Why is shopping so hard

[Raychel]

So I was walking thru Walmart tonight. Walking from Electronic to Mens to get some socks. Of course I had to go right thru the ladies department. :heehee: Well right there on the end of an aisle there was a black velvet dress, just screaming at me. "RAYCHEL HERE I AM" There was no one around so I stopped and looked, only $13.00, OK Time to grow a pair of (you know whats) and buy the thing. Do you think that I could muster up the courage to put it in the shopping cart. :Angry3: :Angry3: So I walked to the cashier in the garden shop. Only one cashier there, and there was no one in line.

I think to myself "Of course, I could have picked up that dress and no-one would have known"

So why is it that I can't go into a shop and buy a dress for myself, When I can walk right into a Dress Barn and buy clothes for my wife all day long. Why does my wife not have a problem shopping for clothes for me and the other boys in the family. But there is some wall that make it so I can't make this little purchase.

OK That is enough of my rant. Just mad at myself.

[Marcie Sexton]

For years I had a terrible time trying to buy for myself, but then one day i just figured that I would buy a few things:rolleyes: for myself come hell or hi water, and so I did...now I have the rep. of being such a wonderful husband:heehee: always buying something nice for my wife...

Of course she gets her share, don't get me wrong, but Marcie gets her cut too...step up and do the do...you'll never regret it...today I spent over an hour in the unmentionables trying to find a matching set of bra/pantie...and no one ever questioned me, other than to ask if I needed help...GO FOR IT

[Karren H]

Well to tell the truth....no one cares what you buy and your the only one that's embarased..... So just do it!!!! And if your still a little embarased try this trick..... Go to Kohl's or anywhere that has unnattended dressing rooms.... pick up a couple pair of slacks, a polo shirt and a dress and a few skirts.... place the slacks and shirt over the fem things if you wish... go to the men's dressing room and try on the fem items.... loose the male things and buy the dress!!! Ask for a gift reciept will make it look like it's a gift!!!

Now be gone!!! GO!! SHOP!!!

:)

Love Karren

[susie evans]

karren i'll bet you don't go through all of that i bet you just brouse and try/buy what you want i think it just takes time to build confedence and time to realize you care more than all the people in the store . personaly i like to talk to the other shoppers andget ideas :heehee: :heehee:

[Adrienne Heels]

I love to try things on in the stores and get the SA's opinion on them. I also love to complement the other femme shoppers on their outfits or the items they are buying!

[cindychan]

I get a high off buying women's clothes. It gives me a rush of domination knowing that in a society of set standards, I can go against it, and flaunt it it most cases. BTW a good place to shop Is Ross dress for less at 7:30pm for the shy gals out there;)

[Bethanygirl]

Raychel, quit obssessing and do it! Are you saying that it is harder than going in for that job interview for the job you really want? Or harder than asking for your wife's hand in marrige? You've done hard before dear, just do it, and then you will wonder what all the fuss was about.

Go get 'em girl! Thars clothes out thar! :thumbsup:

[Sally2005]

I know what you mean. It helps if you can feel like you have a reason for being there. Today I went to three value villages to find a winter jacket for her and him. At first I was nervous looking at the woman's jackets so I started with the mens, I didn't find a mens one, but I soon thought to myself, what the hell, why not look for a jacket for her while I'm here. They just don't know who her is.

Anyways, I found a really really nice women's swade jacket...but with no price. Ended up walking around with the darn thing trying to find someone to price it. Ended up going through several sales people and in the end I got it for $15. The guy doing the price said, "is it a woman's or male jacket? The girl who first served me said, "male" and I corrected her to say it was a womens. No odd comments or looks from them and felt no need to explain, I just would have said something funny like "for $15 it better fit her". The more I do it the easier it is.

[Joanne_'jojo']

I know exactly where you are coming from Raychel.

I have bought a few things for myself before, the last purchases were before Christmas so I had the perfect excuse of a gift.

Last week I had the opportunity to spend an afternoon at the mall and do some shopping. I had a mental list of what I wanted to buy. First stop before getting to the mall was at Payless, for a pair of flats which they didn't have but the girl in the store was great, no problems here at all.

Then I made it into the mall. I went in through Sears and there was a tweed skirt that caught the corner of my eye, so decided to check this out on the way back. Well got into the mall and it was crazy busy. In retrospect this could have been a good thing, but somewhere between checking the map to find out where the store was and getting there, all my excitement at an afternoon of shopping had turned into "How can I possibly go in there and buy girl stuff?".

I ended up leaving the mall and didn't even go back to Sears and sitting in the parking lot reading a book while waiting for my wife to get out of her appointment. I actually think that her disappointment at me not buying anything was as big as mine.
The next day we made up for it and went to Old Navy together and I got some lovely things, there was a coat I couldn't decide on and left it in the store.

Well one of the tops needed to be returned and so I took the opportunity to buy the coat whilst taking the top back, thankfully they still had it.
Now for the punchline, while I was paying for the coat two girls joined the line behind me. The cashier made a comment on how everyone loves these coats and the two girls started talking about where they were in the store, before I was done one of them had headed back into the store to get one herself.
Pretty much made my day.

Why should two days be so different? Not sure of that one, but I am beginning to realise that most of the attention we think we are getting is in our heads.

Happy shopping.

Joanne.

[GACountrygal]

Maybe the difference in you buying clothes for your wife and being ok with it vs buying clothes for yourself is in knowing they are for you, which in turn makes you a little giddy or excited (not in a sexual way, but in a YaY! way) and therefore makes you nervous that people will some how know you are buying them for you.

But just throw all that aside and GO SHOP!!!!!!! Its the best feeling of a job well done and then you can go home and model them for yourself or your SO!!!

-Nicole
-Nicole

[Angie G]

Raychel just do it after the 1st time you won't have a problem again :hugs:
Angie

[ColleenCD]

Raychel,

This happens to me also. I go in for my wife and could by her absolutely anything. I go in for Colleen and and I'm the only one sweating in 20 degree weather. This is why I don't play poker.

Colleen

[kerrianna]

I started by pretending in my mind that I WAS buying it for someone else. That was my story and I was sticking to it, so I just played the part. Gradually got to the point where if I held it up to me and someone saw so what. Have tried a few things on in the store since then.

It's an evolutionary scale. Start with the mind games if you have to. Eventually when you're ready you'll be feeling free to be yourself.

Just remember, most places, if you got the $ you get what you want. They WANT to sell it to you. Why, for what, etc....none of their business. You got $13.00, you got a dress.

You'll be okay. In the cart next time. You know that. :hugs:

[Penny]

Basically, men can be a bunch of idiots. There is a stigma about being in the women's section. For some reason known to the idiots who created this non maco image, most men would not be caught dead there or buying anything from there.
On one hand, it takes a lot of balls to wear a dress. On the other hand, if you are going to wear a dress. Forget about the macho image and just but it.
To be honest with you, I have found that buying for Penny while enfem works well. I can try it on without a worry about a macho image because I don't have one when I walk in the door.

:hugs:

Penny

[Raychel]

You all make very good points, that I have heard before. And of course I know that you are all right. I guess that is what made me so mad at myself for not getting it. I have to go back to the same store tonight to exchange some razor blades. So I have all day to get over it all and "Just Do It"

Thanks for all your help. I will let you knwo the outcome.

:hugs: :hugs:

[Tina Dixon]

OH my friend I still can't buy girlie things easy, I struglr with simple thing like pantyhose, damn near break out in a sweat, sad:(

[Kristen Marie]

Go for it Raychel....

I was looking a small shoulder bag yesterday in Sears. No changing rooms for shoulder bags. I put the first one on and was quite nervous. By the fifth one, I almost wish I had a dress on. Boldness grows with time.

[julie w]

you really need to get over your fear ,as long as the sales people dont
know you, do you really care what they think, buying from walmart sears
etc is easy going into a womens dress shop is a bit harder I just ask the sales
women I would like that skirt and say she has some skirts size 10 and some size 12 which one does she recommend and let them get it , and if you want to return it leave the labels on and just say is unsuitable and if they ask for your phone # say no its easy

[JoAnnDallas]

Almost all WalMarts now have self checkout lines. You can use those if you afraid to checkout from a regular checkout line.

[Emily Ann Brown]

Just returned from the store (in male mode)....got yogurt for lunch, trash bags, pantihose, and liquid eyeliner. What could be easier ? Wish I had forgotten the trash bags and maybe looked at lipstick instead (giggle giggle).

At age 18, my new bride asked me to go to Leggett's and get her some new bras.....and take her 10 year old sister with me. After that HORRIBLE experience I can buy anything anywhere.

I'm gonna have to guess that the fear to shop comes from one's guilt over dressing in some small way. As soon as I REALLY wasn't ashamed to say I dress I found it perfectly normal to go buy female attire.

Emily Ann

[Raychel]

So at 7:45 this morning I walked into Walmart. Returned the razor blades that I got that were wrong and did some other shopping. A package of socks, 2 pair of work pants, A case of bottle water, Oh yeh I almost forgot a new dress for Raychel. The checkouts were empty that early in the morning, The cashier, Not originally from the USA. Could have cared less what I had. Now I only hope that I picked up the right size.

:D :D :D :D :D

[carolclaire]

Like many others, I used to be shy about buying women's clothes for me. I, too, decided life was too short to let my fears control what I did. I now shop a lot dressed as a woman, and even have my own personal assistant at a quality department store suggest items I might like to buy. I find shopping for clothes (particularly dressed as a woman) very enjoyable, mostly for the interchange with other customers and sales associates about lots of topics. No wonder women love to shop!

[kerrianna]

So at 7:45 this morning I walked into Walmart. Returned the razor blades that I got that were wrong and did some other shopping. A package of socks, 2 pair of work pants, A case of bottle water, Oh yeh I almost forgot a new dress for Raychel. The checkouts were empty that early in the morning, The cashier, Not originally from the USA. Could have cared less what I had. Now I only hope that I picked up the right size.

:D :D :D :D :D

Good for you girl! See, just like buying condoms. :heehee:

If it doesn't fit, don't be shy about returning it. Just say bought it for GF didn't fit her (do the boy am I a dumb man eyeball roll for extra effect) and if they have it get the right size. Don't do yourself out, You deserve that dress. It knows your name even! :heehee:

Hopefully it fits and you look darling in it. :hugs:

[Wendy me]

Raychel....lol well done but you forgot the shoes to go with it ......

[Raychel]

Raychel....lol well done but you forgot the shoes to go with it ......

Are you kidding me, I thought that I did good, just buying the thing, without having a heartattack.

Maybe you could loan me a pair. :D

[Wendy me]

lol you did good .... and i am proud of you i relay am :hugs: trust me this was a huge step for you :hugs: and your going to get better at it.... trust me ... soon you will be shopping without a care in the world .... :tongueout i remember my first few times lol.....truly proud of you.... :hugs:

[Raychel]

So doe sthat mean that you won't be loaning me any shoes. :(

[Wendy me]

Raychel i have some open toe 4 inch heels that would be killer with that size 10's ..... girlfriend one day we are going to have to get together and i will teach you the shopping game and you will have a ton of fun......

[GACountrygal]

Congrats Raychel on such a big step!!!!! Now dontcha feel better??

-Nicole

[nataliecd77]

I've gotten to the point where it doesn't bother me anymore. I figure if I can go get tampons at 2 A.M. by myself then no worries LOL. Most people if they even glance at you at all just kinda decide your prolly buying for your G/F or Wife. Worst I have had happen was looking thru Goodwill store once and the Asst came over to see if I needed help picking something out for my SO. So I just chatted with her and said "she said she was a size 14 " and we looked thru all the clothes with her dispensing fashion advice which I found very enlightening!
Love, Natalie.

[Joanie]

Some thoughts on this....

1. Further away from home I am, the easier it is to shop. Have done three Lane Bryants out of state, using the dressing room at each,no problems. Biggest fear--some woman's husband, waiting on his wife, watching me emerge from the dressing room and, even though I am back in male attire, it would be embarassing. So far, hasn't happened. And if it should, so what, I tell myself. A stranger I don't know and will never see again.

2. I was thinking the other day at work how much more socially acceptable it would be for my colleagues to find out I had done one of the following (only examples, I haven't, except for b)
a. Cheated on taxes.
b. Driven drunk (not in over 30 years since college).
c. Smoked grass (never have)
d. cheated on my wife-NEVER-but a few guys at work have.

Most would accept any or all of the above more readily than my dressing up in women's clothes as I am now at the end of a very long week, even though my wearing these pretty femmy things ISN'T illegal. Is this a screwed up world or what????

[sonalnarula]

Yes Joanie, I think about the irony of our lifestyle a lot too. Regular macho men do stuff like cheat on their wives and dont give a hoot about it but they'd go to the extent to getting violent with one of us.

Its a messed up world.

I also keep thinking about how it was sacrilege for women to wear trousers etc 50 years ago. Maybe men in dresses will be the norm 50 years hence.

Sigh !

Sonal

[Lissa Stevens]

It's hard because you are like me. You get all worked up over nothing, afraid of what others will thinks instead of saying to hell with them. My money is as good as anyone's.

[Brenda Love]

The only way I have the courage to by ladies dresses/underwear is when I'm shopping for my wife on valentines day(loves it!)or xmas.Even then you will only find me shopping at private boutiques it's just easier.When I want to buy regular everyday underwear for my wife at xmas i take my daughter with me and say things like "will mom like this?" even though I'm picking out the ones I would like to wear! One year she snuck away and left me standing their picking out pairs of panties by myself,she was hidiing behind one of the racks killing herself laughing.:heehee: To be able to stand alone in that section and pick out dresses and lingerie by myself is as of now just a dream.

Hugs
Brenda

[Joanie]

Yes Joanie, I think about the irony of our lifestyle a lot too. Regular macho men do stuff like cheat on their wives and dont give a hoot about it but they'd go to the extent to getting violent with one of us.

Its a messed up world.

I also keep thinking about how it was sacrilege for women to wear trousers etc 50 years ago. Maybe men in dresses will be the norm 50 years hence.

Sigh !

Sonal

Sonal,

How right you are! Especially with the trousers--trying to view the world fairly, its amazing to go to the Mall and see all the women crossdressers with blue jeans which, as you so rightly point out, were strictly the domain of us males 50 years ago. Times may change though.

Joanie

[Jadeanne]

I guess I'm one of the lucky ones - when I was small, I would go with my father when he bought gifts such as stockings for my mother.

When I got a little older, my father would give me the money beforehand and we would go to the store and he would guide me in picking out stockings for Mom and paying for them myself - I remember they were seamed support stockings and they were $1 a pair (this was the 1950s).

When I got a little older and could go to stores by myself, a few times around Christmas and Mom's birthday, she gave me the exact brand (Corn Silk) and color of her favorite face powder and I would go by myself to the drug store to buy it as a gift for her.

As an adult, I bought lingerie and outer clothes by myself for my wife for almost 25 years before "the urge" returned after 33 years.

Often, my loving, supporting wife shops with me and gives input on my choices, especially at thrift stores.

Jadeanne

[breanna/bryan]

i know how ya fell i can't go i and buy things by my self i always have to have my so with me expecialy when buying panties, and i always have her pay for it at the counter. sometimes if ia m dareing enough and i realy don't care i will try somethign on in the dressing room

[BOOTLOVINGGIRL]

I've had this feeling too. Much easier to buy for another than for myself.For some reason it just has a different vibe. Guilt of some type I guess.

[Amanda Jane]

"Good for you girl! See, just like buying condoms.
If it doesn't fit, don't be shy about returning it."

never thought about returning condoms before

"ah mam, these were just too small"

[maybeJan]

"Good for you girl! See, just like buying condoms.
If it doesn't fit, don't be shy about returning it."

never thought about returning condoms before

"ah mam, these were just too small"

It would be more difficult to return them with the comment "ah mam, these were just too bigl"

Jan

[Lanore]

When you buy cloths for yourself a couple of times, It'll start getting a little easier. When you're buying for yourself, just don't look around like you're going to steal something. That's when everyone will be watching. By the way, after a while you might start to enjoy the attention.

Lanore

[Raychel]

Some thoughts on this....

1. Further away from home I am, the easier it is to shop. Have done three Lane Bryants out of state, using the dressing room at each,no problems. Biggest fear--some woman's husband, waiting on his wife, watching me emerge from the dressing room and, even though I am back in male attire, it would be embarassing. So far, hasn't happened. And if it should, so what, I tell myself. A stranger I don't know and will never see again.

2. I was thinking the other day at work how much more socially acceptable it would be for my colleagues to find out I had done one of the following (only examples, I haven't, except for b)
a. Cheated on taxes.
b. Driven drunk (not in over 30 years since college).
c. Smoked grass (never have)
d. cheated on my wife-NEVER-but a few guys at work have.

Most would accept any or all of the above more readily than my dressing up in women's clothes as I am now at the end of a very long week, even though my wearing these pretty femmy things ISN'T illegal. Is this a screwed up world or what????


Joanie, You are so right on all accounts here. If I had been shopping somewhere that no-one would know me, I am sure that it would have been different. But the store that I was at was in the same town that I have a business in. And I only live 8 miles from work. So there is a huge chance that I will run into someone that I know in that store. Actually the first time I did see another business owner in there.

And you are right, I pay my taxes, don't cheat on my wife, no drugs, no drinking and driving. no other serious crimes. Just being a guy (that likes to play dressup sometimes), That seems to be totally taboo is some peoples minds, worse that anything in the world.

I guess that is what make us think that is so wrong to walk into a store and PAY for an item that we like. I guess when you say it that way, it does sound kinda silly to have a problem buying anything in a store.

[Jodi]

When shopping for femme things in drab, it requires not only "balls", but a keen sense of humor. When reading these posts, it reminded me of something that happened a while back. Remember, I'm retired US Army.

I attended a military funeral in uniform to stand taps for a fallen warrior from the Iraq war. So, I was in class A uniform. I knew I was going to be near one of the malls where I shop, and my bills were due for a couple of credit cards. I figured I'd stop into New York & Co and the Limited and pay the bills. When going into the mall, I went in the Bon-Ton entrance and past the section of purses. I had been looking for a purple purse at the time. When walking past the bags, I noted a purple purse that was perfect. I figured--"What the hey". I picked up the purse and went to the checkout. There was a line. While I stood there holding the purple purse, an older guy behind me said to me with a grin, "Hey colonel, I don't think that bag will go with the uniform". I just gave him a big grin and said, " when you are a colonel, you can wear anything". We got a good laugh out of it. I checked out and went on my way.

The point is--have a set of balls and a sense of humor and just shop.

Jodi

[Trinni]

You already have the answer. If you are shopping for your wife it is no big deal right? When it is for you, you get nervous and freak out. Just take the internal nervousness and redirect it. If you can buy it for your wife, you can buy it for you.

[BobbieCD1944]

I just gave him a big grin and said, " when you are a colonel, you can wear anything". We got a good laugh out of it. I checked out and went on my way.

That reminded me.. years ago (I retired in 1990) I was at the Navy Exchange, in uniform, actually buying pantihose for my then wife. When one of my sailors walked by and commented, I replied much the same, though I said "As a Senior Chief..."

[Brianne_bc]

What? its not shopping that is so hard.... ITS STOPPING SHOPPING that is so hard

[Peggy55]

I know what you mean. It helps if you can feel like you have a reason for being there. Today I went to three value villages to find a winter jacket for her and him. At first I was nervous looking at the woman's jackets so I started with the mens, I didn't find a mens one, but I soon thought to myself, what the hell, why not look for a jacket for her while I'm here. They just don't know who her is.

Anyways, I found a really really nice women's swade jacket...but with no price. Ended up walking around with the darn thing trying to find someone to price it. Ended up going through several sales people and in the end I got it for $15. The guy doing the price said, "is it a woman's or male jacket? The girl who first served me said, "male" and I corrected her to say it was a womens. No odd comments or looks from them and felt no need to explain, I just would have said something funny like "for $15 it better fit her". The more I do it the easier it is.

Sally,

We have the sister store to Value Village here in california called Savers. Aren't they great!

peggy

[Barb Valentine]

I think it that little voice in the back of your head
Saying it's wrong or someone might see me
The the more you go shopping the easier it (most times)
And if that doesn't work there is always plan B
More beer:D

[Raychel]

Originally Posted by Trinni You already have the answer. If you are shopping for your wife it is no big deal right? When it is for you, you get nervous and freak out. Just take the internal nervousness and redirect it. If you can buy it for your wife, you can buy it for you.

You are so right. But the little voices in my head that Barb talks about are totally silent when buying for my wife. I guess it just takes more practice.
:heehee:



Originally Posted by Barb43210More beer:D
You always make me laugh, Maybe more beer before shopping. Then it won't matter what those voices are saying, they will be too drunk to understand.

[Wendy me]

excuse me ..... when are we going shopping ??? i could help you .... i have done the shopping thingy once or twice.......

[Raychel]

I just need to figure a way to get away from the wife and kids for a day.
:D :D

[Wendy me]

I just need to figure a way to get away from the wife and kids for a day.
:D :D

omg silly shopping is way good for that.......:tongueout :tongueout :tongueout :tongueout :heehee: :heehee:

[sammantha_flowers]

I also had the same inhibitions until one day i remembered walart has.. TADA!!! self checkout..
I grabbed the item..stuffed it in my cart, got to the checkout.. self scanned ran my debit card and without anyone even aware i had just bought size 13 womens shoes.... Same with makeup..clothing.. god bless high tech.