Does cding affect your masculinity?

[Alice Torn]

I only cd, once every few weeks, or months. I have found, that I am depressd after wards, irritable, find it hard to switch back to male side, have difficulty looking folks in the eye. This goes on for a few days or so. I had the same symptoms, ater masturbating, even before cding, but more intense, after dressing, acting out. Is this fairly normal? I would guess it is fairly common. I have found that masturbation, drains a lot of energy, and especially, the work of getting dressed, made up, then, acting out. I just don't have the energy to do it, more, than once in a while. It seems to affect my male side, and, I am working on being a better man, despite, the occasional dressing up, which is an escape, forbidden secret pleasre, an escape from being an unwanted low income guy. And, I am rather attracted to that tall lady in the mirror, since a tall attractive lady, seems impossible to bond with, after all these decades. Howevwe, I know that in my case, dressing up, could take over my life, as any addiction, and affect my work, and other areas, of my masculine side.

[cathie]

Not for me. I can switch back and forth with out concern. I do find if I don't get to dress often I do miss it a great deal.

[Jodie_Lynn]

Well, I have noticed some 'overlap' from Jodie to my male self, in the form of gestures and the way I move as well as voice inflection.

I have to stay alert to keep the persona correct with the costume.

:)

[Julie York]

Wow you've got a right soup of stuff going on their.

Guilt is a common issue anyway and whilst you are all wrapped up in the fem thing, or sexual excitement, it all sort of makes sense, and if it doesn't..you don't care. It's only afterwards that the guilt and feeling dirty kicks in.

But 'after the event' ,what people forget is that this is a normal chemical thing that happens to a man's brain after sex which is why they just want to go to sleep. It gets flooded with chemicals which are identifiable as ones that cause a state of depression. (true!) [Not a good time to ask "You do love me don't you?]

So you've got that anyway.

Then you have a mind-set thing, where you are so wrapped up in this 'other world' that it is a real jolt to come back to reality.

So if you have work issues and self esteem problems and guilt then you are going to feel seriously horrible 'after the event'.

[Alice Torn]

Thanks for all the responses so quickly. It is helpful. Lucille

[Rebecca_Annette]

Hi Lucille,

I am fortunate. I don't have those concerns an worries. I have a lot of concerns, worries, and hang-ups.

But when I have the chance to dress the way I have always wanted to dress. I feel at peace. I feel content. I feel a better person. I still feel "masculine" (I mean, I do not want to become TOTALLY female, make sense?) but I feel I am the REAL me.


Peace
Rebecca

[Brenda Love]

I have never had trouble switching back and fourth.I CD to feel feminine and pretty, even if I'm wearing panties and a bra under my male clothes I can shut my fem side off or tone it down when i have too.I stopped feeling guilty about being a CD years ago and learned to except who i am. I just love women so much that sometimes I want to be one, if only for awhile.

One of the keys to being happy in life is to love youself everyday:happy:

Hugs
Brenda

[FROCKYHORROR]

I know what you're saying Lucille...your're right it does take lots of energy and can soak up most of your free time...i too am single..and think hmmm is this really just a substitute for the real thing..i see a nice looking girl and something in me says "i'll never get a girl like that.." and its not cos i'm not a nice person or attractive but because of my life circumstances, i just don't get to meet em...my brain does a problem solving thing "can't get girl....answer=dress like girl"...this then fullfills to some extent the level of feminity a man needs in his life..if resources ie women.. seem scarce...

[Natasha_82]

It doesn't for me. Like you I only have a need to do it maybe at most once a week but I say it doesn't because my cding is done for sexual gratification that stems from male sexual urges

[susie evans]

i can switch back and fourth as fast as i need to have to be able to keep a sharp i out for the bargins :heehee: :heehee:

[mollytyler]

Have never really had a 'masculine' side of me in the traditional sense...always been femme of mind and spirit since early age.....with 10+ years of hormone program and orcheictomy....those masculine 'relief' mechanisms don't exist for me....i have been VERY happy in my journey and only know/experience one side of me, that being the feminine side......

[VTDresser]

I used to think that CDing would impact my manhood until I realized it takes courage to know what you need and what you have to do. I need to crossdress and am not afraid to lose anything if I do. People have to accept the fact that what is is what is.

Que sera, sera, whatever will be, will be.

But if I could have Doris Day's figure.....

[Lanore]

I have to go with Molly on this one. The relief valve was shut off a long time ago.

Lanore

[Alice Torn]

It does seem to be a subsitute, for lack of intimacy with a lovely gg, but, I seem to have a feminine side, too. Just touch some lady wear, makes me feel good, too. Puttin on the lady clothes, is like putting a lovely gg next to me, also. Since i was onely remotely close to marriage, only once, 20 years ago, and have always been starved, for a gg love, I think fantasizing, and dressing as a lovely gg, looking in the mirror, as a gg I would want, and desire, fills the void. Accepting there is this void, and desire, is healthy. Keeping this under some control, and being fully male, on jobs, at church,with roommate,etc. takes acceptance, awareness, control of the tongue, calmness under pressure. When I had a job, and couldn't wait to get home to dress, almost everyday, I was having a tougher time, on the job, with dreaming, thinking. When I dress far less often, I tend to do better, and, it is more enjoyable, than when I did it every other day.

[Sweet Susan]

Does cding affect your masculinity?

Only when I'm in a biker bar and wearing a see through blouse.

[Marcie Sexton]

I have never had a problem switching from Marcie to me, but one thing dressing has done...Made me more aware of people and things around me...I have been told I am much more considerate now. I'd like to think that is a good thing...

[Karren H]

NO it doesnt..... All femmey in girl mode..... all guy in male mode!! Best of both genders......

Karren

[soccervixen]

Well, dressing has affected some of my behavior as a guy, since I don't dress up and go out. I think I may walk a little differently, hold my hands a little differently, sit or cross legs a little differently now since I have begun dressing. I certainly watch what I do with my hands and longer nails more carefully. I am carrying a bag now daily, and getting some looks from people, and a few comments. I don't feel guilty about any of those things.

[Penny]

NO it doesnt..... All femmey in girl mode..... all guy in male mode!! Best of both genders......

Karren

I am with Karen. For me it's the same except I have noticed difficulty in opening pickle jars while dressed! lol

:hugs:

Penny

[Bethanygirl]

Does cding affect your masculinity?

It affects my femininity...

[Mary Morgan]

I'm sitting here, dressed to the nines, feeling great about it and the fact that I can communicate with all of you, and the question is "Does CDing affect your masculinity?" No, my masculinity interferes with my real nature, but only if I let it. I'm in control, I'm in control, I'm in...

[Rachel Morley]

My masculinity?....what masculinity?!?? :D :heehee:

[Sweet Jane]

Hi Lucille

ummm...look at me. I don't think it's affected my masculinity at all!!!

[ArleneRaquel]

Masculinity, what's that ? :love: & :hugs: Trina

[Angie G]

Not at all I go back& forth with no perblem :hugs:
Angie

[cutechloe]

I have to agree with a couple of the earlier responses... what masculinity. I really don't think I have much in common with most guy-guys. It's kinda funny as I really have even given up trying to cover up the fact that I don't care about being a guy. As an example I was at a friends house over Christmas playing poker with the host couple and three others (two of whom I had never met). Anyway, one of the guys was a truly obnoxious muppet of a guy that just liked being outwardly aggressive. For some reason most of the hands came down to me and him head-to-head, and I was doing fine, but when the host lady made the comment "wow the pot is pretty big, how are the testosterone levels?", I just replied with "actually pretty low really". She just gave me this look, and I think she thought I was trying to be funny, but it's true, I just can't get worked up about competing or sport...

On another note I was at another Christmas party and I was wearing my hair in a pony tail (as I have taken to doing now that I can), and a lady walks up to me and says "oh it looks as if we are wearing the same hairstyle, you should have called me earlier, I could have done something else". All I could think of was to point out that she was a blonde while I was a brunette!

So I guess there isn't much masculinity to affect anymore.

Chloe

[Marla S]

Wow you've got a right soup of stuff going on their.

Guilt is a common issue anyway and whilst you are all wrapped up in the fem thing, or sexual excitement, it all sort of makes sense, and if it doesn't..you don't care. It's only afterwards that the guilt and feeling dirty kicks in.

But 'after the event' ,what people forget is that this is a normal chemical thing that happens to a man's brain after sex which is why they just want to go to sleep. It gets flooded with chemicals which are identifiable as ones that cause a state of depression. (true!) [Not a good time to ask "You do love me don't you?]

So you've got that anyway.

Then you have a mind-set thing, where you are so wrapped up in this 'other world' that it is a real jolt to come back to reality.

So if you have work issues and self esteem problems and guilt then you are going to feel seriously horrible 'after the event'.
Well said.
This 'after the event' is a good indicator how well you've sorted things out. If you feel other than just exhausted, there is something going wrong.

It would be a bit foolhardy to say that there is no masculinity (inevitable with a multiplefold excess of testosterone, and the socialisation in the background), but the feminine aspects cut the edges. Which leads to a most interesting team play if you allow yourself to engage with it. Hard to decide what's masculine and feminine then (a bit confusing sometimes though).
Make your feminine side a friend of your masculine one. You can't get rid of neither, so its better they play together than fighting each other.

I myself started to accept my more male aspects when I got I grip on my feminine ones.

[Rachaelb64]

Masculinity is a curious is thing. I think at this point time the Western Male is most unsure about his masculinity at any point in his history.

As for my own, Over the years I have been 'accused of' being a womaniser, gay, an alpha male (still haven't figured that one out yet:D ), caring, nice, kind, rude, stupid, uncommitted, selfish, having great leadership quialties and a load of other stuff........

But I have always tended to run, or more than often walk to my on beat.

But the main thing I have notice that dont seem to have in common with other males is a competative streak, I either win or lose, I treat victory and defeat in the same light...............

All that chest beating always seem to me as a waste of energy :D

[baby britt]

no it dont effect me at all

[Joyciecd]

The 'male let down' after sex is not present in Joycie. I date a few really sexually active guys, and when thus engaged Joycies' orgasim does not interrupt the proceedings, but when the second orgasim is experienced, his or mine, fatigue does become a factor that slows things down. At that point the guys usually need a break, so we have a coffee or a glass of wine and then get back at it. My femmy self does not feel satisfied until the guy has orgasimed at least twice, and after an ocassional third time for him (Joycie can go on endlessly), it is sleepy time for him!

Since Joycie is 99% 24/7, I react as the fems I have know do, i.e. have continual sex until 'that' orgasim that signals my body that now it requires some battery charging! But even then if the guy still wants to continue, in true femmy fashion, Joycie acommodates until the guy has had 'enough'!

[Alice Torn]

Rachael, I also don't seem to have that hyper-competitive streak, us vs them thinking, that American men are known for. It breeds depression, to be devastated by losing a game, contest, etc. I don't have that killer instinct, but, I hate injustice, and oppression. I don't like the exztreme, dog eat dog competition, in modern times, at all. Friendly, kind competition, without the mud slinging, and hate, is better. Masculinity American style, is in a quagmire.Lucille

'

[kerrianna]

Simply put, dressing makes me a better man.

It helps me see things in a different perspective, it gives me a chance to see myself in a different light...and that all helps make me a happier, more fulfilled, balanced person. My masculine nature is more defined because of it. I'm more naturally male, I don't have to be proving myself.

Maybe I have a different idea of what it is to be masculine. To me it's about being confident, caring, courageous, alert, dynamic and playful. All things my feminine side helps with.

If you play within gender stereotypes and you crossdress you are bound to be confused. Think outside the box, treat yourself as a whole person with both male and female characteristics and your crossdressing will be less of a burden and more of a blessing.

:hugs:

[BOOTLOVINGGIRL]

I too suffer from the post dress up "male letdown" Not as bad as it used to be but guilt is still there afterward. A female friend of mine used to tell me I was always more irritable after I'd dressed up. Ineteresting what Julie York said about the depression aspect. I learn something everyday reading this forum.

[Jesse69]

CDing destroyed my reputation as a dude. Now I can't hang out with the guys and some girls don't like me...

[Angela E.]

What masculinity?-Angela.:la: :doll: :^5:

[Kelsy]

I find that both the male side and the female side over lap. I can be very male
but only for short periods and always retreat to my female side where I am more comfortable( I would prefer organizing my makeup than play poker.) when in femm mode I can look at my male side and the things he does and say "what an ass" :D

Jennifer:heehee:

[Rachaelb64]

Rachael, I also don't seem to have that hyper-competitive streak, us vs them thinking, that American men are known for. It breeds depression, to be devastated by losing a game, contest, etc. I don't have that killer instinct, but, I hate injustice, and oppression. I don't like the exztreme, dog eat dog competition, in modern times, at all. Friendly, kind competition, without the mud slinging, and hate, is better. Masculinity American style, is in a quagmire.Lucille

'

I understand were you are coming from. Sometimes I like to stop and watch the world go by. I hate office politics, always though some one should get promote on their ability rather than who they drink with.

[Lisa Golightly]

I'm a girly girl...

[Lovely Rita]

I only cd, once every few weeks, or months. I have found, that I am depressd after wards, irritable, find it hard to switch back to male side, have difficulty looking folks in the eye. This goes on for a few days or so. I had the same symptoms, ater masturbating, even before cding, but more intense, after dressing, acting out. Is this fairly normal? I would guess it is fairly common. I have found that masturbation, drains a lot of energy, and especially, the work of getting dressed, made up, then, acting out. I just don't have the energy to do it, more, than once in a while. It seems to affect my male side, and, I am working on being a better man, despite, the occasional dressing up, which is an escape, forbidden secret pleasre, an escape from being an unwanted low income guy. And, I am rather attracted to that tall lady in the mirror, since a tall attractive lady, seems impossible to bond with, after all these decades. Howevwe, I know that in my case, dressing up, could take over my life, as any addiction, and affect my work, and other areas, of my masculine side.

Hi Lucille I used to feel very similar. Those feelings you describe are probably the major cause for purges as well. Today I do not have the same feelings and for this I am happy. I guess I do not see what I am doing as wrong anymore. I am one of those who believes that if your conscience says something is wrong for you then it is. I have had to unlearn quite a lot of things for which I am very happy. I don't have the conflict thing anymore either. I am very comfortable being both masculine and feminine. I have learned to love all facets of myself. It has been a long and hard journeyfor me but wonderful as well. The journey is different for all of us and so I don't expect my walk to be a panacea for others.

hugs

[vickyx dresser]

hi not for me as i need to dress up as much as i can changing back is no probs

[Trinni]

Sometimes I get the urge to dress when I know I can't and when that happens it is hard to shake, but that only happens once and a while.

[Bethany Ann]

I can switch back and forward like the wind. I love being a guy and I love getting all femmy and wild. I think my wife gets a real bargin. She obviously married a macho guy...sports cars...power ties...all the other stuff. But I love to escape into a tight business suit and heels every chance I get...I can make the mental transition in a second flat;-)

Beth

[JeaniT]

I find that both the male side and the female side over lap. I can be very male
but only for short periods and always retreat to my female side where I am more comfortable( I would prefer organizing my makeup than play poker.) when in femm mode I can look at my male side and the things he does and say "what an ass" :D

Jennifer:heehee:


I think that says it better than I could have.

Thanks Jennifer!

Jeani

[Juanita O]

I can switch back and forth with no problem. All guy when it need to be, and all girl when needed.

[tammie]

Hi All: I don't have any problems now. Yrs ago I would feel guilty. Undress and hide everything and wonder how devient I was for doing somthing so horrible.

Now I not only stay dressed after I climax I wear panties to work. I work in a very male oriented stressful life and death type of work that is so competitive that sometimes if there is nothing else to to we will start picking on each other.

I find that being femme and submissive sometimes is a way to remove myself from that mindset and go to another place in the universe. And its so very sexy and soft and I don't have to be a hard charging ubermale. NOt only is it fun its absolutely theraputic. I wish I could get an RX for it and write if off on my taxes

[Lori SC]

There are probably a few outward signs that reflect on masculinity that CDing has affected - such as my shaved arms, and shaped eyebrows. I also have to be careful how I move after Cding. The longer I am in girl mode, the more feminine I move for a longer time. I also notice that I have always had certain traits about moving that are more feminine, not just becasue of CDing - such as I hold my elbows closer to the body than a lot of guys. I just always did this. - So yes it affects me.

But I also think it bring me closer to what I really am... somewhere inbetwixt masculine and feminine.

Now I wouldn't change it for the world. I am MUCH happier when I can dress.

Hugs, Lori

[Jestina]

Good question.

I like good questions.


Actually, ummm no CDing doesn't affect my masculinity.
I think that to a degree a hetro C/D man has to be very comfortable with that in the first place.

In the beginning my girlfriend was very worried about it.
But she soon found out that I am all guy.
She knows I wear panties under my jeans every day along with tights in the winter and pantyhose in the cool weather, she knows I sleep in one of three nighties, but she still refers to me as
"the Irishman" in an almost reverential tone.
Refering to the "fighting Irish".
One time when a client was pushing my buttons and getting me mad she asked; "Does he know you are Irish?"

THat is a funny question in and of itself, but illustrates that wearing womens clothing does not have to affect the way you project yourself to yourl loved ones at least.

Now I kid you not, she actually asked me that!
I hope she never reads this she will show me her Irish LOL.

Never let my panties get in the way of my Irish. Errr masculinity...that is.

I don't get that connection but lets just go with it.

Jestina.

[Tina P Hose]

I don't really know what to say about this subject but to tell the trueth, I am attracted to women very much BUT have not been with a woman in that special way for over a year.

When dressed I fantasize about being with another CD in that special way. But have never taken that road as of today anyway.

What would I do when I am with a women and she notices my shaved LEGG'S ?

Dressing still gets me excited sexually 67 % of the time...the other 33% of the time while dressed I just feel good about what I am wearing.

[RandiCD78209]

To a certain extent, but not in a negative way. My wife knows a little of my fem side...just my luv for panties - so far she doesn't know that I totally dress, nor about my bisexual tendencies. Regardless, I find I'm more sensitive to those things fem. I now like shopping with my wife, the girly movies, soft clothes and we even enjoy spa time together - massage, manicures & pedicures. Amazingly, this has drawn us closer together and I can honestly say I'd rather go shopping on Sunday then watch the NEVER ENDING SUNDAY STORY...FOOOOTBAAAAL.

On the other hand I still lust for my wife after 32 years of marriage. Our sex life has never been better. I don't oogle after the guys (although I occasionally enjoy a m2m date)...my head turns & I'll stare at beautiful women (it would be rude not to do so!), and I still want macho adventure...climb the mountains, ski in deep powder, and get drunk from scotch as opposed to wine!

Bottomline - Despite the deceit It's invigorating to have your feet on both sides. CD has the best of both worlds!

[Beth-GDB]

I'm not going to go through all the comments in this thread.

To me "masculinity" is as much a state of mind as anything else. I CD because I enjoy wearing the clothes but in my own mind I am still masculine no matter what I am wearing. To my way of thinking I see myself as a guy in a dress and not as a "girl" when I'm dressed. This isn't some denial reaction on my part as I see it, it's a matter of me not being able to not be masculine (as I see my own masculinity) regardless of what I am doing or wearing.

And if someone want's to ask why I use the name "Beth" here, that's for the sake of personal privacy on a publicly accessable forum, and it seemed to fit in with the general tone here when I registered.

[KristyCD]

I agree with Bethany - it affects my femininity

[bobbie_francis]

Darn. I just got a run in one of my stockings. :(

[Eva Diva]

I'm not going to go through all the comments in this thread.

To me "masculinity" is as much a state of mind as anything else. I CD because I enjoy wearing the clothes but in my own mind I am still masculine no matter what I am wearing. To my way of thinking I see myself as a guy in a dress and not as a "girl" when I'm dressed. This isn't some denial reaction on my part as I see it, it's a matter of me not being able to not be masculine (as I see my own masculinity) regardless of what I am doing or wearing.

And if someone want's to ask why I use the name "Beth" here, that's for the sake of personal privacy on a publicly accessable forum, and it seemed to fit in with the general tone here when I registered.


Wow! I couldn't have said it better. There's someone just like me here. :hugs: For me, dressing is a kind of artsy-fartsy "performance art". When the show is over, back to life. I definitely think about it between dressing sessions, but I'm a guy thinking about it.

[Kitty Sue]

It is only a part of who I am. I am quite aware that I am still a man. I do not have to many issues switching back and forth. I wonder with the language you use if you are a member of one of the S. programs; acting out and control kind of jumped out at me. I used to consider CDing as acting out or "inner circle" behavior but I do not anymore. The more accepting I become of me and my sexuality the the better I feel about me. I am not hurting myself or others. Being bi and a CD is okay despite what many in society may preach. Guess I am getting increasinly comfortable with who I am.

[Tina B.]

No
Tina B.
I'm just me, either way, jeans or skirt.

[XDW Nathan-Natasha]

*grumble, grumble. I had a whole thing worked up here and it was done so well but I accidently clicked a link and lost it all! *tear. Ah well...
Basically, Lucille, I don't really know how dressing up effects my masculinity. I mean, I don't really notice too much of a difference between my personality when I dress up as opposed to when I don't. I do inherit some different mannerisms - I swear less, I speak softer, I cross my legs more, I even think a little differently, to name a few things. But once I undress it's like, from girl to guy in 10 seconds flat. There's really no transition period like it seems you go through.
In general, I'm just a little happier when I dress up and could probably use some of the traits I inherit enfemme in general - as a guy or girl.
But anyhow, this is a great thread Lucille! Thanks for giving me something to think about.

[marie354]

I'm sure it does...

Here I am... A man who dresses as a woman who occasionally crossdresses as a man.
Does that make sense? TeeHeeHee!

[horice 3]

The only time It has affected me was when i was in the gym doing a heavy set of barbell squats and my girlfriend whispered to me" I'd like to see you do that in those high heels we just bought for you" the image had us both laughing so much that i was unable to continue training. Seriously, I think people try to fit themselves into appropriate stereotypes, instead of just enjoying their own individuality and uniqueness