no support

[jenner]

i have got a wife who does not understand c/ding and i am left with the choice cd or marrige?However i think there is room for both and i would like to ask advice from similar gals that have shared my prediciment?

[Joy Carter]

Tough one. I should think she wasn't that much in love with you to give you that kind of chioce. I don't know what else to say other than stay tuned to the CD channel.

[kerrianna]

When you say she doesn't understand CDing are we to assume you have tried everything to enlighten her?
Have you tried, or do you think she'd be at least willing to try, getting her to check out this site and maybe even join to talk to other GGs here? Or some resource material?

Is she even willing to talk about it at all? If she is, the door can be opened wider maybe with good communication and a LOT of patience and compromise on your part. And hers too of course.

If she won't give it the time of day, well, tough call.
I guess that depends on how much CDing means to you vs her. Only you can answer that.

[Cheryl GG]

I can only speak from my own experience....yes, there can be both in a relationship.....has to be a willingness on both parts....understanding on both parts...ALOT of patience on your parts....dont overwhelm her....be honest with her and let her ask you questions....I can suggest that you not only do research on you yourself...but also do research on SOs....READ the articles written for and about SOs....read what it tells you they go thru....it was not an over night acceptance for me and I still am in a phase that is up and down like a roller coaster and no where near where I wish I were...but that comes in time....but I do know, when he told me - I didnt run out the door.....okay ran screaming like a banshee, but was back in an hour calm and very quiet......but, as of this very minute....my marriage is the most wonderful thing I have ever felt....I thought that we couldnt get any closer - until now....not only are we like we were when we first met, its much more intense on a good level....I like where we sit right now....and I wouldnt change a thing.....there must be compromise....from both....maybe when (and if) she is ready....you might suggest that she join these forums....I came here even before my husband....and tonight on our way home from GA (a freakin day trip that turned into the ride from hell - 16 damn hours of pure living hell) we sat with my PDA and read the posts on this forum together while we were driving down the road....that was the quickest 3 hours of my life....and it was great.....so yes, there can be happiness with CDing in a household....good luck to you and your wife....C/

[Kate Simmons]

Like Joy and Kerrianna said, that's a tough call especially if your wife won't tolerate it. That's the way mine was.I had to do it by sneaking around when she wasn't home. I really didn't care for doing that. It always made me feel bad because of the way I had to do it. As Cheryl said, it's much better if an agreement could be reached. You're the only one who knows how you feel about it though.:happy: Ericka

[JulieCDorlando]

Hello,
I do hope that you will look at both your marriage and your crossdressing, and decide which is more improtant to you. Your wife may not understand your need to express yourself in a feminine manner, but YOU can be her guide to accepting you more. for a lot of women this is a shock. It might take time for her to come around to your way of thinking. Be supportive with her.
First you need to be reassuring nto her that you love her. Tell her that constantly, and with sincerity.
Second, be accomodating to her needs. If she doesn't want you in a wig, breastforms, heels, make up, accept that part. Comply with her on that. Make sure that she is still the center of your universe, and not the crossdressing.
Third, do not take your crossdressing as an excuse to run amock in buying clothes, etc. Keep the CDing in proper perspective. Do not stop doing the regular man things like yard work, fixing things around the house and/or the car, social events for you and her to go to as a couple, taking her out on a date, etc your wife expects from you. Reassure her that you will always be the man, the husband first.
Fourth, if possible try to get her to come on this forum and speak with some of the GG's on this forum. This way she will know she isn't alone in this. It helps her self esteem to know there are others facing similar circumstances.
Everything needs to be done in moderation. Be accepting of your wife, and of her thoughts, needs, wishes and desires first before any of the crossdressing comes into play. Keep your wife number one in your life. Being a CD can be lonely at times. Social stigmas of CDing can make one feel that way. Being free to dress as you please may seem terrific, but think long and hard before jummping off that bridge. Is your life better with or without your wife? Only you can make that determination. I wish you both all the best.

[Amy Hepker]

Hi Jenner,
This is a hard subject to try to discuss with a GG that does not want anything to do with it. I will say this, if you hind it in side of you and not let it out, your marriage and life can be a disaster. On the other hand if she is not willing to accept you your life and marriage will be a disaster. Hmmm, let's see, it looks to me that it's not good either way. You could bottle it up, but that will mean that someday down the road it will come to a head and blowup. If I were you, take an oppertunitity to sit down and talk to her again. I know this tuff, but talk to her and let her know that you can't help it and you don't want to lose her, but it is inside you and always will be. The only thing you can do is try talking to her. Don't keep pushing to much talk on the same day, just try every once in a while. You know when she is getting irritated with you about it. Just don't push to hard. I guess it will be up to her whether she wants to stay with you or ruin both your lives.

[Veronica P]

Don't screw around. Find a competent professional and go see him/her together.

[marie354]

Love her, hold her, complement her, shop with her, be her best friend, make her the center of attension not so much your CDing, and maybe in time she'll come around.
:hugs:

[Emily Ann Brown]

Been there done that hun.......was hell on earth for months. I stopped , she still wasn't happy. When she finally asked for a divorce I had to fight to not cheer out loud. It can be made to work but only if BOTH partners are willing to bend.

Emily Ann

[Robin Leigh]

Very few CDers stop dressing permanently. They may stop for months, years, even decades, but it almost always comes back. And the harder you try to repress it, the more powerful the urge becomes.

You can't stop being a CD, but you can stop being married. Sure, many CDs tell their SOs that they've stopped, but within a few months, they are dressing again, just much more secretively. This is clearly not healthy, neither for the individual nor the relationship.

It can be good to discuss problems on the forum, but this is serious stuff. If you wish to save your marriage, see a proper qualified councilor, with expertise in gender issues. If she refuses to attend, I don't see much hope for your future as a happy couple.

:hugs:

Robin

[Suzie Green]

I hate to sound callous, but it's probably not so much the cause of a breakup, but merely an indicator of how strong a relationship is to start with. A strong 2-way relationship will accept crossdressing as something to be enjoyed together. If the marriage has its own problems, it's just acting as an additional nudge to push you off the marriage bus.

One way or another, you find out how solid things are (were).

Christine

[Dixie Darling]

Jenner,

You've indicated that she doesn't UNDERSTAND crossdressing, but you haven't indicated whether she has closed her mind to a point where she's not willing to try to LEARN something about it. Sadly, some wives/girlfriends are just this way and refuse to listen to anything about it or research the matter either together or WITH their husband/boyfriend.

If your wife hasn't totally closed and locked the door to learning about crossdressing, I would suggest that you try to get her sit down with you and read some of the posts on this forum as well as visiting some informative web sites. Do some research on your OWN and mark a few quality sites you can refer to later in the event she will agree to either look at them WITH you, or alone if she prefers to do so. It is important to AVOID sites that are of the 'sensationalist' type so be sure to research whatever you decide upon well in advance of having her look at it with you.

I can offer you the material on my personal website as a starting point. You'll find it to be factual, easy to read, and void of anything of an embarrassing nature. Please let us know how things progress for you and if any of the suggestions you've received have made a difference.

Dixie -- http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd

[Calliope]

You can't stop being a CD, but you can stop being married.



There's a bumpersticker phrase if I ever saw one.

[Lanore]

I'm not married or have a SO, so maybe I'm not qualified to give my opinion, but that wouldn't be me. I've always wanted to ask, what if your SO wanted to be a man? How would you react? I know I would have a hard time with it.
If I were to get married to a woman, I'd want her to be a woman. If she decided to be a man, then we would have issues.

Lanore

[Karren H]

So....what exactually did you want to know!! Firstly you got married for a reason.... And that's usually your number one priority! Is for me!! And if she won't let you crossdress or doesn't want to participate or even know about it then you have a few choices... Keep CDing and keep hiding it... Or keep CDing and thought she knows you still do...just keep it out of her face!! Which is my situation!!

So it comes down to a time management problem!! Scheduling your fem adventures around your non fem life without causing any inmpact to either!! Plan the work and work the plan!!!

Love Karren

[suzi_cd]

I'm not married or have a SO, so maybe I'm not qualified to give my opinion, but that wouldn't be me. I've always wanted to ask, what if your SO wanted to be a man? How would you react? I know I would have a hard time with it.
If I were to get married to a woman, I'd want her to be a woman. If she decided to be a man, then we would have issues.

Lanore

I have to admit that I have had the same thoughts several times when reading similar threads on this board... oddly enough I dont think I've ever seen anyone come back with a suitable reply.

[serinalynn]

MY wife and I have dicussed it several times and at first she was ok with me wearing panties or night gowns but then I progressed in to womens pants and tops, Of all the things women wear she has always blasted me for wearing a BRA, especially if she can see that its obvious that I am wearing one. I like wearing plunge bras that make any natural boob that I have look bigger that it really is. She and I have gone out together when I was dressed in very obvious womens clothing and I believe she is waiting for someone to say something about what I choose to wear, but so far not one person has said even one word to me about it. My wife knows that I am her husband first and Serina Lynn second.

[finacarina]

well to me it is black and white. Marriage is give and take and as long as you are not hurting anyone and you are handling your responsibilities as a spouse and father then your wife should be able to accept that you need your time, if she is not willing then it is time to part ways and better sooner than later!

[StacyCD]

I love my wife VERY deepy and I'm committed to our marriage (29 years so far). However, I have just come to the point of understand that my need to dress and present as a woman (part-time) is actually a part of me that I could no less do without than breathing. I think my wife's love for me has allowed her to 'accept' my need to dress. She doesn't understand it but at least she passively tolerates it. Right now its out-of-sight out-of-mind but I'm no longer lying to her so I'm much happier about he situation. I am the polyyanna who is hoping that over time she will become more open and accepting. There is no right or wrong here. I truly believer that if there is enough love, then it will find a way to overcome--even the need to wear size 11 pumps!

[Bethanygirl]

No one here is qualified to give you advice. We don't know your wife, advice can probably only be recieved from her mother or siblings. How would they feel about this? How would you feel about broaching the subject with them? If that's impossible, then the only advice that is any good to you is your own dear. I hope you can work out something you can live with. We are all here for you as always with our support. Good luck!
:love: