'n. It's just a case of deep breaths and patience.
It is a FACT that you will be 100 per cent passable soon. What with the continued body shape redistribution and stubble growth and further deepening of the voice etc etc. Anyone that called you ma'am would just be teasing then. That is something to look forward to!
Instead of a rush of anger, why not try and turn it in to a rush of excitement that there's no way that this will be happening soon because you will simply be a man! An' no mistake! (Dick Van Dyke doing a cockney accent voice).

[CaptLex]

Thanks for coming to my defense, Poc. I may hire you as my lawyer. :heehee:

Actually, I'm feeling a bit better about it these days. It's nice to know that you all get it. Also, I haven't shaved my chin whiskers in almost two weeks and this may be helping as I didn't get one "ma'am" all day yesterday. Trouble is, I'll have to shave it soon when I go see Mom again (although my son said I shouldn't bother). Oh well, I know I need to be patient for a while longer. I'm working on it. :p

[ZenFrost]

Usually my pronoun problems occurred on the opposite. People called me 'Sir' or 'he' when I'm wasn't cross-dressing. I've given up on not cross-dressing. Usually I would let it slide but if I was with a friend or family member they would correct the person. The worst was when (years ago) I was NOT CDing and went to the ladies restroom, the lady inside sighed loudly and told me in an annoyed voice "The men's room is on the other side!" I replied "I know." After several seconds: "Oh!"

Since people couldn't get it right when I wasn't a serious CDer, I'm used to people fumbling over it and generally don't care so I let it slide. If I'm in a bad mood I just say "I'm a guy." and glare at them a little.