I can't close Pandora's box!

[Julie York]

I dressed fully for the first time only 4 weeks ago. Always had the inclination since I was a little kid but never had the right stuff (wig, make-up etc etc etc). Tried this and that, all undercover, all scary and secret and very exciting, like a lot of us have. But I did it, the full thing, only recently . I saw the girly woman in my head hiding for all these years. It was an explosion of sensation and insanity, but lots of joyous fun too.

And now I can't get the lid back on the box.

It's scary. I can't concentrate. I can't think straight. I want to find the on/off switch so I can find room in my head for where my life used to be. It's very disturbing. I've unleashed a mad woman.



I usually say something funny about now, but I cant think of anything.

[Georgette]

Why would you want to, put the lid back. :rolleyes: Leave it of and enjoy every moment of it. I do throught he week and only go male mode if we go out and about. :)

[Julie York]

Thanks Georgette.

It's just that it would make life easier.

[Tristen Cox]

Hmm I wish I could help, however if you should find the on/off switch? TELL ME WHERE IT IS! Inquiring minds want to know:p


Don't stress or repress
Just relax and go dress! :D

[Julie]

Not having something funny to say Julie goes to show that this has got you worried, the humour has always been an intricate part of your posts.

I don't though feel it's a matter of putting the lid back on Pandora's box, doing this would signify the demise of Julie York and we wouldn't want that.

You need to find a balance between Julie and the life as it was 4 weeks ago, it can be done but it is for you to work that out.

Sorry I couldn't give you an easy answer.

Good Luck JJ

[Julie York]

You're right. Thanks Julie and Tris. Maybe I shouldn't do this publicly.

thanks.

[Katiegirl]

I know just how you feel Julie, I only went back to crossdressing in October of last year, first dressed fully in November and went out for the first time in December.

I now dress fully every evening and weekends I don't go out, and I too can't find the on/off button.

My mind is very confused and like you I have to work very hard just to concentrate on getting my work done. I will have to sort myself out in the caming year and as Julie J says find a way of balancing both sides of my personalities

:)

Mind of a Woman, Body of a Man, Life is a Bitch

[Roberta-Jane]

Same thing happened to me about 2 months ago except I didn't dress.I suddenly realised after 44 years of dressing,purging,guilt, getting arrested,losing my job and family,re-building a new one, that I wasn't going to stop being transgendered.At last I have realised that I am ME!!!!

For weeks I couldn't sleep at night.My mind was in a complete turmoil.Still is but what a great feeling to look at myself in the mirror and see part of the girly image smiling back.

When I dress now I no longer feel guilt or the disgust of my earlier years.It is part of me and always will be.

My advice is to enjoy the surge of feelings while they last because I am sure they will settle down to a warm acceptance of who you are too.

Enjoy.

Hugs and peace


Roberta-Jane :rolleyes:

[gender_blender]

I have found that being dressed female in public is addicting because it is exciting and a way by which I express myself daily.

[Steffie-Lee]

There is no off switch, only "pause".......
Now the next step is to open the door and step outside!
High heels clicking on the side walk, skirt blowing in the wind.
HEAVEN!!

[Holly]

Julie,

I hope this doesn't frighten you. But did you ever stop to think that what you are feeling are "growing pains?" When we grow (physically OR emotionaly) there is no going back to the way it was four weeks ago. This is NOT A BAD THING. When growth stops, you're dead. Stay alive and enjoy the ride. You may not always know exactly where you're going but you are on your way!

[Bonnie-OR]

I agree fully, You can't go back, so just enjoy where you are headed, wherever that may be. What you are feeling is a surge of pent up emotions. This will subside in due time. Now, let's have some of the noted humour. Huggs, Bonnie

[Wendy me]

the on off switch is a false thing you need a dimmmer switch not easy to do it requires
a ton of work......but at this point you have to keep going...........
huge hugs

[Julie]

the on off switch is a false thing you need a dimmmer switch not easy to do it requires
a ton of work......but at this point you have to keep going...........
huge hugs
Since I'm an electrician.............dimmers? switches?:rolleyes: ....

When I blew the top off Pandora's box last June I had no desire to put it back on. Years of repressing myself left me a shell of a person. Experiencing all that I have since has given me a new lease on life. I no longer feel empty inside.

Repressing our femme self can be harmful. We do it because we have been taught we should but the people who taught us that have no idea what it's like. We need to be the one to decide how we should best handle this.

Julie, you've heard it before, baby steps, baby steps. Ease your loved ones into it. They love you and should know why you are such a great person. No doubt a lot of that comes from being TG. Just take it slow and easy and you'll be fine.

I wish you all the best in your journey.

[Rikki]

Julie dear, If I had known that you was gone to open the box all the way, I might have warned you that the lid can't be put back, it is all fun now. And if you find the off switch, I don't really think that you would use it anyways. Just take baby steps now and everything will be fine. Now, lets get that humor back, I am sure that somebody has a nice pair a heels that you would like to get your feet in. Go girl.


Rikki

[Helana]

Julie

You have a new start in life, a burst of passion and you want to switch it off!!

Sure you are experiencing a bout of infatuation with your feminine self and you are enjoying it. Nothing wrong with that. You know that it will settle down in time so just enjoy the ride while it lasts.

Of course you are correct about making sure you are not distracted - keep a focus on your relationships and your job and don't be tempted to do something stupid which you will regret later. You are on a high so your rational thinking brain is taking a back seat for a while so dont trust any outlandish thoughts you may have until you can think straight again.

Enjoy!!

[racquel]

If you can't think straight Julie do what you know best.
Go buy some new shoes.This time you will be a lot more comfortable trying them on in the store. :D

[Fiona K]

I dressed fully for the first time only 4 weeks ago. Always had the inclination since I was a little kid but never had the right stuff (wig, make-up etc etc etc). Tried this and that, all undercover, all scary and secret and very exciting, like a lot of us have. But I did it, the full thing, only recently . I saw the girly woman in my head hiding for all these years. It was an explosion of sensation and insanity, but lots of joyous fun too.

And now I can't get the lid back on the box.

It's scary. I can't concentrate. I can't think straight. I want to find the on/off switch so I can find room in my head for where my life used to be. It's very disturbing. I've unleashed a mad woman.



I usually say something funny about now, but I cant think of anything.


Welcome to the asylum Julie!!!
Enjoy the rollercoaster ride but try not to repress it, there is no off switch.
Fiona
xx

[Julie York]

I went to bed after I posted the first bit of the thread so didn't see all the great responses. Thanks for the support. It's so nice to have a group of people who know what you mean without having to turn your brain inside out explaining.

The problem is that instead of putting to rest some long held urges and repressed emotions, it's opened up a whole nest of problems I didn't have before.

I thought it was just a fetish thing. It was a secret I could live with and never tell anyone. Why would I? Who needs to know. It's just a 'thing' about undies and maybe dresses etc.

But now I find myself staring at what women are wearing. I used to just stare at the women! I find that wearing the clothes that I like is not such a turn on like it used to be...it just feels nice. (And that MUST be wrong surely. I was a happy perve before, now I'm just a girly guy.).

Now I worry that my chances of finding a woman to share my life with have gone from 99/1 against to 1000/1 against.

I went to town last weekend and was depressed like some kid at a sweet shop window with no money....You want to know why?.....Because I wanted to look at the make-up counter and couldn't. I wanted to go into Dorothy Perkins and see what nice things they had and I couldn't.

It's insane. I never WANTED to 6 weeks ago! And now I'm unhappy because I can't play with the girls (all over again.)


Anyway, you'll be happy to know I am not really that low because I am sitting here in a beautiful blouse and skirt I bought in a charity shop this morning. (Apart from the trembling and my voice cracking it went perfectly, "It's for my girlfriend....") I'm still not sure how I did it really. I think it's because the place was empty.

And I've seen some shoes on Ebay which are mine! They have to be mine! And if anyone bids against me I'll come round and steal your panties, so YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

So I'm o.k. really.

[Julie]

Julie it was good to get your update, the feelings you've just expressed are how I used to feel also so they are obviously par for the course.

Glad you managed to buy something to cheer yourself up though.

I suppose the link for the shoes on e-bay are out of the question? :)

JJ

[Kate_Uhler]

julie,

I'm certainly no expert, but that never stopped this girl from opening her mouth... :D

For me, it IS a door that's not closeable. And while on the surface that looks scary its only cause I think whats behind me is better then whats ahead. For me I've been 24/7 girlly since I bought some garter panties and stripped fishnet hose on a trip to NYC 2/3 weeks ago . I wore it under my drab and walked about and thought, I should do this more often... Little did I know... little did I know... *hahahah* Three skirts, 4 pair of shoes, 2 tops, more hose and panties then i care to admit later and I realize I want to be a PANDORA impersonator. (anybody know or have a pic of pandora btw?) I'm lucky I don't have a wife or kids, I'm semi retired and I have some spending money. Its easy for me to say. Go with it!!!.

However, what I feel comfortable with is while I can't go back, I don't have to panic. I don't have to get a sex change. I don't have to show up at thanksgiving as Kate, I don't have buy something if the lines too long or the sales person is cReEpY. Whats changed forever is how I view and appreciate women. I look at womens cheeks, (on their face TRISTEN!) and try to see the rouge and blush work, their eye liner, and hair. Their walk, what is it that makes them so damn fem... I also am getting a taste for how much s*** they have to put up with, from time consuming makeup ( I'll never argue with a tardy date again!) to ugly shallow men with their hands on their crotches. Its a whole different picture from this end now... I'm grateful for the view on this side.

ok now!... whats the eBay lot number!!! come on girl cough it UP!!!!

special kisses
kate.

[Linda-x]

Julie, I sometimes wish I could go back to the first time I dressed fully. As scary, and overpowering as it was, it was also a very exciting and memorable time in my life. It was also the first time I went out enfem, as that had been a fantasy of mine since my teen years.I don't know what triggered the sudden, and extreme urge to dress fully, but like you , it was all I could think about, the week prior, and the weeks, afterward. I've learned a few things over the years from others, ( before internet, believe it or not), and for a lot of us, these strong fem desires will cycle in strength with time. Some of the good advise I was given early on was don't purge if and when your fem desires leave you, as this is only temporary. Just put your stuff safely away. Also, if you feel like dressing, do it, and if you don't, then don't force yourself. When I accepted myself as being 'ok', and this isn't something I need to have 'fixed', the shame , and guilt seemed to flow away, and I found a better balance in myself. You go girl !!!!

[Julie York]

I shall sit back and ponder on all your kind words.

[Julie]

And a fine ponderer you make. Not one, not two but three rings of confidence. Nice photo Julie, today's purchases I take it.

JJ

[Julie York]

Yes. I can't seem to take them off. Well I had a bath ...true....so I DID take them off....but then I accidentally put them all back on again. Silly me. (Only with sussies and black stockings this time! Woohoo!)

[Anita]

if it will help cheer you up Julie I will lend you my red boots I am not far from you They are size 7 but if you fall off them not my fault!
Anita xx

[Anita]

these red thigh boots!

[Tamara Croft]

OK... call me slow........but is that you sitting on the settee???? :eek: I think that's the first time I have ever seen a picture of you.

Anyway... sounds like you have started another adventure.... bit of a head rush huh??? Just take it one day at a time, I remember thinking Tammy was looking at other women till she said... I'm not looking at them.... I'm imagining what I would look like in what she's wearing!!!! I'm guessing it's like falling in love for the first time, head in the clouds, butterflies in your stomach, don't know whether your coming or going etc...

Just enjoy it, it's your adventure to take wherever you want it to go :)

Tamara x

[DonnaT]

OK... call me slow........but is that you sitting on the settee???? :eek: I think that's the first time I have ever seen a picture of you.

Don't you recognize the red heels?

I'm really happy for you Julie. And glad to finally 'meet' you.

[Julie York]

That's my third photo actually.

Maybe you were all having Christmas when I did the great.."Tadaaaa!"

And then you're saying you missed my sexy one?

Blah.

Check my profile.

And thank you for your support. Any donation of shoes would be greatly appreciated.


Send to:

We Need Shoes (size 9 UK)
P.O.Box XS3452425354657689786756354231
Yorkshire

[MonaSmith]

Hey there Julie,

Sorry but I must have missed this thread before, too caught up in my own stuff I guess.

You are doing fine girl. Stop beating yourself up and realx. You know that you have friends here that will help you with anything and everything. It probably is a bit of a shock, especially to do so much in so little time, but it will settle down. Do you really think that you would want to put the lid back on the box now? After all the stuff that you have done in the past few weeks? All the friends that you have made?

We have a unique place in the world, we see things with a unique perspective. I for one wouldn't have it any other way.

Speak to you soon.

Love Mona x.

[Rikki]

Julie,
Good for you girl, looking good. I had already bid on those shoes, but I guess I won't bid again , this time. Yeah girl it only gets better now that you started the shopping in store and not just ebay. Next weekend you will beable to walk into the store and check out the cosmedics, not just stand out there and dream.

Anita, what is wrong with you girl? You must not like those boots, if you are thinking of letting Julie get her feet in them. Once she gets them on, she won't even remember where she got them from, so she will just keep them. And no matter how much you talk, youu won't convince her that you only loaned them to her.

LOL
Rikki

[Anita]

i love those bots! If she didn't return them local headline would read
"Body found in the Shambles (area of York)Police searching for its legs!"

[racheal]

Unleashing the woman inside you may help look at life in a new light. I wouldn't close that box for anything! You go Julie! No sense hiding that you cannot deny. :)

[Wendy me]

julie love them red heels..........girlfreind you seam to have like a problem..........wait i
can helpe you see your enjoying them heel way too mutch .............don't panic........
relax i can talk you through this i know what i am doing...........take them off ......thats right..........good now put them in the box.............doing fine ..........
almost done..........good .......now send them to me............easy wasen't it???????

[racheal]

Oh WOW Julie, those heels are to die for! And Anita, very nice! I have a pair of thigh highs myself - only brown leather, but they look good on me. :) I'll have to break out the camera again very, very soon... :)