My relapse

[Amy]

Okay, I haven't posted in a really long time (been trying to quit). Well, I had a bit of a relapse this last week end. I wasn't going to post about it cause I thought that would just I don't know encougae me to do it more or something like that but then I thought I've pretty well documented my entire crossdressing life here I should probably post this.
Anyways, I had to drive to Idaho to get some stuff I left up there. I stopped buy some out let stores and they had some cute skirts that were only five bucks. I knew I shouldn't have but I bought a couple. I was going to stop at this pit stop and change but when I got out of the car it was really cool (pun) to be out side in a skirt. So I ended up not changing and desided that I needed more then just a skirt so I stopped at a town a long the way to get a polo shirt cause I had a plaid skirt I thought I do like a schoolgirl outfit. I went into Walmart but not wanting to change in the car I just put pants on and let the skirt hang over them a little I figured I was far from home and would not run into these people again so what the heck. Well that was kind of bad cause I kind of went overboard from there I desided to go into walgreens to get socks and this time no pants just a polo shirt and a vvvery short skirt. No body even batted an eyelash at an ovious man in a skirt the check out girl was really nice. Anyways, long story short I spend most of the rest of the day dressed stopping at a few places on the way payless for shoes. I hadn't really plannad any of this and I hadn't really ever gone in public dressed. My friend Jill who I met here says that I'm a bindge and perger which I hadn't thought of but it makes sence. Jill thinks it would be a good idea that even if I still want to quite I should keep stuff around so I don't do anything crazy like this again. Sorry this post is kind of long.

[hotbobbie]

Hon listen to Jill she is right if you get rid of it you will just have to buy it all back later. Trust me we have all gone thru it.

[diane59]

I've probably binged & purged enough to fill up a good sized boutique!
I've finally learned to leave some at work, some at home and some in the car so When I have a "moment" I can indulge anywhere:D

[Wendy me]

Amy listen to this.... welcome back girlfriend it was only a matter of time ...... your not ever going to quit and not go back ..... trust me........

[RobertaFermina]

I hope you can find support here, or elsewhere, to enjoy your dressing activity in a way works for you and your life.

Roberta

[marie354]

Just like popcorn.... You can't eat just one kernel.

[susie evans]

might as well acept the fact that it's not going a way and start to enjoy it now because a lot of us have fought it for years go for it and have fun :heehee: :heehee:
love susie

[franvonceder]

I've stopped and disposed of me gear at least eight times of the years only to return every time. I think I might have learnt my lesson this time!

Fran

[Alice Torn]

I could not imagine going out dressed, but no wig! That seems dangerous, as far as running into someone who knows you. Lucille

[bgirl]

Only eight? I wish I had only purged eight times! I've quit quitting and feel so much better. And I get to keep my stuff

[Jannette H]

Amy, The purge and binge time gets shorter every time you purge. That is something that I learned the hard way. My last purge was 10 years ago. When you purge it's just a big vicious circle. A real money trap I would have had a lot of really nice outfits.

[heelme]

Congratulations on your new outfits. I think most here have felt or gone through a purge cycle at least once. The purge part isn't so bad, but that binge cycle can put tension where it doesn't belong, LOL. I'm with bgirl, I've finally quit quitting. There's always someplace you can put the stuff when you feel you need to walk away. Just don't loose the key!! Welcome back.

[Amy]

Like I said this was something I did. I hadn't planned a head to do it. No wig, nothing, I had a gottie for crying out load. But in a way it was good. I know that might sound dumb but I didn't give off the impression that I was trying to pass which would be impossable. I was plainly a guy in a skirt not trying to be anything else. and as far as being afread of running into someone I knew I was miles and miles from home so it was highly unlikely. It's not something I'm planing on doing again and it's not that I think it was a good idea but I have to admit, it was the funnest I've ever had while dressed up.

[Kelsy]

I have entered in to a need to purge cycle but have resisted tossing out all of my stuff! I struggle with the notion that this is a for life proposition even though I have been at it to some extent for forty one years. There are times when CDing becomes overwhelming and threatens to take over my life completely, I just need a new perspective. certainly packing my things away is more than likely a guarentee that I'll return to them, kind of like a smoker stashing a pack of cigarettes or an alcoholic hiding a bottle how does one resist?????


Jennifer

[Victoria Anne]

Amy hi and welcome back to your femme self! as the other girls have said we've all done it at least once and then we finally realize it is who we are and thats it ,its all wonderful from there,no more trying to convince ourselfs its just s phase,a temperary lapse. Its who we are and its time to enjoy it!

[Robin Leigh]

Hi Amy,

The more energy you put into repression, the more power the urges have and the harder they are to resist. It is actually possible to CD without it controlling you, but repression tactics are doomed to failure, and they usually result in the binge/purge pattern you are currently going through.

I really think you should read Natasha's recent thread, I just cant help myself (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?p=690383#post690383). You will find plenty of good ideas there about how to manage your CDing urges.

If you really really do want to purge, get all your stuff & let a friend mind it for you, or maybe rent some storage space that's not too convenient to get at. You don't have to keep your femme things around where they can tempt you, but it's a silly waste to buy nice things & then throw them away.

But really, if you use proper management techniques you will be able to dress as little or as much as you want, when you want, without finding yourself doing stuff that afterwards makes you wonder "what on Earth did I think I was doing...".

Your TG propensities can be a painful burden, or they can be a liberating gift. It's basically up to you which way they manifest. Please don't torture yourself over this, like so many of us here have done.

Anyway, I'll shut up now. I could go on, but I've spent at least an hour on this post already. Why? Because it hurts me to see others suffer like I did, and if I can do anything to reduce the pain, I feel compelled to help.

Please feel free to PM me at any time.

:hugs:

Robin

[Dana Carlton]

I've probably binged & purged enough to fill up a good sized boutique!
I've finally learned to leave some at work, some at home and some in the car so When I have a "moment" I can indulge anywhere:D
:yt: I had those times of getting rid of everything, and saying to myself "that's it, no more!". But I always go back to it. Think I've finally learned it's going to be a part of me forever.

[FROCKYHORROR]

Amy..I'm there with you...i took some advice and instead of getting rid of the clothes i put them in a huge plastic container and put it in the shed...I felt realy proud..i let my body hair grow back...i felt "in control"...then one day about a month later,actualy it was Boxing day..i'm driving home after spending time with the family..and like you totally unplanned i found myself shopping for clothes then getting the box out of the shed...then went on a mad spending spree cos of the sales..and even came close to going to the mall enfemme...just got as far as walking around the car park..Now i'm trying a new strategy of integration..ie just living with it..and accepting it..wish you the best..

[JulieC]

I wish there was science to back this up. But, everything I've read over the years, and every CD I've talked to over the years, and my own experiences...not one CDer has ever managed to permanently stop CDing.

I know how desperate you can become with wanting to stop. I know the guilt that ensues when you dress again. I know the anguish you suffer under trying to find an outlet without actually dressing. But, it can not be helped. If you are a CDer, you will dress. It's not a matter of if. It's a matter of when.

I really wish I had heard of a successful story of someone 'curing' themselves of CDing. I hate saying stuff like this post because it makes it sound like we're sirens calling you back to CDing. We're not. We're just stating reality. You can't get rid of this anymore than you can get rid of the urge to eat, sleep, or breathe. It's part of you and can not be removed, repressed, shunned into permanent remission, etc. It just doesn't work that way.

There is something fundamentally biological about the need to crossdress that can not be ignored.

The constant stream of purgings and "relapses" are harmful to you.

-BB

[SandyR]

I can't count the times I've purged over the years, but now in many ways thanks to this forum, and the support of my wife. Never Agian! We are even talking about giving me some space to hang things in the closet.

Welome back! We are glad to have u!

Hugs!

Sandy

[Butterfly Bill]

No body even batted an eyelash at an ovious man in a skirt the check out girl was really nice. Anyways, long story short I spend most of the rest of the day dressed stopping at a few places on the way payless for shoes. I hadn't really plannad any of this and I hadn't really ever gone in public dressed. My friend Jill who I met here says that I'm a bindge and perger which I hadn't thought of but it makes sence. Jill thinks it would be a good idea that even if I still want to quite I should keep stuff around so I don't do anything crazy like this again.

Apparently none of the people who were around you when you were shopping thought what you were doing was "crazy". This is an example of how it is possible to accept yourself and come out in general.