melissaK
01-02-2007, 12:04 PM
OK gang. "Telling others" was the theme of one or two New Year's Resolutions. Plenty of the boards threads touch on this issue. And I recently found a book that attempted a summary - "Guides for Self-Disclosure," (from Arlene Lev's book, Transgendered Emergence (2004) I found the book worthwhile. Almost as good as reading these forums . :heehee: . .
So, here's Arlene's list (page 285 of the book), what do you think?
[1] Prepare carefully what you will say and practice with a friend, therapist or in the mirror.
[2] Do NOT overwhelm loved ones with too much information.
[3] Do NOT show up cross-dressed, show pictures of yourself dressed, or show photos of successful surgical options when you are first disclosing.
[4] Be present for the other person and his or her issues. This is NOT about you; it is about supporting him or her.
[5] Prepare for others to be negative, and ask foolish, judgmental or even cruel questions.
[6] Keep reminding them who you have always been to them and that who you are has not changed with this disclosure.
[7] Do not act defensive or present yourself as mentally ill.
[8] Do not pretend to have answers that you do not yet have.
[9] Expect people to be inconsistent and labile in their emotional reactions.
[10] Develop a support network that will assist you through this process (therapist, peer group, electronic mailing list, etc.).
[11] Remember that it took you a long time to address your own gender issues. Do NOT expect your lover, spouse, partner, children, or parents to simply accept it all in one short talk. Coming to terms with transgenderism will take time.
I think the list is pretty darn good. A little long, but pretty good.
I'd tinker with [7] because: not being defensive deserves a line by itself; and, some of us have mental health issues as a side effect of repressing transgender issues, so we can't fully say we are not mental. I'd rewrite [7] to say: "Do NOT act defensive or present transgenderism as a mental illness."
And clearly for [10] I recommend this site. :happy:
So, here's Arlene's list (page 285 of the book), what do you think?
[1] Prepare carefully what you will say and practice with a friend, therapist or in the mirror.
[2] Do NOT overwhelm loved ones with too much information.
[3] Do NOT show up cross-dressed, show pictures of yourself dressed, or show photos of successful surgical options when you are first disclosing.
[4] Be present for the other person and his or her issues. This is NOT about you; it is about supporting him or her.
[5] Prepare for others to be negative, and ask foolish, judgmental or even cruel questions.
[6] Keep reminding them who you have always been to them and that who you are has not changed with this disclosure.
[7] Do not act defensive or present yourself as mentally ill.
[8] Do not pretend to have answers that you do not yet have.
[9] Expect people to be inconsistent and labile in their emotional reactions.
[10] Develop a support network that will assist you through this process (therapist, peer group, electronic mailing list, etc.).
[11] Remember that it took you a long time to address your own gender issues. Do NOT expect your lover, spouse, partner, children, or parents to simply accept it all in one short talk. Coming to terms with transgenderism will take time.
I think the list is pretty darn good. A little long, but pretty good.
I'd tinker with [7] because: not being defensive deserves a line by itself; and, some of us have mental health issues as a side effect of repressing transgender issues, so we can't fully say we are not mental. I'd rewrite [7] to say: "Do NOT act defensive or present transgenderism as a mental illness."
And clearly for [10] I recommend this site. :happy: