Living Full Time

[Rebecca_Annette]

For many reasons, I have become disillusioned with my SO. One of the chief reasons being her initial support, and then withdrawal of same as I became more comfortable with the real me.

Sometimes I fanticise about just going, getting a place on my own, and being me either all of the time, or whenever I want to be me.

It is a feeling that is growing inside me. I am not transsexual. I am happy with my gender, but would love to be able to be the person I am 24/7.

So my question is, for anyone who has had the courage to do this, Is it worthwhile? Is it worth giving up friends and family to be yourself?

At my height, and my looks, I could never pass for a real girl. It must be so hard to do?

Peace
Rebecca

[Kate Simmons]

I've put some comments on some of the other threads currently running here Rebecca. Since I've retired, I'm doing an experiment on that very thing to see if I want to do it. Been living more or less "full time" since Dec. 2nd. When you get down to the "nitty gritty" of everyday life, it's not as glamouous as you may think and not much "glitter". Still, there is an appeal to doing it. I find myself being satisfied with getting my work done (to the extent I can) and the nicest part is interfacing with people. I'm more interested in friendships and realtionships than how "nice" I look. I'm finding out that my real "beauty" comes from within and not my appearance. I realize such a thing is not for everyone but I'm the type of person who has to learn by doing. I can talk about it all I want to but unless I actually do it, it's just that--talk. It is kind of a nice place to be though and I have a better outlook on things.:happy:

[Christina Nicole]

I am transsexual. Yet, I would never give up my family to transition and live full time. My family is too important. I made a commitment to them and I have responsibilities to them. A person who shirks responsibilities and runs from commitments he or she freely made has no honor and it not much of a person, in my opinion.

Warm regards,
Christina Nicole

[Eugenie]

I'm also very tempted by making such a move...

But like you, I'm not quite sure that the damages done to my family would be something I can live with...

I have several times considered moving to Montreal, a place I love and which seems to be very open minded towards transgendered people. But all in all I don't feel it is worth the loss of my folks, regardless of the profound desire I have to live "en femme" 24/24 and 7/7...
:hugs:
Eugenie

[Marcie Sexton]

My family is first...sure I'd love to go 24/7/365, but the circumstances just won't allow it...My wife has shown a great deal of patience with me...just to make a point, before my wife, insisted that I quit dressing which I did...then in November she gave me a birthday present to beat all...my clothing back, < I had give her all my things to dispose of as she seen fit >...she even bought me two outfits for Christmas...there is absoutely no way I would betray her trust and love for my own self centered actions of "trying" to live 24/7 enfemme...:2c:

Perhaps your situation is different, but I still suggest some heart to hearts to come to an understanding between you two...

All I suppose I can really do is wish you good luck...no matter which decision you make...

[julie w]

I think you are expecting to much from you wife , my ex wife knew about my
cd ing but didnt approve .I used to go to a cd club and dress or when I was out of town , my gf of six years knows makes jokes about It
but wont see me dressed . I live alone and dress all the time as long as my
kids or gf are not around and I love the freedom .but I would not tell my friends
or family why would I want to do that? , all we can do on this forum is
tell about our lives , only you can decide whats best for you ,
just remember the vast majority of people dont approve so be carefull about
telling

[crossing-the-rain]

[QUOTE=Rebecca_Annette;692913]

It is a feeling that is growing inside me. I am not transsexual. I am happy with my gender, but would love to be able to be the person I am 24/7.

So my question is, for anyone who has had the courage to do this, Is it worthwhile? Is it worth giving up friends and family to be yourself?

At my height, and my looks, I could never pass for a real girl. It must be so hard to do?

Dear Rebecca,
I can understand your feeling,how much you love to be yourself ,even25/8.The problem is are you still treasure your family ,if not.just go ahead to enjoy your real life.life is short,no body can control you,only yourself to make the decision.Talk to you again later.
Rain.

[Deidra Cowen]

I had a very famous fulltime transistioned girl tell me to stay PART TIME just recently! She said I get to enjoy all the fun stuff like dressing when I want, clubbing, etc but avoid the big pitfalls of making a living as a girl and family issues.

That being said...if my kids were out of college and I did not have to worry about making a living...lord I would probably go FT or something close to it.

[vbcdgrl]

Rebecca, I usually try to refrain from commenting on this topic, but you have brought up a critical question. Is it worth giving up family/friends for the opportunity to CD full time? Personally, I say NO! But, I think this is a question you need to ponder very carefully. There is so much at stake.
Listen to advice and comments, but, ultimately, it's your decision. So, please, give it very serious thought.

Vikki

[mollytyler]

One of the luckier ones who does live fulltime and has had great support from famiily (85%) and friends (75%) over the years since very young.....this is a tough step at any level whether living 24/7 or just coming out to family/friends of your needs....always take that first step with inner peace and help through counselling.... need to be secure within yourself before you expect others to accept...... I help a friend(psych) with her gender patients now and then.....that first step and multiple steps therafter into the real world as a woman are the toughest, but it does separate the ones who have made the conviction for themself and they have had it easier to come out to their famiily....find peace first....everthing else will follow.....

[Amanda Jane]

friends you can replace / often with better ones then you had before / real friends would not care / or they really know anyway

family is a different deal / my family thought me odd / dressing fem / never getting married / but when my sister could no longer raise her two girls only the weirdo took them in / i got them into college and paid for it / they taught me makeup / even deal i think

[Rebecca_Annette]

I don't think, with hindsight, I worded my original question too well.

I have two children, a boy and a girl, both in their late teens now, and I love them more than I love life itself. Nothing will ever change that.

As to my current partner?

I have known her less than two years, and was always at peace with her from day one. When I eventually had drunk enough wine to tell her how I truly felt. She was extremely supportive. She said she had no qualms, her first husband had been gay, and she had had a long term same-sex relationship. We went shopping together, I'd put on my clothes, and she'd tell me honestly whether or not I looked right.

It was a good time. But then we had an argument ~ more of a disagreement, really ~ more to do with my work commitments than anything. But in the end she told me that she 'hated' my other self, and could not accept it any longer.

At the very first I tried to tell her that if she could not accept, then I would not do. She told me she could.

I moved in to her house, I gave everything up I had. Now I feel that she has used me. More so now, because if there is ever anything I wish not to do (like visiting her truly obnoxious family, who treat me with derision and contempt) I am told 'Aaah, they don't know the real you'. Perhaps I am wrong, but to me that is unfair, it seems to be 'Do what I want or I will expose and destroy you'.

So, I just feel that perhaps getting away would be a good thing.

I love my children, please do not doubt that. In a place on my own, I could be Rebecca most of the time, and I could be Dad when my son and daughter visit.

If only my partner had said a straight NO the first time I wore a dress, I could have lived with that. My hopes would not have diminished, but I have coped before.

But I am not sure that I can stay here ~ her house.

I would NEVER desert my children, I love them.

I hope that I have made you understand more now?

Love and Peace
Rebecca

[marie354]

I'm starting to dress more and more on a daily basis. When I made that decision, the first thing I did was to tell both of my brothers, and two of my closest friends. Although I havn't been out of the house, I now longer have to wory about being caught by them, at least.
I did't want to lose the family and friends that I have.
:hugs:
It's hard to type while your nails are drying...................
:hugs:

[amanda barber]

I moved in to her house, I gave everything up I had. Now I feel that she has used me. More so now, because if there is ever anything I wish not to do (like visiting her truly obnoxious family, who treat me with derision and contempt) I am told 'Aaah, they don't know the real you'. Perhaps I am wrong, but to me that is unfair, it seems to be 'Do what I want or I will expose and destroy you'.



Just a thought, but if they allready treat you with derision and contempt, maybe she allready has.

[Christina Nicole]

Oh. That's very different. Let me try again.

I don't know English law, but under U.S. law, a partner who give up everything to live with another as husband and wife are considered considered in a common law marriage. So you would be, in most states of the U.S. entitled to an equitable distribution of property. I don't know what the situation is in the U.K. You first need some legal advice. Then take your children and get away from that woman.

Warm regards,
Christina Nicole

[Natasha_82]

I have no desirefor the 24/7 thing but thats because my cding is purely for sexual gratification and I find that I can go for days even weeks without the urge to cd.

[MJ]

For many reasons, I have become disillusioned with my SO. One of the chief reasons being her initial support, and then withdrawal of same as I became more comfortable with the real me.

Sometimes I fanticise about just going, getting a place on my own, and being me either all of the time, or whenever I want to be me.

It is a feeling that is growing inside me. I am not transsexual. I am happy with my gender, but would love to be able to be the person I am 24/7.


So my question is, for anyone who has had the courage to do this, Is it worthwhile? Is it worth giving up friends and family to be yourself?
At my height, and my looks, I could never pass for a real girl. It must be so hard to do?

Peace
Rebecca

if you ask me and you have , can i ask you this do you want to lose the one you love ? just to be femme 24/7 , is it worth losing your brother, sisters , your children , just to be Rebbecca 24/7 , be honest now
so what will happen when over time you want the company of a woman ? but who would want you while dressed as Becky ?
and what about the holidays with no one to share the season with ? can you deal with the loneness ..
try being a transsexual and finding someone , there are time i wish i could go back in time and stop myself from doing what you want ... THINK about it please
sorry to be a downer but what will you lose and how much would you gain

[Kate Simmons]

Listen Rebecca, If what I'm getting from what you're are saying is correct, you are asking , since you are being ostrasized anyway, if living 24/7 as the person you love being would bring you relief from lonliness? The answers to that are various and sundry. It depends on what kind of a person you are and how you stack up being alone. As everyone has more or less told you, CDing is not a replacement for your family or friends. You have to weigh in the "balance" your feelings of how you would be viewed and just how much more ostrasized you would be if you make this decision. As you say yourself, you don't feel you "pass" that well. Only you have an idea of how everyone would react to that and only you know if you would be able to endure such lonliness and isolation. It's a tough call really. In my case, it was more or less thrust upon me when I decided to come "out". My family and friends turned their backs on me, I was kicked out of my Church and I was surrounded by people whose only use for me was being a breadwinner for my family. I handled it but I am a natural loner anyway, always have been and am a survivor. Not everyone is capable of doing that but I had no choice really. Regardless of how well you pass, you know being your femme self brings you a lot of joy. Are you prepared to abondon everything you love to obtain that joy? Only you can answer that question, my friend.:happy: Ericka

[Bethanygirl]

There is no advice that is right here, there is only what your heart tells you. Listen closely dear, what does it truly say?

Good luck honey! :love:

[Rebecca_Annette]

I would like to thank everyone who offered advice.

I have read and taken in every single comment made. And I fully understand them all.

Thank you.

I suppose it is time for deep soul searching, because, right now I don't have the answer.

Thank you and peace
Rebecca

[Sierra Evon]

I'm a T-girl , but I dont believe that alienating your self from friends and family is a good thing , kinda like dont burn your bridges thing , I wish you all the best in your situation....

[Marla S]

My breakup and living "full time" almost happend together. More by coincidence than planned, though my Cding definitvely had influence on the breakup.
Since than I enjoy the freedom and I'd recommend it to everybody in order to come to terms and to learn about oneself, but slowly it turns out to be lonely freedom.

So, if there is only a tiny chance that you are able to combine "yourself" and your relationship, take that chance.