It Is With Deep Regret...

[Holly]

that I inform you of the demise of Holly. She passed late this afternoon of a broken heart upon hearing the news from her wife and daughter that she was an embarrassment to them. Holly's remains (her clothing, wig, jewelery, makeup, etc.) has been boxed and awaits burial at the local landfill. She is survived by her male counterpart. It was fun.

[ashlee chiffon]

sorry to hear that Luv, and the best of luck in working things out...hope they forgive and forget!
but,
i suggest storrage rather then the landfill...its cheaper if you ever care to dress again...
...the recission rate is high when it comes to the Big Purge...

[GACountrygal]

OMG! Holly, I am truely saddened to hear this. It brings tears to my eyes. Please stay strong through this tough time, and know that we are here for you.

I can understand that sometimes we have to make sacrifices for our family, I just wish that those sacrifices didnt come with such a tough price.

Please give yourself a great big Hug from me to you!!

You'll be in my thoughts!
-Nicole

[heelme]

I am very sorry to hear the news. Holly's obviously been a mainstay here and from what time I've been a member, have read many thoughtful, sensitive and sensible posts from her. May she rest in peace. It may be too late but might I suggest a thrift company, like Deseret (sp) or Good Will? At least you can take the write off, if you've determined you can no longer hold onto these treasures. Better yet, box them and I'll store them for you. We're nearly neighbors and I have sea containers out back with plenty of room. No one but you would know they are there and no one would touch them but you. IM me if that can be an option.

heelme

[kerrianna]

Aww Holly! :sad: I'm so sad to hear this. I hope your remains find a better place than a landfill - like ashly said, maybe storage....you never know Resurrections happen.

You make such a great mom, you must be a super dad! I hope that Holly is only superficially passed on - we need our CD mom still - I hope Holly lives on in your heart and is still sharing her warmth and love with us.

:sad: I hope your family realizes what a great gem they have in you. :hugs:

[RobertaFermina]

Oh my dear Holly, How Terrible !

OK, so now I am shocked!

You are willing to lay it all down to relieve their embarrassment, and keep family bonds alive? YeeOUUUCH!

Of course, how could you do less? AAAAHHHHHH!

sorry.....no words.... :(

I know what it is like to get kicked in the <you know whats>....this feels like that, except in the heart.

How it must feel for you?

Tell it all, dear, let it out now. We're here for you.

Love,

Roberta

[Breanne]

I don't know what to say, I'm in shock!

[SandyR]

I am so a newbie, but in the few weeks I have enjoyed reading many a post from you Holly. Best wishes, and hope you ae ok!

Hugs & Kisses.

SandyR

[Angie G]

Holly sorry to hear this news hun I know it's a hard thing to face please keep in touch if not we will miss you :hugs:
Angie

[Jenna1561]

Holly,

I am saddened by your news. We must each do what we feel is best for our family and friends. I have enjoyed your presence on these forums and will miss your posts. I wish you and your family the best and hope everything turns out as you would want it. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Good luck and God bless you.


Jenna

[Jestina]

Holly:

I also am at a loss for words.
You were available to me at a weak moment when I "came out" about certain things.
I spilled my guts and told you things I never thought I would mention to anyone on this forum.

I must say though I am interpreting your post as meaning that the family will stay with you as long as Holly goes.
If that is correct then well, so be it.

I beleive the family is most important.
If my S/O ever wanted me to decide between Jestina and her, it would take me a split second to do what I had to do.

There is a deeper satisfaction and contentment in the soul when you are loved and supported.

Somehow the option of being alone (with Jestina) does nothing for me when compared to being with my G/F, who I would marry as soon as possible.

It is a brave strong move to make Holly.
Just in case it makes a difference, Holly will never actually die.
Not around here anyway.

Be blessed and be well.


Jestina.

[dods460]

As kerrianna said I hope Holly is still alive in your heart. She is after all a vital part of your personality.:hugs:

[Roberta Lynn]

I'm sorry to hear that Holly. Please keep Holly's remains out of the landfill and ship them to a friend for proper internment.

Please stay in touch with your friends here. :hugs:

[Daintre]

Holly, I am so saddened by this, you are a remarkable person to have the strength and conviction to do this. I wish you the best my dear, please don't forget us, I don't think we will forget you, you have been a voice of reason on the forum, and yes ....a Mom to many.

[Blonde]

I am sorry to hear that but I agree with Ashly


i suggest storrage rather then the landfill...its cheaper if you ever care to dress again...
...the recission rate is high when it comes to the Big Purge...

You might be able to stop for a while ("a while" is not a fixed time, it could be a day is could be a month, a year or even 20 years), but the urge WILL resurface.


and daughter that she was an embarrassment
Don't get me wrong here, but, SO WHAT,most kids are embarressed by thier parents many times in life. (and some parents will do it on perpose)

Do what you feel is right, right now, but don't do anything rash that you'll regret later. ("purging" and "binging" is expensive)

[BOOTLOVINGGIRL]

I'm new to the forum but have been reading it for awhile. I've enjoyed your unput and learned alot from it. I hope things work out for you.

[Tina Dixon]

Damn nothing like getting hit right between the eyes, do they know its hard to quit, it's like going on a diet or stop smoking, the urge just don't go away.

[MarieTS]

You must discuss this with your family again pronto. Ask them to quit something that is equally as important to them. You know what kind of response you will get, and that isn't fair. If you have to give up something so important maybe they should too, simply so they can understand how being Holly is as much a part of you as flowers are for a botonist, stamps are for a stamp collector, Monday night football is for an arm chair quarterback, etc.
Oh, and Ashly is right. Place your items on hold somewhere... at least for the forseeable future. Many of the ladies in here can tell you about the outfits, wigs, etc., they lie awake in bed at night wishing they still had.
I sugggest you only give Holly up after talking to them again and fully resolving your desire/need to be Holly. If you can't do that, eventually you'll be back at it again which will only cause you guilt and your family greater anxiety beacause you will have to be secretive to fulfill your needs.
We're all with you.

[Brenda Love]

Even though we just met I'm going to miss your great advice.The main reason I remain a closet CD is because of my wife and teenage daughter .We all have to make sacrifices in our lives for the people we love.I would do the very same thing.So I guess it's time to pack up your panties and move back in the closet with me...you'll like it in here it's warm and safe from the harsh outside word.:hugs:

Hugs
Brenda

[Rita Knight]

Hi Holly,
I hope you told Nora personally. She is on vacation. I know she and Diva Las Vegas will miss you. I think you should store your things for a while. If you ever take it up again, all this becomes is an expensive purge.

[Khriss]

...Holly.. all this time and ...we knew "the-score" ..
.."landfill " my butt !? ..You have such class in dressing ! >> I'm gonna PM You!? xx"K"

[cindychan]

They said you were an embarassment? Well my Ex ratted me out to the world in a nutshell, and I still survive to be Cindy. Holly , It could have gone alot worse. Holly may be floating in oblivion now , but soon her eyes will open again and start rebuilding herself.

[Audrey34]

Sorry to hear about your loss, Holly. I do agree with the others. Please don't put her in a landfill. Put her in storage until the day comes when she may come back. That's precisely the kind of reaction I've been afraid my own relatives and friends would take. Good luck and I hope everything works out!
-Audrey

[tadpole GG]

So sad to hear. I hope you don't really give up. Put it all away for now if you want but maybe one day.......

[sonalnarula]

Hang in there Holly - dont give up just yet. I'm sure you can reach some sort of agreement with dialogue. At least try - I understand your position and I too would make the sacrifice if I had to - family is just too important. But after trying to make them understand, once, twice, maybe thrice.

Please try.

Lots and lots of Love
Sonal

[Kieron Andrew]

PMing you right this minute....you know full well purges dont work, for any reason!

[TeriAnn]

Holly I have read many of your posts and the ideas that you have brought forth have inspired me to go on to bigger and better things when it comes to being a crossdresser. I have been touched by the posts that you leave when someone has a problem and needs some advice. Just reading what you have said made me feel better about myself. I wish to thank you fro that. I will miss you. Take care and Godspeed to you:(

[KrazyKat]

:love: My Heart is Heavy for you, Soccer Mom, geezzz, I don't get it either.


You're always in my heart, tc, we'll leave the light on for you!!

[Elaine Lynn]

Sorry to hear this Holly. Listen to what others have said here and store all your things. Sometimes things work out . It may take sometime but it would sure be worth the wait.

[Teddie]

:OMG: :OMG: :IMU: :love: :love:

[Phyliss]

I am deeply saddened by this news. Your bright and cheerful attitude helped me in may ways.
I have faith that we shall once again meet.

[Mary Morgan]

Holly, I cannot say I've been where you are, but I can imagine that place, and I know that "this too shall pass". I hope you will survive the purge, after all Holly is inside. Last year my wife told me to choose. I told her it was not a matter of choice, and that I would make every effort to remove my dressing from her sight, but that I would not give it up. Today we are fine, we shop together, we talk about it, etc. I still make every effort to keep her at a distance when I'm dressed, but I'm working on it.

The hardest part here is to have loved ones tell you that you are unacceptable to them. I don't think that will be as easy to deal with. It will be up to you to take the high road and not do anything to re-inforce this heavy-handed behavior. Good luck.

[Amanda Shaft]

Hi, that's realy sad news. We all have to make difficult choices in life, and some of them we know are detrimental to ourselves but have to be taken! In the end be true to yourself and make sure it's the right descision. Your loss is a blow to us all!
Please keep the faith, Amanda

[Kelsy]

Holly,

Please say it isn't so!! Your presense on this site has always been a comfort to me. You have alway projected a comfortable dignity and caring spirit. Please don't go! Embarassment can be overcome but I don't know what the circumstances are. if it is a choice between family and CDing then family it has to be. either way it's a hard road. I wish you well Holly with hope that everything will work out. Holly will never die but will qiuetly live within you.
Please take care and know you will be missed!!:(

Jennifer:hugs:

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

iam sorry to hear of this , sounds like your "stuck-in-the-middle", doing right thing, and doing what you must !! so many times has been said on posts, i wouldnt get rid of those things, it maybe along time, who knows +? but...."never say never". minds change all the time, so... deep breath carry on, and remeber that one day, you may be able to be who you want to be
tc hun :love:

[Kate Simmons]

Holly, I just want to say that I respect your decision even though I know we will all be missing you very much. I consider myself a better person for having known you and treasure your friendship. All my best wishes to you and your family and may God bless you all. We are always here for each other and regardless of who you choose to be, we all love you. Take care my friend, Ericka/Rich:love:

[Wendy me]

Holly OK just what do you want me to say?? OK i know yes it's true i know ....
your head is racing your emotions are crazy right now.... your more upset than you ever thought you could be and the only thing that makes any sense is to get ride of Holly ........trash her things and just be done with her .... how my doing so far??? pretty much what your thinking ????

OK Holly listen to me think back to just before Christmas who did you see like this ???? yes it was me !!!!! it was me thinking all this stuff abought Wendy ....i even went through my first purge .... trust me you don't want to do this ....

there were a few people that talked to me while this was going on ..... and you were there for me ... you had the right words .... you then with things going on in your life took the time to be there for me ... to let me know just how wrong i was .... please let me do the same for you at this time ..... look walk away for a while don't through out your stuff Holly can't be purged .Holly can't be packed up and through away ......


Holly OK tons of feelings and thoughts that your thinking and feeling now .... your head wants to explode and your not thinking straight .... let me ask you this if you could , if i could ... hell if any one of us all could simply stop this ... just purge every thing and give it up .....don't you think 99&#37; of would have done it by now??? truth is you can't quit none of us can quit.. it who we are .... and your going to get through this ... you know how i know??? Holly mom sister and my Friend ... i am going to be a pain in your butt ....

Holly i going to call you today we need to talk ,, you think abought were this slightly screwed up cross dresser (me) would be with out her Holly mom to keep her head thinking right....


HUGE WENDY HUGH'S ......:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[ChristineRenee]

Don't do it Holly. Think about what your sisters here have said. Store your things for now and take some time to think this all through. You might be able to purge the clothes and accessories, but you can never purge a significant part of who you are. Please think this through hon.

I'm always here for you if you want to talk about this. You're my Holly mom and I love ya! :hugs: :love:

[Jodie_Lynn]

Holly, my sincerest regards and sympathies on your situation.

I really have nothing to add to what has been said, except: please continue to stop in here and share your thoughts.

And I hope that things get better for you

>hugs<

[sara_also]

Holly,
I am sad to read this post..There is nothing I can say that has not already been said..BUT reread all of these replies before you do anything else. There is a lot of wisdom in here. Ok you want to stop for your familys sake, I can understand that. Have you ever heard of the saying " ain't nobody happy if mama ain't happy" ..Just think of how this might affect your happiness. If you get unhappy with your life does your wife and daughter think things will be better. I think not.. Perhaps there is a compromise somewhere in your future that is acceptable to all involved.
I believe that the truth is out there..Talk Talk Talk with them. Find out exactly what is that they will acept before you do anything. Your decision sounds like it might have been made in haste, which is exactly the reverse of all of the wonderful help and support you have given to the others on this forum. Your friends here have given you alot to think about, If they didn't care about you they wouldn't bother, would they?
Perhaps you will at least remain a member here and continue to give your input.
Your friend Sara

[Raychel]

Holly, This is such a hard tiime for you. There is nothing worse than the feeling of disapproval from your family members. We are here for you and will guide you thru these troubled times.

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

PS: Don't you dare make that trip to the landfill. I will bet that Holly will be back someday. And if your family knows about her anyway, then it will not be such a big deal if you keep her clothes in the garage.

[cindybarnes]

Hi Holly,

Its a sad way to begin the day hearing of your decision but like everyone else , I understand your doing whats most important.

Just remember ,even though you may get rid of Holly's things, Holly will still be there,, and hopefuly here to keep us posted on how things are going.
Good luck sis
Hugs
Cindy

[cemab4y]

If you truly are departing, then I wish you luck no matter what. You may choose to donate your clothing/etc. to a local Salvation Army or goodwill. You may find some comfort in knowing that your items are helping another individual.

[Teresa Amina]

They know not what they do. Keep your Holly-ness somewhere you can get to it again. We are all only one person. You can't cut off your fem self any more than you can cut off your head and survive.

[MJ]

Dearest Holly (mum )
I am so sorry to hear of your little issue, i can't but think you have made a big mistake . i have never met a cdr who as quit !! can't you just put your stuff away , it will be ashame to have to get another wardrobe , can't you talk to them again . and will you still be here at the forum ? i hope you are i have enjoyed your post and will miss you ..
i wish you all the best and much happiness
I too consider myself a better person for having known you
god bless you
hugs Marissa

[marie354]

Oh Holly! My heart goes out to you. This is a really tragic point in your life and I'd hate for you to do anything foolish. As was stated earlier, store your belongings. They may change their minds at a later date. You've been an inspiration to me and many others here. You know that she will always be a part of you, and I hope that you can get on line from time to time.
You're in my prayers.
Love, Sandy
:hugs: :love:

[SherriePall]

Holly -- I'm in shock. I feel so badly for you. Did this happen suddenly or did you see it coming? I can offer you no advice because only you know what is best in this situation. However, we will all be here for you whenever you need us.

[Michelle2008]

Holly,

We never really talked but when I first joined and introduced myself, I remember being nervous and you made me feel so welcome by your comments to me. I am truly tearing up as I write this. I feel so sad...

You're an awesome woman! Good luck with everything.

Michelle

[lowlavalentine]

A purge, albeit a forced one. I understand what you are faced with. In fact at the moment my boxes aren't at the landfill, but they are in a closet (due to the return of adult children to the roost). It's true you have to do what you have to. It's equally true that you are who you are (the Popeye theory of identity). Carting the trappings of Holly to the dump quite frankly isn't going to get rid of her. It's only going to suppress her, provide false reassurance for the mother and daughter units and provide increase tension and frustration for you. It would help for you to have a discussion with them to that effect regardless whether you purge or not. A more desirable outcome might be to keep your girl stuff but agree to only wearing it when out of town at a tg conference or a weekend at a hotel or some such thing.

[Angela E.]

You are one of us.We all need each other,and you will always be Holly inside where it counts.Love:hugs: Angela.:cry: :cry: :cry: :doll: :shocked: :shocked: :shocked:

[Lanore]

Not goodbye Holly. See ya later.

Lanore

[Karren H]

Awwwwwwww................

:(
:(
:(

Karren

[susie evans]

HOLLY
this saddens me deeply my heart goes out to you words can't describe the feelings just no we all and will ways be hear for you :love: :love:
susie

[EricaCD]

Holly - I am so sorry to hear this.

Of course I respect your judgment in doing what's right for your family. Still and all, I would recommend that you not do anything rash. I know your wife is not flatly against your being a crossdresser - with some discussion, and perhaps a changed set of boundaries, you may well find room in your life for a mutually healthy expression of that part of you that is Holly.

As the others have said, storage space is cheap. Put everything away for a while. The economic cost of purging, while not inconsequential, is nothing compared to the psychological impact. It's not fair to yourself, to your family or to your marriage. If it turns out that your life proceeds with no aspect of Holly, there is always a point in the future when you can get rid of everything without it being as emotionally damaging.

You have my e-mail addy and phone number. Feel free to call or write at any time (in male or fem mode). I will be there!

Thinking of you...

Erica

[Miss Terr]

My condolances. :sad:
As an alternative to internment or storage-- if you feel you must seperate; perhaps you can give the clothes to the Goodwill or Salvation Army etc.
Maybe the clothes will bring joy into someone elses life and it makes you feel a little better that you gave a important part of yourself to charity.

[Kitty Sue]

Holly. Please, how are you responsible for another person's feelings? Feelings belong to the individual. Still I hope you will come back here whenever you feel the need. Love, KS.

[Jenny Beth]

Wow, what a shocker. I always thought you had it made. If I'm not mistaken your daughter posted here in support and spoke highly of you. You can purge the clothes but you will always remain Holly. I hope things turn around...:hugs:

[Julie York]

What size shoes do you take?:D












(Catch you later. Good luck.)

[melissaK]

I know that "this too shall pass". I hope you will survive the purge, after all Holly is inside.

:iagree: You can toss away all the clothes you want . . . but you can't toss away you. my :2c:

[Tracy Lynn]

Sorry to hear this Holly. My thoughts are with you. Hope you can find a way to work things out.:love:

[Cassy11]

Holly I feel so sorry for you
Your wife and daughter say you are an embarresment to them. It sounds like they are taking a lot of pressure from others. You are not the problem, as they just want you to stop doing something that some other small minded people don't understand. I hope as time goes on they will see that Holly was a large part of this community as well as being their loving husband and father.

Good luck
Love Cassy

[Kristen Kelly]

Damn nothing like getting hit right between the eyes, do they know its hard to quit, it's like going on a diet or stop smoking, the urge just don't go away.

Tina is right, I tried (by my own doing) to stop for 2 years was so depressed didn't know why, thought I was over it. I started to see a shrink for my depression, when my gender problems came out. Since I found this forum I accepted the woman in me, stopped seeing the shrink, have told my GF and she accepts me for me, (with some reservations) have meet many friends like myself, and get out OFTEN.
It's not ez to say goodby to all of this, I found that out the hard way, 2 years of termoil and gained almost 50 lbs, I was of eating to find happiness.
You can still be the woman you want on the inside, don't try to block it, might only make matters worse.

[Mardi]

Holly, sorry to hear this, I will miss you and Toni at DLV this year.

Mardi

[Crissy Kay]

Oh Holly, I am so sorry to hear this. I hope everything will work out for you in time.

[Charleen]

Holly, you know in your heart who you are. You also know that ridding yourself of the trappings will not change that. Go into the closet if you must for a spell, but at least stay here with us. My thoughts are with you. Stay in touch. Please! Love and xxxx,Lily

[Tracy_Victoria]

that I inform you of the demise of Holly. She passed late this afternoon of a broken heart upon hearing the news from her wife and daughter that she was an embarrassment to them. Holly's remains (her clothing, wig, jewelery, makeup, etc.) has been boxed and awaits burial at the local landfill. She is survived by her male counterpart. It was fun.

Sorry to hear that news.

Clearly your family means more to you than Holly. Sometimes we try to do things for the love of others, which just don't work for us. for years I buried (or tried too bury)Tracy, for the love of my partner. I just could not do it, but thankfully she was more understanding of my need to dress, than my ability to talk to her about it. now we have a understanding.

I hope you find peace in this choice, and I hope you family realise the thing you have done for them.

Good luck and all the best

[kittypw GG]

Holly
What your wife or daughter has never been an embarassment? Everyone does things that are embarassing to someone. Hearing that you are an embarassment to them is surely very hurtful but didn't you expect a little of that? Can't some comprimise be worked out for heavens sake? I am one who has struggled with the concept of crossdressing in the past and present but I do know that my hubby will never be able to keep that part of him out of his life. I admit that it is very hard to accept and find a balance but it is not out of reach. I would die a little inside if I were responsible for breaking someone's spirt because I was a little embarassed. Personally it helped me to know that the women who support their husbands crossdressing were women like me. Upper middle class, educated responsible people. It took comming here and getting to know some supportive gg's and to befriend a real live married couple who have been instrumental in helping our marriage survive. We met this couple on this forum. Holly, just let us know if there is anything anyone of us can do. :love:

[nicole22]

Holly, I am very sorry to hear that. Although I am very new I always enjoyed your posts.

Nicole

[Wendy me]

ok gf pick up your phone ...... answer your yahoo ..... lets talk..

[janet p]

:censor: HOLLY! I'll miss you. Thank you for giving me this site.:love: :love: P.S. After I wrote this I went and showed Amy, she was very sad to hear this.

[TxKimberly]

I'm so sorry it is turning out this way for you. I wouldn't throw that stuff away though because you KNOW your going to want it all again, and it's expensive!
I really wish there were something I could say to make it better, but nothing comes to mind. Having the girls you love most in your life say something like that to you must be exceptionally painful.
I'm so sorry,
Kim


that I inform you of the demise of Holly. She passed late this afternoon of a broken heart upon hearing the news from her wife and daughter that she was an embarrassment to them. Holly's remains (her clothing, wig, jewelery, makeup, etc.) has been boxed and awaits burial at the local landfill. She is survived by her male counterpart. It was fun.

[Rachel Morley]

You have GOT to be kidding me!!! :eek: HTGurl GG said that?? You're an embarrassment to her ?? I can't believe it! I'm sitting here in quite a state of shock I might tell you. Holly, when me and Marla met you and HT all we saw was a loving couple who were having fun in Vegas with you en femme. I'm in total shock, I can't imagine what might have happened :(

[Lisa Golightly]

At best a pyrrhic victory, at worse the beginning of the end.

[Gyneka]

Really sorry to hear that today! I am very new to this forum but I have read many of your post. I am shocked with the news. What ever you decide to do in the future, just to let you know, you have contributed in a big way to me in so many different ways. Good luck in the future.

[MJ]

holly
after reading all the replays here, we all would like to know what change her mind i am in shock too. what is the reason for this ?
can you ask your S.O to read the replays to your post , let her see how we all love you and will miss you , and what a difference you make in all our lives.. who will be able to give us a smack upside the head when we need it or a loving hug !!!
hugs Marissa

[kerrianna]

Holly, the newbies are freezing outside the door! What do we do? Where's the coffee? Where do you keep the cookies?

HOLLY, COME BACK!!! WE NEED YOU!!!

:hugs: If you didn't know how much you meant to each and every one of us, you do now. Please don't go. :sad:

[tasha]

Holly, I feel so sorry for you, I cannot begin to imagine how you must be feeling, your an inspiration to us all, you have had kind words for everyone, including myself. I hope things work out for you though.
Just seeing the response you have gained I cannot say any more as it has been said.
All the best and I hope things work out for you.

[Lovely Rita]

I am so sorry. I hope that things will work themselves out some how, some way. I pray the best for you and your loved ones.

with warm regards

[Sweet Jane]

damn....double damn

[Wendy me]

hey after some stocking i talked to Holly .... and let her know that her family here is thinking abought her .... you know i could get a job as a stocker....

Holly we are here for you....

[Janelle Young]

Holly,

I am saddened to hear this. I hope things work out with your family. You know what is best for them and for you. Good luck dear.

[Sam-antha]

Heavy sad
~Samm

[Nina UK]

God Rest Her Soul :hugs: xx

[Jennaie]

Time will help you sort things out Holly. Try not to let emotions guide your actions until you have had enough time to really think things through.

Good luck to you Holly.

[serinalynn]

that I inform you of the demise of Holly. She passed late this afternoon of a broken heart upon hearing the news from her wife and daughter that she was an embarrassment to them. Holly's remains (her clothing, wig, jewelery, makeup, etc.) has been boxed and awaits burial at the local landfill. She is survived by her male counterpart. It was fun.



You CANNOT take the WOMAN out of the man. She'll always be there and she may return someday soon. My wife and I haave discussed my dressing many times and she is some what accepting and knows that I will not embarress her or us while out in public with my dressing. I have spoken to my daughter (age 22) about my dressing and she is more accepting than her mother because my daughter and I go shopping together and at times we even talk like two girls. My daughter and I shop together at Macy's, Torrid, and Lane Bryant.

P.S. If your planning to throw all your girly things out why dont you give them to a homeless shelter or D.A.V. or Goodwill so some of your things can be put to good use by someone who could use it

[Trinni]

Sorry to hear about that. If you can find away to stash everything without making things worse, I would try that route.

[Kimberley]

Holly, I can say all the usual stuff but it would just be more wrapping to an already tied parcel.

So. We will all be here for you when you are able to return. We all know the closet and it is better there than in the cold. Please keep in touch with us no matter what. You may not be able to dress openly, but everything is still there, all the feelings and emotions we all live with. Others may not understand but we do and for your own sanity, lean on us.

:hugs: :love: :hugs:
Kimberley

[eleventhdr]

Do not do this.

You might not regret it just now today or tomorrow but someday you will if you ever think that you can just ever leave it behind you are greatly mistaken it will come back she will come back and when you least exxpect it.
NOone has ever gotten out alive from who and what they are noone!

So do not do it!

Suzy!

[Linda Daniels]

The title of this thread speaks volumnes Holly...

I don't know you, but I have seen you here and have admired you...I so want to be supportive...but like all of us know...IT NEVER GOES AWAY...It is our essance. I pray that you are able to resolve all of this with your family...I really do.

Linda

[bredalee25]

Holly i'm so sad right now to hear of your news it's always a sad day when a girl is beaten down into submission. You hold your head up high you're a winner in my book i'll miss you and your wisdom best of luck to you and your family. Don't throw your things out put them up for safe keeping ya never know what might happen that way you won't have to buy all new things if ya decide to bring Holly back to life someday. I'm not gonna say goodbye i'll say talk with ya later and god bless.

ttfn

[Marla S]

It will never be the same. Broken hearts are broken.

My warmest and best wishes for you that it will nevertheless work out good for you.

[Daintre]

Holly, in my book, you are one brave person, it is a wonderful thing when a person will put his family ahead of his/her own needs and wants. We all know that to be a CD is a lifelong trek, heck if we could stop, then I think we all would have. Holly will always be an important part of you so I am asking that you take care of her. You may get rid of all the accessories but the true Holly is in your self. We will be here if you want to drop in and talk, god bless Holly :love:

[Andrea_girl]

I was told a saying a long time ago which has always stuck with me and i think this saying is something for you to maybe use and remember

You can only be insulted if you want to be.
and you can only be embarrassed by something if you want to be.

Therefore none of this is your fault

We all go through stages of denial.

I hope to see holly back here soon

Lov
Andrea
XX

[Country girl]

Holly, You have been such a source of encouragement and strength on this site. I wish you the best in all you do. I feel safe in saying that everyone will miss you greatly. Only you know in your heart the decision that is right for you. I hate that I will never again be able to read your thoughtful and insightfull posts. I hope your family realizes what a noble thing you are doing for their sake. And I hope they appreciate you as much as we have. You may not dress as Holly anymore, but don't lose that part of you. It is Holly that allows you to be the sensitive, caring and loving person that you are. As Krazy Kat said, you will always be in my heart. Take care and God Bless you. :hugs: :hugs: and more:hugs: .

:love: Country Girl GG

[jacquie randall]

Holly , I aws so shocked just like your close friends and fellow CD ers on this forum to hear of your decision , but hey hun its your call and may i say you only prooved once again what a wonderful person you are and hey we havent met ,but gee your familly should understand that . Isent you a message via here re your bithday and i said its great that you are supported by your wife as i am and my daughter as well ,PLEASE take care of your self and like the other girls say dont throw all your gear because you will be the same person in 10 years as you are today and most importantly you are the SAME PERSON your wife and daughter have loved all this time , . Holly take care luv allways and please read my signature as i think it says it all . god bless you all and i hope it sorts it self out with input from your whole familly because as we are taught as kids LIFE IS A 2 WAY STREET , not a selfish 1 way . dont hesitate to pm me if you wish . HOLLY TTFN :hugs: JACQUIE from AUSTRALIA

[Amy Hepker]

Oh Holly,
I am really sorry to hear of your problems. Oh hope you can be revived and can live a happy life again. I know how hard it is when your Female side is rejected. All I know is that I went though hell after Amy disappeared, when I was with my last wife. Now that I am with my Lady, Amy has returned and all 3 of us get along fine. My Lady, Myself and AMY. I will Pray for you.

[Missy Anne's GG]

Oh Holly,

I am so shocked about your news! How can this be? I recall reading such wonderful and memorable trips you took with your wife while enfemme. You have been such a supportive member of our group, and it's hard to imagine this forum without you.

Please don't be hasty in casting Holly aside forever. Just gently put her out of sight for a while. I know that hurtful things can be said in the heat of an argument.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs, :hugs:

Missy Anne's GG

[ubokvt]

Being a little of the buddhist bent I belive in reincarnation so Holly I morn your passing but I also joyously await your rebith with the next turn of the wheel, sorry Holly you haven't worked all your Karma with us yet.

I know you are hurt, take time morn your loss, it is a necessary thing, it is your work today. But tell that male part of you to get his ass in gear and FIX this, men are so good a fixing things, and tell him he has to visit to report on you. Mom is sick its time for DAD to pick of the load. We've never had a CD dad here. Hmmm reicarnation seems assured.

[Adrienne Heels]

Holly, I am so sorry to hear about this. You have provided so much support to all us girls. The group is here for you when you need us.

[Bethanygirl]

I will pray for you...
:love:

[pinkshelly]

THERE EMBARASSED? You are who you are and THERE EMBARASSED!!! Me personally would tell them to build a bridge and get over them selves. If your daughter had one eye and purple hair would YOU be embarassed? OH that just drives me nuts!!! Sweety you got to be who you are. OH, OH, OH, I just can't think of anything else to shout. Love ya honey and hope to read more of ya soon.

[dann]

Even though I don't participate around here as often as I should or would like to, I hate to see any of us go.And when we do go, what is truley gone?The clothes, the make-up, the wig...sure it's all gone. Purged once again. But what of the feelings? They cannot be purged. They only get stuffed down in to denial once again.
Do i think any of us can flat out never dress again. Sure, if we find the strong enough will to do so. Much like one who needs to stay away from hard drugs, or booze.But this isn't that. These are our feelings, our inclinations, our identities.

So to Holly and to all of us who have to be faced with these uncomfortable confrontations with our families...pose to them an apology, "I'm sorry my feelings embarass you."

As you can see, I've been where you are before, and being younger I expect to be there again.

[Barb Valentine]

I know that family comes first
And you have to do what you have to
But just remember that you have touched a lot
Of hearts here myself included
So take care me friend until we meet again
:hugs:
Barb

[Wendy me]

hey Holly .... sorry abought "stalking". you yesterday lol.... we are here and mom we care ....... better day's are comming......,

[Kate Simmons]

I believe Holly will contact us when and if she sees fit to do so. She needs to have time to process this for sure. On my last purge(which was a big one) I went into deep depression. It took me a while to get out of that. I'm just hoping she is okay and wish her well and that she knows all her friends here love her and miss her.:happy: :hugs: Ericka

[sammantha_flowers]

may i suggest literally burying her for a bit.. Many of us have purged and repurchased so many times. perhaps a storage locker?

[Kieron Andrew]

Just needed to say


WE MISS YOU HOLLY
:love:

[Jestina]

may i suggest literally burying her for a bit.. Many of us have purged and repurchased so many times. perhaps a storage locker?

In an ideal world where rational thinking prevails yup. We would all do that.

Trouble is when we are (were) in a mind to purge, logic goes out the window.
My last purge was 1997
tossed everything I owned into a dumpster. I have many times had deep regrets.

But at the moment of the purge, I felt I had to do it and put away all this dressing like a woman for ever!

You all must know the feeling.
Stressing Holly to return or rethink anything now will not help her.
Yes it is expensive to restock, but not impossible.
After all it is only clothes and they make them every day.
They need to be repalced anyway.

The human has always got to take precedence over the 'stuff'.
It is only 'stuff' and stuff can berepalced.
People cannot. Forgive me for saying the obvious.
We can be assured that Holly will return eventually.
When she does return, we will be ready and welcome her with open arms.

Like I am doing in my avatar.
Patiently and knowing where her friends are.


Jestina.

[Tessa Wire]

I am very sorry to hear this very bad news, My prayes and thoughts are with you at this you hour of need, I don't have any worods to express how bad I feel for you, but like so many of our other sisters, I have to agree that you should not dispose of all of Holly's things, as of yet, it can be very expensive to start back again when you haave nothing. with all of my regrets, Loves Tessa :hugs:

[carla smith]

Farewell, and good luck to whatever you put your mind to do. I did not know you well, but I know that you have a good heart, mind and soul from reading your posts.

It is a common belief here that it is impossible to quit cross-dressing. When the situation presents itself and you are forced to quit cross-dressing, rather than quitting because cross-dressing is not important to you anymore, it has to be harder. (Ya, I know….what is he/she saying? Right!) Either way it can be done and is being done…if you do not believe this…look at the membership of this site…..ever wonder where all of those CDer’s went?

Look at this as not a death of “Holly” your cross-dressing part, but as a rebirth of your new self. It is a time for new beginnings. Put all of your new found time and effort into helping your family, friends and community to be more tolerant of others, such as the friends that you will always have here.

God Bless and keep you! :hugs:

[Wendy me]

our sister Holly is going through some tough times .... it's times like this we need to lean on our sisters here for souport.....

[Wendy me]

still sending good thoughts...........

[ChristineRenee]

Good thoughts from me here and these as well....:hugs: :love:

[Crissy65]

Holly,

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Remember it is always darkest before the dawn. Hope to see you here again.

Cissy

[Emily Ann Brown]

Holly,


Been there, almost done that. I for one am sure gonna miss you sis. I'm still here if you feel the need to release your feelings to someone who understands.


Emily Ann

[Sweet Cindy]

OMG, that's terrible news. Holly, my heart goes out to you.

I've only been here a short time but have learned a lot from your posts. The wisdom and love that is Holly will continue on here.

The situation you're in is my worst nightmare and I can understand your decision. Good luck, Holly...

[Sarah Rabbit]

Holly

I know its been said before. but Don't Purge

Just send them away to a trusted friend. We'll be here for you
:love: :love: :love:

Sarah R. :bunny:

[Juanita O]

Holly

You will be missed my all of us here. :love: :hugs:

[Wendy me]

hey Holly we are still thinking of you.........

[Tree GG]

Can we say Holly just needs to find alternative forms of expression for the time being? So sorry you're feeling torn & rejected. I certainly hope an acceptable compromise can be reached in due time. :hugs:

[Maggie Kay]

Holly,
I've been through a forced purge, two years ago. During the argument that ensued, I even agreed with the need for it. SO I purged big time. Oh, how I fought to "right my ship" and be the "man" I was expected to be. I became despondent and lost my ability to work. Soon it became obvious that this was part of me that could not be separated without severe damage and it threatened to affect more than just an embarrassment for the family. We tried counseling which didn't work but we managed to compromise and I was allowed a token amount of femme things. This allowed me to begin recovering. It was my reaction to the forced purge that convinced my family that my CD was far more than just an embarrassment. Things are better now. I hope so for you in time as well.

[JulieC]

This won't work.

I wish there were more studies on the subject. But, I feel that attempting to fully repress the desire to crossdress leads to depression, abuse (of one kind or another), and a whole host of other potential problems. The trick isn't to repress it; the trick is to successfully integrate it into our lives in ways that do not cause harm either to ourselves or our loved ones.

This 'trick' is a major balancing act. Few people, I think, get it right. Some are in hiding, some attempt repression, some do not integrate with others, some cause harm (even if inadvertently) to family and friends...etc...etc... Repression and purging just don't work. It's part of the harmful side of things.

I sit here very fearful of what is about to happen to Holly. The loss of the clothes due to purging is a minor footnote compared to the crises ahead for Holly. She'll revert, re-dress, and either go majorly underground in an attempt not to confront her family, or cause major upheaval in her family if she's more open about it.

I also sit here very sad for the society that we live in that remains so rejective of who and what we are. We are humans to0. Mounting evidence shows that being transgendered is not a choice we make. It's something we are born with. How much pain and suffering must we all endure before we are treated as equals? How many lives have to be negatively affected because we, the small minority, are driven to crossdress?

When does it stop? When do people like Holly have a home they can go to and find acceptance for what they are just the same as a person who is left handed or right handed? It is no more wrong to be a crossdresser than it is to be left handed. Yet, society finds it so easy to cast a negative eye upon that which is noticeably different. "My God! He's a man in HEELS AND SKIRT?!?!?!?! What a freakin' loser! What a weirdo!"

Yesterday was Martin Luther King Day. The day before he died, he gave a speech in which he noted that too many people ask first what will become of themselves if they stand up and help those who are oppressed when the first question should be what will happen to the oppressed if we choose to do nothing.

Holly, I will pray for you...not for you to succeed in repressing this. You can't. That would be asking for a snowball in hell to appear, or a pig to sprout wings. I will pray for you to figure out how to successfully integrate all of you into the life you want.

-BB

[hotbobbie]

Holly so sorry to hear of your problems at home. I do hope that your giving up something that is so much a part of you that your wife and daughter can understand just how much you have done for them and they can do the same for you. I wish you well.

[Margot]

Holly there's lots of advice from everyone. You do what you think is the right thing to do. Can you send Holly back to the closet for a while? One thing I have to agree with the other gurls on is not to purge. I've done it twice and it's expensive. My wife is supportive but she has told me not to embarass her. That's my only limit.
Sorry you have to leave for now.
:hugs:
Margot

[ElleCD]

Holly

I'm so sorry. Stay strong. A comeback is always possible. Definitely try to store rather than dispose of your things. Keep your options open hun.

[Debra Lynn]

I would mourn the loss of Holly, except that she is not gone forever. As many have pointed out, this "urge" for lack of a better word, is difficult if not impossible to simply turn off at the request of even our loved ones. Not that what you have done is wrong in any sense, especially in light of keeping family relations stable. But I also agree that your family needs to come to an understanding of what Cross Dressing actually is and put themselves in your heels for a few minutes. Would they give up thier music or hobby or sport or something that defines them? Permenantly? Don't trash Holly because there is nothing that needs to be trashed. I think you need to find out what the true "complaint" is from your family because thier accusation that Holly is an embarassment, begs the question, "To whom?" Holly was not an embaressment to you, but if she is an embarassment to the family members, then the problem is thier reaction, and thier concern over a percieved public reaction to Holly, not Holly herself. That reaction may or may not be forthcoming, but they are showing thier fear of it. Is it also a fear that you could lose your job, and thus they lose thier way of life? Are they more concerned about the perceived potential for the loss of thier lifestyle than the satisfaction of yours? A lot of time the fear we express is directly related to a fear of loss that we would suffer, not what the person we are targeting would actually suffer. As much as I hate to suggest it (not having had a great deal of luck in this area) this could be the time for FAMILY counseling with someone who has dealt with CD issues (take the time to be specific in asking if they have dealt with CD issues before, it will help winnow the field). All my love Holly, I hope and pray that things will work out for you and your family!:love:

[Wendy me]

hey we are still thinking abought you......

[marie354]

You're still in my prayers. We are all pulling for you dear.

[DAVIDA]

Holly,you will be missed!
It saddens me when to think that you have to give up a part of you. Your family just doesn't realize that you would not be the same person that they know and love if it were not for this part of you. Just remember that you have a family here that loves you just the way you are!
Love,DAVIDA

[kerrianna]

I miss you Holly. There's a hole where you were. :(

We got Jasmine back and lost you. I'd rather have you both here. I hope you can at least pop in and let us know how you're doing.

Take care, wishing you the best. :hugs:

[Kimberley]

We'll be waiting with open arms, :hugs: , :koc: and lots of :love:

Kimberley.

[Carole/CCD]

This is such a shock !!!! You have been such an insprition and help to so many of us . Holly will never be completely gone . I moved my stuff into storage that I paid cash 6 months in advance . It is cheaper than buying new

[Glenda58]

Holly listen to what the others are saying. You want your family and you love them but Holly will be back. She is part of you now just as Glenda is part of me I may stop for awhile but she'll be with me always. So don't purge store in a hard to get place and wait. Good Luck Glenda

[Holly]

A ray of hope. Stay tuned... more soon.

[Breanne]

A ray of hope. Stay tuned... more soon.

I'm beginning to feel better already!

[Lisa Maren]

I hope that glimmer turns out to be more than a glimmer. You cannot be a good husband and father if your emotional well-being must be surrendered as the price -- no one can. I can only imagine the angst in your heart.

We're here to support you.

Hugs,
Lisa

[KELLYANN]

BLESS YOU HOLLY! R.I.P. maybe you'll be back. hope so! know that your family loves you. with all the turmoil in this world today, i just don't understand that what we choose to do, is so disturbing to so many. we hurt no one. but then again, i guess we do. :hugs:

[Wendy me]

omg Holly mom thinking of you ....

[Kieron Andrew]

A ray of hope. Stay tuned... more soon.
yay she posted!!!!

[Sophia Rearen]

A ray of hope. Stay tuned... more soon.

We're not ready to be orphans.

[Marcie Sexton]

I too was faced with the same choice and made the same choice...I was lucky enough to have a wife that reconsidered and became my biggest supporter...

I only hope and pray that your wife will realize that she has the best of both worlds...Good Luck & God Bless

[dancinginthedark]

A ray of hope. Stay tuned... more soon.

I've put off posting to this because I want to be supportive but can't see pass the killing off of a wonderful part of yourself. :(

Sooooooooo is it soon yet???

hugs,
Mae

[uknowhoo]

Hope is good!!!!!!!! :D

You've both been in my thoughts and prayers. :hugs: Best wishes for getting through this very difficult time.

Love,

Tammi

[Emily Ann Brown]

I came back and you can too Holly ...... just stay cool and wait for the miracle. Time heals all wounds.


Emily Ann

[Barb Valentine]

I'm beginning to feel better already!

I agree with my older sister

[EricaCD]

Add mine to the long, long list of people here thinking of you. Hang in there!

[Kieron Andrew]

i do hope Holly gets to come back for good soon cos im missing her

[ChristineRenee]

Still thinking about you and missing you here Holly mom. :hugs:

[CaptLex]

i do hope Holly gets to come back for good soon cos im missing her
Pssst . . . she's lurking about. She just posted in the "Sharon" thread in the Lounge. :jumping:

[Kieron Andrew]

Pssst . . . she's lurking about. She just posted in the "Sharon" thread in the Lounge. :jumping:
:jumping:yay!!!! best get the flowers out ready for her:love: :heehee:

[ChristineRenee]

:jumping: :wave: :welcom: back Holly mom!!! :bighug:

[diane59]

Holly, been there, done that. As mentioned earlier it becomes an expensive purge. Deep inside only you know who you are. My first marriage terminated due to "embarassment" and the whole world in our family circle knew why .

It has been 8 years since and I'm back as Diane and couldn't be happier with my own true self. Although keeping it in the closet and not wanting to hurt my current family. This forum and some of your postings have made me feel much better about who I am and why I love to be "DIANE"

We will sincerely miss you and hope you come visit often.:love:

[susananklet]

The love of crossdressing is eternal. :o I hope you work things out. Susan