why do we hide away

[xdmandy]

once a year in the midlands gay people male and female from all over the uk meet in one place and walk through the streets letting people know there gay and proud of it which i think is great that there standing up for themselves so why haveant us cd/tv and ts done anything like that to show the uk that were here and were not just a few people who hide away while we wear a skirt or dress in our liveing rooms.:tongueout

[Delila]

These gay pride parades happen just about everywhere and good for them. Most crossdressers feel that by going public in any way will out them to the world and this is something I have noticed people will go to any length to keep this from happening.

[lady lycra]

I used to live in Birmingham. One of my close friends is one of the organisers of the Birmingham gay pride festival.
It's open to all. You don't have to be gay to visit it or to take part.
I'm sure that if a group of CDs wanted to do something in the festival, even organise a gathering, it would be welcomed.

Most CDs are not gay, and they may not want to be part of the gay pride in case it gives others the wrong idea.... Personally I have no worries about what others think of me. I'm not gay, but if someone were to think so then that's up to them. I'd rather someone think that I was gay than a facist/racist.

I've been to both Birmingham's and Cardiff's gay events (in drab). We go as a family. It's great fun. I had to explain to my young son why men were holding hands etc but he took it in his stride. Our neighbours are lesbians (recently married) and he had no trouble accepting that either.
There were a large number of crossdressed people at both events. Sadly most were OTT drag queen types, not your average CDer :(

CDs do have events. There are many weekends in hotels etc. OK not HUGE events, and not usually open to the public, but there are events to go to if you feel brave enough.

LL

[Tracy_Victoria]

once a year in the midlands gay people male and female from all over the uk meet in one place and walk through the streets letting people know there gay and proud of it which i think is great that there standing up for themselves so why haveant us cd/tv and ts done anything like that to show the uk that were here and were not just a few people who hide away while we wear a skirt or dress in our liveing rooms.:tongueout

Crossdressing is kind of different from being gay, to most crossdressing is a moment not a lifestyle. ie you don't stop being gay, you are or you are not! however a crossdresser stops being a crossdresser the moment he returns to drab mode. (until the next time!) yes I know there are gay crossdressers and many do attend the marches enfem, but if most of us did attend would we be noted as crossdresser or taken as women member of the march. from many of the girls pictures on here unless they had a sign saying crossdresser many would just be accepted as female. (and I'm not trying to be funny or nasty here) but at a gay pride meeting there are going to be butch looking real females anyway, so it not like some would stand out as crossdressers even then! ie as I have often tried to get people to relise on here, Real girls come in all shapes sizes and some do look masculine!

Also most of us older ones are married have children, some are fortunate (like me) to have a partner that knows I dress. but none of my friends nor family know about this strange hobby of mine, therefore walking down the street fully dressed (in a known crowd of crossdressers) is kind of going to the game game away a little. so I presume like myself most of us, just want to do our thing, then return to our other lives with as little upset and agro as possable.

[Sandra]

Take a look at this (http://www.sparkle.org.uk/)

[Kate Simmons]

The world it seems, isn't quite ready for us yet but are we ready for each other? It would seem so, since we post a lot and communicate a lot here. The reasons are various and sundry but the main theme seems to be we enjoy dressing and being ourselves. It's nice when we have understanding SO's and friends which helps to make things easier to swallow for sure. Recognition is not going to happen overnight but the little positive things we do each and every day in this direction certainly helps. We have to realize this is who we are though and be proud of that rather than be ashamed. We all have so much to contribute to make the world a better place. So, let's just continue to share our experiences, our feelings, our hopes and our dreams with each other and be good ambassadors and one day that dream of recognition just may come true.:happy: Ericka

[Marla S]

Crossdressing is kind of different from being gay, to most crossdressing is a moment not a lifestyle. ie you don't stop being gay, you are or you are not! however a crossdresser stops being a crossdresser the moment he returns to drab mode.
Hm, can't agree. Rather the opposite is true.
Homosexuality usually doesn't show in real life, because one usualy doesn't have sex in public or is flirting whole the day. Hence homosexuality is predominataly invisible for the public and at work ( like heterosexuality is). A crossdresser is (would be) visible (at least wishes to be), because that's the point of crossdressing, making the "fem side" visible.
And a crossdresser doesn't stop to be one if he wears drab, he's going into the stealth mode. That's just it. Once you announced to be a CD people think of you as a CD, dressed or not. That is the same with homosexuality. If it would be like you say, I see no reason not to tell everybody you are a CD, you don't have to show it finally.



... from many of the girls pictures on here unless they had a sign saying crossdresser many would just be accepted as female.
Here I have to disagree again. Most look like "man in dress" at least on a second look. You have to take into account that photos are usualy selected, done after a heavy (even professional) makeover and/or are photoshoped. In addition only a small minority posts pics here, which IMO has also something to do with the internal "look-like-a-woman-forum-standard" that "has to be fulfilled" but a lot probably are not able or don't want to fulfill (some others just don't want to show pics, for various reasons). Hence I think to gallery is not representative and might give a wrong impression.


ie as I have often tried to get people to relise on here, Real girls come in all shapes sizes and some do look masculine!
Can't subscribe to it either. There are indeed only very very few GGs where I question is this a masculine GG or a feminine GM. I have to admit though that I am not aware of the ones that pass, because they pass.


Also most of us older ones are married have children, some are fortunate (like me) to have a partner that knows I dress. but none of my friends nor family know about this strange hobby of mine,
I here I agree therefore walking down the street fully dressed (in a known crowd of crossdressers) is kind of going to the game game away a little.
Here I have to agree.

[melissacd]

Some of us hide away, some of us get out in public on a periodic basis, some of us get out into public a lot and some of us are 7/24. The fact of the matter is that there are a lot of us and we are at various stages in our own personal reveal to the world.

As more of us get out into the public more and more the public will come to know us and eventually get used to us, then there will be no need to hide. In the meantime, for each and every one of us it is a personal decision of whether or not to take the chance of exposing that side of ourselves to the world. For those of us who have tried, we usually find that each time it gets easier to do and that rarely does anything seriously negative happen. Those successes help build our confidence and help us get back out into the world.

With quiet contemplation to help us realize there is nothing wrong with this, with the support of others within the community, hopefully with the support of family and friends some day or at least a supportive spouse, we will screw up the courage to show the world who we are. It is a pesonal journey.

At the beginning of my journey in 2004 I was totally scared, hated this side of myself, was afraid to be discovered. Now I am enjoying my feminine qualities and look forward to every opportunity to get out dressed up. I have changed a great deal over these past couple of years and that has happened only by facing up to this part of me directly and pushing myself along step by step. It has been painful at times, no question about that, but it has also been something that has helped me to grow as a human being and learn a great deal about myself.

I cannot undo the past, I cannot reverse all the years that I hid away and cowered in the shadows, however, I can make small changes each day and move more and more out into the sunlight. Each and every one of us can do that and I can see that more and more of you are. The more of us who do this the less we will need to hide and the more acccepted we will become. This will not happen overnight, but it will happen.

[Tracy_Victoria]

Hm, can't agree. Rather the opposite is true.
Homosexuality usually doesn't show in real life, because one usualy doesn't have sex in public or is flirting whole the day. Hence homosexuality is predominataly invisible for the public and at work ( like heterosexuality is). A crossdresser is (would be) visible (at least wishes to be), because that's the point of crossdressing, making the "fem side" visible.
And a crossdresser doesn't stop to be one if he wears drab, he's going into the stealth mode. That's just it. Once you announced to be a CD people think of you as a CD, dressed or not. That is the same with homosexuality. If it would be like you say, I see no reason not to tell everybody you are a CD, you don't have to show it finally.


Here I have to disagree again. Most look like "man in dress" at least on a second look. You have to take into account that photos are usualy selected, done after a heavy (even professional) makeover and/or are photoshoped. In addition only a small minority posts pics here, which IMO has also something to do with the internal "look-like-a-woman-forum-standard" that "has to be fulfilled" but a lot probably are not able or don't want to fulfill (some others just don't want to show pics, for various reasons). Hence I think to gallery is not representative and might give a wrong impression.


Can't subscribe to it either. There are indeed only very very few GGs where I question is this a masculine GG or a feminine GM. I have to admit though that I am not aware of the ones that pass, because they pass.

Here I have to agree.

Your as intitled to your comments as I am mine, however I still stand as they are my views.

Crossdressing is very different from being gay, most crossdressers that are not gay or bisexual in some way, tend to be married men with families, hence dressing is normally a small part of there life, A gay man, or woman is just that I'm not saying there walking round telling every one they are gay, but they are two totally different lifestyles.

to quote you on your second comment "Here I have to disagree again. Most look like "man in dress"I certainly disagree with that, I've seen and meet some very convincing TV, and whilst I'll agree most shots show here are selected, people from here and many other CD and TS's pass daily in public with out the public taking a second glance.


Can't subscribe to it either. There are indeed only very very few GGs where I question is this a masculine GG or a feminine GM. I have to admit though that I am not aware of the ones that pass, because they pass.

When I walk down the street I see hundreds of different people, and there all different, I've meet very efeminate men, and I've certainly meet many masculine females, therefore what I was trying to express is there is no black and white, ie female because, or male because. it's just not that simple!!! Real women come in all shapes sizes and some are not beautiful and some certainly have manly features, therefore you don't have to have 27 tick boxes ticked to be a woman, nor do you need them tick boxes ticked to be take as a woman when out in public.

[Karren H]

Who's hiding?? If you want me I'll be in the womend department of the local store trying on dresses. :)

Love Karren

[Charleen]

[QUOTE=Tracy_Victoria;700382]Crossdressing is kind of different from being gay, to most crossdressing is a moment not a lifestyle. ie you don't stop being gay, you are or you are not! however a crossdresser stops being a crossdresser the moment he returns to drab mode. (until the next time!)


I have to agree with Marla.On every post I've read on here, the girls have all said in effect, I can't stop. Same for me. Over the years, I tried to stop for various reasons and couldn't. I AM a CDer. Always was and will be. Just because I sometimes go totally drab occarionally doesn't mean that at that time I am not a CD. Just like if a gay is not showing homosexual behavior at all times(same for hetero) doesn't mean that they are not, as you pointed out. What I'm saying is I believe you have it backward. To most, CDing IS a lifestyle, and to some a moment.
I am going to be involved with the local gay pride events this year, and will be dressed as enfemme as I usually am. If some want to peg me as gay, so be it. Don't care anymore, and if asked, I'll tell the truth-I'm a CD/TG.
Love and xxxx, Lily

[Marla S]

Crossdressing is very different from being gay Indeed. The one is about sexual orientation, the other about gender identification. Hence it shouldn't be confused. On the otherside it is similar from a public point of view in that both are rather seen as a desiese or perversion instead of another color in the broad spectrum of being.


... most crossdressers that are not gay or bisexual in some way, tend to be married men with families, hence dressing is normally a small part of there life,
Coming a bit back to the original question, you have to consider that male homosexuality has been threatend with death penalty or at least prison in many western countries (the latter being still the case i. e. in Poland, I think) not too long ago (50 years ?, in Germany the respective law was skipt in the 70's only). That is by far more repressive and threatening IMO than outing to the family ( some homosexuals have been married and had children before their outing, everybody has parents) ever can be, that would be included anyway. Nevertheless they managed to get some kind of social acceptance (maybe even because of the laws).
But they didn't do it by staying in the closet. On the other side the homosexual movement had some well know figureheads - musicians, poets, directors, other artists - that made it more easy to jump on the train for the "ordinary" homosexuals. It think TG community is lacking this a bit.

Another crucial point is IMO that TG community is by far too diverse to find the needed common ground for a movement.
CD, TS, queers (each with hundreds defintions), hobby here, lifestyle there, expession of the self there, part time, fulltime, partly fulltime, fully part time etc. etc. not to mention the various degrees and philosophies of dressing.
A gay is gay, maybe sometimes bi, but that's about it.

[bgirl]

We all got off the same bus at different stops.

[Girly Sara]

Some of us hide away, some of us get out in public on a periodic basis, some of us get out into public a lot and some of us are 7/24. The fact of the matter is that there are a lot of us and we are at various stages in our own personal reveal to the world.

As more of us get out into the public more and more the public will come to know us and eventually get used to us, then there will be no need to hide. In the meantime, for each and every one of us it is a personal decision of whether or not to take the chance of exposing that side of ourselves to the world. For those of us who have tried, we usually find that each time it gets easier to do and that rarely does anything seriously negative happen. Those successes help build our confidence and help us get back out into the world.

With quiet contemplation to help us realize there is nothing wrong with this, with the support of others within the community, hopefully with the support of family and friends some day or at least a supportive spouse, we will screw up the courage to show the world who we are. It is a pesonal journey.

At the beginning of my journey in 2004 I was totally scared, hated this side of myself, was afraid to be discovered. Now I am enjoying my feminine qualities and look forward to every opportunity to get out dressed up. I have changed a great deal over these past couple of years and that has happened only by facing up to this part of me directly and pushing myself along step by step. It has been painful at times, no question about that, but it has also been something that has helped me to grow as a human being and learn a great deal about myself.

I cannot undo the past, I cannot reverse all the years that I hid away and cowered in the shadows, however, I can make small changes each day and move more and more out into the sunlight. Each and every one of us can do that and I can see that more and more of you are. The more of us who do this the less we will need to hide and the more acccepted we will become. This will not happen overnight, but it will happen.

I can totally relate to your comments, Melissa....well said!

Sara xxx

[susie evans]

who's hiding i just go where i wantwhen i want it's a choice we make :heehee: :heehee:

[Butterfly Bill]

Who's hiding?? If you want me I'll be in the women's department of the local store trying on dresses. :)

Love Karren

You can find me there too, if I'm not at the supermarket, the hardware store, or in church.

[BobbieCD1944]

Crossdressing is kind of different from being gay, to most crossdressing is a moment not a lifestyle. ie you don't stop being gay, you are or you are not! however a crossdresser stops being a crossdresser the moment he returns to drab mode. (until the next time!

I'm a retired sailor. Don't wear a uniform any more, but that doesn't stop me from being Navy. I'm a therapist. When I don't do therapy, doesn't make me not a therapist. I'm a grandfather whether my grandkids are around me or not. I'm Kink. I'm a fetishist. I'm a crossdresser. I was nude this morning when I showered.. no kink clothes, no fetishwear, and no femme clothes.. just naked me, and the soap. But I was still all of who I am.

Went to the store today, drab, from the skin out. I'm still, Navy, Grandfather, Therapist, Kink, Fetishist, and Crossdresser. These parts of me do not cease to exist, because I don't wear them or show them off, or do them.

I agree with Marla S.