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Calliope
01-01-2007, 01:25 PM
Discovering I was transgendered in the U.S. Navy wasn't exactly a walk in the park.

Oh, boot camp wasn't so bad. In the 70's, most of it was ritualized clothes-folding and bed-making - basic training for suburban housewives, really. Like Jan Morris observed in her memoirs, barracks socialism was agreeable enough. There was an almost utopian camaraderie in our shared suffering. (I recall some burly bunkmates literally picking me up off the ground so I could finish the final laps of a decisively qualifying track run.)

Once I ended up a 'Bosun's mate' on board an oil rigger (stationed off Subic Bay, Philippines), however, things got pretty hairy for me.

I just didn't get the hang of it. I didn't drink to excess, contract prostitutes or get a tattoo - which was considered odd, and suspect. I wasn't much of a manual laborer. I repeatedly asked the ship's captain to discharge me from the Navy - I told him I was a sensitive artist - a request met with total derision. (I often sobbed myself to sleep, wishing If I were a woman, they'd have to let me leave the Navy. From this point on, for the rest of my life, my sexual fantasies always placed me as female.)

I was threatened almost daily. Ashtrays bounced off my head. Once, my bunkmates raped me below deck. At least, that's what I'd call being stripped and (literally) tarred & feathered by twenty of my bunkmates. (It took days' worth of showering to get that vile material off my body.) I was frequently assaulted - once, I was choked so hard by some gorilla (in the mess hall, in front of a hundred men) I passed out, green. My attempts to 'press charges' were met by the derision of the Captain himself.

"Be a man."

My only port of solace in this storm of slowly intensifying abuse was another seaman (rookie), Robert Miller. He was outwardly rough and gruff - a hard-working, muscled black man who followed the rules and kept to himself. Brillo hair and a chuckle as deep as the ocean. Black belt in karate. Urban orphan. Nobody ****ed with Miller. As I knew him, he was a brooding artist and poet. He often drew the most technically proficient, yet flattering, pictures of me. We spent hundreds of hours talking long into the oblivious night.

A key event for us was the Equatorial Initiation. All rookies crossing the South Pacific Equator for the first time were expected to drop their pants and crawl across the ship's deck - while all the veterans took turns smacking their bottoms with a wooden paddle. Big fun, and a rare day off, I was informed. I refused. "Nobody's touching me again." Loudspeakers commanded me to participate. When I started to receive outrageous threats from high-ranking officers, Miller joined my rebellion.

We sat defiant and motionless in the mess hall until the guards dragged us off. The punishment was confiscation of 6-months pay - and a non-stop 12-hour watch. Talk about muscle and mental exhaustion! Plus lots of hollering from leather-faced old ****s with shiny scrabbled eggs on their shoulders. It was as if my country (tis of thee) itself called me a worthless piece of shit.

It was only the day after Miller confided to me he had enlisted in the Navy years earlier - that is, he was an Equatorial Veteran entitled to do, not receive, the spanking. I was stunned by the sacrifice.

Things chilled out for me when I was assigned 3-months mess duty. Serving food and washing dishes was much more agreeable to my sensibilities than sanding machinery and hoisting lines. Nevertheless, I planned my escape. This was accelerated by the most worrisome threat I received - an officer telling me I "could just fall overboard into the Pacific one dark night - and nobody would know, or care." He didn't look like he was joking.

When the ship ported in San Francisco for a 2-week stay, one night around 3am, I packed and split.

Miller went with me to the Greyhound bus station. He bade me a manly farewell and the best of wishes. He assured me, when (he was inevitably) questioned, he would throw them off my trail; there was no doubt he'd ever crack. Then I got on the bus, waved goodbye - and fled across the country. Startling enough, when I arrived in St. Louis five days later, I received a message at the terminal. Miller was on the next line - to join me.

As it turned out, it didn't work out for Miller. He joined me, almost penniless, at the suburban home of my step-brother's mother. Originating from SF, he was stymied by the geographical expanses of the Midwest. Plus, the only black man in that particular county, he noticed the cops in their squad cars checking him out. Too paralyzed to look for work, Miller sighed - and returned to the Navy, with his certain hard knocks awaiting.

Why did he run after me so impulsively? For that matter, why did he risk his sailor's cred by befriending, and often protecting, me? (I'm brought back to Morris' Conundrum - where he met several men who seemed to intuit that, despite all appearances, he was a woman.) Was Miller unspeakably gay? Did he respond to me as a female? Or was he simply a helluva pal? (I have certainly never inspired such friendship from anyone else in my life.)

I last talked to Miller - a short, somewhat strained, phone call - in 1980. The brass couldn't get anything out of him, he chuckled - except 'he left the country.' He asked what I was up to and I regaled him with exploits from my inner-city bohemian life; his approval, and relief, was almost parental. Shortly after, I wrote and recorded a stoned songpoem (for my ridiculous noise-rock band The Cheep Effects) called "Thank You Seaman Miller." It should have been better.

Indeed, I am ever so truly sorry I wasn't emotionally equipped at the time to let Robert Miller know how much I loved him.

Happy New Years, wherever you may be; I remember you, Robert - with all that is good in my heart.

AmberTG
01-01-2007, 02:00 PM
As hard as that may be to believe in this day and age, I believe every word of it is true. I was in the Army for 14 months of a 3 year enlistment, the Captain of my unit expidited my paperwork and I was given a "general under honerable conditions" discharge for inability to adjust to military life. The Captain was very understanding of my situation, he was on the edge of getting out of the military also. I must admit, I had none of the problems that you encountered, I was just mostly a loner, I had a couple of friends, but then, at that time in my life, my gender issues were not as big as they are now. Even then, I wished that I had been born female, but it had not yet taken over my whole being.
I'm just curious, did you ever get an official discharge of some kind?

GypsyKaren
01-01-2007, 04:13 PM
Hi DT

Having a friend come through for you like that is what it's all about, isn't it? Tell you what I'm a gonna do, tonight I'll offer a toast and a salute to Seaman Miller, I hope he's found peace at last.

Karen

Teresa Amina
01-01-2007, 07:55 PM
What a tremendous story! Makes my own maladjusted Navy experience very pale in comparison. I've always been grateful that I wasn't sent to a ship but stayed stateside at a Naval Air Station in Texas, I'm sure I'd have had a similar "good time" otherwise:D My own Unauthorised Absence ended after about two and a half months when I was picked up and put in the Brig awaiting Courts Martial. Lucky for me I wasn't far away and was merely reduced to E2 and forfeited pay for the time I was gone and got my Honorable Discharge later. I heard many stories of those "missing" overboard from the guys who were on shore rotation; no doubt a sister or two has met such a fate over the years. Glad you made it!:hugs: Thank you Seaman Miller

cindianna_jones
01-01-2007, 07:55 PM
Happy New Year Seaman Miller. You are a brave man. I hope you are well and happy.

Cindi

melissaK
01-01-2007, 08:48 PM
Thanks for the great short story. Make sure you print it out and add it to your own album/diary. So, DT, what were you doing in the Navy to begin with?

I recall a Seaman Miller in my life. I was a military brat and moved all too often. 8th grade was a new school in a small Missouri farm town that the Air Force found to transfer my Dad to. I was small, had bright red hair, had an urban intellectual aire, loved art class, and I never got the male cameraderie thing, I always had more girl friends than boy friends. In those days, in PE class you dressed out for every class and showered afterwards. Lots of locker room hazing - male cameraderie for most boys - for me it was not.

Everyday was pick on the new kid day. I'd been in that position before and there's no way out but to fight. I was putting it off - being small you lose the fights and it hurts. You win respect and get left alone afterwards, but it hurts, so I was putting it off, taking abuse instead.

There was this one big tall blond farm kid named Virgil. He was the biggest strongest kid in several grades - a natural athlete and leader. And one day about the third week into the year, Virgil moved his gym locker next to mine. I survived 8th grade PE and a new school without a fight. It was the only school in a series of five between 6th and 11th grades where that happened. Went on to win an Art Award from the State of Missouri at that school too.

So, yea, heres' to the Seaman Millers and the Virgil's of our lives.

Calliope
01-01-2007, 09:52 PM
Yes, all told, there are still a few indications that chivalry is alive and well.

I want to thank everyone for enduring such a long post!

Why: I was hustled into joining by my father as I turned 18. I didn't drive and hadn't ever worked, plus I was too many credits short in high school to graduate. He wanted to pursue his alcoholism without me hanging around another year.

Conclusion: I lived underground for decades. There were times 'they' got close - questioning my mother, threatening me over the phone, etc. With the help of the Quakers, I finally was awarded my dishonorable - days after the birth of my second daughter.

Miller was talented, sensitive and, at the time, directionless. I hope he moved on to bigger and better things; he certainly had a lot of skills. I certainly haven't ruled out the possibility I may meet up with him again. I sure owe him the biggest hug.

eleventhdr
01-01-2007, 10:12 PM
Bit there was noone like that when i was locked away in that damn Military school back in the 1970's it was just me alone againest all of those other guy's who were so worried that I now have finally figured out that they were paralyzed with the very fear that someone just mght find out that any or some of them might have been gay or worse.

Hmmm I wonder what some of those guy's would say to me today if i ever to go back there and tell them I am a crossdresser transgenered indeed I just do wonder.

Oh well I grew tired of it all sometime ago and really do not want anything ever to do witu that palce ever again it was hell for me.

And i never want to go back there or associate with it ever again.

So what's your story about being in such a place
You know what I should have run like you did but somehow i did stick it out back then and it has not done anything for me except the occasionaly very bitter nightmare's waking and non waking ever since how do you ever really escape that kind of thing.

Suzy!

Maggie Kay
01-02-2007, 11:13 AM
Daytripper,
You have an amazing and touching story. I was lucky to have a very high draft lottery number and my town only needed four draftees per year so I was safe from going to Vietnam. I realize now that had I been in the military, I would not have made it. Your story is sobering and heartwarming at the same time. To have a friend like Seaman Miller at a time like that was a blessing sent from God. In this time of cold hearts and closed minds, people like your friend make life tolerable. Kindness and compassion are all to rare today but still exist. Thank you for sharing the story and "God bless you, Seaman Miller where ever you are..."

AmandaM
01-03-2007, 01:53 AM
Bless You DayTripper, I have found a home here now.... :)

suanne
01-03-2007, 09:13 AM
I appreciate your story only sad to hear you are a deserter. I am retired Navy and struggled with my cding all 28 years. Just something you kept to yourself unless you wanted "special" treatment. I remember my boot camp experience and really can't say I enjoyed myself. I remember this one particular fellow who just looked like he didn't belong in the Navy. Before I get into the "rest of the story" I am not a Seaman Miller. Back to the story.... This fellow just had problems with everything he did. He was quiet and never bothered anyone. But of course they bothered him. I liked him and he would talk to me, but not much. I remember one instance when we were given our shaving gear, this must have been the first time he ever used a razor other than electric. He cut himself in so many places and was just a mess. I got him some toilet paper and showed him how to stop the bleeding. He didn't take it all off and I didn't notice....but everybody else did. He really got it at inspection. I felt so bad for him. The biggest memory was during our service week. I was in charge of the scullery (spelling) the place where you dispose of trays, knives, forks, etc. I put him at the station where people put cups and glasses in containers of water as they moved on down the line. Every day this one person came by and saw Shirk standing there and he would throw his cup in the water and soak Shirk. I told him to splash him back and he wouldn't. This guy that was doing the splashing was about 6'2" and probably weighed 225 lbs. Well he was as big as Shirk and I put together. I took over one noon chow time for Shirk and here comes the splasher. He looked at me and started to throw his cup in the water and I was ready for him. I had my arm down in the nasty water with a cup in my hand. When he pitched the cup I let him have it. Soaked him from head to waist. Yeah!!! It took four men to hold him down and drag him out of the galley. I thought I was going to get killed for sure. I explained the whole thing to the Mess Officer and they let it go. Never saw Mr Splasher again. Ya know sometimes you just need a good friend. Shirk did and I was proud to be his friend. There are some other stories but I think you all get the idea here. My friend Shirk was taken out of our company before graduation and discharged from the Navy. I am not sure but I think it was a Administrative Discharge for now conforming to Navy standards. I think you should have been discharged from your story. Heck most of us didn't want to do what we were forced to do but we did it. Some of us are just not suited for Military life. They should have treated you better. You are very good at writing, why didn't you write your Congressman or anyone else for that matter. I'am sorry but deserting is not the answer.

U. S. Navy, (Ret)
Suanne

Sejd
01-03-2007, 10:05 AM
Thank you for sharing that beautiful piece of memoir DT. Talk about a long journey Huh? I'm glad you managed to escape. What a nightmare!
hugs
Sejd

melissaK
01-05-2007, 05:57 PM
I had my arm down in the nasty water with a cup in my hand. When he pitched the cup I let him have it. Soaked him from head to waist. Yeah!!! It took four men to hold him down and drag him out of the galley. I thought I was going to get killed for sure.

Good story Suanne. You echo what I learned from always being the new kid in school, the only way to deal with bullies is to stand and fight. You were to Shirk what Virgil was to me - saved me a fight. Maybe Shirk learned something from you about sticking up for onesself. Lord knows having CDing and TS issues tests that aspect of our character.

You have me thinking that even as an adult I am sometimes too much like I was in the 8th grade. Maybe I suffer the abuse, self-inflicted, for too long before standing and fighting for myself as a CDer or TS. What was that book - "everything I needed to know I learned in kindergarden"?

But, Suanne, I don't agree with you on the desertion comments, there's a lot of water under that bridge and IMHO that bridge is DT's, not ours. She is the only one who has to come to terms with it. I suspect she did long ago.

But to discuss the issue between us, and with no intention to start a fire on the boards here, I know the concept of desertion is anathema to career officers and enlisted. But, from her side of the story, I'd suggest that tarring and feathering is assault and battery. And if it had been done to a civilian who was on ship, under the military code of conduct the perpetrators would be in the brig as the first stop on a fast track to Leavenworth. An order to ignore such conduct would in itself be a breach of the military code of conduct. From that point on, her service was under duress. And, it's not like she didn't finish her voyage or that she deserted under enemy fire. If what she says is true, then IMHO the Navy owes her the apology.

I did get your point that she is articulate and should have tried to work within the system to get a discharge rather than just abandon the system. For that, all I can say is there is a legal principle that when the obligation to exhaust administrative remedies would appear futile to a reasonable person, a claimant is excused from the obligation to do so. I doubt military law recognizes that principle. Of course she was also motivated by a delayed rebellion against her Dad, so we'd have to decide what was the greater motivator for her. But like I said, we don't have to, its her issue to come to terms with.

And Suanne, don't let my disagreement over the dessertion issue throw you. I sincerely thank you for your service. As an American, it's appreciated by me; as a Brat, I know something of the sacrifices you made for all of us.

Hugs,
'lissa

Sejd
01-05-2007, 08:16 PM
I am glad that DT brought her story, and I don't think we should ever have to avoid difference of oppinions on this forum. The fact is that we all have our own experiences. When I was drafted I enlisted as a conciencious objector, it was possible in Denmark, and spend the next two years as a firefighter in a civil defence brigade out in the countryside of Jutland were we spent most of our time putting out barn fires and in nature preservation. Half of our batallion were as I was Objectors, the other half, just randomly enlisted men, and so there was a rather "Soft" approach to all things. For example, when our sergeant ordered us to climb under some barbwire on the exercise field, we kindly explained to him that since we were objectors we didn't find that relevant and so he gave up on that one. What I have learned from listening to a lot of Vietnam veterans is that men kill men and sometimes they kill women and children carying our country uniform. I learned that being among men in groups are sometimes a very dangerous place to be. The Chatolic monk Thomas Merton once explained to a journalist why he was a monk. "Here in the monastary we are trying to live in peace as men, that's all, that's our finest goal possible."
Even as I am transitioning into a life as a female, I still feel very strongly this responsibility I will always cary being part of the male world also. The responsibility to live in peace with my self and my fellow human beings, to always see peacefull solutions where it is possible. No one can really judge a deserter, it is truly only that persons experience which count, especially under the circunstances which has been laid out here about abuse and shame. One too many man has been killed because they tried to "live with the situation." Too many women stay in abusive relationships until it one day is too late. I am glad we have you with us DT.
Hugs :hugs:
Sejd

AmandaM
01-05-2007, 08:59 PM
I think DayTripper deserting was about the only option left. What could she do? Go to the Chaplain? No one was going to protect her. Work in the system. She would have got worse for trying. Maybe dead. Deserting carries a stigma. But, I see no dishonor here, except for her mates and commanding officer.

TammieKay
01-06-2007, 10:08 PM
I too was in the Navy and in the PI during the early 1970's. I remember boot camp and I can understand your feelings...I was a boiler tech, and begged to be allowed to clean the sleeping quarters rather than having to go into the hole (fire room). What you spoke of brought back many similar memories....(even a short AOL)...
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

AmberTG
01-06-2007, 11:30 PM
I would agree that leaving may have been the only option left to DT. Out at sea, you have no options available. If it was land duty, things would very likely have been different, but, had DT gone back out to sea, she might not be here with us now. Given the choice of two bad options, you choose the least bad of the two. It's all you can do sometimes. We all have our burdens to bear.

Jennaie
01-07-2007, 01:18 AM
I have to agree with others here, some of us never belonged in the military. Three years on board a ship was about as stressful as my life has ever been. I managed to get through it all, shellback, Subik Bay, etc...

I will never to this day forget looking down at a pretty little girl dressed in an evening gown, standing in a gondola in the the middle of shit river, begging for money from the sailors, (who were yelling down to her to show them her breast). It brought tears to my eyes then and still does to think about it today.

Thanks for the reminders DT.

Often, when I am having a bad day, I think back and say to myself, things could be much worse.