Your reaction discovering someone you know is a crossdresser

[Makina]

Imagine your best friend (a man very virile for example) telling you his deepest secret : he just loves dressing as a woman. How would you react ?

Imagine walking on the street, not crossdressed, watching a nice woman, but no, you know her, OMG, it's your boss, who is crossdressed ! How would you react ?

Imagine going shopping, dressed as a woman or not. You can see in front of the lipsticks a man, alone, shining eyes, embarassed but so attracted by the lipsticks, taking one, putting it back, watching around if someone watches him. How would you react ?

As a crossdresser, I'm very mistrustful, even if I try to open my mind. But, there are many crossdressers, there are people who are cd-friendly, there are tolerant people. I would want to react outside such a way that other crossdressers would feel safe to show who they are. A kind of friendly way to say "you are not alone, and I, as a part of the society, am accepting you as you are".

I hope we are able to give other crossdressers what we would dream receiving.

[kerrianna]

Hmmm interesting...

Well, the first one, I'd definitely share with my friend and support him. It would just make us better friends I think.

My boss, well if he was my boss, I think I'd let him keep his secret. There's a power relationship that needs to be respected.

A stranger in a store? Well I'd just smile reassuredly. I'd never initiate contact with someone who looked like they didn't want to be seen. I think it's presumptous to think they'd want to know that "it's ok I'm a CD too!"

I do find myself wondering about certain people now when I see them. I've realized that CDing is bigger than I thought, and there are lots of people doing it undercover. I also find myself looking at some men and thinking, hmmm a little foundation, make-up, hair, the clothes and they're gorgeous...so much easier than me....I hope they take advantage of their good fortune. :heehee:

[Amanda Jane]

I would figure that i have another person to go out with, and if he's my boss, he's buying

[Helen MC]

I would be delighted!

If I did find another CD in work etc, I would very carefully try to be of assistance to them and protect them , perhaps behind the scenes, always being careful to protect my own position of course.

[RobertaFermina]

It's not just about us "girls"......

It could be your Boss as you never imagined her, trying on a suit you just surrendered to a thrift shop!

I'm glad I'd have a very good idea what to do, should that come to pass!

Roberta

[Joy Carter]

Hmmm interesting...

Well, the first one, I'd definitely share with my friend and support him. It would just make us better friends I think.

My boss, well if he was my boss, I think I'd let him keep his secret. There's a power relationship that needs to be respected.

A stranger in a store? Well I'd just smile reassuredly. I'd never initiate contact with someone who looked like they didn't want to be seen. I think it's presumptous to think they'd want to know that "it's ok I'm a CD too!"

I do find myself wondering about certain people now when I see them. I've realized that CDing is bigger than I thought, and there are lots of people doing it undercover. I also find myself looking at some men and thinking, hmmm a little foundation, make-up, hair, the clothes and they're gorgeous...so much easier than me....I hope they take advantage of their good fortune. :heehee:

Well thought out Kerrianna. I totaly agree.

[BeckyZ]

I would love to find this about someone I already know. Too much risk with strangers.

[Kate Simmons]

If I found out? One word: "Cool!". It means to me that my friend is trying to understand himself and I would be glad to help. We have to support each other, that's what it is all about.:happy: Just wanted to add that this did happen to me. I treated my friend as usual most of the time but on those occassions like having a coffee or break together and being alone, we would always have somethin "extra" to talk about if you catch my drift.

[Jodie_Lynn]

If it was a friend, I would support them. Perhaps not at that moment (heart attack city, no? ), but later, relate to them that we have another common interest.

My boss? I'd have to say that I would respect their privacy and NOT mention it, unless he mentioned it to me. IMO, work is work, personal time is your own. To reveal that you "know" would place a strain on the work relationship.

A stranger in the store, I might let them know without saying anything. Perhaps browse the section myself, and pick up one or two items. Nod to him if he meets my eye, but nothing too obvious.

"OMG!!!! Your a CD too? How cool is that?!?!" Might just send him fleeing back to the safety of his closet.

[Mary Morgan]

It would be wonderful no matter who it was to know that they are comfortable in their own skin. I wish for a time when it would be of no note that a person looked a certain way, or dressed a certain way. And if by some quirk of fate, a dear male riend revealed to me that he/she crossdressed, I'd invite him/her to lunch and shopping. How cool would that be. I know, what we need is "GenDAR".

[Emma England]

As I am a cd myself, I would just accept any other cd.

If a friend, then they should be supported.

If a stranger, they should be respected.

If a boss. That depends. If he is a complete prick, then time for humiliation and embarrassment in front of other staff :D

[Kahlan51]

As I am a cd myself, I would just accept any other cd.

If a friend, then they should be supported.

If a stranger, they should be respected.

If a boss. That depends. If he is a complete prick, then time for humiliation and embarrassment in front of other staff :D

I agree. We tend to want acceptance and forgiveness for our own foibles and then forget to practise these principles when we run into anything we find unacceptable. Love Kahlan

[Lanore]

A little story. I was shopping in Walmart some time ago, and my last stop was the cosmetic isle. I needed some bubble bath and lotion. There was this young man looking at lipstick and it was pretty clear it was for him. I watched for a while and after his 4th pass down the isle, I thought I'd try and help. I reached down and picked up one for myself and asked if he was buying for his girlfriend, he didn't have a ring on. This guy was all swetty and in a broken voice said yes. He looked in my cart and saw the bras and shirts and asked me the same. I said no, these are for me. You should have seen his reaction. I said, if you're a little nervous about checking out, you can get in front of me at the check out line. You would have thought I gave him million dollars. When he started to unload his cart, under all of the mens things, were bras, panties, hose and oh ya, lipstick. If it took him that long to buy cosmetics, I wanderred how long it took him to buy everything else. When he looked back to thank me, I told him the Walmart across town has a self check-out and you're in and out in no time. Well, what starts well ends well.

Lanore

[lowlavalentine]

There is risk involved in making the first move.

Let me tell you a little story.

I have a very good cd friend. She's funny, entertaining and gracious. She also owns a prominent business in a small town. Shortly after our last "girls night in" dressing extravaganza she received an email from an anonymous person saying something like "Hi, I live close to you and I know your secret, but it's safe with me. I won't tell a soul." My friend freaked. She erased all her photos that were in galleries online, purged all her clothes and basically retreated full force from her feminine self. It's now been 2 years. I just heard from her recently and I think the ice is melting (which doesn't happen in Wisconsin in the winter too often). She's come to grips with her situation and is now willing to consider dressing again. That anonymous person thought she was doing my friend a favor, but the consequences proved otherwise.

[Makina]

Maybe I hope crossdressing would be considered one day just as something cute, why not something to share. When I go to the vet, a lot of people smile watching me hugging my cat, ask me about her name. That's because they share the same passion for pets as me, and they think for themselves having a pet is cute. There is no shame having a pet.

Another example, closer to us. I got my ears pierced, and when I am not dressed as a woman, I keep earrings on (the kind of earring men wear, usually on one ear, twice on the ear, but I wear one on each ear). my friend's 5 year daughter, watching them, told me about the earrings she has got, as if it was normal for me to wear them. The first time my mother in law saw them, she just said me "oh, well it matches your long curly hair".

If I told about that, it is not to get compliments about my courage. It's more to point that the first to be convinced that crossdressing is just cute, not shame, are us. I respect discretion of others , and I don't tell people that one of my passions is crossdressing. But I get prepared, if someone asked me directly if I crossdressed, to answer "yes". Why not ? It's just cute :heehee:

[Kelsy]

my reaction!! OMG you too?!!!:D

Jennifer:heehee:

[Joy Carter]

Hmmm interesting...

Well, the first one, I'd definitely share with my friend and support him. It would just make us better friends I think.

My boss, well if he was my boss, I think I'd let him keep his secret. There's a power relationship that needs to be respected.

A stranger in a store? Well I'd just smile reassuredly. I'd never initiate contact with someone who looked like they didn't want to be seen. I think it's presumptous to think they'd want to know that "it's ok I'm a CD too!"

I do find myself wondering about certain people now when I see them. I've realized that CDing is bigger than I thought, and there are lots of people doing it undercover. I also find myself looking at some men and thinking, hmmm a little foundation, make-up, hair, the clothes and they're gorgeous...so much easier than me....I hope they take advantage of their good fortune. :heehee:

I could'nt say anything better than this.

[Salina]

It would be very cool to know a friend has this in common with me. I would pick a time and place that was appropriate to commiserate with him. I do have one friend I think is quite possibly a CD, but until I knew for sure would not say anything. If it were my boss, I'd keep it quiet. No need to possibly alter what is a great working relationship. Years ago I worked in a retail establishment and a CD in full dress would come in to purchase makeup, hoisery, etc. He was dressed very tastefully, but obviously a man. I admired his courage because people were staring, making comments, and joking about it. The store manager's attitude was, he spends alot of money here so he's very welcome. Today I would go with whatever my gut instict told me at the moment as to whether I'd talk to them or leave them be.

[heelme]

I don't think there is one reaction for each scenario as posed. It would depend some on the surrounding circumstances but mostly on the person who is CDing. I suspect the vast majority of CDers do not want to be recognized as their male counterpart.

The first scenario: "My best friend told me...."

My best friend would be someone that is without suspicion, totally trustworthy and would be by me through thick and thin. Therefore, I would rejoice in his coming to me with this news and share my own news with him. Though, I think as best friends, we probably at least would have suspected if not asked the question of each other before this. It would be a very positive experience for us both.

Second scenario: "Me in drab, seeing boss dressed..."

This is the really sticky one and a very thought provoking question. No matter what kind of person the boss is, I think a mutual recognition in this case would most likely effect your professional relationship and not in a positive way. I'd steer clear and let that particular sleeping dog lay.

Third scenario: "see a man furtively investigating lipstick..."

I think the description of this one says "leave me alone". Though, you could check out cosmetics nearby, within vision of the man. In femme mode, he might feel more comforable and approach you. Otherwise, considering how nervous the guy seems, I think my first instinct would be to leave them be and hope an SA comes around to help him. CDing is hugely private to most people.

[Kristen Kelly]

I'm so out there now when out shopping enfem or male mode, my head is up saying I belong here. I have been approched by others though they have been few, all the results were positive. A woman started a conversation while I was out shopping enfem, she told me her husband liked to dress that she had not been out of the house yet, she was buying clothes for her birthday and she would like to Take her out for her birthday. She told me how "brave" I was to be out, that she had to do a double take to be sure, and that I looked great and confortable being where I was. She made my day, confired just how I felt that day, we chatted for 10 mins, told her about this forum and gave her my e-mail, though I never her from her, I know 2 people walked away that day feeling better about theirselves

[janet p]

Friend or boss I would let them know that it would be kept between us and see if they wanted to go have a beer sometime, stranger if they said something answer,if not just go about my bussiness.:love:

[TxKimberly]

I did run across a CD in Nieman Marcus once. I almost said hi but then decided that all I would do was shoot her confidence down by letting her know she had been "read".
Kim

[Country girl]

At first, my reaction was BULLSHIT! you're a liar.:eek: Then, when I realized he/she wasn't joking I got excited.:D Then when I saw her dressed I realized what a turn on it ws for me! Life has never been the same!!!:thumbsup:

[Barb Valentine]

I think it's just one of those things
You can't prepare for
You don't "REALLY" know what your going to do until it happens

[Kate Simmons]

At first, my reaction was BULLSHIT! you're a liar.:eek: Then, when I realized he/she wasn't joking I got excited.:D Then when I saw her dressed I realized what a turn on it ws for me! Life has never been the same!!!:thumbsup:I know the feeling Hon. A few times , a couple of folks were convinced I was really a girl(even though I don't try THAT hard). I had to pull out my license to prove it to them.:heehee:

[LeahCD2002]

Makina,

Thanks so much for posting this thread! Very thought-provoking!

Especially the scenario about buying cosmetics. I often but cosmetics and femme clothes, and even though it is such a rush, I always feel someone is watching and I am the one ON DISPLAY, giggles (not normally a bad thing).

Lanore,

Great story about the young man in Wal-Mart. That is me so many times standing there sweating and have often resorted to leaving the store without buying anything. Very disappointing. Anyway, so nice to know that there are always CD fairies lurking about to offer support as needed.

Leah

[Billie Jean]

First the friend. If he was serious then I'd let him know about me and maybe we could dress toghether.
Second my boss is a woman and she wears tshirts, jeans and crew socks anyway as does most every other female in the western world.
As for the guy looking in the store I would let his secret stay his and not say anything but I'd still know. Billie Jean

[GinaVegas]

I'd definitely be supportive (especially if he found out that I knew), but I probably wouldn't reveal myself to him either.....not quite there yet.

Gina