One thing that confuses me

[Emma England]

Why do some gg's accept their partners crossdressing, whilst others are disgusted by it?

I do not understand why there is any cause for offence.

I do not have a partner by the way, but it still upsets me when I read of other relationship problems.

[Kieron Andrew]

Why do some gg's accept their partners crossdressing, whilst others are disgusted by it?

I do not understand why there is any cause for offence.

I do not have a partner by the way, but it still upsets me when I read of other relationship problems.
why? because not all GGs are the same, we are all wired differently, we've all been bought up differently, all had different values and views instilled in us

[SherryLynn GG]

Why do some gg's accept their partners crossdressing, whilst others are disgusted by it?

I do not understand why there is any cause for offence.

I do not have a partner by the way, but it still upsets me when I read of other relationship problems.

I would have to say its probably for the same reason some men only like skinny women or big women..and the ones who like skinny are disgusted by big women. Or people who prefer another race as a partner but other people are disgusted. Or why some men like other men while some men are disgusted by the thought. This list could go on forever, the point is everyone is different in their likes/dislikes in a relationship and no one can expect every woman to accept that their partner CDs just because another woman enjoys it

That would be like asking "why is it some men enjoy to crossdress while some men think its disgusting?"

I agree it is horrible to read about relationship problems, but it happens and its not always over CDing.

[Ellie]

My wife told me that in the beginning she saw it as a threat to her. Here was another "lady" that I admirred and gave attention to. And she was also a little jeulous of the sexy look that I was trying to emulate. I'm not a gg so I didn't completely understand. But she got over it when she saw that it wasn't a threat and actually strengthened our relationship... once I calmed down and wasn't so over the top with pushing to much to soon.

Maybe some women just don't get over the initial fellings they have in the beginning. Maybe some see their CD partner as a threat, sexier looking or that the perceive a redirection of attention to another female as it were.

I don't pretend to know... just my opinion and experience.


I think this just about describes how my GF saw the situation and she too has come around to enjoying the time Ellie spends around the house with her.

Although every time she sees me en femme she is still jealous of my "sexier, better looking legs" and I am able to walk all femme and girly in 4" heels. She says that I must have been born to walk in heels.

She does have one restriction and that is that I am not allowed to have bigger boobs then hers :lol:

[kerrianna]

why? because not all GGs are the same, we are all wired differently, we've all been bought up differently, all had different values and views instilled in us

:IWS:

...oh, sorry, meant to use this one:

:iagree:

:heehee: :D

[Kieron Andrew]

:IWS:

...oh, sorry, meant to use this one:

:iagree:

:heehee: :D:tongueout hey!!! i thought you were calling me stupid then lol

[kerrianna]

:tongueout hey!!! i thought you were calling me stupid then lol

:whistling:

[Kieron Andrew]

:whistling:
brat!!!!

[cemab4y]

My god man, there are many reasons! Keep in mind the old Indian proverb. Never criticize a man, until you walk a mile in his moccassins. Well, never criticize a woman, until you have walked a mile in her patent-leather pumps!

Imagine walking home, and finding your husband, the father of your children, dressed in silk chemise and leather skirt. Some women would freak, some would cry, some would go ballistic, some would drop dead of a heart attack. No two women are the same, no two reactions would be the same.

[Tamara Croft]

I think you have to be a bit 'weird' (in a nice way) in the first place to be accepting. Or maybe the way you are brought up etc.... Even the ones who aren't accepting, learn to accept it by mingling in with the loons on this forum :tongueout

And kerrianna........ I was told to give you this :slap:

:tongueout

[bgirl]

Most of us seem to have difficulty accepting ourselves. So it should come as no surprise that somebody else might have trouble accepting us as well. Some of never accept ourselves. Might that also be true of our mates?

[Robin Leigh]

Maybe some women just don't get over the initial fellings they have in the beginning. Maybe some see their CD partner as a threat, sexier looking or that the perceive a redirection of attention to another female as it were.
And some see it as a sickening parody of femininity & couldn't touch a CD with a 10' pole, dressed or not. Some are literally physically repulsed by it. There are members here that haven't been intimate with their wives for many years... :(

:hugs:

Robin

[Madeleine]

Most of us seem to have difficulty accepting ourselves. So it should come as no surprise that somebody else might have trouble accepting us as well. Some of (us?) never accept ourselves. Might that also be true of our mates?

So bloody true! Could not have put it better myself.

Madeleine...

[Rebecca_Annette]

This may sound stupid and simplistic, perhaps even vain, but it's a fact.

My partner no longer wants to be involved in my crossdressing. I can understand that. I can understand any GG not wanting to be involved.

But one thing my partner did say in her rant, I found very amusing. She was listing the reasons she did not like me enfemme, and the last one was . .

. . . "and anyway! You look more bl**dy feminine than I do."


I thought it was (nicely) funny.

Peace
Rebecca

[Julie York]

Women are not genetically programmed to admire or find sexually attractive, a man who likes to present himself as a woman. (That's a generalisation I know...don't spoil my big ending!)

Therefore, the acceptance is because they have been curious enough, intelligent enough, or compassionate enough, to find out more about it and use their intellect rather than their emotions.

Once the intellect gets a grasp on it and finds it safe, the emotions are safe to follow.

All credit to anyone with the intelligence, curiosity, or compassion required to deal with it.

:thumbsup:

[sonalnarula]

I would agree 100% with Kieron.

Sonal

[Sasha Anne Meadows]

All cogent thoughts girls.

I do believe that we have to be able to seperate the concept of gender and sexyality to at least drill into this.

Here ar two common problems:

Some ggs feel that having a t mate makes them a lebian or bi. Wrong

Others feel that their t mate is gay. Few of us are.

It's more complicated than that but those are a few things to consider.

[Penny]

I can't understand how women who have a SO that Cd's can't accept it and attempt to forbid it. Ok, a women doesn't have to participate in it, doesn't have to support it and for that matter, doesn't even have to like it.
What she does have to do is accept it. If she can't, it's time to end the relationship especially if she doesn't even try to understand it.
This business of " my wife doesn't permit me is totally out of wack. I do feel however, that she has every to place constraints on it i.e. I don't ever want to see it don't do it in front of the kids and so forth.
If I were to tell my wife "I forbid you from sewing" or anything she may enjoy that too would be just a wrong. I know that creative activities are an outlet for her to escape daily pressures. I do have every right to encourage her to
limit the time she spends working on a project if I feel it is jepordizing our quality time.
A strong relationship is accepting,not dominating the other person. It also based on of course love, sharing, understanding, communication, aimed at making the partner happy. I see this forbidding thing as very little of those.
There are things that my wife does that may bother me from time to time but I realize that that is just her so they are tolerable because I love her and I know there are so many more things about her that I do like that cause me to be in love with her. I'm sure she would say the same about me.
My first wife wanted to eliminate all the things it did that annoyed her. Other people can't change in individual. That individual must change themself.
That is why my first wife is not my wife! There is a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone.
I have the greatest admiration for the GGs here because, having said the above still doesn't make it easy sometimes to accept CDing.

:hugs:

Penny

[MarinaTwelve200]

Theres hardly anything psychologically complex about it.----GGs can be as ignorant as anybody----They think CROSSDRESSING IS GAY.

Lotsa people dont know what "Gay" or "homosexual" means, that is what the defining aspect of it is.---AS kids they were told that a GAY was "a guy who thinks he is a woman"---or "wants to be a woman"---and "naturally a man who CDs wants to ne a woman--so he is "gay"

Of course they later learn that a GAY guy is sexually attrracted to other men---but they still dont take this as the PRIMARY determinant of gayness (as it really is), but only "something ELSE gays do"----they never outgrow the erronious "man who thinks he's a woman" kids definition of gay

So when they see a crossdresser, the first thing they think is GAY!

This is confirmed by a response to an Ann Lander's column I saw recently, where a wife discovered her husband was a CD. Ann explaned that not all CDs were gay---an irrate reader wrote back "What do you think gay is?" and went on a rant aganst homosexuals and how she would throw the guy out.

The answer to the main question is that many people dont know the difference between a CD and a GAY--and think its the same thing---when fact is they dont know what either term really means.

[Peggy55]

Could it be that the GG's that except crossdressing are straight but have a subconscience desire to be with another woman? This sure would be a safe way to experience that without the guilt! Just as thought.

Peggy

[Lanore]

When I read a post about someone not accepting them because they want to be or dress like a woman, it does make me wander. What if the one I married or dated, told me she wanted to be a man? When I married or met her, she was all female, now I come home to a man! I know how I would react. If I wanted a man I'd get a man, but I wanted a woman. So why is everyone so suprised at their SO's reaction? I'm thankfull I don't have that problem.

Lanore

[DeeInGeorgia]

Lanore said "When I read a post about someone not accepting them because they want to be or dress like a woman, it does make me wander. What if the one I married or dated, told me she wanted to be a man? When I married or met her, she was all female, now I come home to a man! I know how I would react."

When I was looking for a wife and doing a little CDing to help cope, I hoped that I would be able to stop when I found that person. Needing to br touched and being able to touch someone, particularly one wearing feminine apparral, I would have my thurst for feminine clothing satiated.

Well, I found my wife and she wore briefers and pantyhose and nylon this and that, and I was happy. But then after we had been married for awhile, and she started getting burned out on her job, and became depressed for other reasons, stopped wearing dresses, briefers, pantyhose and most things feminine and instead wore sweats and slacks and shirts and cotton underthings, and became less willing to touch and hold and be touched and held, the need to crossdress came back.

So, while she did not become a man, she sure became more masculine. And anothoer contributor to my CDing now is how she acts in a more masculine manner, which makes me feel more feminine.

And I still do love her and would do anything for her, to the point that trying to satisfy her restrictions on me (a little bit CDing but mostly other areas) has me suffering high stress to the point that I am suffering medical problems. I just hope we can get her more severe problems controlled or reduced before my problems cause me too much harm.

One day at a time.

Dee

[kerrianna]

And kerrianna........ I was told to give you this :slap:

:tongueout

OW!
Sorry, it took a long time to reach me.
Big ocean. Big mountains.

Sorry, it won't happen again :heehee: ...no, really :devil: . dang giveaway smilies!

[Lindsay]

I think Kieron and Bgirl nailed it: reactions differ because everyone's different, and given that so many CDs have problems understanding/accepting CDing we can hardly expect GGs to be overwhelmingly enthusiastic about it.

A few other factors:

* How they find out about it. There's a big difference between finding out in a chat while dating and coming home after 20 years of marriage to find your macho husband in your clothes.

* Selfishness (on our part). We're quick to say partners should accept our CDing, but in many cases we spring it on them after years - "yes, I've hidden a significant part of me from you for years, but YOU MUST ACCEPT IT NOW OR YOU'RE A BAD PERSON". CDing isn't a hobby like playing golf or playing World of Warcraft.

* The gay thing. Despite the oft-repeated mantra that CDs aren't gay, there's plenty of "bi while dressed" CDs online; I've seen surveys on some CD sites where around 50% of visitors are either gay or bi, or are attracted to other CDs. And because CDers are generally invisible, the popular perception of a man in women's clothes is drag queen - ie, a gay man parodying femininity.

* The transition thing. Women's magazines are full of CD stories, but almost all of them are "my husband's now my wife... the first sign was when he started CDing". That's the main narrative in the media, so it's hardly surprising if CDing is seen as the beginning of a slippery slope towards gender reassignment.

* Selfishness (on our part (again)). Partners' needs can be lost in the pink fog, and there's a tendency once the door is slightly ajar to kick it open: "you let me wear knickers once, so I'm going to dress like a parisian prostitute every time we have sex from now on!" :)

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

i have to admit i was disgusted @ first when i found out of c/d . but..... after it sinks it, and you realise its still same person you got to know , then ..... it does get easier.
think its same old thing , people are afraid of what they dont know/understand. its easier to be disgusted and walk away, then stop.... and learn more, THEN make the desicsion on what you want to do !!:rolleyes: