Question for GGs

[Amy]

Okay, I know you girls get a lot of these kind of question. But I'm one who is still struggling with all this and wants to quit and one of the big reasons is I want to get married some day and have a normal life. And I see this really getting in the way of that so my question is Exactly how hard would it be to find a girl that would be okay meeting a guy, and already knowing he likes to ocationally dress up, be willing to get involved with him?

[Tree GG]

I can't tell you this answer. I only knew the guy - the gurl didn't come along until 1/4 century later.

I would only recommend that you be yourself. CDing may be a deal breaker with some, but it's always best to be honest with the people you love.

[GACountrygal]

I would only recommend that you be yourself. CDing may be a deal breaker with some, but it's always best to be honest with the people you love.

I agree 100% with that.

If you arent true to yourself, how can you be true to others?

My SO told me before we even were dating that he was a CD. He took a big chance, but it didnt matter to me, it was just part of the package that I fell in love with!

Be true to yourself, and only then will you be able to be comfortable in your own skin!

:2c:

-Nicole

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

same for me, i didnt know about the c/d till 17months into relationship ! and only then did i find out, due to something else happening ! its totaly ur decision im afraid . and how much you feel for that person, personaly speaking id prefer to know straight off !! because if you fall in love with that person, then somewhere down the line it falls apart, its to late !! your in love , ( sorry thats just my own personnal view ) !!:rolleyes:

[Amy]

See, I completely agree. I concider myself a very honest person. I wouldn't want to spring something on a girl after the fact. But I feel that most girls wouldn't want a guy if they knew up front that he did this. That's why I'd be nice to get past this and if it ever came up I'd say yeah I used to do that a little like if I said I used to smoke or something. I know many here beleive that's not possable but I think we all are different and for some it might be.

[wifeofsissy GG]

I think that you should start a relationship with honesty. They will love you for who you are. You don't want to get into marriage and years later find out that you cannot "fight this urge" and than lay it all out on the table. Be honest from the start, and if it's meant to happen , she will love you for who you are. My husband came out 10 years ago. I didn't accept it at first, blaming myself for not being "woman enough" for him. Thought he was gay or having an affair cause I kept finding lingerie and would keep quiet etc...Than finally 2 years ago (the poor guy) I couldn't live with the guilt I felt, the tension , the fights. I was controlling his fantasies. What right do I have to do that to him. It just pushed him farther away from me. I sat him down, talk and talk and talk and talk . Had lots of questions for him and realized he was still my wonderful husband...the man I married. For my husband , it was a sexual fetish. I think most woman who doesn't accept it are simply treathen by it. I helped him out with his 1st transformation. I buy him clothes, makeup, shoes. I love shopping for her. I love his feminine side. I adore him and her. We are closer to each other more than ever before. And we chose to keep it in "our marriage". No one else's business. It's our lives. Having kids sometimes makes it hard. But than I just make sure he has time for himself alone at home. Anyhow, I think you should be honest fromt he start. It's like if you fall in love with a woman that had a kid and won't tell you for fear that you will reject her. Wouldn't you want to know from the start so you can make your own decision as far as if that's what you want to get into? Now that being said, I wouldn't go "blur it out" on the 1st date. But if you see that it's getting serious, than I would slowly talk to her about it. From my experience, you may not want to crossdress right now or want to give it up, but the urge will always come back no matter how hard you are fighting it. My opinion only. Been there, done that!! Cheers.

[Tree GG]

... But I feel that most girls wouldn't want a guy if they knew up front that he did this. That's why I'd be nice to get past this and if it ever came up I'd say yeah I used to do that a little like if I said I used to smoke or something. ...

If you want to stop the CD thing, you'll probably need a good therapist. I don't necessarily agree that you'd never be able to stop, but I do think it would be wrong to try to stop so you can find a mate. Once you find the mate, you've lost your incentive to resist the urges and there you'll go down the closet path.

I don't think we're suggesting walking up to someone & saying, "Hi, I'm Amy and I crossdress. Wanna see a movie?" If you want to present male the majority of the time, that's who you present. Once you decide this person is important to you, then divulge the "more private" aspects of your personality. "Oh, by the way, I have this hobby...."

[marie354]

Honesty is best. I told my SO on our third date, and though she didn't want to see it then, she allowed me to keep my wardrobe. Now 5 years later, she lets me dress openly. We discussed it many, many times before she became comfortable with it.
I didn't tell my 2nd wife till 6 months after we were married and it was a disaster. Once you break a trust..... Well you know what I mean.

[kathy gg]

My first bit of advice...don't get married, or engaged to ANYBODY till have figued out who/what/ you are and when that happens...when you can say that you love who you are. Can you say that about yoruself right now? To me, it sounds like a big "no".

I hate to break this to you, but a *normal* life is rarely just that. I just feel bad for all the porr gg's out there who are married to someone who they feel knows them inside and out, and that is returned back....and of course in the case of cding...that is not always the case.

I looked for a cd when I was single, I hae met many women like myself. Some on this forum, some through my website, and some through freinds. But women who are open to differnce, tolerant of all people, and who are independant thinkers are the ones most likely to grasp this idea without totally freaking out.

Also alot depends on what type of woman you are into. There some some women who just would never get this and staying away from them would seem obvious to most.

Learn to love who you are.


Also...hate to say this...but do you think you are going to overcome something which 99% probably do not?....I pretty much bet all the guys who DID NOT TELL prior to marriage had that same thought and a HUGE percentage of them have tried to quit or thought getting married would cure them. Needless to say they are lifelong cd's....I just think a guy is really asking something which possibly you are not capable of changing. I mean I can put on blue contacts to cover my brown eyes....but I still have brown eyes. I cannot FORCE something I was born with to be something it is not....maybe for a while...but I cannot WILL something to cease *being* which I have come to feel may be genetically predetermined. My brown eyes and your need to crossdressing....learn to love who you are....



Okay, I know you girls get a lot of these kind of question. But I'm one who is still struggling with all this and wants to quit and one of the big reasons is I want to get married some day and have a normal life. And I see this really getting in the way of that so my question is Exactly how hard would it be to find a girl that would be okay meeting a guy, and already knowing he likes to ocationally dress up, be willing to get involved with him?

[Robin Leigh]

I hope you don't mind me responding to this thread, Amy.

As Kathy says, learn to love who you are.

You may be able to stop dressing for a time, but you will always have TG propensities: that's the way God made you. And God doesn't make mistakes.

:hugs:

Robin

[Miss Terr]

I got involved with a girl who very early on in the relationship related a story of how a friend of hers had a neighbor who crossdressed.
She said it was unacceptable, gross, etc.
Therefore I did knowingly proceed into the relationship not telling her, and knowing I could not tell her without a major problem; all the time thinking I could quit.
Well, its very hard living with a woman with all those girly things around, to make my situation worse she was the same size as me, and wasnt neat--so she never knew if I wore her clothes if they were laying on the floor in the first place.
I subconsciously harbored a lot of resentment towards this woman who considered herself "very open minded" (but wasnt).
This ultimatley caused tension and lack of intimacy of the mind; which in the end cause the relationship to crumble.
Oh well....Looking back we were equally to blame, but back then I thought it was 90% her fault.
So I am one to get it out of the way early on as not to waste each others time.

[Jenna1561]

Also...hate to say this...but do you think you are going to overcome something which 99% probably do not?....I pretty much bet all the guys who DID NOT TELL prior to marriage had that same thought and a HUGE percentage of them have tried to quit or thought getting married would cure them. Needless to say they are lifelong cd's....I just think a guy is really asking something which possibly you are not capable of changing. I mean I can put on blue contacts to cover my brown eyes....but I still have brown eyes. I cannot FORCE something I was born with to be something it is not....maybe for a while...but I cannot WILL something to cease *being* which I have come to feel may be genetically predetermined. My brown eyes and your need to crossdressing....learn to love who you are....

I agree with Kathy 100%. I dressed prior to getting married and honestly thought it would "go away" after I got married, had children and established an "adult" life. There was no internet back then and I was pretty much on my own for information. Needless to say, the desire remained with me, off and on until my 40's when the desires and urges started dominating my life.

I didn't tell my wife until after 20 years of marriage. She's tolerant but by no means supportive. During our marriage, the secret, the deceit, the little lies caused alot of stress in me and upon baring my soul to my wife, that history caused alot of hurt.

I would suggest, as others have done, find out who you are and what you want before you commit to a lifelong relationship. Be honest, yes, it will turm some away, but better now than 20 or 25 years down the road.

Good Luck.

Jenna

[Amy]

I might get some flack for saying this but it's how I feel about it and why I still believe I can quit. Crossdressing is something I do or have done it's not what I am. Yeah it's hard to overcome but for me that doesn't mean it's impossable. I know I shouldn't keep coming back here if that's the way I feel but I don't have many other places I can talk about this. I don't beleive that God made me a crossdresser. That's like saying God made me a basketball player or criminal or artist or what have you. I beleive that this is a habbit and all habbits are hard to break. I really do appreshiate all the responces. I sometimes think it would be better if I did just accept it but truthfully I don't think I ever will. I do love my self but every one has something they'd like to change and if I'm ever to meet the right girl this is something I'd like to change about me

[Sheila]

up front and honest is the way I would advise you to go with telling a partner if things look like geting serious.

The lies and deceipt are hard to cope with, if you later return to cding and don't tell her. Some of us wonder in the beginning, if he has lied about that, then what else is he lying about ???

hope you find your answer, and I am with kathy GG on
hate to say this...but do you think you are going to overcome something which 99% probably do not?....I pretty much bet all the guys who DID NOT TELL prior to marriage had that same thought and a HUGE percentage of them have tried to quit or thought getting married would cure them. Needless to say they are lifelong cd's....

Jess

[Di]

Honesty...and being true to yourself.......there are girls out there that are or would be accepting....I respectly disagree with you........... this is a part of who you are...........I do not agree with the changing part...be yourself. I looked and found a cd/tg that I was compatable with...don't sell yourself short...and as Kathy has said ....Learn to love who you are....

[anon]

Funny, I was thinking about this issue today myself. I came to the conclusion that as soon as the opportunity presents itself, one should tell. After so much internal struggle, endless debate, I've come to accept this aspect of myself as just another eccentricity. Hence, my philosophy in regards to finding a truly awesome partner is to expect the same out of her, no more, no less. I realized that this attitude would exclude girls who might be awesome with time and patience, but then I decided that those (understandably) hesitant people were just not designed for me anyway. So, I figured that the way to go about finding a great partner would be to tell early on (even on a whim) as if the whole deal was just a random peculiarity that happened to mean a lot me, and if she can't get over it after the initial discussion, then it's likely she's not the type i'm looking for. Hey, I know this may not fit your style, and that given the (sometimes subconcious) prejudices of the average person, this strategy is bound to fail probably more than i can afford (never have many opportunities). I suppose I'm an idealist, but I can live with that. I haven't yet had the chance to try out this approach, and I'm not even sure if I'll actually go through with it once I'm actually faced with a decision. But IMO, this is the way it should be. That's all.

[Robin Leigh]

I might get some flack for saying this but it's how I feel about it and why I still believe I can quit.We are here to support you Amy, not give you flack. Please don't take anything I say as an attack! :hugs:

I thought I could quit, too. I tried all sorts of things. I won't go into detail here, but trust me, if I could've stopped I would have. I spent over a decade screwing up my life over this...


Crossdressing is something I do or have done it's not what I am.True, but it is an expression of the fact that your gender identity is a little different to the typical guy.


Yeah it's hard to overcome but for me that doesn't mean it's impossable.Some have given it up for decades, but then start again in their 40s, 50s or 60s. There are some members here that never CDed in their youth, merely fantasized about it, but once they passed middle age, they started CDing for the first time.


I know I shouldn't keep coming back here if that's the way I feel but I don't have many other places I can talk about this.As I said above, we are here to support you. If you don't want to crossdress, that's fine by me.


I don't beleive that God made me a crossdresser. That's like saying God made me a basketball player or criminal or artist or what have you.Obviously I don't know what your personal religious beliefs are, but I guessed that since you're in Utah, religious attitudes may have something to do with your attitude to CDing.

I agree, God didn't make you a crossdresser. But you were born with some transgender propensity, and CDing is how most of us respond to that.


I do love my self but every one has something they'd like to change and if I'm ever to meet the right girl this is something I'd like to change about me.The right girl is the one who loves you for who & what you are, not a girl looking for some "white picket fence" idealized life.

:hugs:

Robin

[Glamourgirl GG]

From things I've come to learn, it will never entirely go away.

Be honest with yourself about who you are.

As I mentioned in a previous post, if my husband told me before we got married, I most likely would've bolted. Although his "behavior" for the first 7 years of our relationship cause us a lot of strife, I'm still not sure I could've handled the truth.

Just really coming into maturity made me accepting of it.

I think every GG is different and it is hard to say how anyone would react to the truth.

[mylitta]

Like the others said, accept who you are- and that my well be someone who doesn't want to cross dress at the moment- but never say never again! And as for telling.. in my opinion, it's not something to blurt out on the first date, but it's something that should be said when you start to get serious about someone and know you can trust them. It's hard to have someone say they love you and then find they've kept an important part of themselves hidden from you. But that's just my opinion

[Vicky_Scot]

But I'm one who is still struggling with all this and wants to quit

Yo may well quit dressing but you will always be a crossdresser. Like a alcoholic who stops drinking will always be a alcoholic.


I want to get married some day and have a normal life.

I really find this a bit offensive. So you cannot have a normal life because you crossdress? I am afraid I have to disagree with you there. I have been married for 17 years and I would consider my life very normal.

What is normal?


so my question is Exactly how hard would it be to find a girl that would be okay meeting a guy, and already knowing he likes to occassionally dress up, be willing to get involved with him?

Well as many have said its better to be honest before getting involved. If they do not accept it at least you have not waited to get wed and have a family before telling her then it all goes down the divorce route etc if she does not accept it.

One thing you must remember is that the woman who falls for you and does not know about your dressing is falling in love with you as a person which is made up of all your natural traits, and yes your fem side is something that is included in that. A woman marrying a crossdresser is marrying the same person she fell in love with and I am afraid he was a crossdresser when she did even if unknown to her.

Amy you really need to take time to learn how you are going to accept this side of you. You can either accept it and embrace it or try and deny it and believe me you will lead a very depressed life as it will always be part of who you are and you are denying yourself that.

I may sound hard but I really hope you find someone who accepts you for you.

:love:

[Cheryl GG]

The night that Gary and I met....we sat and talked for HOURS (till wee wee wee almost dawn hours).....he shared so much with me that night....so many things about himself - many personal things.....I knew that he and I clicked....I felt it....kismet...chemistry....call it what you want....I knew that night he was put here on this planet to be a pain in my ass for life...lol.....not once that night did I shutter.....then, that night was followed by THREE days of this man trying to scare the shhheeeeitt out of me....would start converstations off with "well I have something else I want to tell you..." or "I have something else I need you to know...." .....I even remember thinking once "if this man tells me he killed somebody - so help me God I am going to be pissed off, and then I am going to have NO freakin choice but to run like hell..".....but thank God he has not killed anyone...yet....lol

He was HONEST....he was up-front with many things that shape him and make him what and who he is today......he never has once lied about what and who he is (least not to me).....as for his dressing....he tells me that only 5 seconds after the urge to wear panties hit him - he told me....which hell I have to believe him because we were in the lingerie department at Wal-Mart when he asked me what did I think about those dis-tasteful looking panties that sooooo were NOT my style and that were 5 times too big for me.....lol....so I am guessing that yea, he told me just as soon as he knew....even though I did not know its "call name" (crossdressing) until just recently.......

In all this humor that is called "Cheryls Life w/Gary".....HONESTY is here....open COMMUNICATION is here....and a tad of OPEN MINDEDNESS from a southern girl is here.....TRUTH - the night I was told about the "details and the call name for all this mayhem".....I literally ran screaming like a lunatic out our front door with NO intentions of ever coming back.....I was home less than an hour later.....so what does that tell you??

No....I do not think that it is in every GG to accept and love a CDer....I think that it takes a special woman to know about, accept and keep going in a healthy loving relationship with a man who dresses just as snazzy at times as she does......

Relationships are hard enough in life for anyone.....thats a fact....then you throw variables in.....wild cards as some call them....well, then it becomes a gamble......but isnt that what lifes all about???....what kind of relationship are you going to have if you start off with lies....and what will she feel if she finds out 6 months after you have been married??? she is gonna be peeesed off and then going to wonder what else are you hiding ????

I agree.....you have to be true to YOU before you can be true to anyone else.....and in my case.....my husband is true to him....then he is true to me and our love......

And if he had told me in one of those "I have something else to tell you..." conversations we had so long ago that he was a CDer, I honestly dont think I would have run away then (okay maybe for an hour)....I was raised in the south....I was brought up with those societal views that anything out of the norm (and CDing is rather out of the norm gotta say) that it was wrong...taboo.....so remember how that perspective love was raised, where she was raised, what HER views on society are.....those matter in her world......and most of all....be HONEST.....she just might surprise you......

I wish you the best of luck...I really do.....love is a wonderful thing....xoxoC/

[EmmaB GG]

Amy

I've only been with my SO for 6 months or so and think that I knew something was different to what I'd known before, before he told me 6 weeks into our relationship. We're going through a difficult time right now because he is very confused about who he is and would give anything to not have the urges he does (sorry CDers, but that's how it is for him). If I didn't know, I'd have left long ago assuming he was just a "difficult" man but for all the heartache that it is causing, the fact that I really do love him makes me stay and want to work it out.

You have to be honest and tell the truth, even if you're not dressing at the time, because it can creep up on you again as I have seen. If you come up with a way of coping with it and not dressing, something like meeting a girl can upset the carefully balanced status quo very badly and the urges may come back even stronger just because you want them to go away even more. If she really does care for you, then she'll try very hard to deal with it - she might not be able to, but at least she'll try. And you have to accept that could be the case. And she has to accept that this is a part of you that she may never see, but will always be there.

Finding a compromise is what we're trying to do, so that it makes it easier but not perfect for both of us - but whose relationship is perfect anyway?!?

Be honest and alway talk, even if you feel your heart is breaking .....

[ubokvt]

I agree with most of what has been said here but beyound Knowing who you are, Know the woman you want. It seems you are saying you want a person who is open enough and tollerant enough to accept crossdressing. Then that is the person you should serch for. As my dressing emerged I shared each step with my partner. She was able to work with it because I was open and honest with it from the start. It only strengthened the honesty and trust in the relationship. She says she doesn't know how she would have handled it if I'd hidden it then droped it on her. But she does say it would have severly hurt the trust in our marriage. With out trust and honesty the relationship can't work. Be open from the start, yes you will loose some you would have liked, and it will hurt, but that hurt is nothing to the loss of a marriage, a wife, and the person you love more than anything in the world.

[TxKimberly]

In my opinion, this is one of the best, most spot on posts and advice I have ever read here. It is right in SO many ways.
"Normal" life? It's funny how everyone looks for this mythical thing called a normal life. I remember one night when I was feeling kind of low, I told my wife that I was sorry she had to put up with the head trips that living with me must bring. I told her I was sorry I hadn't given her a normal life like our friends the "smiths" (nope, not their real name). They looked like the picture perfect family with the perfect mom and pop. Well, my wife choked and laughed and then told me that this couple I thought was so perfect hadn't made love to each other in 6 years. Just an example that no matter how perfect it looks on the outside, you can bet they ALL have their own problems and head trips to deal with.
Learn to accept yourself. Again - AWESOME advice! I spent most of my late teens and early 20s in seriously destructive behavior because I couldn't accept myself. Drinking and driving fast and crazy were my favorite past times, with the predictable results of multiple cars destroyed. It's only because of the universes often perverse ability to take pity on idiots that I never hurt anyone. Once I decided "You know what, I AM across dresser, I like to be pretty, and dang it I am NOT ashamed of that" then my life got SO much better. It felt like a ton was lifted off of me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not super bold, and going out in public to non TG places still scares hell outta me, but when I look myself in the eyes in the mirror I am not ashamed of who and what I am.
Don't assume getting married will lesson your desire to CD. Yup, yup - guilty. I joined the Army at 17 just sure it would make a proper man out of me and I wouldn't want to CD - WRONG. I got married at 22 just sure I wouldn't want to CD anymore - WRONG. I have two children and . . . you get the picture.
Kim


My first bit of advice...don't get married, or engaged to ANYBODY till have figued out who/what/ you are and when that happens...when you can say that you love who you are. Can you say that about yoruself right now? To me, it sounds like a big "no".

I hate to break this to you, but a *normal* life is rarely just that. I just feel bad for all the porr gg's out there who are married to someone who they feel knows them inside and out, and that is returned back....and of course in the case of cding...that is not always the case.

I looked for a cd when I was single, I hae met many women like myself. Some on this forum, some through my website, and some through freinds. But women who are open to differnce, tolerant of all people, and who are independant thinkers are the ones most likely to grasp this idea without totally freaking out.

Also alot depends on what type of woman you are into. There some some women who just would never get this and staying away from them would seem obvious to most.

Learn to love who you are.


Also...hate to say this...but do you think you are going to overcome something which 99% probably do not?....I pretty much bet all the guys who DID NOT TELL prior to marriage had that same thought and a HUGE percentage of them have tried to quit or thought getting married would cure them. Needless to say they are lifelong cd's....I just think a guy is really asking something which possibly you are not capable of changing. I mean I can put on blue contacts to cover my brown eyes....but I still have brown eyes. I cannot FORCE something I was born with to be something it is not....maybe for a while...but I cannot WILL something to cease *being* which I have come to feel may be genetically predetermined. My brown eyes and your need to crossdressing....learn to love who you are....

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

i think that its the "person" you fall in love/want . some GGs really dont want to know, BUT, if the person can make you laugh/smile/cry and be your best friend ( no matter of the c/d or not ), then thats a damn good recipe for a good relationship :o

[JulieC]

I might get some flack for saying this but it's how I feel about it and why I still believe I can quit. Crossdressing is something I do or have done it's not what I am. Yeah it's hard to overcome but for me that doesn't mean it's impossable. I know I shouldn't keep coming back here if that's the way I feel but I don't have many other places I can talk about this. I don't beleive that God made me a crossdresser. That's like saying God made me a basketball player or criminal or artist or what have you. I beleive that this is a habbit and all habbits are hard to break. I really do appreshiate all the responces. I sometimes think it would be better if I did just accept it but truthfully I don't think I ever will. I do love my self but every one has something they'd like to change and if I'm ever to meet the right girl this is something I'd like to change about me

If it's only a habit, why is it that not one single person is able to break it?

Alcoholism is a serious addition. Many drugs cause serious addiction. Zillions of habits exist. People all over the world are capable of overcoming these. Yet, not one person who is a CDer such as you has ever been able to permanently repress the desire to CD.

You have to be honest with your wife to be, before you ask her to marry her. When you tell her is up to you. Many factors play into that. Trust, willingness to have her expose you if the trust is broken, etc. But, in my opinion it is not fair to ask a woman to marry you if you know you are a CDer and she doesn't know. Even worse is saying "Well I used to have this little problem" called CDing...this will come back, and it will come back as it did on your recent trip.

You are a CDer. Period.

[sonalnarula]

CDing isnt a habit - I think its just who you are - a personality trait. I dont think it can be 'dropped' like a bad habit or 'cured' like an addiction. I think it might be tweaked, like a personality trait.

Anyway, my two cents is the same and most. Dont enter a relationship without telling your SO that you crossdress. It might seem to you now that its irrelevant but later it will be very very relevant. I made the mistake - I used to crossdress but when I met my wife and fell head over heels in love with her, I completely lost the urge. It was only temporary though - its been 2 years now and I'm back in full flow - I'm even contemplating how/when to tell her. I have a lovely 20 day old daughter and I cant think of anything worse than losing her and my wife but I cant bear hiding this from her either. From her point of view, I'm the person she knows best in the world - imagine the hurt she will feel when she finds out she didnt know this. I cant bear to hurt her like that, and I cant bear to deceive her anymore either. Dont put yourself in this position.

Sonal

[Amy]

I hadn't really ment for this to be a "I'm trying to quit" threat. I've started enough of those to make you sick but that's kind of what both threats I started have turned into. But really I do appreastiate all the great advice. I want to be honest with whom ever I start dating. The thing is Some one mentioned that I'm from Utah and yeah I'm LDS, so finding a nice Mormon girl that's fine with cding well, I don't emagine there are to many of those out there.

[kathy gg]

Amy I feel like everytime I see a post liek yours I am beating a dead horse. I also dont' want to disresepct anyone else's religious believes.

But..oh here she goes with the buts...any religion which sees this as immoral or wrong or some fault of character..personally I could not buy into that. For me, we all have different possibilities, different personalities, likes, dislikes, and in some cases some personality/mental flaws*.

When I think of all the *flaws* that are possibel in a person...theif...rapist...child molester......cheater.....ect ect...you see my point...I dont' tag crossddressing up there with those.

I would like to think of cding at its' worst a very quirky characteristic that happens to people.

There are assocatied behaviors which some cd's do which I would think very lowly of...but just crossdressing...by itself? no. Not a msitake or flaw in a person.

But you feel this way because of the religion you belong to, you feel this way because you have most likely have family and friends who would look down on people like you and my husband. You might even do so in their company....so you seem like everyone else. Condemning those *sinners*.

But honey there are far worse sins out ther being committed than you putting on some panties.

I also know that me and everyone else on here telling you that the chanecs of you quitting and never returning really suck....well you still want to try to quit.

I just woudl love to see where you are in this *struggle* 20 years from now. Honestly do you see yoruself still fighting these feelings? Or do you see this as a distant memory of some obscure thing you were into for a while?

I think it shows how strong of a will you believe you have. I am sure you do have a strong will....but changing your core self...I still think is like trying to make my brown eyes blue by sheer will. And on this issue ...we can agree to disagree.

It just saddens me that a perfectly *normal* and seemingly well inentioned man is going to probably spend a HUGE portion of his mental energy fighting something which is in his heart. If it was jsut clothing....if it was jsut fabric...it would be a non-issue. I mean if you told me tomorrow that I had to NEVER again any item which was deemed *male clothing* I could do it. Because to me...it truely is clothing and nothing more. It does not have any conotations....but to crossdressers it is not jsut about the clothing it is abotu how it makes you feel. ANd it makes you feel something because if it was just wanting more clothig choices...trust me there are very soft silky male clothing out there in multitudes of colors. You are expressing something which I think you dont' even fully want to own up to. And really as everyone here said, it was something many fought over for years.

Jsut seems like such a waste of time and enery when 99% of the outcome is predetermined.

[GACountrygal]

I don't think we're suggesting walking up to someone & saying, "Hi, I'm Amy and I crossdress. Wanna see a movie?" If you want to present male the majority of the time, that's who you present. Once you decide this person is important to you, then divulge the "more private" aspects of your personality. "Oh, by the way, I have this hobby...."


Thats what I was tryin to say, but at least Tree has better wording then me!!!:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

-Nicole

[IMkrystal]

When I first joined this web site, I asked similar questions about meeting that "special person" How and where? Some of my questions were redirected by the site monitor to the lesser read "Lounge" site. The impression I got was the type of question I was asking was not important. That this site was directed more to people who are in a relationship and the struggles they were having. I stopped logging in because the threads I was reading did not address my issue they just reaffirmed the consequences of hiding this behavior from your SO. :Angry3:
I do not know where or how to meet accepting GGs, but I decided to be honest and join a number of dating web sites. In many profiles I wrought about my crossdressing desires. I even included a picture of my lipsticked lips, but my primary picture was my smiling "man's" face.
After six months on various sites I have yet to meet someone where there is a mutual attraction. Many of women, I am not sure they are all were women, neither were truthful or honest. When I have thought there was a connection I have found that I was just being strung along. :tongueout
Having returned to this site, I have seen more interest in this subject of meeting accepting GGs. This site never lacked the expression of honest feelings about the crossdressing topic and has helped educate GGs about this subject. I wish there was away single Cds and GGs could interact. :hugs:

[Amy]

First off I want to say to Kathy I think your husband must be a very lucky person. Even though we might not see exactly eye to eye I love what you've said because I can tell that you are a caring person and I thank you for your coments and I just think think your husband must be lucky to have you.
I do know that the chances of quiting for forever aren't great. I do think they are a little better then what has been presented. Everyone says it never happens but it was pointed out to me sometime back that the ones that have quit are probably not here and probalby have never come here. It's not something you hear "I've been skirt-sober for blah blah years." Who knows who has had cding desires unless they tell.
As stacked as the odds are against quiting. The odds of me finding a great girl that will accept this are worse. In life you have to make choices and you have to deside what you want more. I have realized that I'm not quiting tomorrow, but yes, 20 years from now I do hope to look back on this as a long distant memory. Not because I see it as a terrable terrable sin but because it's in the way. I know you are going to say I'm dumb and that it is part of my core but I do wonder. Does every one who puts on a skirt do it for the same reason? Anyway, Kathy if it seems like your beating a dead horse beleive me I know it seems like that for me too (form the horses end, though)

[JulieC]

I do know that the chances of quiting for forever aren't great. I do think they are a little better then what has been presented. Everyone says it never happens but it was pointed out to me sometime back that the ones that have quit are probably not here and probalby have never come here. It's not something you hear "I've been skirt-sober for blah blah years." Who knows who has had cding desires unless they tell.

I've thought of this response before as well. But, there would be at least one story, somewhere, of someone, sometime kicking CDing. I did read at length of the story of a person who treated CDing like an addiction. Went to counseling, had a confidant, a person to keep them on track, etc...the whole works. It utterly failed, and the person ended up being exceptionally depressed. But, I was reading about it *before* it failed.

We read about alcoholics who have mastered their addiction. We read all the time about people going through rehab, etc. Why is there not one single story out there...not one...anywhere...any time now or in the past...or a CDer successfully repressing it? If such a story existed, it would be all the news in CD forums. No, the person who succeeded would not be here...but the news of that person would be!

CD is part of you. As someone above said, it's a trait. You can't get rid of it any more than you can stop using your left hand. Try this as an experiment. Try to spend a whole day not using your left hand. See how far you get. If, by some miracle, you succeed in going the whole day without using your left hand try going a week or a month. You can't do it, not unless someone amputated that hand. Similarly, you can't get rid of the essence of you that results in CDing. It's not as physically apparent as your left hand, but it is part of you and short of an amputation that removed that essence, you can't get rid of it.

In my opinion, fighting so hard against CDing is going to lead to more serious problems that will require counseling at some point down the road. Massive guilt combined with compulsive desire and self hate is a recipe for serious depression.

You're LDS. CDing gets in the way of finding someone to marry, because the likelihood of finding a Mormon woman accepting of crossdressing is small. It sounds to me like you have a choice to make. From everything that I've seen, one of the choices is *not* forever stopping be a CDer. Your choices remain not marrying a Mormon woman or remaining unmarried.

For what it's worth, my wife used to be Mormon. She's accepting. I think she would have been accepting when she was a Mormon. What made her accepting was instilled in her in her upbringing. She had an eclectic upbringing exposed to considerable diversity.

-BB

[carla smith]

Hi Amy,

Very Interesting! This is not going to be popular....but I am not here to win a popularity contest. Cross-dressing is different for everybody, there seems to be confusion between cross-dressing and transgender. My point of view is directed towards cross-dressing. If you are tg this does not apply to you. I thought this site was for cross dressers.....IMO, cross dressers are a minority here.

You are like the guy (me) in the smoker’s lounge trying to convince the smokers to quit. Or trying to get people to quit alcohol while in a bar..you will not be well received. Smoking and Alcohol can be drug addictions that work on the body and the mind.

What I wear (cross-dressing) is something different than the chemical dependency (physical and mental) created by these drugs.

To say that there has never been anyone to quit cross-dressing.....never say never unless you know that to be a fact!

I have been cross-dressing for a short time....it has been fun and I have learned alot of important things about myself and how I interact with society. With these important things learned it is time for me to move on to other challenges in life’s mysteries that are more exciting than choosing which skirt to wear. Cross-dressing is interfering with other things that are important to me....so I will dress in clothes that I want to wear to accomplish these goals. So in a way I will still be cross-dressing, in the fashion as put forth by Ericka/Rich. (I love her/him)

Amy, only you can decide what is best for you! I wish you the best; remember that cross-dressing for some of us is a hobby not a life sentence.

If I meet someone that I want share the rest of my life with, I will tell them the things that help shape me into what I am…some are not nice…some are. This is who I am.

Have fun out there! Whatever you are doing!

[I]But fun doesn't just happen. You have to make it a priority in your life or it'll go missing. Life's too short to not have it. [/I

[Sandra]

If you are tg this does not apply to you. I thought this site was for cross dressers.....IMO, cross dressers are a minority here.




I always thought TG covered the whole community Cders/MtF,FtM and TS's

and this site is for everyone.


Amy
As for telling don't leave it to late obviously I don't think it would go down well on the first date but don't leave it until things get to serious because both parties could be seriously hurt.

I hope you find what you want :hugs:

[JulieC]

To say that there has never been anyone to quit cross-dressing.....never say never unless you know that to be a fact!

You can't prove a negative in such a case as this.

I've also never heard of anyone walking on the sun. Doesn't mean it's happened. :)

I do think it highly likely that if there were a crossdresser who successfully and permanently repressed desires to crossdress we would have heard about it. It would be stunning news. To the significant subset of crossdressers who would rather see this not in their lives, this would be major, major news. But, no one I have ever talked to has ever heard of it happening.

-BB

[carla smith]

Amy anything is possible

Here is a fact........I was a cross dresser and I have little or no interest in it as I have moved on to other things. I think this happens all the time, people phase in and out of different things during there lives. If this is a historic occasion so be it, print it on the front pages! I know, I should not be here anymore....but this is for Amy....you can do it if you want!

Taking a phrase out of context is typical for negative comments on this site, I new my post would not be popular as I stated. Be respectful of my opinion (facts) even if it differs from yours.

Ok definitions (mine).....are so that we can understand each other. Cross dresser is a person that wears the clothes of the opposite gender. It is the desire to wear the clothes of the opposite gender. Transgender is a person that needs (wants) to physically become the opposite gender. Clothes have little to do with being a transgender.

This reminds me of a court case I had where we spent the first week defining what the technical terms mean so the jury would understand what we were trying to say. The opposing side defined the same terms differently so the jury had a hard time trying to just understand. To some, confusion is best for their case.

Have fun out there!

But fun doesn't just happen. You have to make it a priority in your life or it'll go missing. Life's too short to not have it.

[ubokvt]

Back on track Amy it seems you are trying to find the "right person" Do you know what you really want or are you just looking for the appropiate mate to be wife and mother as dictated by those around you. Whats more important a person you love trust and accepts you or her religion. It is tought to find the right person, Cding makes it harder, not impossible. Its no different than if you were 4'5'' and 300lbs it will be hard, it will take time but if you find her its worth it. When you find one who is more than just a friend and you want to explore a relationship with, at least 4 or more dates in then consider discussing cding . The central issue in a relationship is trust and that starts at the begining "this who I am..." think of it in these terms early on she tells you she has dated several men, ok you date her some more she says she slept with some of these men ok you like her date some more ask for a committed relationship she say she has herpes, or she waites till you are married and then tells you she has herpes. think about it put youself in her shoes. You can find an acceting person if you are honest and work at it. Many here have.

[renee99]

I have read several articles online about people who have supposedly quit crossdressing. But as I recall each was writing from a perspective where the crossdressing was a condemned behavior to begin with. I think if you really are convinced that crossdressing is wrong then you might be able to keep yourself from acting on the desire. But there is no way to tell if the desire is still in these people, of course they would deny it if asked.

[bobby-joe]

I agree trust & honesty are huge. My SO was discovered my me accidently about 6 months into marriage. Back then I thought bondage with nylons was his thing...as the years went on I discovered more clothes, stocking, videos, rope handcuffs etc. I felt everytine I left the house he was up to something- not understanding what though...I did not want to go out and leave him alone especially as the children were so young. Trust/honesty were gone, he did not want to talk about it, and I was left in tears everytime he refused my advances for intamacy. I tried to participate in his Bondage sessions but it just was far from my ideal way to express my love for him. I then told myself I didn't need him either as I felt he did not want or need me. Now some 13 years and 2 children later, its like we live in two halves of the house.... My self esteem is at an all time low...I have discoverd he has involved other people in his cd ing and bondage life and he has expressed interest in wanting a more physical side to these relationships. I feel like I am worthless and not attractive or a nice person, as he does not want me....I feel I have wasted all those years being the dutiful wife at home waiting while he was off wherever and with who ever enjoying himself and I was none the wiser...what a fool. I would have left years ago if not for the children, Part of me is planning to go when the children leave home and start a LIFE for ME,
Sorry I needed to get all this of my chest, thankyou for listening

[melissaK]

. I beleive that this is a habbit and all habbits are hard to break. I really do appreshiate all the responces. I sometimes think it would be better if I did just accept it but truthfully I don't think I ever will. I do love my self but every one has something they'd like to change and if I'm ever to meet the right girl this is something I'd like to change about me

OK, I'm not a GG, but your thoughts scare me. I know, you are not me, I am not you. Your path is your path. I know you are feeling out an idea here and still exploring options.

But, if you think you can quit, you had best do it now before you think you have met ms. right. And God's speed to you. You'll get nothing but support from me and everyone else on these boards. Come check in for support if you want.

In case it doesn't work out though, keep my story in mind: I battled the self acceptance issue for 15 years.

Your tag line says you are from Utah, so maybe you get it when I say I am a cowboy boot wearing graduate from Weber State. There's nary a dirt road in the whole State I haven't driven in my Jeep at least once; nary a black diamond ski run I haven't tried. I've crashed motorcycles; broken collar bones, thumbs and legs and never taken more than an aspirin; separated a shoulder and kept skiing; dodged avalanches; kayaked the Green; hiked every National Park (and there's five of 'em in Utah); slept out under the stars at 10,000 feet for days on end travelling with pack horses; bandaged my own wounds, hiked miles back to my jeep and driven myself back to civilization for stiches; and, well, you see my point is, I'm tough enough all right - mentally and physically.

So Cding - well that doesn't mix with that personality does it. And 15 years ago I confronted the feelings and finally thought I'd never really accept that about myself. (Sound familiar) And since I'm tough, mentally and physically, I thought not cding is certainly something I can deal with and change about myself. I said to myself and my support person at the time, I won't deny it, I'll just not do it. (Sound familiar).

Hah. I lasted a good long while, but in the end, it damned near killed me. I am not kidding here - it takes a lot to damn near kill me. And there are others on this board who have been to that edge too. So, after 15 years of stubbornness, IMHO, "loving yourself" and not accepting the cding part of yourself, aren't compatible ideas. (Yes, I know most of you girls got this through your noggins a lot sooner).

Clearly I am letting my personal experiences cloud my interpretation of your words and that may not be justified. But, if you think you're a tough enough guy to "just not do it," or you think you are different enough from me and you have to go prove that to yourself, please TAKE THIS ADVICE: you can lose your way. So, keep a crisis hotline on speed dial, don't lose your therapists number, and remember this board or a successor board will always be out there supporting you in the effort. You are not the first, or last, or alone.

As you contemplate what I have said, keep in mind that SO's can be found. (thank you GGs). And girls like Bethany find wives and have families. And since we're talking Utah, you might should read Cindi's "Squirrel Cage" book. (Though like Carla suggests, its worth keeping in mind its from a TS persepctive, not a CD perspective.)

More hugs than you might want from a worrying old nag,

'lissa