coming out decision

[Victoria Anne]

I told you all I wpuld keep you informed of my decision so first let me say thank you again for all of your support and advice.I have after much thought decided to remain in the closet,I feel that many of you are right.I should follow my wifes wishes and not place an addittional burden of secrecy on her or upon my family.So in the closet I stay.Thanks again :hugs:

[Kristen Marie]

Go with your heart young lady. I thought I was ready earlier this fall and decided not to. In retrospect, at this this time in her life and mine, it was the right decision not to tell her. The time will come.

[telawilson]

One of my resolutions is to entertain the possibility of telling my wife. I'm not saying I will, I'm just saying I'm going to think about it. Best of luck to you.

[Katrina CD]

I too am thinking about telling my wife, again, sometime in the near future. It wouldn't really be telling her, more like reminding her. I've told her twice and have been forced to stay in the closet. I only want to talk to her about it so I have some ground rules and don't have to sneak around so damn much. The whole secrecy thing is what she was most upset about last time, or as she called it, lying. It just goes to show that you don't always get what you want, and sometimes you don't get anything at all.

Later,
Katrina.

[melissaK]

Well, just for new members who pick up this thread, you are not deeply in a solo closet - your wife and sister know, right? And you have some degree of acceptance from your SO, right? You were debating expanding the world of those who know.

I mention only because IMHO there are degrees of closeting. The solo closet where no one knows is the toughest place to be (like solitary confinement; cruel and unusual punishment in my book). There's the master bedroom closet where your SO knows and maybe a friend. It's considerably better. And then there's the Friday night Tri-Ess closet (or occasional CD convention closet); the everywhere but work closet; and then there's no closet at all - where you live openly even to your neighbors.

[Madeleine]

Like you I have decided to stay closeted for my wife's sake for the time being. However, I did talk my daughter about the gender identity problems I am feeling and she has been comforting and is willing to see how things go. She did offer to be with me if and when I talk to her mother about it, which may be some time away yet. I know she is a capable person, having brought an autistic boy through mainstream school (who now goes to college), and I dreaded giving her an extra burden to carry, but when she asked me why I am always almost in tears I had to give in and say why.

I have also talked to my eldest son's wife (daughter in law), who recognised that I am suffering from stress related psoriasis on my face and arms. She immediately put it down to the tension of being closetted about something and I had to tell her why. She is very supportive and told me that I can talk to her and ask for her help at any time.

I am proud of both of these Regular Girls and know that they will guide me right.

Am I a lucky guy?

Love and Hugs - Madeleine

[melissaK]

Madeline,
Is counselling a popular thing in the UK? It generally helps me cope with anxiety overload from the closet walls . . . and when I forgoe it thinking I can cope on my own, my stress generally gets out of control. Your GG daughters sound like a great help (you get advice, acceptance by loved ones, and alliances to aid telling other family members), but "perhaps" a counsellor too?
melissaK

[Karren H]

It's a good decision in my opinion....and I can tell that you put your family first on that one!!!

Love Karren

[Eugenie]

Please don't take this post as a criticism in any way, these are just my personnal feelings and I understand that others may have different ones.

I personnaly couldn't live my CD life if I had to hide it from the person that count most for me, my wife. I would feel like cheating on her, more than if I had a short one night stand affair, such an affair would last but one night while my x-dressing is there for the rest of my life.

I told her very soon after we got married, she wasn't and still isn't very happy about it (Euphemism) but I couldn't hide that part of my life to her.

Actually, I have expanded this coming out to friends and people who really count for me. I felt bad "cheating" on them too.

But again, please accept that this is just my personal view and not a tentative to convince you to do as I did. Every one has his/her own personal background and reasons for acting as they choose.
:love:
Eugenie

[Madeleine]

MelissaK,

Hi and thanks for your interest. Me, I'm almost 68 and should have dealt with this 30 years ago when I realised what my problem was, but time, money, family, career, etc. Where have the years gone?

Not really counselling as my daughter (46 yesterday), just wanted to know why I was always almost in tears. Must be too much oestrogen or too little testosterone I said and finally told her what I seemed to be suffering from.

As far as my daughter in law was concerned (she's about 13 years older than my 43 y/o son), and being a trained and intuitive medium, just knew! What more could I say?

Needless to say, my wife who will be 70 next year, should not have to take the strain of this for the time being. As both my RG best friends above have said " We'll help you get through this"!

Love and hugs - Madeleine xx

[Chiana]

Sounds like a good plan, Madelein. Hope things work out well for you.