A view from the middle

[Casey Morgan]

Grab a snack now folks, this is going to be a long one. I've been wanting/needing to say this for some time now. I'm trying very hard not to make this a rant. Ranting makes it very hard to educate, and I think educating is what's needed here.

If we think of gender as a spectrum then we must accept that there is a place in the middle that cannot be defined in terms of male and female. I know this can be a difficult concept to visualize. But without understanding the middle of the gender spectrum we end up with esentially an extended gender binary. Let's see if we can make this easier to visualize.

My own therapist was having a little difficulty envisioning the space I live in. He was very close but he still tried to base it on the concept of male (since my sex is male). So I overlaid a color spectrum on the gender spectrum. Perhaps that will help here too. (If you've heard this on another forum and you recognize the avatar, yes I'm that Casey.)

We normally think of male as blue and female as pink. Blue and pink make purple. Unfortunately I'm not that familiar with the blue/purple/pink spectrum, so let's change pink to something that makes a more familiar color spectrum: yellow. As we're all know (there was even a series of commercials for storage bags in the US that played off of this) yellow and blue make green.

Green may be made of equal parts blue and yellow but you really can't talk about green in terms of blue and yellow. Green is its own color and must be accepted as such. It's neither blue nor yellow because it's both blue AND yellow. You can't think of green as a bluish yellow or a yellowish blue. But if you lose either the yellow or the blue then you quite simply no longer have green.

In exactly the same way, those of us in the middle of the gender spectrum aren't male and we aren't female because we're both male and female. Yes, some of us are a bright green, some of us are a bluish green, and some of us are a yellowish green. But we're green and need to be treated as such.

This means we're neither CD/TV nor TS. We're a type of TG that isn't male or female, neither blue nor yellow. You can't really ask us either/or questions and expect us to give a meaningful answer. Am I woman or am I a man who likes to be a woman? No. I'm neither of those, I'm something else, I'm green.

My gender is fairly fluid. Sometimes I feel more male, sometimes I feel more female; most of the time I'm just a swirling mass of male and female energies combined. (That's what my avatar is all about, by the way.) You know how you can hear a song and your emotions can change, even if it's just slightly? My gender is just like that. And just like you're not usually very happy or very sad but something in the middle (call it content), I'm not usually male or female but something in the middle (call it other). It's kind of odd and kind of hard to explain, but that's how I am and I wouldn't change it for anything.

It really hurts to hear so many people talk about how nasty it is to be a guy in a dress. And it really hurts to hear people say that if I don't dress with a wig, makeup, and breastforms then I'm not really taking this all seriously. I'm very serious about being transgendered. It really kills me to hear peoople say "just be yourself" and then turn around and add "unless I don't like how you are, in which case for god's sake either hide who you are or just go away before you really hurt the Transgender community".

I know there are other people like me here. No, we're not all exactly alike. There is a rich diversity in the middle too. But we are here. Some people accept us for who we are, and I can't express just how grateful I am to those of you who do. Some don't mean to be unaccepting, it's just that as I said at the beginning the middle can be hard to understand if you aren't there. But love us or loathe us (or anything in between, that's a spectrum too after all) we're part of the Transgender community. Unless you exclude us.

[Kieron Andrew]

inbetweenies do exist! many friends of mine are neither or

[Casey Morgan]

Yeah, you guys seem to get that much better than we do, generally speaking. Must be the male energy on this side.

[Kieron Andrew]

Yeah, you guys seem to get that much better than we do, generally speaking. Must be the male energy on this side.
i meant my mtf friends not ftm

[CaptLex]

I'm very serious about being transgendered. It really kills me to hear peoople say "just be yourself" and then turn around and add "unless I don't like how you are, in which case for god's sake either hide who you are or just go away before you really hurt the Transgender community".

I know there are other people like me here. No, we're not all exactly alike. There is a rich diversity in the middle too. But we are here. Some people accept us for who we are, and I can't express just how grateful I am to those of you who do. Some don't mean to be unaccepting, it's just that as I said at the beginning the middle can be hard to understand if you aren't there. But love us or loathe us (or anything in between, that's a spectrum too after all) we're part of the Transgender community. Unless you exclude us.
I don't get that either - how some people can get indignant when others who have not been made aware of their situation don't understand it, but then they turn around and do the same to others. They expect people to get them easily, but they themselves can't relate to someone who is in a situation they're not familiar with personally. I don't know if that came out right, but I do understand what you're saying. It's frustrating, I know. For what it's worth, Shari Ann, I've always felt that you are one of the lucky ones - one of the ones that has a unique perspective on the TG experience and the best vantage point. You can see everything from where you're standing - a unique gift. Don't listen to the jerks. :hugs:

[Kate Simmons]

I figured out what your avatar was all about Hon when you first posted it.I, like yourself, am an "in betweener", balancer or whatever you want to call it. My male and female energies need to work in concert for me to function. I found that out a while ago. I am male, female, both, neither and everything else in between. It really doesn't matter how I choose to present myself as I'm always the same person. I don't need a wig and makeup to be Ericka and I don't need a baseball cap or jockey shorts to be Richard. I really don't take myself that seriously either way as I'm just a regular person. As you say, folks like us seem to be a little more fluid and adaptable. For myself the "binary" gender system no longer exists as such and I realize that until I made this discovery, I was indeed limiting myself and my potential. I was told by a medium friend a while ago that I was well on my way to becoming a genderless being in the future. I kind of put that in perspective though and concentrate on what I'm doing now. All of this being the case, it comes as no surprise to me that I have reached a new level of tolerance for others. I wholley and totally accept them for who they are inside without regard to outer appearance. Really, the whole thing for me is a spiritual awakening and has much more to do with that than anything else. I have certain abilities because of this which I would not have unless the energies were balanced. I realize none of this can be quantified scientifically but really I know who I am and what I am capable of. There are more of us out there than you may think but we are here and we are trying to understand. We don't all reach our conclusions the same way but we eventually figure it out. In some ways, I guess we might considered the "Red haired step children" of the TG community. Whatever. I know who I am anyway.:happy: Ericka

[kaitlin]

Hey girls, As I posted in another tread, I am 60% female and 40% male in my mind. Yellow, blue, green.... just dump me in a zip lock bag and shake until the male is mixed well in to the female, presto...ME !!! haha Kaitlin

[Casey Morgan]

i meant my mtf friends not ftm

Sorry for the confusion Kieron. What I meant was FTMs seem to be able to see the entire gender spectrum better than MTFs, taking both groups as a whole.

Nice avatar by the way. You're looking sharp as always.

[Kieron Andrew]

Sorry for the confusion Kieron. What I meant was FTMs seem to be able to see the entire gender spectrum better than MTFs, taking both groups as a whole.

Nice avatar by the way. You're looking sharp as always.
AHHHH OK!!!!

tyvm :)

[Casey Morgan]

For what it's worth, Shari Ann, I've always felt that you are one of the lucky ones - one of the ones that has a unique perspective on the TG experience and the best vantage point. You can see everything from where you're standing - a unique gift. Don't listen to the jerks. :hugs:

That's worth more than I can even say. Thank you so much. Yeah, it seems like it's not so very far to any place from here.


I don't get that either - how some people can get indignant when others who have not been made aware of their situation don't understand it, but then they turn around and do the same to others. They expect people to get them easily, but they themselves can't relate to someone who is in a situation they're not familiar with personally. I don't know if that came out right, but I do understand what you're saying.

That came out perfectly. Very well put.


There are more of us out there than you may think but we are here and we are trying to understand.

In the last few months or so it does seem like there are more and more of us even just here. Why, just look at Kaitlin there. That's been encouraging.


In some ways, I guess we might considered the "Red haired step children" of the TG community.

Yeah, unfortunately. I don't think I've ever said this here, and I don't mean to offend anybody with the quote, but sometimes I feel like Yukon Cornelius's statement to Rudolph and Herbie fits: "How do you like that? Even among misfits you're misfits." Not than anybody here is a misfit mind you.


I figured out what your avatar was all about Hon when you first posted it.

Really? Cool! I wasn't sure if anybody would get it or not. And thank you for posting your story again. Maybe that's what we need to do, keep posting it and posting it and posting it until people get used to the idea of what the middle is about even if they can't relate.

[Calliope]

It really hurts to hear so many people talk about how nasty it is to be a guy in a dress. And it really hurts to hear people say that if I don't dress with a wig, makeup, and breastforms then I'm not really taking this all seriously. I'm very serious about being transgendered. It really kills me to hear peoople say "just be yourself" and then turn around and add "unless I don't like how you are, in which case for god's sake either hide who you are or just go away before you really hurt the Transgender community".


Yeh, you've pinpointed a major issue in the TG world. There is this contradiction - like shaving all the time to look & feel fem.

The fact of TG rejects the binary view, yet so much of the TG experience relies on those borders for self-actualization.

Borrowing the language of class struggle, I've met a lot of postops who think, 'I didn't go through all this to be called a "third sex".' It's like the nonops are communists only because they can't be aristocrats.

I see that view, for sure, and respect it - yet the whole 'I'm more fem than you' stance is so guy.

[EricaCD]

Well, I am not a "middle of the road" person myself. In guy mode I am very male, and en femme....well, judge for yourself. And, in the interest of total candor, I will say that I am personally a bit uncomfortable in public (I don't mean T-friendly environments...there I could not care less) with cds who aren't really making a concerted--and at least partly successful--effort to present themselves as female. To the extent that hurts anyone's feelings, I apologize. If that really enrages you, flame away (I'd rather you contacted me via PM).

That said, I am proud to be a part of this community in all its fantastically diverse glory. To the transgendered among us who spend their lives in a mixed gender environment, I say "good for you!" I tremendously admire your willingness to refuse conformity to gender roles, even though that has nothing to do with how I express my gender difference. And we will be wise to bear in mind that all of us--and all of our diverse viewpoints--will be essential to carrying forward the basic message that we should all be free to express our own genders irrespective of genetic background.

Thanks for not ranting in raising your concern!

Erica

[Casey Morgan]

And, in the interest of total candor, I will say that I am personally a bit uncomfortable in public (I don't mean T-friendly environments...there I could not care less) with cds who aren't really making a concerted--and at least partly successful--effort to present themselves as female.

I can understand your uncomfortability. That's exactly the thing I'm trying to overcome in myself as I try to figure out how I want to appear. My only other options though are to always present as male or female, switching as I like. The problem is that since I'm neither male nor female I would always end up not presenting as me. I would be hiding 50% of myself 100% of the time. The world would be my closet. And therein lies the dilemna of the centers.

[Kelsy]

Wow Shari Ann,

You have hit the nail on the head! Thank you! You have described how I feel most of the time. A fluid sence of gender moving effortlessly between male and female. Truely enjoyable, exciting, and mystifying. Maybe my tag line should read color me green!!!!

Jennifer

[kerrianna]

I'm just a human bean. A green bean, although some days I'm a little more yellow, some days a little more blue.

I'm always a tasty bean though :happy:

As Kermit said, "It's not easy being green"

Thanks for your insights and articulation. It's not easy to freeze the flow long enough to communicate it to others.

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[Rhonda Jean]

For some reason, the term "Androgyne" really rubs me the wrong way. On other boards and in other instances where I've seen it used, it's put out there with sort of an aire of aristocracy. Like "I'm too good to be a run-of-the-mill crossdresser. I'm an Androgyne!" Well, whopee!

We probably all exert too much effort trying to compartmentalize ourselves. The more comfortable we become with ourselves, the less important the hang tags become.

[Michelia]

And it is important because we all need to be more understanding. As CD's we all want understanding of how we are but then complain of others not like us. But this is a common human trait.

Then we all also have our prejudices. I used to not like gays. Never bashed them, just tolerated with an "open mind". I used to be very uncomfortable around publicly effeminate men. Now my mind has been opened by the nature of my very own circumstances. I think I am still uncomfortable around androgynous people, but maybe that will soon pass, as I find myself more and more mixing it up. And why not? If we look good and do not look like freaks ( and even if we do?) then who cares?

I wear some very velvety tops in drab now and I do get some strange looks. But they feel so nice! And my lip gloss tastes so good and makes me feel good too. I am not yet passable enough ( for my own taste and I am trying and do like to go all out) to be a girl in public, so why can't I enjoy this femme side of me otherwise? Or wear my heels in public in drab? (I would not dare - not yet anyway).

Shari - just keep being yourself. You sound wonderful.

And as for that old line of "follow certain norms so we can represent the TG community" - it goes too far when they are telling you how to dress or present yourself. You are part of that community and it should welcome you with open arms. If we behave decently and respectful of others then we are representing our community properly. We all have to be careful we do not end up with a TG POLICE telling us how or when we have a right to be en femme. Is it OK to dress in public only after having your wig and breast forms on, or having had electrolysis? Or facial reconstruction? Made my point?

Michelia