Ever Been 'Read' without being dressed?

[AmberDay]

Hello all,

I was wondering if anybody else has the same problem with buying womens clothes like I do. My problem is I fear that that people around me know that I am buying girl clothes for myself. I browse through skirts, and lingerire, and I get quick glimpses from customers and clerks which really makes me nervous; most times I end up aborting and leaving the store. Funny thing is, is when I buy clothes for my wife, I have no problems at all.

I guess for me, it is what I am buying. From what I have observed, many men will go buy a blouse or slacks in the women section, but few will actually buy dresses and lingerie. There seems to be a boundry going through the women section that men are only allowed to penetrate so far. I have done my own experiements with this scenario. I'll walk into Wal-mart and proceed to the womens section. I'll start looking at sweaters and slacks, and pretty shirts and nobody will look my way. I penetrate deeper into the dresses and skirts and then I start getting some glances my way. Nothing negative in their behavior, they look at me and continue with what they are doing. But when I enter the lingerie area, that is when clerks/ female customers actually stop what they are doing and watch me look at bras, slips, hose, etc. Few sometimes whisper something to the person next to them.

With this behavior people seem to have, it makes my shopping not that thrilling. I love nice outfits, but about 80% of the time I find something I like I end up not getting it because I fear what others are thinking of me. However; there has only been two times that I was confronted. Surprisingly, the clothes weren't for me,lol.

First confrontation: My sister wanted some high heels for her birthday a few years ago that she saw off of J.C. Penny's website, so I went to J.C. Penny into their shoe department. When I entered the area, immediately one of the sale ladies came up to me and asked snobbly, "May I help you, sir?" (emphasis on the sir) I told her I need a pair of heels for my sister and got the paper off the net to show her. She told me I should look somewhere else for my shoes. I stood there confused and asked if I was in the right store and looked at my internet paper, and she then told me to leave. "Sir, people like you make our customers uncomfortable and you need to have better courtesy, then barging up into this place causing a scene." Of course my face is red and everybody is staring at me so I quickly leave the store. I don't understand what I did wrong, and why it has to be so difficult to buy something for my sister. I ended up writing her a check so she could still get them. I heard J.C. Penny is really bad with crossdressers, but I wasn't dressed like a girl and I wasn't buying the shoes for me.

The second time delt with a local thrift store. I know no matter what, when a guy walks into the womens section of a thrift store most people think they crossdress (I'll be honest I do, but it is nice thinking I'm not the only crossdresser in ohio :) ). Most guys don't go to Goodwill to buy their wife a used $5 skirt suit. I understand and accept getting read at Goodwill and I deal with that fine. This time delt with 2 halloweens ago when my wife and I were going to dress up like 'The old west' for a costume party. I was going to wear the vest, cowboy hat, boots, six shooters, and she was going to wear the old style dresses. Problem was we couldn't find any, so I went to goodwill to see what they had. As luck would have it, they had a dress that was close to what my wife was looking for. It looked like it was made in the 60's but with some alterations, it would look awsome. I took the dress up the the cashier and she asked snotty if I would like to try it on. I laughed and said it was for my wife (which it was) but she was serious. "Sir, we do not have a return policy, and if it doesn't fit you can't bring it back. Looks too big on you anyway." "It's for my wife...." I choked out.

Does this happen to anybody else?

[Nikki A.]

Maybe the poconos are more tolerant but I've never had a problem even when they knew it was for me. Tried on heels, even a bustier, ;) the salesgirl told me to try again in that they were ordering larger sizes.

[Helana]

WOW! CD you really had bad luck. I have just posted in Biddy's thread about how easy it is to say to salesladies that you are buying for yourself and I have never had a bad experience, then the next thread I open I see your story.

At JCPenny - you should have stood your ground. You should have told her that she was rude and arrogant and demanded to see her supervisor. She is not a saleslady and should not keep her job if that is the way she treats customers. No matter what JCPenny's guidelines are about CDers, you were not crossdressed and should have been treated with respect. I doubt very much if JCPenny does have any anti-CD regulations or else they would be open to a file suit for discrimination.

As for your observations - it is true that you will probably get more glances in the skirts and dresses section - personally I just concentrate on the shopping and don't bother looking at who is looking at me. As for the lingerie - it is common for men to be there shopping for birthday presents so if people are looking in your direction they are thinking how lucky your SO is to have you buy her some sexy lingerie and wondering if you will be having a wild night of passion, not there goes a crossdresser.

My best advice is to relax, smile, enjoy and ignore your paranoia that everybody thinks you are a crossdresser. If your body is clenched up with fear and embarressment then that would indicate to others that you had something to hide and then they may indeed think badly of you. Try another experiment - go to the skirt section and deliberately smile and chat with the salesladies and see what reaction you get. :)

[Ava Mouse]

Wow, CD in Dayton & Helana, awesome avatars, ladies! :)

I also have that paranoia when I'm browsing. I HATE it when someone is looking in the section I want to look, I have to wait until they're done... I don't have the courage to browse the rack right next to someone.

FIRST TIME I bought makeup, I was outed by a teenage check-out clerk! "These are for you, aren't they?" Ulp. "Er... No, they're for my girlfriend" "Well YOU forgot foundation!" Ulp. I just paid and left... sigh. She was right, though. I forgot foundation.

And yes, the average husband does not buy clothes for the wife at goodwill... ;)

We're also more picky and look closer at the clothes than the average guy. i.e. sizes, prices... We match separates... (I've been complimented many times on my choices, for a guy. Dunno if they mean it. ;) )

The average guy will say, my wife is 'size M', and point to what he wants to get her. I know 'manly' men that will never set foot in an intimate apparel section. (Why are they so paranoid/insecure about their masculinity?)

Asking for help and saying thanks makes the clerk feel useful and professional.

[ChristineRenee]

Hi CD,

Well, I was really surprised to read in your story about the negative shopping experience you had at Penney's. I worked for them for 4 years total at two different locations and have never experienced anything like what you have gone through.

If I may give you some advice from someone who shops frequently in the women's department, although I have yet to do it while dressed en femme, is to be less focused on who may be watching you and far more focused on what it is you are looking to buy. It is not easy initially but the more you do it the easier it will be. Having a good sense of humor is essential as well, although had I encountered a saleswoman like that one you described I probably would have reported her behavior to the store manager.

The more relaxed and matter-of-fact you can be about it the less anxiety you will experience while you are doing it. The only time I was ever "read" in public while en drab was when I was on my honeymoon in 1994. The wife and I were shopping in a woman's lingerie store but in separate areas of the store. I was looking for a particular brand and style of panty when an older woman who had been watching me intently, and as I said I don't even pay attention to that so I had no idea how long she had been observing me, walked by me as I was looking for my size and make a snarky comment to the effect of "shopping for yourself, honey?", to which I shot back, surprising even myself I might add, "why yes...honey...JEALOUS?" The look she gave me back was priceless...wish I had had a camera to capture it. She went away without saying another word. I haven't had anyone since do that to me or be that blantantly rude to me since.

So just focus your attention on the task at hand and the hell with anyone who might be reading you. In the grand scheme of things, it just doesn't matter anyway.


Hugs & Kisses,
Christine Renee

[iseiai no okama]

Actually i've never had problems with clerks. The clerks have always been polite to me. It may have something to do with the fact that i shop in fairly tolerant San Francisco.

However there are always two TABs who give me the harsh stare of doom whenever i shop... but it doesn't stop me.

[Vallari]

Well if I ever came across someone that was snobby and it sounded like I was being put down for just being male I'd ask to speak with a manager. I haven't had any problems so far. I often shop in stores like Kohls and Belk now, and often come across the young trendy college girls at the purchase area. I think they suspect something but they seem good at hiding it. I usually strike up a converstaion between me and the clerk while he/she rings the stuff up. Nothing special, just stuff like "So has it been pretty slow/busy today?" and "So do you go to a college around here?"

These usually work pretty good. It takes away most of the uncomfortable feelings (if theyre are any) and we concentrate on dialog and ringing things up. I find that male clerks tend to be less bothered/suspicious looking when purchasing lingirie and understuff like bras and panties. I guess they could really care less or they just dont feel like thinking about it and analyzing the situation.

But yeah I'd definitely ask to speak with a manager or ask something that might get them nervous like thier name and stuff like that and mention things like reporting to higher-ups and abuse. As far as embarassment goes if the clerk already called me out, then what else have I got to loose?

[Allie]

wow that sucks! what horrible "sales" people. Ive never had a bad experience, and ive only shopped in the makeup/tights sections. no one even glances at me. you should deffinitley talk to the manager if that happens again. how rude.
The attitude i go in with that elliminates all the stress is "these people dont know me, and ill never see them again. so why care what they think?" its been working, maybe give it a try? :D :)

[nicki]

CD
So sorry to hear your bad time shopping, The sales lady was very out of line. I use to be nervous when shopping ,,then i accepted who i am and that im a crossdresser,, things started getting much easier.
If i run into a sales lady with that kinda of attitude ,, im standing there at 6.2 wearing a size 4 with the look on my face " lady ,,, you only wish." That normally removes any attitude problems.
One saturady afternoon i was shopping for a black pleated mini,,a young sale girl,,in her late teens or mid 20's was helping me. With a sad look on her face she replied ,, she was sorry they didnt have what " I " was loking for,. In that split second i knew she knew i was a crossdresser and she could tell i didnt have any problems with her knowing . But before i left she wanted to show me another skirt,,,Seeing it,,it could work into my fashion taste,,she ask me my size. I informed her a size 4. The same little sad look on her face ,,,jokking,, saying "you know how to hurt a girl,,i would giving anything to get into a 4 " .We laughed and everything was cool
I gues what im trying to tell you are a few words of wisdom # 1 Its all in the mind set . Good mind set, you get good response # 2 Your money is just as good as anyone else. after all a store is in business to make money.
This is comming to you from a crossdresser with a given birth name of Ncki,, grow up with that !

[Helana]

The attitude i go in with that elliminates all the stress is "these people dont know me, and ill never see them again. so why care what they think?" its been working, maybe give it a try? :D :)

That was exactly my line too and it worked beautifully. No more butterflies in the stomach.

And as Nicki said it is all in your own attitude, people respond warmly to a positive approach so add a little charm and take the stress out of the situation - after all the saleslady is probably a bit stressed herself not knowing how to deal with a crossdresser. If they see you are not a "creep" then the whole relationship changes instantly. ;)

[Danny]

Not sure if I was ever "read" on my first visit to a certain store or women's wear department. But, after many visits, encountering the same clerks, they get to know me, and they begin asking me how I liked that last item I bought, was the fit comfortable, etc.

Usually shopping at large stores in a large urban area, I have never really encountered a problem. I occasionally get a stare from another customer in the lingerie department, but nothing more. One time, I heard two clerks talking in a lingerie department...both older ladies. One described the fact that a man had come in and asked for help finding a girdle. She said that he told her that his doctor had recommended that he wear one to help a bad back condition. The other clerk made a response I didn't hear, and the first replied "Yea, he was a weirdo." I went ahead and took my bra and panty purchase to the counter to pay, hoping I would get one those clerks...just to see what response I would get. But, another lady waited on me, and the transaction was entirely businesslike, as is usually the case.

[sandim]

CD

I never shopped at Penney's but always stopped at Goodwill and other national chain stores! My experiences had been 50/50. Generally I believe it really doe's depend on the clerk as opposed to the store. Once I stopped at Goodwill and bought 3 patio type dresses, tried them on in the unisex changing room, checked out, no problem. Came back the next day because they had a cute LBD that I couldnt make my mind up earlier. When I went to check out the clerk (both days GG's) made snide remarks to me like "only a real woman could do this dress justice"! I never said a word, just paid and left.

Today I live as Sandra 24/7 and (knock on wood) havent had any problems with shopping! With all respect to the GG's on this forum, the only situations that I experienced when shopping in drab always came from woman clerks! I never tried to analyse it but men clerks were always polite and helpful. Go figure!

[Vallari]

I bet you the male clerks understand a bit better about the whole situation. They may CD themselves! If I worked at a store like that and could get special discounts, etc I'd definitely be very helpful and understanding!

[June]

In my experience, it's usually the under 30 saleswoman who are more accepting. In some stores, such as Lane Bryant & FashionBug, saleswoman have told me that they know when a guy is in there shopping for himself. They've also said that they're more than glad to help you find the right size. It's more work for them if you're buying and returning things all the time. Stores with individual changing rooms will generally allow you to try things on if you ask discreetly and show up when things aren't too busy.

Just try to be polite. One store I was in was really suspicious when I asked to use the changing room. "you're not going to come out and flash us like the guy who was in here last week are you?" .... some folks ruin it for all of us.

I know it's scary shopping for yourself, but be polite, cheery and most of all don't be looking all around like a nervous shoplifter :)

[Danny]

I know it's scary shopping for yourself, but be polite, cheery and most of all don't be looking all around like a nervous shoplifter :)

I can surely identify with that. Shopping is routine now, but I was 17 when I made my first store purchase of feminine undergarments. I was a basket case...looking around nervously...hands shaking. It's amazing that they didn't call the police.

BTW June (and off-topic), living in Frostbitefalls, MN...do you ever see Rocky and Bullwinkle? I hear that they are in retirement there. ;)

[June]

Rocky's spending her retirement running a cute lil' boutique that caters to trangendered squirrels :rolleyes:

[ChristineRenee]

Rocky's spending her retirement running a cute lil' boutique that caters to trangendered squirrels :rolleyes:I've got a blind squirrel lookin' for his nutz on line 3....anyone?:o

[June]

<hand on hips> Now cut dat out ! ;)

[ChristineRenee]

<hand on hips> Now cut dat out ! ;)
Uh...unfortunately...that's what HE said!:p :D

[Tamara Croft]

You know women clerks are so sexist... I mean do they stare at GG's when they buy mens clothes??? NO!!!! But a male goes in and buys womens clothes and they get stared at... wtf is that all about huh??? I mean most of the time they are actually buying gifts for their partner... as for buying shoes CDinDayton... you really should have stood your ground. If she had bothered to find out the size.... (I'm assuming your sister doesn't take the same size as you) then she would of realised they weren't for you. Even so, that clerk was sexist. She should have been reported for it.

Tamara x

[MistyCD]

Hey, I look at it this way, "I have as much right to buy those clothes, as any other person, whether its a woman or man"

ps you can always say "Fine, you'll be hearing from my attorney...by the way what's your name, so I can put it in my report!!"

[ChristineRenee]

You know women clerks are so sexist... I mean do they stare at GG's when they buy mens clothes??? NO!!!! But a male goes in and buys womens clothes and they get stared at... wtf is that all about huh??? I mean most of the time they are actually buying gifts for their partner... as for buying shoes CDinDayton... you really should have stood your ground. If she had bothered to find out the size.... (I'm assuming your sister doesn't take the same size as you) then she would of realised they weren't for you. Even so, that clerk was sexist. She should have been reported for it.

Tamara xShoulda asked her what size ball gag she wears so you could get her one for Valentine's Day!;)

[Wendy me]

you should have talked to the dept. manager at penny's............love penny's
eather mode wendy or "him" penny's is one of my favs. never troubles ........

and i know that thay know that wendy and "him" well.......are related to say the least.........never trouble............

shopping in the "him" mode use to be a stressful event..........now the over powering eurge to shop overrides any thoughts of people watching.......
i would have died when a sales girl asked is this for you jokeing around now
i just say yes do you like it????????? there are a few places that i am know in
and i know the girls..............no problmes.............
two opptions..........1. panic and don't shop :eek: ..........order by web........
2. get over it and shop........i mean most of the time no one is watching you
just think thay are...........i use to feel like i got away with something when
i bought something.........now shop on girlfreind......... ;)

shopping is wendy's sport :p

[LindaTS]

That is a very depressing story. I can't really speak for myself in this situation because I shop enfemme. But I know one girl who uses our Penny's store but always in drab. He doesn't have any trouble buying lingerie and they let him try on the bras if he wants to. I've heard from other girls who also use Penny's from other areas and most of them speak highly of them. Maybe you just had to draw the one bad store out of many. As for the other places, I would suggest keep looking, as they can't all be bad. I hope!!!!!!!!!!

[Sharon]

In my limited experience (mere months), I haven't had any difficulties in shopping for clothing. I had been fearful for many years to ever attempt this, but then I realized that I had been shopping without nervousness when buying for my wife, family, or friends. I have come to realize that it was all attitude! If I behave as if I belong there as much as anyone else, no one gives me a second glance. But if I were to look nervously at every other set of eyes in the vicinity, I would either be "made," or, more likely, be suspected of being a possible shoplifter.

At this point in time, I have come to the realization that I shouldn't care what strangers think of me. There are friends and family I haven't disclosed my secret to yet, but as to what other people think of me, people I will never know or see again, what's the point in concerning myself with this? What's the worse that could happen? Embarrassment? I can live with that.

As a person who has many years experience in retailing, I can guarantee you that no company has a policy against crossdressers. If you have the cash, they are thrilled to have your business. If I, or any other manager I've known, ever heard an employee treat ANY customer with disrespect, that person would soon be an EX-employee.

[racheal]

When it comes to shopping, I just go for it. You know what you want and what you look goodin so you go to the store, full confidence, and get your size. I do get interesting looks fromsales ladies fromtime to time at Winners. At Addition-Elle, they are curious, but haven't figured it out yet. :) Online, we are anonymous (to an extent) anyway. :) At Tall Crest - women's boots for me, they know and even let me try them on in a fitting room, but I am confortalbe there so I just try them on right in the showroom anyway. You must ignore what they may or may not think - It took me at least a couple of years to figure that out. But then when you are in Toronto, almost anything goes anyway. :)

[AmberDay]

If she had bothered to find out the size.... (I'm assuming your sister doesn't take the same size as you) then she would of realised they weren't for you. Even so, that clerk was sexist. She should have been reported for it.

Tamara x



True since I wear 9 1/2 and I told the lady I needed size 4's.....

As for reporting the incident, I was so embarrassed that I just wanted to leave. I didn't want to make a bigger scene.

Amber

[racheal]

True since I wear 9 1/2 and I told the lady I needed size 4's.....

As for reporting the incident, I was so embarrassed that I just wanted to leave. I didn't want to make a bigger scene.

Amber
It is funny how that seems to happen from time to time. Better to avoid it - you are correct on that one.

[Wendy me]

i would have made her get them in bouth sizes..................

[racheal]

i would have made her get them in bouth sizes..................
It's for those times I wish I were with you Wendy - in groups we can overcome those little 'issues'. United we stand, divided we fall. :( :)

[Mandie]

I even joke about it. Victoria's Secret is always sending me little cards to get dollars off buying a new bra, get free panties, perfume, whatever.

I just tell the girls that I'm using my Frequent Crossdresser Points if they ask.

Look, this girl is over 6 feet tall. It's pretty obvious when I ask for really long stockings who I'm buying for.

It's pretty funny sometimes. I've actually had them tell me that if "she" isn't happy with the color or of the size isn't quite right, that they'll be happy to exchange the item for them.

It's really fun when I shop on trips. I usually take a pair of my stiletto heels along so I can get all "dolled up" after I do my shopping.

You go girls!

Kisses,

Mandie

[racheal]

Too bad that wasn't true - we need all of those crossdressing points we can get! :)

[Priscilla1018]

Dear CDinDayton,

I have been made also at times, usually while shopping for lingerie.But I don't let that stop me. We have every right to buy any thing we wish. I know all about feeling embarassed ,yet there is also a certain thrill about it.
The more you shop, the more comfortable you will be. Just be yourself.

OX OX

Priscilla1018

[Georgette]

If it does to me I won't be the only scene they will see as He has a short fuse and HE won't take that kind of crap from any person that is supposed to be serving the public I would demand to see the manager and if that wouldn't work the main Vice President in charge of the store. Nuff said. :rolleyes:

[Wendy me]

If it does to me I won't be the only scene they will see as He has a short fuse and HE won't take that kind of crap from any person that is supposed to be serving the public I would demand to see the manager and if that wouldn't work the main Vice President in charge of the store. Nuff said. :rolleyes:

just love it that my sis. ........................ :p .....................

[sherri]

Usually the only thing a saleslady says to me is asking if I need some help. I usually just say I'm fine, just browsing. If one ever asked me about shopping for myself, I'd say yes I am. Then if she offered to help, I would let her, after resisting the urge to kiss her.

I agree with the advice to focus on your shopping. Because I usually take forever to make up my mind, I just assume it's pretty obvious I'm shopping for myself. I mean, I'm really analyzing this stuff — style, size, neckline, the right color, price, etc. I even hold things up to my body to check size, length, etc. I stay aware of other people out of the corner of my eye, but if they don't like it, I really don't care. If one ever got hateful, I'd probably curb the impulse to respond in kind and say something like, "Tell you what, let's get the manager out here and see if he/she supports your attitude." And if she didn't go get the manager, I would. After all, that saleslady has more to lose than I do.

You know, it just occurred to me, I have a couple of outfits that have come together pretty well, and I like to think I look okay in them. Wouldn't it be nice to have a photo in my wallet that I could whip out and show to a snarky saleslady and say, "Gosh, could it be that I look better in this stuff than you do? I'd be happy to help you with your look if you'd like."

One thing: when shopping for lingerie, I'm very careful about how I do it so as not to appear to just be some weirdo getting his jollies playing with underwear. After all, except in Victoria's Secret, it is very rare for a man to be shopping for bras. I make it a point to be a focused shopper rather than an aimless browser. Get in, get out. And I don't handle the merchandise any more than I need to to find what I'm looking for.

The last time I bought panties at Dillards, the saleslady ringing up my sale asked if I'd found what I was looking for. I replied that I had, but I wished they'd start carrying brazilian-cut bikini panties. Then I gave her a big smile, and she smiled right back.

[Wendy me]

you know i have been thinking ..............i know stop it.............we should e mail penny's and like tell them not to pick on our sister...................................

[Faith]

For me its not the people that are working in the store that i am worried about. I live in a fairly small town, big enough to have a good sized mall, Walmart, and Kmart but small enough so that everybody knows somebody who knows you. About 50% of the time i go out to shop i will see someone that i know and most people would know that i am not married so that would make it hard to explain why i am buying something for a woman. I have never been caught but have been close a couple of times. One time i was carrying a skirt to the checkout and lost the nerve so i went and put it back only to come around the corner and see someone i knew after i had put it back. I am always looking over my shoulder so it probably makes me look more obvious. Thats why i try to do most of my shopping on the internet.

[Melissa A.]

I agree with you, Georgette, if that lady in Penny's had done that to me, I would have had SO much fun putting her in her place. You have a right to buy anything, anywhere, anytime, and NO ONE has a right to ask you to leave because of what you are buying or your gender.
"Barge in and cause a scene"??? I don't even know what that means. Sounds like she was the one making a scene. You were just SHOPPING!

God, I wish that had been me!

But I do understand the trepidation, CD, I will bet all of us have been there before. The more you do it, the more comfortable and sure of yourself you will become. Don't let some snotty salesperson in a dead end job make you feel uncomfortable about you! She has no right, and should be grateful that you are there.

I wish you all the luck with your confidence. Work on it, girl. We're all on your side!

Hugs,

Melissa :)

[sherri]

Faith, because I am single, I would never shop in my small town. It's a little risky even in the nearby city. That's why I always "case the joint" when I go in the store.

Of course, if you're buying a skirt or something, that can be explained a hundred different ways. A tube of lipstick or a bra on the other hand ... "Yeah, I can explain this ... um, just a second ... let me think ... um ..."

[Tristen Cox]

Nope not really read, just misunderstood when I tried to purchase something and said it was for someone else, they ignored that part. Guess someday I'll be more willing to admit it. To many people here assume you are gay for buying women's clothing for yourself. Crossdressing seems to be a joke to them. I feel sorry for them :rolleyes:

[black leotards]

Hopefully! :eek:

[AnnaMaria]

I ahve to say teh I personally become quite defensive when I go shopping. Not really fearful more like, It's my money and I will do what I want with it and if they don't like it then I will spend my mondy elsewhere.

And I son't think twice about asking to talk to a manager when someone is rude. Of course most of that comes from my mother, she is exactly the same way. Don't get her started because if you do you will have the worst day of your life.

What I really don't understand is the attitude that the pennies lady had. I know for a fact that they at least use to work on commision in the show department at pennies. I know this because mom worked for them for a number of years and whe faught with them about moving her to a different department several times because she didn't want to loose her commision. The lady must not have much in the way of sense or they have changed their policy concerning the commisions one of the two.

I just hope that you have better luck with shopping in the future.

huggs
anna

[Danielle1960]

I do alot of window shopping and occasionally buy. I've discovered when the store isn't busy the mental attitude of the clerks is more helpful. I did have a cashier ask me if the panties and stuff were for me at Walmart (2am) and I smiled held them up and in a joking manner said yes do you like them. She didn't know whether to believe me or assume it was a joke. So I continued the conversation with other small talk and we both parted company with a smile.
My wife needed a new outfit for a business meeting and I tolder her I would go get her something. She knows I like to CD and doesn't support but she trusted my judgment. I went to Lane Bryant and the sales lady abt 22yo was very helpful. She thought I was buying for me though she didn't verbalize but she would smile and continue helping.

I think being out front is desirable but you have to take each occurance in turn. I alway come up with a few snappy lines to difuse the situation before checking out.

Danielle :)

[Vickie-CD]

That is a bad experiance, I've never had any problems. Where I shop I think everyone that works there knows me anyway.
Love to All,
Vickie

[Helana]

Of course, if you're buying a skirt or something, that can be explained a hundred different ways. A tube of lipstick or a bra on the other hand ... "Yeah, I can explain this ... um, just a second ... let me think ... um ..."

Now that is too easy....you are forgetting the CDer's favorite shopping tip - just carry a piece of paper around with you with some illegible scrawl on it and say - my wife/girlfriend wants me to get her this bra/lipstick. The ultimate fallback position. :cool:

[sherri]

Now that is too easy....you are forgetting the CDer's favorite shopping tip - just carry a piece of paper around with you with some illegible scrawl on it and say - my wife/girlfriend wants me to get her this bra/lipstick. The ultimate fallback position. :cool:
No wife. Girlfriend? In this small town, it would go something like, "Oh really! I didn't know you were dating anyone. Who's the lucky girl?" Then I'd have to fake a sudden heartattack to duck the question. Even then, later, at the hospital, as I lay there awaiting the pointless EKG results, they would show up, "You poor thing! Are you okay? So, tell us more about this girlfriend. Does she know you're in the hospital?"

But I have used the shopping list ploy in the city ... only it was a real list — mine!

[Melissa A.]

I don't know, to me, the "girlfriend" ploy just sounds so transparent. Like, he(or she) doth protest too much.

Like I have said before, I just don't care anymore. I'd rather they know that I am an unafraid cd than someone putting on act, when I don't care what they think, anyway.

Hugs,

Melissa :)

[sissy stacy]

(curtsey)

i have never shopped at Jean-Claude Pennee in the brick and mortar for stuff. i have ordered lingerie from the catalogue, though. Never had problems there, except when they were out of stock on stuff, but they always sent it when they got it.

i have been 'read' twice, once when I was in my twenties and once in my late thirties. The latter was by a chickie who was no more than twenty-two and giggled and thought it was cute. She was very helpful and spent quite a bit of time with me and made sure that i found what i wanted. She wound up selling me more stuff than i had intended to buy. i wrote a nice, general letter about her. i saw her later and she thanked me for the letter as it had got her a bonus and a promotion.

The former was by a clerk who was in her mid-thirties and wound up dating me for a while. She saw me looking at the lingerie, was trying to be very helpful while i was being reserved. Finally she just said, 'look, I like seeing guys in lace and I don't get to see it often, so just let me help you.' i spent a lot of time trying on a lot of very pretty lingerie and bought quite a bit. i think most of the stuff i tried on was because she just wanted to see me in it.


We broke up because she found out about my Native American Princess GF; those of you from the Eastern US have perhaps heard of her?: Rolling Rock.
She did not mind Rolling Rock terribly, she just minded that i spent so much time with Rolling Rock and she didn't like the effect that excessive time spent with Rolling Rock had on me.

i have also been 'read' at the kinky boutiques, but i do not count that as they expect that sort of stuff there.

(curtsey)

-sissy stacy

[Helana]

i wrote a nice, general letter about her. i saw her later and she thanked me for the letter as it had got her a bonus and a promotion.

That was a nice thing you did. Next time a saleslady goes out of her way to be accommodating and put me at ease then I will do the same. They deserve it for doing a good job.

If we all did that then salesladies would be fighting amongst themselves everytime a CD walks in so that they can get a thank you letter. :D

[Janet K.]

I was read Tuesday. I went to a small costume shop on the way home in order to purchase a wig. I was in drab (except for panties and tights). I asked the man to see a certain wig that he had haging up and he asked me what I was planning on wearing it for I told him that it wasn't for me (I'm still a little hesitant about the smaller shops) and that it was a gag gift. His Reply?? "Sure". I'll probably go back there for more wigs, as well as clothes and shoes. They have a ton of nice looking used shoes and clothes that I could have gotten if I wasn't on a limited budget. If they figure it out, oh well!! I am giving them money---I doubt they'll throw me out or anything like that!! I have my suspicions about the man that waited on me---he sure was willing to try on the wig that I purchased---I think he might be a CD as well. I can only hope :) ;) .

[Wendy me]

yar this moring "he" looked in the marror and saw wendy.................................

[racheal]

yar this moring "he" looked in the marror and saw wendy.................................
Hopefully it wasn't too mucb of a shock to you Wendy. I see Racheal all of the time. :)

[Elysia]

Just a few hours ago I went to a Marshals store. I occasionally look for lingerie there because they sometimes have great bargains. Tonight I found a beautiful yellow negligee for only $7. This is for something that lists at $48. I couldn’t resist. So I took it to the counter and the first thing the clerk said to me was “Are you going to wear this?” She said it in a very pleasant and friendly tone but I was still shocked. I could feel myself flush. I don’t know if she could tell I was embarrassed, I’d guess she could. I wasn’t sure what to say but I didn’t want to lie, so I said nothing.

She continued by saying how cute the negligee was and what a good price it was. Getting over the initial shock, I agreed with her that it was a bargain and made sure I smiled and thanked her. I know she was being friendly and I wish I’d had the nerve to tell her, “Yes I am going to wear it.” It feels like a missed opportunity that I didn’t.

This is the second time in the last two years that this sort of thing has happened. About two years ago I bought a dress at a Salvation Army store and the clerk asked me, “is this for you.” I didn’t answer that time either. She went on to tell me that it would look very nice on me.

Usually clerks just ring me up without any particular reaction at all. I have had a few quizzical stares and even a few disapproving ones, at least they felt disapproving, but in these cases nothing was said. I once went out of my way to tell a clerk that I was buying a dress for me and had a very positive experience, I wrote about it here. (http://crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=8045) I thought after that I was over any embarrassment, but I guess not, not at least when I’m directly confronted, even in a friendly way.

It makes me think that these clerks must see other men buying women’s clothes and that they have come to some conclusions about what set of behaviors indicate that the buyer is a cross-dresser. This is not likely if I am the only cross-dresser in town.

[GypsyKaren]

I think you should just relax and enjoy your shopping trip. Nobody cares what you're doing, they're more worried about themselves. All of the clerks are bored with their jobs and thinking about quitting time, and the other customers are looking for a deal. Here's what I do if someone gives me a look; I think "let them look because I know I'll probably look better in this than they would." You just gotta learn to ignore people and focus on finding something you like. It works for me, and I'll tell you, I used to be so nervous when shopping that they probably thought I was there to rob the place.
GypsyKaren

[Rachel Ann]

I almost never have trouble with salespeople - but then, I live in one of the most T-friendly places in the world. GG shoppers give me the "hairy eyeball" all the time, but I don't let it bother me. I do try to enter an aisle when it is empty, and shop at times of day when the stores aren't crowded.

It seems that the nicer and more upscale the store, the more helpful and pleasant the salesladies are, even when it's obvious that you're shopping for yourself.

I have yet to try the dressing rooms - I think I'll save that one for when I'm with a GG or a very passable Tgirl. And I shy away from places like Dress Barn that never seem to have any men in them at all.

[Sigrid]

It seems that the nicer and more upscale the store, the more helpful and pleasant the salesladies are, even when it's obvious that you're shopping for yourself.


I agree. My theory is that the nicer the store the more plausible it is that a man is likely gift shopping for a woman and therefore doesn't seem so out of place. I also need to stress that if you do go into an upscale store like Macy's or Nordstrom, you ought to dress like you shop there all the time (i.e. no jeans, t-shirt, tennis shoes). I'm talking about shopping in drab, btw - I've never shopped in drag.

Lately, I've have asked to use the fitting rooms at the Gap, Old Navy and several boutiques and in Dillard's (in AZ). Haven't been turned down yet. In fact, at Dillard's lingerie dept. I was told to just use the ladies fitting room since they were just minutes away from closing time and there were no other customers.

~Sigrid

[Stephenie]

Since I got married 24yrs ago I have had to buy fem hygiene product for wife and daughters and panty hose and makeup and an asortment other other products. I have never had a problem though at first it was hard. But If some clerck treated my rude I have no problem talking to a supervisor.

Stephenie

[SatinPantiesTasha]

See, its the thought of being questioned and found out that always makes me nervous to go shopping by myself. Infact I've only gone by myself once, and that was very early, like 9ish, at a wal-mart. Basically everytime I go out to shop, I bring one of my female friends w/ me. As strange as it sounds, if I'm with them I can freely look around and pick stuff out. The only thing I really have them do is pay for it, haha (with money I give to them of course :p ) Just to get into a story real quick, I went to burlington about a week ago and visited one of my female friends for the night. The next day we went to the mall and went into one of the stores, I was looking at shirts, skirts, and jeans, OH MY! haha. I only had enough for jeans though, but thats fine, cuz they're amazing, I was like wow, I actually do have a but, haha. But anyways, we went to the counter and I had her pay right, but the sales lady looked at her quickly, then looked over to me and asked if I had found everything ok, I was like shocked, lol, She smiled and said dont worry about it, its cute, and proceeded to ring it up, etc, etc, I turned so red and said thank you, have a nice day, haha. Anyways, maybe I'll start going out on my own.........maybe :D