How Do You See Yourself?

[Lovely Rita]

Recently, someone communicated to me that they were gender confused because of the crossdressing.

I respect everyone's opinion on this and know there are many ways we see our selves. Some maybe struggling with this aspect of their persona evidenced by all the purging stories. Some may feel totally accepting of this side of themselves.

If I may, I have totally accepted this part of myself, though that was not always the case. For a long time I lived a double life working to prop up the male image by overcompensating at times to do so.

Today I am greatful that I feel more fulfilled and complete than at any other time of my life. I am able to embrace all of me with satisfaction and joy. No shame or guilt, not a trace. I also love my male persona and would not give up that part of myself for anything.

I see myself as a total and complete person. I am soft and I am hard. I am feminine and I am masculine. I am definitely unique in comparison to the world at large. I am happy. I am fulfilled because I can be me. Whatever me is in total, I am still finding out but at leaste I am free to find out and free to Love myself. I no longer go through those self hating times for which I am very greatful. Who I am cannot be pigeon holed or categorized. I am part of a larger community but very different because of my God given individuality. I love the life and I love the journey. I hope others will learn to enjoy this amazing journey. A journey filled with child like curiosity and play. A wonderful and enchanted journey to say the leaste.

I used to be very angry and I could not do a thing about it. I believe it was because I had not come to terms with who I was. I was unhappy to say the leaste. It affected how much I could love others. Loving who I am has definitely helped me to grow in my love for others. After all my mission in life is to learn how to love more and more.

Let me hear from you


Hugs

[susie evans]

rita
i agree with you a lot of us over compensate and don't realize how we affect other people and how we percievethings and people around us:hugs:
susie

[Girly Sara]

Recently, someone communicated to me that they were gender confused because of the crossdressing.

I respect everyone's opinion on this and know there are many ways we see our selves. Some maybe struggling with this aspect of their persona evidenced by all the purging stories. Some may feel totally accepting of this side of themselves.

If I may, I have totally accepted this part of myself, though that was not always the case. For a long time I lived a double life working to prop up the male image by overcompensating at times to do so.

Today I am greatful that I feel more fulfilled and complete than at any other time of my life. I am able to embrace all of me with satisfaction and joy. No shame or guilt, not a trace. I also love my male persona and would not give up that part of myself for anything.

Let me hear from you


Hugs

I can relate to everything you have said, hun and feel exactly the same way as you. The only difference being that i'm beginning to hate my male side. Does this make me TS? Who knows! Still on my femme journey.

Sara xxx

[Rachel Morley]

For myself, I don't really think of myself as a man, but I don't think of myself as a woman either. I think of myself as ...well, as just "me."

I mean obviously, I am a genetically male person, but if we're talking about gender, in my mind I identify as a feminine male, a girly boy, an androgynous person, a "something in between"...maybe even "gender queer". I feel very happy about expressing a strong feminine side, both emotionally and the way I present myself in public. I don't need to be fully en femme to be happy because sometimes just wearing a girly top, heels and a skirt does it for me. Most of the time I wear fairly obvious girl's clothes in boy mode. However,.... dressing fully en femme and going out in public "as a woman" is wonderful and I like to do it as often as I can :happy:

[Lisa Golightly]

I'm a bit of a girl really :)

[Kate Simmons]

I accept both sides of myself Rita. They complement each other. It's the only way I can function really.:happy: Ericka

[Mary Morgan]

I see myself as a person who would wish to be freer to be whole. It is somewhat of a daily struggle to deal with the conflict that arises from the necessities of being born male and the desire to present as female whenever I want without question or contraversy. I like all of me, but I enjoy being femme most. The male me has had a lot of the good things of life and I wouldn't trade those things, but it also carries alot of baggage from being only half of the person that I am. The over-compensation thing really rings true for me and I hate that part. My female side has had to hide most of my life and is now experiencing things without the shame or guilt I felt for so many years. I am happiest these days when en femme, but also frustrated that I have to divide my time. as an example, during these past holidays with family I had to present as my male side, all the while wishing I could have dressed to the nines and really enjoyed myself more. Such is the reality of my life and I cope with it. All in all, I have made it work so far but I am not the person that I could be or would like to be. I'll keep working on it.

[marie354]

I sometimes overcompensate too as well when I'm Sam. Got to be tough and rugged so my femme side doesn't show. I would rather be a bit more femme though.

[Lovely Rita]

I can relate to everything you shared. I struggled for so long keeping Rita from my SO. Fearing the damage that would occur to the male persona I worked so hard at re-inforcing. There was always a guilt pang at the thought of that person being diminished in my SO's eyes.

When she found out it was not like anything I expected. The liberation outweighed everything. My SO did suffer a sense of loss and actually went through mourning. Knowing that who ever that charachter was that she came to know and love would not be the same. I understood that too. I had to give her space and time. She has been so supportive of Rita ever since and also enjoys our wonderful times when I am not Rita.


Hugs

[Marla S]

I think I've overcome the overcompensation part a bit (hopefully).
Right now I see myself on the male side of life, appearing unusual girly, due to the very limited ways a man is able to express himself in our society.
This might change again.

[Tina Dixon]

I'm just a guy that likes to crossdress, but if I let it consume me, wear I need to dress more often it can take control of you and make you wonder what and who you are, I went that road myself early last year, glad I had this site to fall back on and share my problem with.

[Glenda58]

I'm both male and female. Love to dress and go out doing what I want as a female. Then I have times all I do is in the male mode and I enjoy that also. I'm happier now that I'm free to do what I want when I want and not let some one or something dictate to me what to do.

[Angie G]

Hi Rita I have never been confused about my dressing I have purged 2or 3 times be that was to keep from being found out .
hid my dressing for a long time from my wife & every one now my wife is the only one that knows and I dress openly at home but I have always been
comfortable with my feminine side I do think I would have enjoyed being born a GG :hugs:
Angie

[Sweet Jane]

Hi

I have always seen myself as a bit of a misfit, felt at times like a pervert and I still fell very embarrassed by myself.

I have always known that I was not like all the other guys, and I differed because of some unexplained compulsion to wear females clothing...I often wondered if I was just on some humiliation kick. I'm not.

I still see myself as something a little odd. C'mon a guy that dresses sometimes like I do, to me is odd!! And thats a nice word. I'm sure there are some people would insert another in there for me. I have seen myself as a schitzo with two distinct personas. I now see myself as a crossdresser, and although the prospect of not being able to shake this does worry me a lot, maybe one day I can accept me...both of me.

Lastly, I'm not sure yet if I want to "normalise" my behaviour...to view what I do approaches normality in any way whatsoever. I'm not sure that it is normal...I know that it is not amoral or indecent, but I am carrying a little too much baggage right now to call it normal. So I suppose I view myself as a bit strange....at least I'm not alone now....

[Lovely Rita]

Thanks sweet Jane for candidly sharing that. I can see that you are a very sincere person. It is a pleasure to know you.

hugs

[Rebecca_Annette]

If I may, I have totally accepted this part of myself, though that was not always the case. For a long time I lived a double life working to prop up the male image by overcompensating at times to do so.

I think I have travelled that road. I think now, that I am still at some transitional stage where I doubt myself, but transfer that
doubt ~ in the form of anger ~ to others

[Lovely Rita]

I think I have travelled that road. I think now, that I am still at some transitional stage where I doubt myself, but transfer that
doubt ~ in the form of anger ~ to others

I have been on that same kind of road for too long. I transferred that doubt in the form of anger as well as sadness.
I am thankful that the sadness is gone. I hope it never returns. Even if I have learned to love others just a tad bit more that is a great thing. I am sure I am supposed to learn how to love others more but I did not do very well when I did not love myself.


Hugs

[Sierra Evon]

I dont think of myself as a guy at all , I was just born male , I choose to Identify myself as female to the fullist extent possible !!!!!

[Lilith Moon]

For myself, I don't really think of myself as a man, but I don't think of myself as a woman either. I think of myself as ...well, as just "me."

Yes, that describes my self gender perception. I'm not sure what it actually feels like to "be" male or female. I just feel like me.

[Jenna1561]

For myself, I don't really think of myself as a man, but I don't think of myself as a woman either. I think of myself as ...well, as just "me." ...

Angel has captured in words much of how I feel and perceive myself. I am ME. I love fully dressing and looking as feminine as I can and then being treated as a woman out in the world. But even when not "dressed" I wear a lot of women's clothes, though they tend to be more unisex in appearance because that's what makes me happy.


Jenna

[Joy Carter]

I agree with you Rita and Louise both. Except I'm more Joy now than J--. J-- was never happy. And now that he has allowed Joy to be out, he in turn is happy. Some of my family have noticed as well (they don't know). So I just hope I can continue to grow and drag J-- along. Maybe Joy can teach J-- how to smile openly. This wanting to be Joy has been with me all my life. I just hope the feeling lasts.:D


The Best To You All Joy:hugs:

[veronicagirl]

I feel more comfortable and relaxed in my femme mode. Before retiring early, I had one of those extremely masculine jobs. When I go out as a guy, people see nothing but a man (even if I'm wearing Bongo jeans). At home, there's a big difference in the way I feel and act if I'm in girl's jeans and a Hanes-her way tee, or the guy stuff. I do dress in a manner that's way too young for me; I think, as compensation for missing those young years due to marriage (divorced from career choices) and no internet. I remarked 1 time earlier here that my housekeeping skills are much more honed when in female attire.

[Trinni]

I am happy I was born male and I really like being a guy. I just happen to be a guy who loves the feel of womens clothes. I have just started adding make-up and I like the feel of that to. I would not want to live my whole life en femme but I would like to try a week long marathon some time. :happy:

[Casey Morgan]

I used to be gender schizophrenic too. There used to be "him" and "her". Now there's just me, a sort of him-her. I just feel what I feel and don't worry about it. I can't always SHOW how I feel (or can I?) but I no longer deny that I feel it. Like you, Rita, this has given me a freedom I didn't know existed before. And I wouldn't trade that freedom for anything.

[soccervixen]

I see myself as a man who likes to wear women's clothes and is exploring this side of me which is a new thing in my life in the past couple months after 47 years. I know how this confuses many people so it is quiet now, with my wife knowing some things (and likng those), but not knowing about the full dressing at times, and no one else knowing, though there are some early signs in what I wear, carrying a bag, and the way I carry myself. I don't know where it is going, but I suspect I will remain a guy who likes to dress as a woman. I don't see myself as female, but I am enjoying a feminine side.

[suchacutie]

I not only enjoy the two of us, I'm tickled by the fact that there can be two of us! Let's be honest: how many guys have a clue about the female gender? okok...I don't mean the biology of it (although there are a lot of guys who are inadequate in that area from what I can gather!), but the emotional and, well, functional side of being a woman. We are dedicated to understanding it and making it a part of us.

So tell me, why aren't we the sought-after group of guys? Why aren't we the best possible guys with which to forma a relationship. We can be macho when the occasion arises, but we can be empathetic all the time! I can swing an ax with the best of them, and a chain saw as well. I know how to get dirty and sweaty and physically exhausted from manual labor. Then again, I can come in the house and be transformed into Tina and have a wonderful evening with my girlfriend (his wife). Or I can stay in guy mode if that suits us best.

Seems the best of all worlds to me!

Tina and him!!! :)

[Jere Oneil]

I've never seen myself as anything other than a man, but I am a man that likes wearing pretty and to me at least comfortable clothes. I know many of you wouldn't like it, because if it happened, you wouldn't be crossdressing, but I'd love it if it were to be totally accepted for males to wear dresses or skirts and in particular, all kinds of lingerie. I;d love to go to the gym and have the guy changing next to me in the locker room to tell me how pretty my dress was.

[Bethanygirl]

I guess my self-image is that of a woman that is happy to have male 'attributes'...

[Bluebird GG]

well me being GG this is a more mental answer, as i view myself as a woman, i see myself always thirsting for knowledge of the unknown, i am always want a higher understanding of what i need to do in this life as for looks i am okay i guess their is always room for improvement in my book,i am thrillseeker i suppose on some level, i want to know whats in my future and how i can follow the path in destiny i need to go,:happy:

[Penny]

I can relate to everything you have said, hun and feel exactly the same way as you. The only difference being that i'm beginning to hate my male side. Does this make me TS? Who knows! Still on my femme journey.

Sara xxx
Hi Sara, No, I don't think that you are necessarily TS and I think that most of us can relate to Rita. I don't think CD's age well. I would much rather look female than male because the makeup and pretties do take years off of the way I really look. I do not view myself in the same light as I did earlier in life. I have thought and read others comments "if only I knew years ago what I know now. In addition, in many ways, we are still growing and in other ways we have stopped so quite often, we have not caught up to ourselves.
As a result, the appearence of the male deminishes as the appearance of the female grows. Hence, older CDs dress more frequently.
Females, while taking action to slow the aging process, ultimately accept it as did the mother, grandmother and so on.
Males , ususally to little to slow the aging process and accept it as did their father, grandfather and so on.
Cd's, I think, do everything to stop the aging process in part, because they have no one to draw from in this aspect. As a result, many dream of or even do start dressing 24/7.
Anyway, these are my thoughts and for sure, not applicable to all Cd's.

:hugs:

Penny

[Wendy me]

i useta relay have a problem with the "HIM" side and my Wendy side. things just were messed up it was a control thingy ... see i have this excessive compulsive thing going on just doing anything is not enough i have to be in it up to my ears with my hair on fire ... you know the type .... so it was a struggle was "HIM" or Wendy going to WIN???

fact is there was no real problem with eather one both can for the most part live together ... it's something i call playing nice together ....

to some degree i have a little of both parts of me interwoven in us ...and have come to accept the my "HIM" side is going to do some "HIM" things and also Wendy will be there as well...

now Wendy is not put off by "HIM" dragging Wendy along hunting and fishing ... and for the most part "HIM" is kinda OK going shopping for girl things for Wendy,,,,that whole playing nice together thig....

and this only took abought 40 something years to get worked out....

[Gary]

i did the totally confused thing in the very beginning as i sought out the "why" of this strange new part of me...as ive said many times the only problem i have with my crossdressing in what it puts cheryl thru...ive always been comfortable with myself...havent felt the need to conform to anyones rules or ideas in many, many years...and i thought we all started out as females anyway...yes agree with all youve said...am very comfortable with me...im just a guy in a skirt...or a darth vader mask...hehe...but that is all...i cant see getting rid of my goatee...have no delisions of every being anything other than gary the man...

Ive always had a soft side...a much deeper compassionate side than i see in lots...would think is one of the things that my wife was attracted to...this is just a much deeper expression of those things...it relaxes me...no need for why now...just does...so ill just go with the flow...much as the rock in the stream...doesnt try to stop the stream but lets the water just flow around and over...gary

______

A 900lb gorilla in a bunny suit is still a 900lb gorilla.

[diane59]

I see myself living as a man in a man's world with a man's job and a man's family life. Always wondering what it would be like to live life the way I always felt inside. When I am EnFemme I feel totaly at ease with my feminine side and secretly wish I could remain that way 24/7/365.
However, I know it will never happen as the family I have created is not deserving of the heartache if they found out. So I remain closeted.:(

[Cheryl GG]

well....am a GG for sure....thats kinda a given huh? I dont have a high self esteem level at all and dont see me outside as much at all....need to loose some weight....worried about it for several months now....kinda wonder what he thinks with the added 15 on me.....inside of me...I have not slowed down in a long time to do self inventory....I am okay with me I guess....there are only certain things in life I can change...and those changes can only come from within me....so...its either be happy with me or change those things in me that make me unhappy....xoxoxoC/

[wabnaok]

Rita, while I am genetically male, I also have a feminine side because I am ok with wearing a bra!

[Gary]

have no idea why she wonders such...just as with the time she shaved her head...hehe, your secret is out honey...ive told you i didnt marry you for your hair or your weight but for the person you are and the person youve always allowed me to discover...me...hugs and kisses cheryl....your wonderful hubby, gary

[VTDresser]

I love the ability to feel all parts of mymy gender: physical, social, emotional, tactile. I started wearing panties and lingerie when I was a teen and have long enjoyed wearin a nice pair of slacks with a coordinated blouse. Physically I feel much more at ease when I can dress as it is an escape from the male world I live in. But I do not wish to change and appreciate that I am in touch with my feelings enough to stop denying myself the pleasures i get from dressing.

[Rebecca_Annette]

Hi Rita


All I can really say to you is that, yes, twice I have found myself. But twice it has been taken away.

I do not seem able to make myself understood when I say YES I am a man, yet part of me yearns to be more feminine.

I no longer understand why it is seen as shameful for a man to wear dresses and skirts, yet all the prejudices I grew up with make me feel guilty and ashamed.

I am doing nothing wrong. I can honestly say I have never hurt ~ or wanted to hurt ~ anyone in my life.


I am a man who feels comfortable and gentle dressing in the kind of clothing I want to wear.

There is nothing wrong with that.

Love and Peace
Rebecca

[Brianna Lovely]

Wow, you've just put into words, what I've been feeling.

Since I've accepted my "fem" self, I've come to realize that I'm not "less of a man", but, "more than a man". I'm female and male, at the same time, all the time, no matter how I'm dressed.

I may have trouble trying to express myself, who I am, what I feel, because I'm changing every day. But, I know I'm still a man, but, I'm also more woman, at the same time, if that makes any sense.

I have no idea where this is all going, but I have my eyes and heart, wide open, and I embrace every moment, of this wonderful life.

[Lovely Rita]

I am just reading through your posts and it is trully wonderful. You are all giving me so much food for thought. I really am thankful for the insights you have all been sharing with me.

thank you all and please keep them coming

[Juanita O]

Hi Rita

I am struggling with my fem side, i had a father that would say that real men don't show emotion. My father thought that CDer were Sissy's or queers or that they are sick in the head. Now that my father had died i am trying to express my self but i still hear his words in my head. I don't know if his words will ever go away. hence that is why the struggle continues.

[melissacd]

For too much of my life I hid Melissa away, denied her existence, repressed her attempts to be a part of this world and paid a very steep price. The physical, psychological, emotional and relational damage inflicted over almost 4 decades of denial has been a terrible burden.

Within the past two years I am finally coming to terms with Melissa. She is a beautiful part of me. I am discovering so many wonderful things about her and she is teaching me so much about my humanity. She completes me in a way that I have never felt complete before. I am much more of a man now that I have embraced my inner woman.

Biologically I am male and I am okay with that. Psychologically though I am neither extremes of this insane characterization of personality called masculine or feminine. I am a person who exhibits characteristics all across the spectrum of human behaviour and the configuration called Melissa is just one wonderful aspect of that rainbow I call my personality.

The beautiful thing is that as I accept her more I grow more complete, I become more the me I am supposed to be and that changes every passing day. I realize that in order to reach my full potential as a human I must get out of my way and let me unfold naturally, let me grow towards who I am supposed to be. The journey is challenging, painful, joyful, scary and in every way a totally human experience.

The sad part of this experience is that my wife does not see it the same way. She totally rejects Melissa and yet in spite of that rejection and the pain and possibility of loss of my wife's love and partnership I know that I cannot not be Melissa anymore, she is a part of what defines me. I cannot not be Melissa any more than I can function without my heart or my kidneys or my liver.

This may be hard for some in this world to understand, but with all of the pain and anguish coming out has brought I would not change a thing. I am joyful that I have finally accepted her into my life, she completes me.

[Lovely Rita]

Hi Rita

I am struggling with my fem side, i had a father that would say that real men don't show emotion. My father thought that CDer were Sissy's or queers or that they are sick in the head. Now that my father had died i am trying to express my self but i still hear his words in my head. I don't know if his words will ever go away. hence that is why the struggle continues.


For too much of my life I hid Melissa away, denied her existence, repressed her attempts to be a part of this world and paid a very steep price. The physical, psychological, emotional and relational damage inflicted over almost 4 decades of denial has been a terrible burden.

Within the past two years I am finally coming to terms with Melissa. She is a beautiful part of me. I am discovering so many wonderful things about her and she is teaching me so much about my humanity. She completes me in a way that I have never felt complete before. I am much more of a man now that I have embraced my inner woman.

Biologically I am male and I am okay with that. Psychologically though I am neither extremes of this insane characterization of personality called masculine or feminine. I am a person who exhibits characteristics all across the spectrum of human behaviour and the configuration called Melissa is just one wonderful aspect of that rainbow I call my personality.

The beautiful thing is that as I accept her more I grow more complete, I become more the me I am supposed to be and that changes every passing day. I realize that in order to reach my full potential as a human I must get out of my way and let me unfold naturally, let me grow towards who I am supposed to be. The journey is challenging, painful, joyful, scary and in every way a totally human experience.

The sad part of this experience is that my wife does not see it the same way. She totally rejects Melissa and yet in spite of that rejection and the pain and possibility of loss of my wife's love and partnership I know that I cannot not be Melissa anymore, she is a part of what defines me. I cannot not be Melissa any more than I can function without my heart or my kidneys or my liver.

This may be hard for some in this world to understand, but with all of the pain and anguish coming out has brought I would not change a thing. I am joyful that I have finally accepted her into my life, she completes me.

Rosemarie,
We are all individuals and what worked for me may not work for others but part of my healing process was unlearning all the baggage that others left in me with their views and prejudices. I mean I have spent my whole life unlearning all those things that were killing the Rita in me. For years I detested that side of me. I was trained that it was so wrong. The words sissy and worse would ring in my head. My upbringing was by tough guys all the way and they taught me to hate the things I could love most. They influenced me to look down on the feminine and just feel bad about the feminine side of me. I have had to unlearn that a little at a time. I am actually proud of all things feminine in me. I look up to women now as opposed to how my influences in the past had me look down on womanly things.
that is why if you look at my avatar you will see the line
My heroes wore nylons.

Malissa my heart goes out to you hun and boy do I understand. Thank you for sharing about your journey. Our road is not an easy one. That is for sure.

Hugs to all