Mature girls: If I knew then what I know now

[lowlavalentine]

A question for the more mature girls in the crowd.

When I was growing up and first experimenting with dressing there was no internet, no online crossdressing forums, no virtual transgendered communities. Information about cding and contact with other crossdressers was hard to come by. I realize just how naiive and repressed I was. I'm suspicious that if I knew then what I know now that my life would have unfolded differently. It's not that I have regrets. But I can't help wondering.

How about you?

[Cathy_NJ]

wow, that's spooky, you were asking the same question I was at almost exactly the same time. I must, however, state that you asked it more eloquently than I !

[helenr]

Yes, I too grew up with only the dictionary to help me with 'definitions' and seeing an occasional article or Dear Abby letter. It is reassuring to see how many gurls are out there-makes me realize I wasn't 'the only one'. hugs to you all, Helenr

[danam]

If I could go back in time and meet myself as a teenager, I would have only one simple message. Nothing about life, love, or stock market pics--none of that. It would be one simple message:

"Go ahead and cross dress. It's okay. Don't ever feel guilty about it. Just have fun!"

I think that advice would have altered the course of my life. For the better.

PS
I say this because as I child I was very uptight and serious and worried a lot. As an adult, I have mellowed considerably. If I would have allowed myself to let loose and explore these feelings more, it would have likely faced life's other challenges with a more relaxed confidence. It is a small thing that can have a snowball affect and become a big a deal, IMO.

[Billijo49504]

Yes, things would have been different!!!! But just be happy that we have the inernet. And welcome to the family...BJ

[Amanda Jane]

Sex and real estate...get lots while you're young

[Kate Simmons]

I was pretty much "established" as my femme self by the time I got a computer and got on the net. The biggest difference to me would be I never would have met any of you fine folks here and that indeed would have been a big loss to me.:happy: Ericka

[Chiana]

As a baby boom baby, I didn't think I was alone in wanting to cross dress. I KNEW I was the only one in the world who did it. I think I was in high school before I found out I wasn't the only one in the world. I still thought I was probably the only person in Texas whe wanted to dress. When I was a kid I did hear a sensational news report about some guy undergoing a sex change operation in Sweden. That just overwhelmed me.

[TxKimberly]

Ditto - I suspect much would have been different had I had access to the knowledge resources we now have. I often feel like I wasted so many years!
Kim

[marie354]

Back in the 60's the DR.'s could have had comitted just as easily as making a phone call. There really wasn't very much info on CDing back then.
Now with this vast information highway, the only people that don't know are the ones that havn't asked.
:hugs:

[ToyGirl]

I am positive i would have transitioned earlier had i had the internet earlier. I basically started the year i got internet access. Though it was more being able to express myself in safe way ,than because of reading any specific websites at the time.

I can remember sitting in the loungeroom with my family and Carlotta or someone would come on 60 minutes , and id be reading a magazine pretending not to be interested at all ,and listening so intently trying to learn as much as i could.

No regrets though and nothing i could have really done about it. I did some neat things growing up as a boy that help me to be the person i am today.

[Amy Hepker]

Well, I was into girls clothes early in my life in the middle 1960s. I never even knew people were doing it besides on TV. It is like being in a box only knowing what we are taught. Hearing people say that it is wrong for someone to dress like that. Then when I was older I seen my first book about some guy being forced to dress up by his girlfriend, then I seen other books about it. The Variations book was a good one with stories about crossdressing. I didn't find these books until the 1980s. If I had known others were doing it when I was younger, I probably would have done it sooner.

[Wendy me]

when i was younger no INTERNET and all we have today ... i was sure i was the only one doing this .... like the others have said you might catch a glimpse of something abought it or a dear Abby letter but for sure there was not a lot of info out there....

and just who to tell abought it??? omg you could not say a word .... for sure you would be off to the doctors to be "CURED" .... or worse....

any thing you got in the lines of clothing was like a trusere... and going out "SHOPPING" well that was not the norm... you would stick out in the womens dept... most items were "BORROWED" ....

i was not too much on the computer when they first came out ... never wanted to get into the high teck stuff....i did my thing and more and more people some what like me started to be talked abought ... then abought 3 years ago i got my first coumpter... the INTERNET ... every thing out there ... my first attempts to look up this coding thing were all x-rated chicks with di*** so much not any thing i was into then i found this place...

if i had found all this way back then??? who knows were it would have led???
today almost any thing is possible when i hear a Young CD saying how tough it is to do this or that ... i have to laugh they truly have no idea what it was like way back when , i see some girls here that are a few years older than me and only guess how much more difficult it was for them .... do i wish i could have had all this when i started ??? oh yes for sure ..... but there again my life was interesting and getting married and having kids might not have happened .... so i think things worked out just fine ... with a few interesting twists along the way......

[Sally24]

I don't think it would have made a huge difference in my life's path, but you don't really know for sure. If the state of the art of T/S surgery were at this level in the 70's, would I have chosen it then? I don't want it now because I've come to terms with my life and I'm happy.

As far as my dressing is concerned, it would have been nice to get more involved with it when I was in my 20's and 30's. I can look pretty good now, but I'm no teenager! I wonder what I would have been able to acheive in my younger years. I'm just thankful that my knees haven't given out on me as I'm still able to go out dancing til 2 when the opportunity comes around.

Sally

[Deidra Cowen]

This is shallow as hell, probably makes me look bad saying...but oh well here goes...

I would have loved seeing how I might have looked enfemme when in my twenties. Hardly any body hair, was thin, nice perfect skin and heck I was 'pretty' boy back then. LOL I might have really been able to pull off an incredible look. I think I do ok now don't get me wrong...but I have that middle aged guy look that takes lots of makeup, technique and the right cloths to cover up now! :eek:

Oh well...thats my confession for good or bad. I honestly just did not know all this was possible back then. No internet, very little info and no examples I knew of CDs.

I thought I was gay honestly...LOL...surpressed everything femme and tried to be a macho man for 40 years. :tongueout

[S. Lisa Smith]

I don't think it would have made a huge difference in my life's path, but you don't really know for sure.
As far as my dressing is concerned, it would have been nice to get more involved with it when I was in my 20's and 30's. I can look pretty good now, but I'm no teenager! I wonder what I would have been able to acheive in my younger years.
Sally

Same here, exactly. I tell my hairdresser all the time that I regret not really having the opportunity to dress as a young woman. I used my mother's clothers as a preteen and a teen, but stopped in my 20s and 30s. Oh well....

[Helen MC]

I only knew about CDs or TVs as there were called in those days (1965) from my Mum's magazines such as "Woman's Own" Problems Page. In those days Homosexuality was still a crime in the UK it wasn't de-criminalised between consenting adults -then 21 years old- for another 2 years. On the back of this attitude the climate towards TVs was very hostile then and I can remember a man dressed en-femme being arrested in the town where I lived for "conduct likely to occasion as Breach of the Peace" although he had not been behaving badly in any way but simply because he was wearing panties and a skirt and padded bra under his blouse -the story was written up in the local paper and not sympathetically I can tell you!

It wasn't until I left home at the age of 18 and first bought the magazine "Forum" that I discovered how common CDing was , especially how many men wear women's panties instead of male underpants. Shopping on the internet has been a great boon to me and I wish it had been available back in the 1970s rather than having to make all those furtive visits to shops to buy knickers , bras , skirts etc "for my sister" or "my girlfriend" or having to use Mail Order catalogues which were often expensive and where the goods in those days were not always good quality or value for money.

Websites such as this are first class in reasuring CDs, especially the younger or newer ones, that they are NOT alone and are not freaks or perverts.

[Jerry]

Like many, I've wanted to dress since the 60's with very little access and lots of desire. If I started back then, because I was always told my mom and dad were hoping for a girl, I would have probably transitioned. My life would be completely different.

But, then I most likely wouldn't have met my wife, my best friend. We wouldn't have 4 kids who mean more to me than anything, especially spending the day in a dress.

No regrets. Part of my challenge in dealing with my desires is a wonder if God chose me to be a male to see how I would live my life. My choices and coping have got me here. My wonder now is where will I take myself.

[Joy Carter]

If I could go back in time and meet myself as a teenager, I would have only one simple message. Nothing about life, love, or stock market pics--none of that. It would be one simple message:

"Go ahead and cross dress. It's okay. Don't ever feel guilty about it. Just have fun!"

I think that advice would have altered the course of my life. For the better.

PS
I say this because as I child I was very uptight and serious and worried a lot. As an adult, I have mellowed considerably. If I would have allowed myself to let loose and explore these feelings more, it would have likely faced life's other challenges with a more relaxed confidence. It is a small thing that can have a snowball affect and become a big a deal, IMO.

Hi danam. While you back there stop and say something like that to J-- in Ohio. He/she would have been a better person had he had that advice.

[Marla S]

For me I think it's not only the internet, it's to have found this particular forum on a particular level of personal growth.

I might have gone a slightly different way, and I might have come to terms a bit earlier, but I think it wouldn't have turned things upside down if the internet would have come 20 years ealier.

I've been aware of TG quite early (late teenage, early twens), it has been around in the media for quite a few years, I have read books and articles, and looked though the internet once in a while for several years, but either couldn't identify or felt repelled, hence it didn't help me; the contrary.

One thing that might have really have helped me on an early stage (child, early teens) would have been a more general knowlage by the public which might have caused more support by the family.

But fact is too, that I'd probably be still in the closet without finding this forum.

[Raychel]

Very Good question. I think that if I had known then what I know now. I would have told my parents at a younger age. I surely would have told my wife about my other side, before we got married. I am not sure if she would have still married me or not. But yes thing would have been different.

[Phyliss]

"If I had known then what I know now."
I could spend hours "beating" myself up for all those wasted years.
"Shoulda, woulda, coulda, if wishes was fishes nobody would be hungry"

That was then this is now and I'm NOT gonna let another minute pass without enjoying it. I'm sure my life would have been different but I didn't know then, I do now and I'll make the most of it from this day forward.

[LaSirenaBella]

A question for the more mature girls in the crowd.


How about you?

Even as a "less mature" CDer, I'd wished I just been more brave regarding my CDing to people. Shoot, I wish I could be like that now. It's tough to be out considering where I'm living at the moment!

(hi, Lowla! Hope you're feeling better. LTNS!)

Sirena

[LaSirenaBella]

if wishes was fishes nobody would be hungry

I've never heard that; I like it!

[Rhonda Jean]

I've thought about this a lot. I wish I had had more (any!) information when I was growing up. I remember reading abut Renee Richards. I remember seeing an episode of Real People when the wubject was female impersonators. I heard about Rocky Horror from a girl who told me about the guy who was a "transvestalite", but I never saw the movie. Later on there was Penthouse Letters. That's all, until the internet.

But... I was allowed a lot of latitude in my choice of clothing and hairstyles when I was a kid. I had curly hair that was below my shoulders from the time I was a toddler. Mid back by Junior High. My Mom rolled my hair for special occasions (4-6 times a year) until I was in High School, when I rolled it nearly every night. Beginning in the 9th grade she stared buying me girl's jeans and slacks and a few girl's shirts "because they fit better" (I was really skinny). I even had gjirl's platform heels. Boys wore them too, back in the mid '70's, but it was easier to find a women's 7 than a men's 6 or 6-1/2. She bought men the first men's nylon underwear I ever saw, then later said she could buy 3 pairs of panties for what one pair of nylon men's underwear cost and would I wear them! (Duh!)

I could go on and on with little examples of this incremental... whatever it was, but I say all that to say, if there'd been an internet, and she'd had all this information at her disposal, I don't thind she'd have allowed any of it! She was in all other aspects a very conservative woman. Not permissive in any way. I think she saw all this as either practical or harmless or some combination therein. I benefitted from her being naive. I think if she'd been able to do a few Google searches back then whe wouldn't have seen all that as quite as harmless or parctical. All in all I think I came along at the right time!

[sue ellan]

A question for the more mature girls in the crowd.

When I was growing up and first experimenting with dressing there was no internet, no online crossdressing forums, no virtual transgendered communities. Information about cding and contact with other crossdressers was hard to come by. I realize just how naiive and repressed I was. I'm suspicious that if I knew then what I know now that my life would have unfolded differently. It's not that I have regrets. But I can't help wondering.

How about you?:iagree: but with one more comment. if i knew then what i know now i would have been dressing a lot more and been out in public more, but who knows what my life would have been if that would have happens :love:
sue ellan

life is like a roll of tp. the closer to the end the faster it goes.

[CarolineMi]

If I felt that I could have expressed myself back in the 60's when Dad disiplined us children so easily (Handball practice off the block wall in the livingroom). I couldn't be caught for a very deep fear of the consequents. If only I knew others were dealing with the types of fear I probably never would have married (I love my wife more than I say) and I would have transitioned or started as a teen. Now I fear want my families reaction would be. I'm still stuck in a closet. I die a little each day. I am in therapy finally but I still hide and I cry alot.
I'm so happy to have friends even though I will probably never meet you all.

[bikini02]

Yes. I think about what might have been had all of the information was readily available when I was younger. I like to dream that I probably would be more femine perhaps even TS with SRS.

[ronna]

The first mention I ever heard about it was when I was first married, my wife and I were watching some late night TV, and I don't even know what show it was on, but Dr. Joyce Brothers came on to answer some advice letters and said something like, "Just because your husband is a cross-dresser does not mean he is gay." It was at that moment that it occurred to me that I might not be the only one. Before that, as far as I knew, I was. Now everything is different.

[tvbeckytv]

i think that extra decade must have made a big differance. i was a regular dresser by age of 10, which was the mid 70's. although i didnt really know why i had the compulsion, i was aware that it wasnt something unique to me. I really dont remember going through much of the guilt thing either.
For sure the internet would have had an impact back then, but really just have made things a little more accessable perhaps.

[rocval2001]

I always have said if I knew then what I know now - I'd make the same mistakes over again. But serouisly - I would have told my younger self to seek help to find out if you are really a women in there find her and let her out. The only problem would be is not to have my son, one great kid and a gift to any parent. But maybe releasing the women inside I'd be more happier today.

Love Val

[SherriePall]

Yes. If only....

[Linda Daniels]

I've read all the previous posts and would like to add that if I had known then what I am acccepting now things would have been much much differnt. Once one begins to accept who we are everything seems to unravel and come into place. Yikes!!! Now, I just wonder where this will all end up??? What in the world are us girls supposed to do?!!!

Huggs,

Linda

[Phyliss]

A thought on "If I knew then what I know now"

John Greenleaf Whittier. 1807–1892

From the poem Maud Muller:

God ............................ pity us all,
Who vainly the dreams of youth recall.
For of all sad words of tongue or pen,
The saddest are these: "It might have been!"
Ah, well! for us all some sweet hope lies
Deeply buried from human eyes;

[melissaK]

I'm 52, so I guess I'm your target crowd to chime in on this one.

[adopt best Valley girl voice] OMG, totally! Like my life would've been so, like, different!! :heehee:

BUT, what I really needed was my teachers, parents and family to have had a clue, more than just me. By the time I was a teenager I was soooo conflicted, so repressed and in sooo much denial. A tad bit of acceptance at ages 5 and 10 would've helped (Heck, with the acceptance, just to have not been overtly punished and shamed at those ages would've helped). Then, in my teens some guidance besides Christine Jorgensons saga from half a globe away, would've been nice. I am certain I would be a different person.

I heard that a single issues of todays NYTimes has more information than a man would've encountered in his whole liefetime in the 1700's (or something like that). I wonder what our kids and grandkids will do with it all this info at their finger tips . . . I see gender bending tolerated in schools today, and I am heartened that a few of us will find better paths earlier in their lives.

[Mary Morgan]

Lowla, I think about this alot, especially when talking to younger CDRs. It is certainly a different world than the one I grew up in (59 YO), and I can only imagine that as the years go by, it will get better and better for us transgender folks.
I cannot know what I might have felt or done had I known the potential. I will say that I feel less concerned about the public's sense of us now that I am older. So many taboos have fallen by the wayside. So many taboos are and were the result of ignorance. Suffice it to say that I am out to my wife and children, some close friends and all my sisters on the net, and I am happy about it. Were I to do it all again knowing what I know now, I would have done much more much sooner. Perhaps I would have even lived part of my life as a woman 24/7. Who knows, maybe I still will.

[wabnaok]

I really do not remember. While the internet might have made it easier, I do not think anything would have been any different for me.

[susiej]

Interesting -- I'm in my mid 50's, which means I was of the age to get "lots" (sex and real estate) in the swingin' 60's, and the early 70's. Yet, I was very, very uninformed about my transgender alternatives, and I pretty much stayed that way until the WWW was invented. I figured I wasn't alone in my odd little practice, but I never would have guessed that probably several guys in a 100, or more, shared it!

When I was young, I did not feel shame at being feminine, because it was simply what I was. But, I did greatly fear being exposed, probably with justification. I married a wonderful lady, but one who would never understand or accept my "other" side. These two factors have kept me tightly in the closet, where I am to this day.

I agree with MelissaK that the major impact would have been how the world accepted me, more than on me personally. If, in my 20s, there had been as much tolerance of crossdressing and transgendered people as there is today, I'd have gotten "out" for sure, and probably would have spent the last 30 years in dresses. Or, this just came to me, maybe I would have woken up every morning and decided, what do I want to be today, male or female :) ?

If I could go back to my self at age 21, I would say, "It's OK, you'll make it through all right. Don't be afraid to be what you are. Try harder than I did to find a wife who'll understand and even appreciate your feminine side."

Hugs,
Susie

[Sweet Susan]

I can remember the day that I wanted to learn more about my desires to crossdress. I, too, am in my mid fifties, but at the time I was in my late 20s. I didn't know where to look, so I went to a college library and did the best I could. I learned a little, but I didn't learn enough. Had I learned what I wanted to know, there is no telling where I would have ended up. I tend to think that I would have gone much farther with it than I did given the time I finally learned to accept myself. Had I accepted Susan in the 70s when I was at the ultimate prime of my youthful and womanly appearance capabilities, I think I might have gravitated toward total feminization. I can't help but think that I would have considered sexual reassignment. At this point in my life, I think that would have been a mistake, but I am just wondering, as I have no way of knowing. I do know that even at that time I was totally mezmorized by She-males. Had I been able to become one then, I would have. It wasn't practical, so I never looked into it, plus I didn't think it was possible, why, I don't know. But one of the reasons it wasn't practical was because I didn't have the knowledge I now have about crossdressing in general, and what it means to me specifically.

[Bethanygirl]

Lowla, I think about this alot, especially when talking to younger CDRs. It is certainly a different world than the one I grew up in (59 YO), and I can only imagine that as the years go by, it will get better and better for us transgender folks.
I cannot know what I might have felt or done had I known the potential. I will say that I feel less concerned about the public's sense of us now that I am older. So many taboos have fallen by the wayside. So many taboos are and were the result of ignorance. Suffice it to say that I am out to my wife and children, some close friends and all my sisters on the net, and I am happy about it. Were I to do it all again knowing what I know now, I would have done much more much sooner. Perhaps I would have even lived part of my life as a woman 24/7. Who knows, maybe I still will.


From what I've read, and conversations I've had, I have to say that it was a matter of social pressure for most of you, Louise is right, it has, and will get better because of the 'lightening up' of social acceptance. I didn't know any more than you all did, but dressed all my life anyway, I think knowledge has very little to do with it, it was lack of social pressure. I was without familial ties when I started as a teen, and that probably was what freed me to explore this aspect of myself. Just an opinion or my :2c: worth...

[Cassy11]

I don't know if my life would be different now. I do know that the road to get here would have been very different. When I was younger I felt as if I were the only one who felt like this. I felt isolated and scared.
With the Internet came information. First my wife and I read every book we could find on the subject. Then came chat rooms and forums and a whole new world opend up.
Now I have information and friends not fear and ignorance. I am happy with who I am, and with my wife I will go forward from there.