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View Full Version : Another Milestone - The Next Chapter



Julie
01-26-2005, 07:08 AM
It seems my thinking has changed to the point of being obvious once again. There's a family function that usually 'requires' wearing a suit. When I was thinking of what I would wear I instinctively pictured the skirts and tops in my closet wondering which would be appropriate. I saw myself at the function talking to family members dressed in skirt, top and heels. Then I realized what I was doing! I never gave one thought of wearing a suit or even dressing as a man. It just never entered my mind. The thing is, not one person that will be there has ever seen me dressed and many don't even know Julie exists. But it was like I was already living as a woman and this was just as natural as breathing.

But the fact of the matter is I can't shake this image from my head. I can't see myself dressed in a suit. I can't see me dressed as a man. Even at work I have mostly women's clothing on. Thinking of wearing a suit makes my skin crawl. I see myself as a woman. I just can't seem to see myself as a man. Wierd! Or maybe just another step in the process.

I'm not sure how I will resolve this. I really want to go dressed but it just wouldn't be appropriate. I think it's time to begin coming out fully. What a trip that will be!

Tamara Croft
01-26-2005, 08:29 AM
Wow Julie, I have said this before and I will say it to you again... you only get to live once, so start living your life the way you want to live it :) I wish you all the luck in the world coming out fully. Looks like another adventure :)

Tamara x

Stephanie Brooks
01-26-2005, 10:57 AM
I can't see myself dressed in a suit. I can't see me dressed as a man.
You could crossdress. :rolleyes:

In all seriousness, maybe this is the time you really do "go in drag" and dress as a man. You can look at it from many perspectives.

* This could be the last time you dress formally as a man. For what it is worth, you might find it good to have such a milestone.

* You can see how it really feels to do the "man" role. Are you ready to abandon Julie-Man for Julie?

* Are you ready to come out to everyone? I find myself sometimes having a few false starts on major actions. While you might not come out for this event, it might make sense to roleplay how you'd do it.

* Rhetorical: Is this event to celebrate someone else in your family, or is this a function that celebrates all family members? If it is for someone else, it probably isn't appropriate to be Julie as your first public function. If it is just a family get-together, then it's probably not so bad.

Good luck Julie! I hope you can find a solution that works for you!!!!!!

*HUGGLES*

Tristen Cox
01-26-2005, 11:52 AM
* This could be the last time you dress formally as a man. For what it is worth, you might find it good to have such a milestone.



This is a really good idea I think. Also at the same time you can reflect on how this makes you feel, good or bad. It would be enlightening. So, even if it is not the last time, consider that it is so in your mind. This should at least help you go through the evening/day with less repressing feelings. Best wishes to you Julie.

Love
Tristen

DonnaT
01-26-2005, 05:28 PM
Damn, Beauty keeps on amazing me with her insight.

She summed it up pretty well I think.

Nope, not going to add anything. :D

Julie
01-26-2005, 11:31 PM
In a way, I think I believed I could only be a woman if others accepted me as such. What I am learning is being a woman isn't just a physical transformational process. It's about being comfortble in your own skin. You don't have to be a Victoria's Secret model or a Playboy centerfold or even that pretty woman you see on the street. What you do have to do is accept yourself for who you are, no matter what.

I meet all sorts of people in construction. Some I see again and again, others I see once in a lifetime. We are a force of thousands of men and women who build America, going job to job, wherever and whenever the the need arises. During my 30+ years in the trades I have met so many different people. Young, old, fat, skinny, tall, short, obnoxious, wallflower, nutty, logical, you name it. I've worked with them.

When I ask myself if I ever disliked someone because of their appearance I will say absolutely - NO! Have I ever disliked someone because they were different from me? NO! Have I ever disliked someone who was overloaded with personal problems? NO!

Okay, so where am I going?

All too often I have found myself concerned about how I come across to others. I may even have altered how I act to fit in to what I perceive they expect. Being TG, that goes doubly. Big mistake! People pick up on this.

But it's a waste of time!

When I look at how I see others I realize that's how they see me. They don't care if I'm short or wear earrings or have long hair. Hell, they didn't even notice that I colored it this past weekend! People are too engrossed in their own lives to worry about trivial things like that. Until now I couldn't see that.

So it took almost 54 years, at least I finally realized it! Now I can get on with my life. And that's a nice feeling.

Chrissycd
01-26-2005, 11:58 PM
As per normal, you've been given all of the best advice, Julie. I'm experiencing the same fits these days, as well. Last weekend, I came out to some of my best friends from college, and spent the entire evening entertaining two of my favorite women in the world in my home, en femme. It was so natural that I wasn't the least bit self conscious about it. It was just three of the girls sipping drinks, and chatting the night away.
That night, I just couldn't sleep in anything but my VS sleepwear, and Sunday morning I went straight back to the closet like a bee to honey.
Monday was the problem.
I am getting so that wearing mens clothes literally depresses me. I don't even keep it in my master bedroom anymore.
That night, after work, I changed as soon as I returned home, and went en femme for the first time to my gender therapist. By the end of the session, she was telling me that she would have no reservations about recommending me for HRT as soon as my three months are up.
WOW!
I do agree though, that it's difficult to go back to drab, but, I also think we need to avoid impulsive behavior, and be careful coming out. Whatever you decide, I'm with you in spirit.
Hugs,
Chrissy

Tristen Cox
01-27-2005, 02:31 AM
Exactily Julie. You've got it right. To quote a phrase "You've got to love yourself before others can love you". Same goes for everything. If you are paying attention to something being wrong with you, others will pick up on it eventually. If you are happy, they will pick up on that seeing you this way. This may not always be true, but most of the time you're right; people are just to busy with their own lives to notice unless you make things obvious for them. Feel your own worth, you can only gain strength from this. It should only matter what you think of yourself. In the end it's your life, live it your way. Be yourself :) ( I hope that made sense )


Love
Tristen

ChristineRenee
01-27-2005, 03:11 AM
I think you got it right on there Julie. While it is important to be self-aware, you can even over do that to the point of paranoia. We tend to think that EVERYBODY is observing us to the nth degree when, like you said, they are focused totally on their own lives. I mean, after all, aren't YOU? I know I am...always have been too.

Because of my marriage and my wife being so "normal", and intent on us projecting that "image" to the public, I doubt seriously that I will be able to do what you are doing Julie, i.e., living the rest of my life as a woman. If I were still single and feeling how I feel about myself today, I think I would probably go ahead and do it. When we make the move this summer to Florida, I plan to have us join Tri-Ess because this may be the only outlet I'll have to be able to be Christine in public as opposed to just in private. My wife has agreed to join and also to attend meetings, initially at least. This is a huge step in our relationship and marriage. I am so hoping that we will "connect" with other couples like ourself so that Christine can finally be who she is.

Since our breakthrough talk last weekend, I have noticed a remarkable metamorphasis that has taken place. I do believe that she is seeing me more now as Christine than as "Roy", though I know she would never admit that to me out loud. But I can tell by the way she has been the past week so far. Much nicer and more loving in nature and much more willing to involve herself in things related specifically to Christine. Voluntering to help me with the maintenance of my wig collection for one thing, and really, taking over the project pretty much by herself! I was quite taken a back by that. She also gave me tips on how to style my wigs too! She never in our 11 years together has taken that much interest in anything Christine. So maybe, in retrospect, I am not conceding her enough credit when saying that she won't accept Christine on a regular day-to-day basis. It does remain to be seen too, but what I have seen so far in the past few days...I really like!

As always, thank you Julie for being such a wonderful inspiration to all of us, and best of luck always with your family situation as well.

Don't be a stranger here now...we do so enjoy and look forward to your postings here!;)

Big Hugs & Kisses for ya,
Christine Renee